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5 weeks pg after MC, should we tell parents yet?

(13 Posts)
Seasidedolly Tue 05-Aug-14 22:11:30

Hi all
On Friday ill be approx 5 weeks pregnant with our first child after a mc in June. We hadn't told our parents or family about our first pregnancy and also didn't tell them about the subsiquent MC. Not really sure why, I suppose to protect them from the upset and grief caused by MC.

This will be the first grandchild for both our mums ( both our fathers have sadly passed) and first niece/ nephew for our my sister and BIL.
We are seeing everyone this Sunday for my birthday but undecided if we should tell them yet as its such early days. I had light spotting last week so am anxious enough at the moment.
Any thoughts?

ohthegoats Tue 05-Aug-14 22:17:06

I told my parents at 18 weeks. At the beginning I really wanted to tell everyone and anyone, but didn't want to due to obvious loss risk. Once I'd had the secret for 8 weeks or so, I started to really ENJOY the secret - just something that me and my partner were sharing. I only told people when I started to look a bit pregnant - and also when I was at the point where if I lost the baby, I'd have really needed some help.

Something to remember is that the earlier you tell them, the longer the pregnancy is for them too - you'll be stressed and worried (as we all are), but you're passing that stress and worry on a bit to them too. That was part of my thinking in keeping it secret.

Of course, it's absolutely a personal decision.

Brummiegirl15 Tue 05-Aug-14 22:19:43

Hi,

I had an mc in May and I'd told my parents about being pregnant and about the subsequent mc - I needed their love and support.

So when I fell pregnant again in July, I told them straight away because if it happened again I'd want their love and support.

Only you know how your relationship with your parents is - I don't regret telling mine, they were upset for me, but they'd also be upset if I didn't share my sad news with them so they could offer me love and support.

Neither way is right or wrong.

bakingtins Tue 05-Aug-14 22:25:44

I've had several MC and my policy was to only tell people I'd want support from if I MC until past the 12 week scan. Have a think why you didn't want them to know about your MC and how you'd feel if ( god forbid) it happened again and they knew.
Best of luck!

blankfornames Wed 06-Aug-14 07:19:52

Hi Seaside, I had a mc in April. We decided that we wouldn't tell our parents. I luckily fell pregnant v quickly again. I had bleeding at 6 weeks and a reassurance scan at 7+5. Once we saw the heartbeat, we told our parents straight away.
I'm not 12 wks but haven't yet told them about the mc.
We told them about being pregnant this time as we felt, if anything happened again, we'd certainly want/need the support.
I paid for a private scan early & it was the best money I spent! It was lovely showing then the photo of our jelly bean with strong heartbeat!
Best of luck this time and congratulations!

blankfornames Wed 06-Aug-14 07:21:13

*I am 12 wks (sorry misprint!)

birdofthenorth Wed 06-Aug-14 13:51:45

Sorry for your loss and congratulations on your new pregnancy. It's entirely up to you when to tell your mums. I had two consecutive miscarriages and told my parents about all my pregnancies and losses, but that's just me. They were lovely and helpful (brought casserole, looked after older child etc) but it I did feel angry when their support was imperfect (Dad: "there was probably something wrong with this one, love"). I think you are lovely to worry about protecting them from potential pain, but actually I'm sure they still see it as their role to protect, help and love you.

How many weeks was your MC?

I tell the world every time I conceive or lose!

Problem shared is a problem halved for me.

But everyone is different.

ilovechops Wed 06-Aug-14 14:01:20

I am currently in a similar position! Had a MMC a couple of months ago, we told both sets of parents about that, the main reason for telling them was that both my mum and MIL were always asking us about when our next baby might be (already have a nearly 3yr old) and we had been trying for a while. It really pi**ed me off so I thought if I told them they'd stop asking (and they did). Anyway I fell pregnant again really quickly and I've told my mum about this one (as I saw her and am a useless liar) but haven't told MIL yet. Will leave that to DH.

The way i see it is that if I tell people who I know will offer me support / will need to know if I MC again then that's OK but no one else. We've actually had a scan and heard the heartbeat but until I have had all the 12 week tests completed I won't be telling anybody else this time. I felt quite annoyed at myself that so many people knew last time. It wasn't so much that I told people just that I had a lot of social occasions and people kind of guessed / gave me a lot of funny looks as I wasn't drinking. This time I am avoiding all that until i feel comfortable that it's progressing as it should be. My friends are probably wondering what has happened to me but quite frankly I feel lousy and don't want anyone discussing reasons I might not be drinking so just keeping my head down for a bit!

Deelish75 Wed 06-Aug-14 15:27:39

With each of my pregnancies we've told them at about 5 wks. I've always believed that is a MC happened I'd want love and support from those closest. I MC my 2nd pregnancy at nearly 8 wks. Family were brilliant. Now on my 3rd pregnancy, told family again and they've been really supportive. I have been really ill with morning sickness and exhaustion tbh I don't think I'd have got away with not telling them!

BeetlingAbout Wed 06-Aug-14 16:51:26

Sorry for your loss op.

After my late miscarriage last year, one of the hardest things to deal with was the sadness it caused my family. Therefore when we got pregnant again this year we told patents after the 12 week scan and then grandparents, siblings, aunties etc... After the 20 week scan.

I felt like I needed to protect them and myself in case things didn't work out. I'm now 25 weeks and have just started telling friends after being in hiding for ages due to bump!

For me, it is like damage limitation keeping it a secret and I like the control it provides over a situation I have little control over.

Lally112 Wed 06-Aug-14 17:12:17

I would tell them, Things can go wrong at any point (though it is more likely in the 1st trimester) and its better to have support from those who know whats going on than not. I'm not saying tell the world but its ok to tell some people.

squizita Wed 06-Aug-14 17:50:41

I am the same situ as Baking - have had several. Before 16 weeks or so I only tell people who would be helpful/able to take it if I MCed. Actually this did mean I told my mum, she was great when I had my losses and helped with practical things. But others I did not tell - because I felt it would upset them.

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