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Things you wish you were told...(55 Posts)
I am 28wks and starting to seriously think about everything I need to get organised.
Wanting to know if there's anything you wish you had been told prior to the arrival if your wee one - anything from pram choices/hospital bags/pain relief/delivery options/feeding etc etc
Any advice would be gratefully received
I wish I had been told that, whilst they all look basically the same, babies are tiny people with personalities, preferences and opinions from the off. You can't analyse them, read up and 'fix' them. You have to get to know them.
Motherhood got a lot more fun when I learned that.
I wish someone had told me that when your waters go it is not the Hollywood gush. You feel like you've wet yourself and this continues for the duration of your labour.
The big one: breastfeeding may be natural but it can hurt like no other pain! It can take 6 weeks to become natural as both mum and baby have to learn how to do it
The controversial one: sometimes, health care providers are out of date or just feeling a little 5pm-ish and don't necessarily give the right advice or support. This is important to remember during labour and the first few weeks after giving birth.
Also, don't bother with socks. Babies just kick them off. If you insist on socks at least get some sock ons to hold them in place!
Babies are all unique individuals with their own personalities and foibles from day one. Don't overestimate the power of things you do or don't do, they are not "blank slates" that parents train with this or that approach or philosophy.
Sometimes things you really "believe in" or don't believe in just don't match your baby.
As for hospital Bag: I will pack clothing for my DH. As we lived over an hour away from the hospital he stayed in the hospital with me. Boy did he smell by the time baby arrived. :-) (we got to the hospital Friday morning and baby was born Sunday 12:10 am)
Also I would bring a nursing pillow if you plan on breastfeeding. The pillows they gave me were so thin and I couldn't get comfortable.
For pain relief: after being in early labour since Wednesday and having gallbladder attacks I took the epidural. And after baby was born I had some blood clots that got stuck so they gave me gas and air that made me sooooo sick. So will defiantly not take that next time around..
For baby's: every baby is different. As previous poster said they kick of their socks so I got some baby tights. Oh and I wouldn't buy to many 0-3 month outfits. As I had my son mostly in babygrows. And swaddled in blankets. Plus you will get lots given.
Congrats on your pregnancy!
I'm 29 weeks with no 2
I wish idk own more about the fourth trimester stuff. Everything makes more sense and is less stressful if you just ride out the first 3 months without worrying too much about routines and the damned rod you may or may not be making for your back.
Oh, and with bf the work is all front loaded. In many circumstances, the first few weeks are tough (dreading every feed tough!) but by 6 weeks you've cracked it and it's so easy.
I wish someone had told me about after pains! Not too bad after my first but after my second I'd rather have gone through labour again! It was always when I was bf too and they say just take paracetamol as you can't have anything stronger!
They say they get worse after every pregnancy and I'm now pregnant again
Wish I was told:
A natural birth is not the be all and end all. I had one, if I could go back I'd have an epidural
Sleep when baby sleeps
Forget outfits in first few weeks just put them in babygrows
You will get tons of clothes bought so don't go over board beforehand. I wish I'd just got a few newborn or up to 1 month babygrows a few 0 to 3 and left it there!
Shops will exchange baby clothes for a bigger size / something you like without a receipt
We never used the baby changing table - waste of time
I had DH take pics of all presents along with the card so I could later recall who got DS what
Read the wonder weeks
Regarding socks...once DS was out of babygrows I used them all the time as he feet get freezing! We never used the mittens though. Get the babygrows with inbuilt ones.
Mucus plug is more like a lime size
Your internal dialogue will go into overdrive questioning everything you possibly do. Well mine did with pfb, less so 2nd time around.
YY to the after pains second time too!!! Almost as bad a real contractions!!
Choose to enjoy every moment with your new baby. It's hard/confusing/stressful but everyone learns to muddle through - and if you choose to also enjoy it, it will be nicer all round.
Don't go overboard with visitors in the first few days - it can be really overwhelming.
Don't expect your baby to sleep through until he/she starts crawling.
I wish I had been told about the night sweats after I had given birth. I had them for months.
It wouldn't have changed anything but at least I would have known it was normal (and brought more nightclothes to the hospital)
That CS are not as scary and painful as people make out. I had a CS and:
- I was breast feeding DD immediately.
