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Hiding this pregnancy

(18 Posts)
Rkbump Sat 12-Jul-14 00:48:03

I am only 5wks pregnant, I found out this week and I am still in shock.
Although myself and my partner are extremely excited and happy about our unexpected surprise, we are getting married in a month and want our day to be special as we have been planning this for 15months now!
I have just come back from a works hen where I have got away without drinknh because I have a cough so have said I am on antibiotics and don't feel well (all true) - I have got away but seem like the most boringest cow ever because I didn't drink at my own hen.
I have my proper hen in a few weeks and I am dreading it, it has been planned for ages and I know nothing, I plan to tell my chief bridesmaid my news but how will I get away with it with everyone else? I don't mind telling my friends but I need to keep this from both sets of parents to make sure our wedding is smoothly dealt with, my sister in law will be on all aspects of the hen and will certainly want me to be getting drunk. What shall I do? It's so hard as I hate the lying. Please help me. I am terrified, emotional and scared as it is never mind having to lie and I really want my hen to be a success.

Thanks (sorry for long msg!) xx

myusernameis Sat 12-Jul-14 01:11:41

I didn't tell anyone apart from my mum until I was 12 weeks pregnant. What's the plan for the hen night? Is it going to be a big booze up or will there be other activities? You could make sure only you and your chief bridesmaid get your drinks and stick to non-alcoholic cocktails or get fruit juices or fizzy drinks and pretend they are mixed with spirits. Maybe have one glass of wine or champagne if you don't mind drinking a little.
Also at that stage of pregnancy I was really sick and tired. People may guess you are pregnant if you're the same.. Or you could pretend to have a stomach bug or something to explain away the lack of drinking. Or say you're on a pre-wedding detox and act a bit crazy about needing to look perfect on the day if anyone questions you.

Rkbump Sat 12-Jul-14 05:22:58

I don't know the details of what I am doing and I plan to tell my chief bridesmaid today to come up with a plan! I think there may be a spa day involved and drinking at night. I haven't had any sickness just yet so fingers crossed! I am just tired. I guess I have to get a lot better at lying about what I am drinking! Last night was just so hard I don't like lying.

steppemum Sat 12-Jul-14 06:39:37

Get your chief bridesmaid onside, and get her to buy you non- alcoholic wine/beer/cocktails etc, or to change the plans, so it doesn't involve late night clubbing etc

but be warned, some people (like me) are very quick to spot pregnant women, I seem to notice the slight behaviour changes and clock it. As it happens I always keep my mouth shut, but others may not.

PetaPipa Sat 12-Jul-14 06:44:23

Tricky - hope your chief bridesmaid can help. Also, be aware, at a spa you may be asked on the questionnaire if you are pregnant, as they won't use certain essential oils on a pregnant woman.

Pobblewhohasnotoes Sat 12-Jul-14 07:13:08

If you are going to a spa you can't use the steam rooms/sauna or jacuzzi or certain oils when pregnant. Have you paid for it or can you and your CB come up with another plan?

Maybe she could also be in charge of your drinks, only.

Iquitelikeapples Sat 12-Jul-14 07:55:09

I went on a big works night out & one of the girls was pregnant but didn't want anyone to know. She asked me to help her, If someone bought her a alcoholic drink I just got her a lemonade, wondered over & put it down next to her swapping the drinks. No one noticed, & she didn't notice I was doing the same for me as I was 8weeks!

Missingcaffeine Sat 12-Jul-14 08:54:06

It's much easier to hide if you're willing to tell the one or few people who know you well, who your trust, and who will guess anyway.
I told one of my best friends really early, as she would have totally guessed the moment I turned down wine and would have made a thing of it so that other people guessed. She and OH then helped me, and at my birthday bash she'd say 'same again?' and get me a glass of lemonade in a glass that made it look like vodka/lemonade or something. The more people who know who your trust, the easier it is.
It's best to avoid situations where you're out and people will buy you drinks though - as that's particularly difficult. If you stay in, you can do things like pour Ribena in a wine glass, or fill cider bottles with non-alcoholic drink. It's possible at a hen do to do shots of water if someone you trust takes control of the drink pouring and dishes them out! Make sure you know what you can eat too - as I avoided things I loved liked smoked salmon and some cheeses that could have given the game away, when actually they are safe in pregnancy according to nhs website. Also avoiding too much caffeine can be challenging if people know you love coffee etc, so you definitely need help with this one. One of my friends guessed when we were out to dinner and I turned down baked camembert, but actually, when cooked it is considered safe:
www.nhs.uk/chq/Pages/2683.aspx?CategoryID=54&SubCategoryID=216
And finally, good luck! I hope you have an easy first trimester so you can enjoy your wedding prep and plans.

