Missed miscarriage

[Skycatkins]

Hello

I'm looking for guidance, support, someone to listen. I went to hospital yesterday for 12 week scan (our first baby). We went to the waiting room so happy and excited and left totally devastated, the worst feeling imaginable. We were told the baby had no heart beat, and had stopped growing at 9 weeks 6 days. I'm booked in to have an ERPC on Thursday.

Whilst I didn't allow myself to get too excited before the first scan, I really didn't expect to be given this news. I'm truly gutted, for me, my partner and our parents. (My bf has been so supportive, though I know he is hurting).

I hope and pray to god we will come to terms with this and go on to have a healthy pregnancy.

Has anyone else experienced missed miscarriage; go on to have healthy pregnancies or perhaps had further complications? I'd be grateful for a response.

Thanks x

[HaPPy8]

So sorry skycatkins for your news. My first pregnancy ended in a missed miscarriage a few years ago and our baby stopped growing at a similar gestation. We have since had a healthy baby and I very much hope that you will too though i know its hard to imagine at this time. Thinking of you x

[softlysoftly]

Oh I'm so sorry to hear that.

My first pg was a missed mc at 12 week scan, the sac was still growing but no baby. I opted for waiting naturally and list a week later with some complications.

2nd pregnancy I had a bleed at 6 weeks so was convinced it had happened again but DD1 is here safe and well at 4yo.

I then had DD2 ni complications age 2 and am 39 wks with DC3. So for me MC was a one off.

It's not great to hear but MC do happen frequently which sounds harsh BUT is a good thing in the way it means there is unlikely to be a problem with you or again.

Do allow yourself time to grieve though

[davidjrmum]

Really sorry to hear this - we had a missed miscarriage at about the same time. We were told that most people go on to have a healthy pregnancy next time although it didn't make us feel any better at the time. However, we had our ds 18 months later (now aged 7). Sorry again for your loss - take care of yourself over the next few weeks.

[Skycatkins]

Thanks for your replies ladies, it helps to know happy healthy pregnancies have followed m/cs. I need to remain positive and look to the future (though I'll never forget this little one).

Thanks again x

[TeaRex]

Hi sky I had a mmc at my 12 week scan and am now pregnant again, it's been a bit up and down but have just got through the 12 week scan so I'm hopeful. I too had an erpc and felt it was the best option. There's a thread for ladies ttc after mc;

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2100224-Home-on-the-amazing-and-determined-TTC-after-mc-ers-We-know-all-about-the-ups-and-downs-trails-and-tribulations-how-it-feels-to-live-in-the-cruel-world-of-Facebook-baby-bombs-Solidarity-sisters

I was on there while ttc after my mmc and it's a lovely supportive thread that might be worth looking at when you're ready for the next step. I'm so sorry for your loss, it is a heartbreaking thing and the pain never goes away BUT you will get stronger and will cope better. Expect good days and lots of bad ones and remember however you're feeling is fine. There's no 'right' way to think or feel after a loss like this x

[CannulaNellie]

Same thing happened to me in my 3rd pregnancy (2 previous live births), my 4th pregnancy was uneventful and dd is nearly 2 now.

Unfortunately for me it was 'just one of those things', but that's not terribly comforting whilst you're waiting to miscarry or have an evac.

I hope you and your partner are managing to take care of one another.

[miffybun73]

This happened to me and I was devastated.It still makes me sad when i think of it and the tremendous shock that it was.

I was pregnant again 2 months later and DS born at 37 weeks, normal birth, he is now a happy and healthy 6 year old.

15 months later I had an early MC at 7 weeks. Pregnant again a month later, DD also born at 37 weeks, normal birth and is 4 today.

[Monten]

Hi skycat I'm so sorry you've had such devastating news. I had very bad news at my 12wk scan which ended in a termination for medical reasons and have do had an mmc. You are probably in shock right now, please be gentle with yourself. Everyone else will be okay.

I had surgical procedures both times and they were both fine. Weirdly the easiest bit really.

I am still on the thread that trex mentions and it is indeed a lovely supportive place. Come join us if you'd like when you feel ready

[squizita]

Sorry to hear your news.

The vast, vast majority of women who lose a pregnancy go on to have a perfectly normal one next time.

I have a blood condition which has caused miscarriages but was unlucky enough to have an unrelated missed miscarriage last year. Now, I am currently 28 weeks - so if I can have it happen so can anyone.