- I was also out of hospital and went home the next day with paracetamol and ibuprofen. Nothing stronger was required.
- I was able to lift and carry DD and hold DD when I was at home.
- I was driving after two and a half weeks
- I was back at the gym doing what I did Pre-pregancy with full consultant approval after 4 weeks
- I have no ugly or unsightly CS overhang
So should you need a CS op don't worry. Yes its a little uncomfortable the first week but DD was fine and I recovered really well and really quickly.
Also DD lived in baby grows for the first few weeks. And some babies get constipated and don't poo for as long as 5 days. If it happens don't panic like I did.
I like this thread. Very insightive(?) for FTMs.
dm86; big fat yes to afterpains!!
My afterpains with ds2 were worse than giving birth to him so will have spare tens pads at the ready to deal with them.
Don't bother with sleep suits unless they've got buttons downthe middle & built in scratchmitts
I used a Maclaren from birth but every I know who bought a travel system has swapped it for a lightweight in the first year so they seem like a waste of money to me.
That your bits may never be the same again.
Definitely don't go overboard on the visitors during the first couple weeks.
On some days we would have up to 4 visits from friends and family and I really wasn't ready for how protective I would feel over my new baby. I started getting quite stressed having my baby passed around every tom, dick and harry!
With DC2 we kept the first couple of weeks to just close family, much better.
You will hear the advice 'sleep when your baby sleeps'
I was on a total high after dd1, wasn't even tired, didn't know what everyone was going on about
But on day 6 I hit a wall, I have never been so tired in my life -the tiredness itself was distressing
It was also impossible once I'd got myself into that state to get out of it
So sleep/rest when the baby sleeps is now the advice I pass on to all new mums
dm86 I didn't get any after pains with DC2 so it's not always true.
Things I did differently second time around - didn't have loads of visitors constantly. Wow, that was a massive improvement! I felt so much less stressed and BF went brilliantly, unlike with DC1. No point having scratch mitts -they just come off, plus both my babies have been really distressed if they couldn't find their hands! Sod the housework - you never get these early precious days back, I'd rather be cuddling my gorgeous baby and taking in her lovely smell and softness... Yummy.
I wish I'd realised that you only need to change dirty nappies overnight. We changed so many wet nappies needlessly, thoroughly waking up the baby in the process! I'm going to try baby nightgowns/bundlers this time around too, will make the necessary night time changes easier.
There are lots of ways to do certain things.
Choose the one that suits you. When you mix with others you will see others, or family may tell you to do things a certain way. Thats ok let them have their say - you pick which is best for you.
If you try something and it doesnt work you can change it and do something else - you may try a few things until something works for you and babyy of course.
Sometimes nothing works and you feel totally useless. It will pass and you will all live to see another day.
If in doubt get out of the house
If in a lot worry goto the GP - they will see babies the same day - they have to.
ALl of this applies to feeding, sleep, winding, holding, clothing, weening, routines.
DONT buy loads of clothes or toys - you will regret it - OMG the stuff you end up with - thats what relations, libraries, toy libraries and playgroups are for. I say this as a serious spender who loved to pick everything. Try NOT to.
Another one saying after pain! For some reason it didn't register that AFTER giving birth I would still be in pain and bleeding for a couple of weeks.
I also wish I hadn't thought I needed to be supermum. The midwives told me to take it easy and instead as soon as I got home I put a load of washing on. Boy was I in pain, I couldn't even sit down from the pain from my episiotomy stitches next time, I'll be taking it easy and NOT putting up with the endless stream of visitors in the first few weeks.
I also wish I'd known that it's NOT a strict rule that baby has to feed for 20 minutes on each breast (thanks for that one, helpful midwife ) I spent many a night trying to time how long DD fed for and stressing when she fell back asleep when I should have just trusted my instincts that she was full and I didn't have to force her and try to keep her awake to feed her!
Oh thought of another one - if breastfeeding (can't speak for bottle fed) - it can take forever.
Dd2 is 11 days old abd we've been up since 7am and for the majority of that time she's been attached to the boob! I was expecting to be able to put her down more as thought I was being a bit pfb with dd1 needing to be at the boob all the time. But it seems this one might be similar too!!
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