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pregnant with 3rd, nearly 39 and panicking...

(9 Posts)
sfwebb Sat 23-Aug-14 19:24:12

Anyone else out there in the same situation? Really really really not coping with the thought of both going through pregnancy with a 2 and 4.5 yr old just starting school and being so grumpy and horrible, but also the thought of rocking their and our world, that was just starting to become enjoyable again, with another newborn. 3 years after dd2 starts school before no.3 would. Friends all moving on whilst we're back into survival and not coping mode (it was really bad after dd2), not being able to get back into working for at least another couple of years (was just starting to decide what to do next), finances and what we will be able to offer them in terms of support when they are older, holidays, travel, transport, space at home, etc etc etc. Feeling so awful, so old, so lonely and so stupid to be in this situation when life was just starting to be fun again....help!!!!!

BeginnerSAHM Sat 23-Aug-14 22:28:26

Sorry you are feeling like this. For what it's worth, I know loads of people who've had 2nd/3rd/4th children in their late 30s/early 40s and loved it. (And a few people who've had a first then.) I'm 39 and pregnant with baby number 3 and will have a 5 year gap. Not ideal but I'm excited now, although I did wonder what I'd done or how I/we would cope with the newborn stuff again - and our baby was planned (just...). I also worried about how it would effect my current children. I think that, although we will have to spread our time a bit more thinly, they'll still be more benefits than disadvantages to having another sibling. I hope the newborn bit is easier for us this time round than it was with number one. So I do understand the dread of going through that again. We ha a very rough time and it didn't do our relationship much good. Baby number two was very easy going and an amazing sleeper though. I'd much prefer your sort of age gap though but it didn't work out like that. I still think adding a third, even at 39 (which isn't that old really...), will being a very positive thing overall for us. Despite financial and other implications. But I would say that. Only you and your husband/partner knows what is right for you and your family. I have a friend who felt she had to terminate a third pregnancy as she thought her family couldn't cope. I entirely respect her decision and know how heartbreaking it was for her. Good luck whatever you decide. But 39 isn't old... Honest.

ladybirdandsnails Sat 23-Aug-14 22:35:05

Mine are the same age gap but I am older. I would seriously panic now if I was expecting a 3rd but if I was 39 would feel very blessed and excited !!! I know several friends with 3 - it's lovely. Extra siblings enrich children's lives.

Mintyy Sat 23-Aug-14 22:36:41

Is it too late for a termination?

ladybirdandsnails Sat 23-Aug-14 22:38:20

The costs are low as you will have all the baby stuff and eBay has the rest. wink 3rd child will love hand me down everything. You have til your 65-70 to work. Just think how much fun 3 will have

Mexicantortilla Fri 29-Aug-14 01:32:30

Hi, I had DD3 at 40 and she is the best thing that ever happened to us. Being parents of a young child has not stopped us doing anything, we travelled abroad twice in the first 10 weeks after birth and just took her with us! She is well travelled and socialises well, all our friends know that where we go she goes! I am now pregnant again at 45 and after the shock we are really pleased and don't see it as an impediment to our life style, we are really looking forward. Of course everyone's circumstances are different and when I was 40 I was so apprehensive about starting again but looking back I need not have worried, I am much more positive this time around as I think if you think negatively it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy! Hope you find the right way forward for you and your family, good luck x

Foxeym Fri 29-Aug-14 06:50:46

I have 2 DD's of 15&13 and now have a DS of 10 months and my partner and I are 42. Yes it was a shock and a lot of adjustments had to be made (converting our dining room into a 4th bedroom for youngest DD etc) but I wouldn't change it for anything. He's such a joy and the girls love him to bits. Yes our life has changed dramatically but only for the better. You do cope and life moves on, best of luck

backinaminute Fri 29-Aug-14 07:00:01

I'm not 39 but I have got two children similar ages to yours so I completely understand how you must be feeling. I know what you mean about it just getting enjoyable.

How far along are you? When did you find out? What does your dp think?

I've got four cousins that are my age(ish) and there is 5 years from oldest to youngest. My Aunty said it was hard in the early days but once they got to school it was a amazing. Being at there house growing up was brilliant. They are all really close now as adults. This is what I think about when I think about what I would do if we had an accident. I love the idea of a house full of kids. The baby bit, whilst gruelling doesn't last long really. Perhaps the older two will entertain each other more too?

backinaminute Fri 29-Aug-14 07:00:41

** their

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