Pregnant at 43

[Lovechild1971]

I've just found out I'm pregnant and I'm around 5-6wks. I've just turned 43 and have a DD of 12yo who has complex and profound disabilities. DD is hormonal and transitioned over to High School and is struggling with it all. It's a very draining and stressful time at the moment. My husband is over the moon that we are pregnant whilst I'm still trying to get my head round it. I had been off work with depression for 9 months and then decided to give it up and become a full time carer for my DD and get myself back to being me. I feel I am back to myself again so my husband and I had agreed to try for one last time (I think I'm too old!) and it happened straight away, probably this has shocked me more! I've not been to the doctor yet as that would make it 'real'. Once I get my head round it then I will make that appointment. I have so many questions and thoughts going round in my head I don't know whether I'm coming or going any advice would be really appreciated

[Annarose2014]

Well firstly you're not too old. Plenty of us are older expectant mums on here. And plenty got pregnant bloody quickly!

It also doesn't follow that you'll have any complications. The odd person has hypertension or gestational diabetes but tbh those aren't big deals as long as they're flagged and monitored. And plenty of younger people have those too.

Your biggest priority is a) folic acid, and b) your mental health. There are a lot of antenatal mental health services available now - you very frequently see posts by people who have depression during pregnancy and certainly its not something you have to just endure (nor should you).

So I would advise you when you go to your GP to ask to be referred to whatever antenatal mental health services are in your area. Your other stressors aren't going to go away, so you need to take preemptive action to ensure you are supported throughout.

You may or may not feel depressed right now, but pregnancy can trigger a low mood, particularlt in the first trimester when you have no sense of baby, just a collection of grotty symptoms. So my advice would be to keep ahead of it by flagging it to GP/Midwifes from word go.

[Lovechild1971]

Thank you for replying and also your advice. I started taking folic acid as soon as I did the test. The couple of meds I'm on for the depression I can take when pregnant but the last trimester I need to discuss with GP. I will defo ask about an antenatal mental health service as the counselling I had for the last 9 months has now finished as I was better. I do now feel that with all the stresses of my daughter at the moment I'm getting moments of how I felt back last year. Difference is this time I know what's causing the low mood/anxiety/stress unlike last year when I had no clue. I think an antenatal MH service would really help. I will defo flag all this up to my GP when I feel ready to go and then to the midwife. I have really good support from the disabilities social work team here and they are supporting me through all that's going on and I do think once they know that I am pregnant, the support will step up. I just feel really mixed up and my head is all over the place. My husband works away for 4 weeks at a time, then home for 4 weeks so at this moment he is not home for another 2 weeks. I might have felt differently if he were here when I did the test and felt supported more. Once he is home may feel stronger in my mind.

Thank you once again for your advice, it's been very helpful

[Keziahhopes]

Hi when you see your midwife for first time you can ask to be referred to the midwife of the team who specialises in mental health. many areas have them and you see them on top of usual visits. I saw one twice due to real anxiety - I got a tour of the hospital which people do not get and that eased things for me. you can also ask the go to refer you later on to a peri-natal psychiatrist for advice on medication or if you under a consultant for pregnancy they can do that. all helps. My gp just emailed the psychiatrist for advice on medication - so knew had to stop anxiety specific medication at x time etc.

Congratulations. Am also near 40 and expecting number 2 and about 5-6 weeks. Taken a long time and after losses so am struggling a little with waiting for 12 week scan and hoping all ok.

[Keziahhopes]

Sorry no idea why it said "real anxiety", should say anxiety issues!

[Lovechild1971]

Aw congratulations to you too! Think the earlier you find out the time appears to drag until first scan! The advice you have given is great also. I saw a psychiatrist back in April and he said the best thing I could maybe do is get pregnant! This would help with my daughter and my depression.....I was taken aback at his "recommendations" he prescribed me additional meds so I'm sure my GP will consult with him re the pregnancy and meds going forward. I think what's really going round in my head is "what will people think....along lines of she has a DD who is extremely complex and challenging and she's away to have a baby"....I never normally bother what people think so I don't know why I'm thinking this now? I am very vulnerable at the moment, maybe that's why

[Keziahhopes]

I know people who have children with complex needs and who had a baby or several much closer in age to other children. sounds like you have good support for dd, so hopefully they can help with her adapting to the change.

[Lovechild1971]

DD has been my world for last 12 years and it's constant with appts etc and I just worry how she will cope. She's not good with change at all. I know I will need to pull together plenty of social stories and constant reassuring to make her feel included pre and post pregnancy. I've realised just how great a support I have for her as I've started to reach out to the professionals instead of thinking I don't need them, I can do it on my own. Depression eventually taught me to reach out for help and grab it with both hands. Just need to get my head round this pregnancy first.....

[Keziahhopes]

Perhaps think about how baby will cope, going to appointments etc, and fitting in rather than your dd? Younger children often have to "fit in". You may be eligible for nursery funding at earlier age through SS budget for 2nd child, crèche places when needed etc - it is just about asking for what you and your family need!!

[Lovechild1971]

There is that way of looking at things. Baby will need to fit in and should be able to cope as they know no different unlike a child who has ASD, ADHD, SPD, GDD etc. That's it, defo need to ask and source as hardly anything is offered! Thanks for your advice