Rkbump Sat 12-Jul-14 09:49:00

Thank you all. I feel better knowing that everyone else has gone to extreme lengths to hide. I think I may have to tell a couple of friends for the hen do now! But I will wait and tell my chief bridesmaid today and see what she says. I am ok if people guess, I just want to keep the wedding day special enough without this overshadowing it for now. I am so desperate to tell my mum as we are so close but want her to have a lovely day so will wait. I have a feeling she will spot it though! I have read up what I can and can't eat and feel a lot better as actually it's not as much as I thought! Other than alcohol and coffee I am going to be fine! Thank you all so much- I have a feeling I may be on this again throughout my pregnancy! It doesn't feel such a secret then! X

JennyBlueWren Sat 12-Jul-14 10:31:07

Some people think they can spot pregnancies really well -I've been announced as pregnant three times (although once due to a misunderstood Facebook status)! No one has guessed anything yet.
If going to a spa for massages could you be "allergic" to what ever aromatics aren't allowed for pregnancy? If it was all in one venue I wonder if you could ask the staff to help you? E.g. decaff coffee?

JennyBlueWren Sat 12-Jul-14 10:32:29

Oh and I like the idea of being a Bridezilla! "watching my figure" "can't eat that it'll spoil my complexion" "on a detox" -they'll see the funny side once you do announce.
Also if everyone else is drunk it's easier to act drunk.

MrsW27 Sat 12-Jul-14 10:59:57

Rkbump, i was in the exact same position as you recently. i was 5 weeks pregnant at my hen do and was getting married a month later. i found out i was pregnant 2 days before the hen do and immediately rang my sister (who was my chief bridesmaid) to see what she had planned. luckily the activities during the day were fine for me and during the evening between the two of us we made sure that my drinks were swapped for non alcoholic ones. For the first drink of the night I made a show of opening lots of prosecco and I had just the smallest amount to throw people off the scent. From then on I had non alcoholic fizz in a champagne glass so it looked like I was on the prosecco all night. If anyone else brought me a drink my sister and I just subtly swapped between ourselves and nobody suspected a thing wink.

good luck with it and the main thing is just that you enjoy your hen do grin

Iquitelikeapples Sat 12-Jul-14 11:16:08

If you're really close to your mum id really think about telling anyone else first. I think she'd be upset not to be the first to know, & if anything it'll make the wedding more special for her.

Missingcaffeine Sat 12-Jul-14 18:13:53

I don't think it will overshadow the wedding in any way if you tell your mum and closest friends. I understand you not wanting all wedding conversation to be about your pregnancy, but from my personal experience, I struggled with exhaustion and nausea from weeks 6-12 and my mum was worried sick that I had something wrong with me as she said I looked so pale when she saw me at 6 and 7 weeks. I told her at 8 weeks and she was relieved as it explained why I hadn't been myself. I was relieved that I could share with people how I was feeling.

Missingcaffeine Sat 12-Jul-14 18:15:11

Take your vitamins, and eat loads of iron rich foods. It's so so common to become anaemic in pregnancy, and this can make you extra tired, and with so much coming up, you want every chance you can get to feel as good as possible.

If it's a spa day then I think you're knackered to be honest - no massage recommended before 12 weeks, no sauna / steam room / jaccusi / certain oils.

I'd just tell people. I think you're going to make it all more stressful than it needs to be otherwise.

Sallyingforth Sat 12-Jul-14 18:26:09

I'd announce it at the hen night!
The event is all about you anyway and it will really make it a night to remember. Everyone will understand that you will be on soft drinks and will make even more fuss of you.
Congratulations!

Rkbump Sat 12-Jul-14 21:34:38

Thanks, I didn't get to see my cb today so I have to tell her tomorrow. I have been speaking to my fiancé today about and he is keen for us to keep it to ourselves (or as few as possible) until 12 wks. It's a lot easier for men to stop thinking about it isn't it? Can't believe how crazy my life has just got! I was so relaxed at beginning of the week!

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