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Pregnancy

When to have the 2nd...and how to decide to go ahead?

10 replies

sleepfinder · 28/09/2006 16:23

I've just had my first baby. I'm 37 and will be 38 in a few months. The whole pregnancy was a breeze in terms of there being no medical problems with me or him. He was born naturally and he was fine and I was exhausted and stitched up. But now 3/ 4 wks later, I feel fine, my usual self.
I am wondering how long to leave it before planning a 2nd. I am also wondering whether to have a 2nd at all? I know that at nearly 38 I should probably crack on with another fairly soon (18 months or so after recovering from this one) if I'm going to do it, but I am not sure if he'll suit a sibling or if I'll be able to tell for a few years. ALso having had an "easy" first pregnancy I don't know if the 2nd would be as smooth - and that would also impact on him, wouldn't it? in terms of my energy levels, etc.

Any other later 30's mums facing / faced this dilemma?

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Donbean · 28/09/2006 16:26

Hi, Im at this point too but my son is 3. I will be 37 next and have recently come to the decision with dh that yes we will go ahead and have another baby.
When is the question.
I think that im going to spend the next 6 months getting into the best physical condition that i can then we will start to try.
I dont want my son to be an only child and i dont want to think that we will never have any more children so we are going ahead.
Its a dificult decision isnt it?

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incy · 28/09/2006 16:33

It may take some time to conceive so I would factor this in when planning (mind you, if you do this it will probably happen first time !) I am mid 30's and started ttc when DS1 was 14 months and only pregnant now (DS 22 months)- DS was a (fortunate) accident so it was a bit of a shock taking so long even though I have PCOS. I would say if you want another then (like me) you may not have the luxury of years and years to decide but no need to rush until your body has recovered (they say 18m-2years). Sounds as if you are a very happy mummy so make the most of your lovely child. good luck.

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sleepfinder · 28/09/2006 16:34

yes, it is difficult. I think though you'll have a much better sense of your child's personality now that they're 3 than I do at 4 wks.

It suited me growing up as an only child and I know how to do that whole "one on one" thing, and I worry too that I won't be able to deal with the group dynamic of two, but feel that it may well be better for him in the long run, to have a sibling (i.e. not dealing with dotty old parents on his own, etc)....

That's it though -getting to the decision. I suppose once that's made you're on track. Good plan to get as physically strong / fit as possible for the next 6 months first. After being through labour once, I can completely see the logic of that!

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sweetkitty · 28/09/2006 16:34

I'm 31 now so only a few years behind you, I got pregnant with DD2 when DD1 was 9 months. I did find the pregnancy more tiring second time around with a toddler to look after but I had bad SPD which made things worse. I recovered really quickly from the second birth (a homebirth) too. Having 2 to look after is challenging but I love the fact they are close in age, looking back I would have loved them a year apart. DD1 was an angel baby though and of course DD2 is completely different.

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sleepfinder · 28/09/2006 16:39

incy - that's a good point - though I think I'm possibly one of those women you only need to look at and they're immediately pregnant - but I want to be fit and not completely jiggered...thanks for your encouragement ...I don't know what PCOS is - ?

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motherinferior · 28/09/2006 16:40

Your first baby is still very little. Get through the next few months, I'd say, and see how you feel then.

I had my first at 37 and my second at 40.

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Northerner · 28/09/2006 16:42

I ask myself this question every day... I am 30 and my ds is 4.

Feels like such a big step to make, life is good atm. Don't want to rock the boat. But then making teh decision to heve ds was big too...

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incy · 28/09/2006 16:42

I did read a report (think it may have been in the 'Child of our Time' book by Sir Robert Winston) that apparently, contrary to popular belief, only children are usually very happy, sociable and confident. They also tend to be very sucessful in later life. So if you are happy with one then don't feel pressured to have more. I think that the number of people having one child is growing especially as lots of us leave it a bit later in life. Saying this I have always wanted two or three - each to their own I think. Do what suits you.

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SusiW · 28/09/2006 21:32

I am an only child and I loved it. I would have hated to have had to share my mum and dad with a brother or sister as a child. I think it's when you get older you realise that a sibling can offer certain support when you need it. Having said that I'm now six months pregnant with my second child and DS1 is nearly three so i hope he doesn't wish he was an only child when he grows up!