Good luck.

[AliMonkey]

I had one at 11 weeks with my first pregnancy. Waited the advised 6 months before trying again and conceived first time of trying and she is now 9. Also have 7 year old. It is really common and most women go on to have healthy pregnancies.

Give yourself time; you are allowed to grieve. When you feel ready to share your story in RL you will be amazed at how many people you know have had mc - and many of them will now have children. In the meantime if you have one good friend to share it with it will help.

[umiaisha]

I have 2 children (3 and 8) and had a missed miscarriage over christmas. I also had a miscarriage a couple of months before conceiving my second baby. I found out on Monday that I am expecting again and am not allowing myself to get excited, but am keeping my fingers crossed that there is a better outcome this time.

Thinking of you x

[Skycatkins]

Thanks for your kind words; it really does help knowing there are others out there that know how this feels.

Fingers and toes crossed for good news for all that need it xxx

[mameulah]

I am so sorry to hear of your loss.

We very sadly lost our first pregnancy in a very similar way to you. We were utterly devastated.

I am happy to report that three months after losing our first pregnancy we felt pregnant with our pfb ds. Whilst I will always be sad for what we experienced we wouldn't have our pfb ds if our first pregnancy had continued.

I found it hard that other people become quickly used to the idea that you have lost the baby and expect you to 'get over it'. People are also very quick to tell you how 'normal' it is. Both of these things made me want to scream.

My husband and I dealt with our grief differently. We were both devastated but I was well into our second pregnancy before I stopped grieving for my first baby. My husband was devastated too but manage to recover more quickly.

I am now nearly 35 weeks pregnant with our second ds. My advice to you would be to cry, cry and cry. Then when you are ready to start to ttc again try to be relaxed and don't focus or become obsessed like me on it. Each time I have fallen pregnant it has been when I have decided to almost forget about it.

And, I highly recommend preseed and the disposable clear blue ovulation kit.

[liesal79]

I had a mmc a year ago, At the reassurance scan everything was fine, and then 3 weeks later I started spotting, and the baby had died the day after the scan, It was heartbreaking and I completely understand how you feel. I am now 14+1 and panic at every twinge, which is not healthy. I had a number of early miscarriages as well and was reffered for treatment. At that time, I was told that there was no medical reason for the miscarriages, and to try again, and chances are I would be successful.

I know its hard, and am sending you positive vibes and love and hope that in future its better. :) Lots of Love!

[MrsAmelia]

Skycatkins,

I'm really sorry for your loss. I think all of the posters above have given great encouragement, advice and wise words.

I had a D&C/ERPC on April 29th (2014). I was 8wk+4. I was completely shocked and very very emotional over this loss. It was my first child. My husband and I had no idea miscarriages or MMCs were so prevalent; the stats provided by the doctors still shock me.

But...this forum saved me emotionally. The ladies all on here were so wonderful to write and share their personal experiences (successes and trials/tribulations), and all have provided me with such a depth of information and hope.

I am now 4wk+3 days pregnant. I waited one menstrual cycle which the surgeon told me I should before we began to try again. I wasn't expecting to fall pregnant so soon, but I'm cautiously happy about it. Needless to say, I'm incredibly nervous about this pregnancy, but I can only hope (and pray) this is a successful one.

My point is ... mourn your loss, as you should do. Take your time. As some other Ladies stated, give yourself time to absorb what happened, but never blame yourself. Believe and know that these are events we can not control. And, lastly ... use this time to seek comfort for yourself and your partner. Make time to be alone together and remind yourselves why you love one another. A baby will come when it is meant to, and not before (that's what my 94 year old Grandmother has told me). Use this pause to enjoy the intimacy of cuddling and being with each other because that is a very good form of healing. I know my husband was incredible with me after the ERPC and it has made us even closer.

Big hugs and sending you many warm thoughts ...

[Skycatkins]

Ladies, thank you so much for taking the time out to talk to me. I've been feeling a bit better today - taking in all the info the hospital gave me today ahead of tomorrow's ERPC.

The hospital has been really fantastic, very sympathetic.

We took the scan picture home with us today, he/she looks so lovely on the picture - I'm glad I have a little something to always treasure.

Mameulah, liesal79 and mrsamelia - great news on your pregnancies, wishing you all the most plain sailing, hitch free pregnancies. I hope I have some good news to report back in the not too distant future.

Lots of love xxxx