C section booked for Christmas Eve - worried about emotional effect of missing my other DCs

[Wednesbury]

I've just had my c section booked for Christmas Eve. This is my third baby and there are various reasons why this is the best date for him to be delivered, so I am fine with that - I just want him here safely (nearly lost DC2 at birth).

I have two other children aged 4 and 6 and I know I am going to miss them horribly when it's Christmas Eve and visiting is over and I'm in hospital on my own and they are getting ready for bed at home and all excited, and missing them getting up on Christmas morning. Just thinking about it makes me feel upset! I am worried about the emotional impact of this on me following birth, which is hardly renowned for being an emotionally stable time!

Any tips on managing this? I am going with the 'it's only for one Christmas, it's best for the baby, I'll be home soon' mantra. And although Christmas isn't a huge deal to me personally at 4 and 6 it is so exciting for them, and that is the magical part and I will miss it and miss them. The midwives have said it is open visiting all day on Christmas Day but I have no idea how the baby will be, and how I will be, and obviously the kids are not going to want to be in hospital for ages, plus they and DH will be with his parents who will have their own timetable for Christmas lunch etc and are an hour from the hospital.

[m33r]

Hi Weds

I feel for you as Christmas is a special time. Would it help to have 'Christmas Eve' on 22nd and 'Christmas Day' on 23rd then the kids get two Christmasses? YOu could do all your pressies then and have the grandparents hold off until the day? It'll still be VERY hard but this might help a bit?

Good luck with the section x

[moojie]

I would move "Christmas". I am in a job where we have to work Christmas every other year and we just have an earlier christmas. Mine are 2 and nearly 6 and so far they have not even realised that it wasn't actually Christmas Day. They then spend the actual day with DH and family for a 2nd Christmas but without the stockings and presents from FC.

Good luck with your section and baby.

[FourAndDone]

Personally I would make Christmas 'eve' the day you arrive home with dc3.
Could you buy a wooden block calender and have it a few days behind to fool dc1 + 2?

[Molotov]

Yes, having an earlier Christmas, or celebrating AGAIN when you and the baby come home sounds good

Your existing children will have you and their new sibling home probably on Boxing Day, or the day after. It is no doubt a disturbance, but the baby haa to be born and if the 24th is the time - that's it.

I guess just be as cheerful and optimistic as possible (sorry if that sounds insensitive: I don't mean it to). Plan around the birth and just extend your family Christmas celebrations.

Good luck

[upduffedsecret]

if you do the Father Christmas thing, get "him" to write them a letter, saying that due to you having a baby he has added them to his special early visit list so they should treat the 22nd as Christmas Eve, and make sure they're asleep on time so he can bring their presents. then you do "christmas" on the 23rd, they can go to grandparents as planned on the 24th and all you really miss out on is the huge christmas dinner which by that point in both my pregnancies I wouldn't have been able to eat anyway!

[Wednesbury]

Some very cunning ideas

And very sensible advice too. Thank you. I think we will definitely do some of those things and that will help not to get hung up on the whole 'Christmas Day' thing.

I guess for the rest of our lives Christmas will be very busy with a Christmas Eve birthday to contend with!

[WhyOWhyWouldYou]

A very different situation but my brother was extremely ill (on HDU) and had to spend a Christmas away from his kids in hospital, due to an major operation on Christmas eve. My mom got him a video camera and filmed the Christmas morning for him, then the kids went with their mother to her parents for Christmas dinner. Mom and dad then drove to the hospital to have lunch with him (they took a packed lunch for themselves), he watched the present opening part then (watched the whole Christmas morning that night after visiting), the kids came in the afternoon and they talked about their day.

Then, a few days later, once he was well enough to go home they did another little Christmas dinner with him there.

Just thought that might give you some ideas for how you could work it. Obviously no parent wants to be away from their children at Christmas but sometimes its necessary. Just keep reminding yourself its only 1 Christmas and its for DC3.

[Wednesbury]

I'd wondered about videoing Christmas morning. Should be possible. I'm beginning to feel a lot more positive about this.

Thanks for some really good ideas.

[Mrsgrumble]

No advice bit wanted to wish you a safe and healthy delivery

Are you going for a festive name

[upduffedsecret]

If you PM me your address and your kids' names I'll even write and post the letter for you, Wednesbury!

[Showy]

I absolutely think you can turn this into a positive. It's not ideal but it's happening as you say and therefore, you can pull together all these ideas to make it brilliant. Move Christmas to a couple of days beforehand for your older children and do things exactly as you would have done, just a bit earlier. And Christmas Day will be your first full day on earth with the new baby and that will be a wonderful and special thing too. Plus, Christmases to come will be beautiful. As you tuck up your children and talk about the nativity story and Christmases past and special deliveries, you'll have your own little tale to wend into the Christmas traditions.

Happy Christmas and all the best for the 24th.

[Wednesbury]

Thanks for the good wishes and the offer to send the letter too.

I think we can make it into a bit more of a special time with these ideas and I am pleased the DCs are actually having their baby brother at Christmas, which was what we'd told them as a sort of time estimate so I expect they were thinking he would turn up under the tree on Christmas morning or something.

My favourite name was actually relevant but DH is not keen!

[SweetsForMySweet]

Could you set up a skype connection between your mobile (and use headphones) and a pc/laptop at home so you could see your dc opening their gifts if you are not having it a few days earlier before going in to hospital. It would be a nice idea to record it too so you have it to look back on at a later date.
Congratulations on your new baby .

[freelancegirl]

I can relate as I am booked in for a cs for dc2 on the 23rd and might not get home for Christmas Day. DS is only two and a half but this will be the first time we really do Father Christmas and I don't want to miss out on it. To make it worse I will be in a hospital 2 hours drive away, he will be looked after by my parents in our/his house) and Dh will be staying near me in hospital so we won't be together anyway. I'm thinking of 'doing' Christmas Day on Sunday the 22nd but emotionally I know I will still miss being with DS.

[GinIsCalling]

What a special christmas present - they get a new sibling! I am sure you will have a wonderful christmas bonding with your baby, and introducing him/her to their big siblings. And the hospital will be quieter, and staff should be in a festive mood. I am sure it will be magical. Different, of course, but magical.

My sister was born on New Years eve and I will always remember going into the hospital on NYD to meet her - it was so special, with the new year and the baby to meet.

[Wednesbury]

Skype connection is another good idea. I am hoping it will be special having a baby at Christmas, and that's a lovely memory GinIsCalling

freelancegirl sounds like we are in very similar boats although 2 hours is a very long way and it sounds hard that you, your DS and DH will be in separate places. When my DC2 was born I really missed DC1 who was only 2. Are you a freelancer btw? If so we have that boat in common too.

Good luck to you for your new baby.