Anyone else single and pregnant?

[supersupersupershock]

Just would be nice to talk to someone in same boat. Only found out yesterday and was big shock. Dad will support in practical and financial ways so he says but emotionally I'm on my own and feel a rollercoaster already!

[supersupersupershock]

Just me then sob!

[Shelduck]

Bumping thread for you in hopes you get a response. Just had a look on the ante-natal clubs threads and someone has posted one called "single from the start" and looks like they're also wanting reponses. Sorry can't paste the link because i am ipad incompetent.

All the very best to you. You're going to be fine!

[stripycreature]

Me! I'm nearly 34 weeks with my first. The father has been at the scans and provided money for baby stuff, but I've found it difficult not having much emotional support.

[Rumplestrumpet]

I just wanted to say good luck! My sister was in this position. She was "kinda" with the dad for some of the pregnancy, but it didn't go very well, and she later realised it would have been easier in many ways to be clear she was going it alone from the outset.
I live overseas, so wasn't much help, but I know my mum really stepped up and proved to be an amazing help.

Now, five years on, my nephew is the most spoilt adored child in the whole world, the centre of all our lives and so happym bright and confident. His father never provided financially (the odd fiver here or there) but my sister did a fabulous job, and we're all really proud.

One thing I would say is not to be put off by potential judgement of others. I think she made the mistake of avoiding NTC and mum & baby groups as she feared they would judge her - actually I think those she met were pretty much in awe of her for coping so well alone. And if some people are judgey then just walk away. Same goes for friends - don't be shy of calling on them for help and support. Some might disappear into the cracks, but others will be there for you in the middle of the night when you need them.

[supersupersupershock]

Thanks shel will search for that one :)

Hey stripy - wow you are almost there, now exciting. I think mine will provide financially (though he is legally bound to by his job) but yeah emotional support is already lacking and i think he is seeing someone else which is making me sick. Are you having a boy or girl?

I have one DS aged 10 and have been single parent since he was a baby so I dont give a f about judgey idiots... some of the ones who looked down their noses at me when DS was little have now had their husbands having affairs and leaving them.... hmmm! Not so judgey now....

I've realised when I get a bit down/worried about stuff to think of the lovely gurgling baby I will have at some point :)

[stripycreature]

Hi Super, if your ex wasn't obliged to, do you think he would provide financially?
I cannot force my ex to, but he is a decent type, and his conscience wouldn't let him not help.

I do wish we were still happy together though, and could both enjoy the pregnancy. The stress of the end of the relationship has kind of squashed some of my excitement. I'm pretty sure this is the only child I'll have (I'm 37), so that really saddens me.

I'm having a girl. :-) How far along are you now?

[KaziB01]

Hi, sadly i have found myself in this situation as OH announced out of the blue that he was leaving a few weeks ago, and then moved out not even staying to help me though the pregnancy.

I am 25 weeks and dealign with a broken heart and pregnancy is one of the hardest things i have ever done. He wants to be there for our baby which i do believe but has obviously decided he couldn't deal.

[Morrigu]

Not now but I was in the same situation a few years ago and while the first year and a half was extremely tough I now have the most adorable, bright, lively toddler.

I found I was actually my harshest critic until one night I had a good think to myself that I should be proud of what I have achieved mainly by myself instead of concentrating on all the negatives.

Luckily I have great parents to help out and an ex who is involved financially and emotionally. Ive heard great things about Homestart too, although I never availed of their services myself.

So sorry to hear your situation with your dh Kazi, has he perhaps panicked a bit? Not that thats an excuse of course.

All in all just wanted to wish you ladies the best of luck!!

[KaziB01]

No not really an excuse, he is 38 and i thought we were in love, it was not planned but we found out in July so leaving in November after we had been making plans for the future was certainly not what I saw coming, us ladies do not get the option to up and leave and to carry on with our lives in such a carefree fashion which is one of the most frustrating things I am finding :(

[Camsie30]

I'm 33 weeks and having a baby on my own by choice, so different circumstances but happy to lend an ear!

[supersupersupershock]

Hi all :) lovely to see all your responses. Kazi hope you are getting some support in RL? I was out in town today and just seeing all the cute chubby little babies reminded me of hte end result... a bundle of gorgeousness that we are going to have. I think I am too focused on problems so am going to keep reminding myself of the bundle of joy that will have at the end.

I am only about 7 weeks so early early days

Stripy i would hope he would help either way, i would have thought so but who knows!

[trumpetmouse]

Hey there, I'm also going to be a single parent. I'm just over 9 weeks - so also early days.

To be honest, still reeling from the shock of being pregnant. And trying to work out how to manage it. The dad said he wants to be involved.. He's a good mate and I know him well but he's pretty flakey! So we'll see. I'm planning based on the assumption that I can't count on his support. It feels easier to do it that way, rather than be disappointed.
But yes, guess we have to find emotional support else where.
Nice to meet other single-parents... single-parents to be! We can do it!

