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choosing to have number 2

(12 Posts)
ohthegoats Thu 26-Jun-14 22:45:43

I haven't even had number 1 yet, but am wondering about whether we should have 2.

I've had an easy pregnancy really, but I haven't enjoyed it. Most of my annoyances have come from physical limitations while pregnant, and worries about losing'me'.

I get that physical stuff would be the same again, but if you're already dealing with the other'me' loss to a degree, does it make the mental side of pregnancy easier?

What were your motivations for number 2?

woodlandwanderwoman Thu 26-Jun-14 22:53:32

The 'me' does come back, it just comes back differently because your life changes forever. For me, I started to feel more myself again when ds was about 14mo and becoming more independent.

We are now pg with #2 and I worry far more about losing "me" for longer as I can't see how there will ever be a break with two to look after. However, having had #1 the difference is that I know every change is worthwhile to have such a miracle to call your own.

One of the biggest reasons we went for #2 is because DS has so much love to give, we know he will make an amazing older brother to a lucky younger sibling.

Good luck with your pregnancy.

EasilyDistracted77 Thu 26-Jun-14 22:53:48

I was certain after no. 1 that there wouldn't be a no.2. I had an easy pregnancy, but the aftermath of birth was a big slap in the face for me.

Nevertheless, just shy of 4 years later, I had a very strong feeling that I would like another baby which I could not control! From a practical point of view, however, it was 2 things: my DS believed he was the centre of the universe and I did not want hime growing up continuing to believe such a thing; secondly, I wanted him to have someone else there to help him look after his elderly parents when the time comes grin

ohthegoats Thu 26-Jun-14 23:03:59

I'm already 40, we don't have long to decide. Even if we do decide to go for it, it might not happen. Potentially though, it could be 4 years of my body being taken over by something else. I find that quite claustrophobic.

FlipFantasia Fri 27-Jun-14 02:14:30

Hi Goats!

For us, having no 2 was a big decision (we thought we'd need IVF again but then had an unexpected natural conception).

A huge part of it was so that DS would have a sibling relationship. I love my siblings (even when they drive me mad) and they are the people who've known me longest (bar my mum of course!). DH is the same. Thinking big picture, we didn't want DS (as an adult) to have a small extended family and deal alone with things like us aging etc. We live in the States, and only children are quite common (including 2 of his first cousins) but it just wasn't right for us. And now (aged 2 and 4) they are great pals and excited for baby no 3 to show up in Oct.

Regarding losing yourself, the pregnancy/early childhood years are definitely a struggle. But I frame it differently, I've gained far more than I've lost by becoming a parent (including in my relationship with my partner). My 'me' has changed for the better. I'm prouder of the job me and dh are doing as parents than anything else I've done (and we've both done a lot!). Kids are enjoyable, in spite of all the bad stuff (sleep deprivation, tantrums etc) that tou mostly hear about. Plus they grow so fast - a few years of putting the needs of small children first seems worth it out of a life span of potentially 80+ years.

Roxie85 Fri 27-Jun-14 08:31:12

I have a 6 month old and have always said that I wanted 2, almost regardless of how i dealt with pregnancy or birth.
I grew up with an older sister and for me that has been the most special bond and I never wanted my child to be an 'only child' as although having a sister when i was little was sometimes tough (arguments etc) now i am older it is the best and i rely on her help and advice all the time.

bronya Fri 27-Jun-14 08:48:57

Once they hand you DC1 the whole pregnancy, birth etc seems totally worth it. Then a little while later you get broody again for no.2 and remember that it wasn't great but it's only 9 months, and the end product is worth it. So you conceive no.2 and spend 9 months going, "Oh, it was THIS shit the first time, wasn't it?!!!"

squizita Fri 27-Jun-14 09:10:35

I am quite concerned about the health toll if I ever choose to have a 2nd. Mentally (during the pregnancy) and physically.

It would be pretty short sighted to give PFB a sibling but rob them of an active healthy mum (and, boringly, all the practical things she does and the money she would earn, if she was unwell). I've been warned about bone density, ongoing fatigue and stroke risks.

Having said that I know a couple of people with my condition and 2 who seem pretty hearty!

Emotionally and mentally in terms of being a parent, I would love 2. I have been speaking with DH about the possibility of long term fostering or adopting (he has a colleague who has a birth child and 2 adopted children) as it's such a hard call.

If only babies did come from the stork or the cabbage patch.

squizita Fri 27-Jun-14 09:11:47

...the health warnings are to do with pregnancy and BFing, my condition is easily managed with a life expectancy of 75-80 I hasten to add. grin

hubbahubster Fri 27-Jun-14 11:35:45

I'm very close to my sister so it never crossed my mind not to give DC1 a sibling. Money dictates that two is our limit but now DC2 is five weeks old, I'm incredibly sad to be preparing to sell/give away all the newborn stuff...

Zara8 Fri 27-Jun-14 15:12:34

We always wanted two, definitely (unsure about any more than that).

When DS was born I would have happily waited 5 years, I was so traumatised! grin But as it turns out there will be an exact 2 year age gap between DS and his sibling. It was the age gap we wanted and we were very lucky that I fell pregnant quickly again.

Bronya YES to the getting broody again and then getting pregnant again and thinking "oh fuck... I remember what this was all bloody like". I have a sneaking suspicion, that despite my delusions of labour being better this time, I will be in the delivery suite roaring "IT'S JUST THE FUCKING SAME AS LAST TIME! ARGGGH" grin grin

eastmidswarwicknightnanny Fri 27-Jun-14 16:40:13

I was a def no after first for few yrs and am due second in Nov first will be 4 in Aug n starts school Sept so ideal time for us.

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