[trumpetmouse]

Kazi - sorry to hear about your heart break. That must be really tough, especially whilst pregnant. Thinking of you and hope you're friends are stepping in.

Camsie - Wow, that is so exciting. Congratulations. Any tips for coping with the first trimester by yourself?

Super - how is the shock? good tactic re focusing on the bundle of joy. Although the thought of being responsible for a bundle of joy freaks me out! This is my first pregnancy.

[HulaHoopsInTheBath]

I'm 35 weeks with BIG surprise DC2 (a girly).
He's the forever bachelor and i've been there done that with the whole marriage thing, but although never serious we have known each other for a long time and are friends.

I have had many ups and downs that past 8 months, sounds like you have a very positive attitude super. Ive been a single mummy a long time too which does help (although its still scary).

Not long behind me Stripy

Your situation is tough Kazi but just so you know I have found it so much easier on my own this time than it was when I was pregnant the first time with my useless ex who was about. I hope you have lots of support around you. It will all be worth it!!

[Camsie30]

Trumpet I've been very lucky and had a really calm, healthy pregnancy so far. The first 12 weeks are pretty stressful though, I spent every day willing it to end and the baby to stay in. Once you get to that scan it's a huge relief. I'm very lucky to have great support from family and friends x

[supersupersupershock]

Lovely to hear from all your ladies and your experiences - we are not alone :)

Camsie is this your first? Do you know if boy or girl? You seem so calm that its inspiring :)

My shock is well settling. I'm definetely up and down. Its the practicalities like money, house not big enough, was hoping to start phd next year... just the turnaround of current circumstances I suppose. Dad to be is blowing hot and cold on me which is not helpful, though he is reeling from shock too!

[KaziB01]

My mum is not too far but she is the main carer for my elderly dad who has dementia so she is totally stretched (plus a pension herself so not a young mum). Not many friends nearby but i have a couple not too far but one has just had a baby so is quite consumed with her newborn and the other is newly pregnant with their second. I don't think they also really know what to say side they are so happy in their own situations it feels more like they are avoiding me through guilt, i am so happy for my friends and their situation but i do understand it is difficult to be around someone who is falling apart. I just wish I could understand my OH, his parents and sister have been very supportive but they do not live very close and ultimately they are his family and he is their first concern.

Really nice to hear how positive everyone is about their situations though, i do have better days as well as the awful days but i never expected to be pregnant and am totally destroyed at something which should be a miracle and joyous celebration feels more like the start of a long difficult and unhappy life :( It doesn't help that i have been diagnosed with SPD so am in physical pain too- oh well enough of my woes am boring myself lol x

[trumpetmouse]

Kazi... Don't worry about sharing your woes... keep going. We'll listen. I'd say this is the perfect place to do it.
I have definitely found this tough and I have not had the heartbreak (it was clear from the beginning that me and the dad would never get together), so whilst you're going through this, I would use any avenue as a means to offload and share. Sounds like you don't have an obvious source of support nearby with your mum and friends having their hands full. But one of the things my SIL said when I told her I was pregnant and scared, she told me to deliberately reach-out to close friends. I definitely find it hard to do that, because I think they're really busy/have their own issues/they can't really help anyway/I will bore them/they won't understand. But I've managed to do it and the few trusted friends who I share stuff with ( or more realistically, moan to!) have been really lovely despite having busy, consuming lives.
The other options are to keep sharing here and/or go to the GP and see if you can access counselling. It might be good to speak to someone who isn't connected. I would access any support that is available, given that pregnancy is hard enough and you've gone through a massive change.

[KaziB01]

Thanx Trumpet x

I feel like i could burst half the time just don't know how to deal with my life at the moment and work is a struggle too as I work in an extremely stressful small office and the people are a nightmare so no relief going to work either.

I also find it hard to reach out especially I feel like i am a complete burden and mess and the moment which is the last thing my friends need to deal with.

I have spoken to my GP as i was already considered at high risk of PND as i have previously suffered with depression and so she is keeping a close eye on me to make sure i am coping but the NHS counselling is during work hours which i cant do until after baby is born when i am on maternity leave.

[PurpleStripedSock]

I'm pregnant with my second as a single mum but then I chose to be in this position so I don't have the stress of feeling abandoned or let down or lacking in emotional support. I feel very lucky to be able to have babies and know that I'm a capabable, confident woman and mother.

From my perspective, you are lucky that you have a partner hanging around in the background to share the financial load. I've got the emotional stuff covered but could always do with the extra cash, especially when it comes to DDs childcare :-)

Best of luck on your single motherhood journey everyone.

[supersupersupershock]

Hi everyone, how are you all doing?

Very up and down here. More worried about practicalities than most things. Purple - you sound very sorted :)