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Pregnant so soon!

(11 Posts)
Nix1988 Mon 23-Jun-14 12:05:54

Hi, thought I would share my news. I have a 5 month old boy and I have just found out I am 4 weeks pregnant. It is very difficult as I only knew my baby's dad for 4months before I got pregnant the last time. We have stayed together but my last pregnancy was up and down as I found out i was pregnant 3days after my dad's funeral. We currently are waiting to move in to a two bedroom flat as we are only in a studio at the moment. My little one will be 13months if I keep the baby. I have told a few ppl but my OH does not want the baby. It's a rocky relationship where we are fine one week, we then argue and it goes in circles. I don't know if it will be more pressure keeping the baby but I can't make myself go through abortion. I have regrettably had 3 in the past and know the pain. His main concern is money which was a big issue last time. Any advice? Seeing my doctor on thurs 26th June.

CoolCat2014 Mon 23-Jun-14 12:44:42

What do you want to do?

I personally think that's the most important thing. You shouldn't be pressured into an abortion if that's not what you want to do. Yes another baby might add more pressure, but surely so would the pain of having a termination? It sounds like you are very reluctant to go through that again.

Whilst your relationship is important, and it would be good to get it on smoother ground, you are important, and I think it's fair to do what is best for you and your child.

I hope you work it out, take your time and don't jump to any decisions. Money can stretch, and at least you should already have a lot of the baby things you'll need!

Nix1988 Mon 23-Jun-14 23:06:48

I am not sure what to do.

I have explained how a termination would be and how it would make me feel. But he keeps saying that we aren't even stable, money is going to be tight and we aren't getting on and that it's not a good environment to bring another baby in to.

I have so much help from my family and friends and I know I may be able to cope but I am scared. We planned a family holiday next year and have a two bedroom flat to move into which we desperately need. I think it is too soon to have another one but I know how upsetting a termination will be and I have said that I will blame him.

He is there for me all of the time, we just bicker over silly things then he stays at his mums for a few nights.

I chose my partner in the last relationship over babies and I constantly blamed him but then it was on my part to go through with it.

He didn't want our last baby but I ignored his request. He is constantly worried about money and that was the issue before. Which made him go out and get a decent job in which he has already had two pay rises. He is quite tight with his money, but going the wrong way when discussing this decision with me

I don't want to drive him away even more and have something that he doesn't want. I know he already resents me over me keeping my little one.

It's tough.

My mum had my brother and got pregnant 2months later with me and my sister (twins)! There's on 11 months between us and she coped.

I told my step dad today and he said looking out for me he will be there but he thinks it's too soon and he's only looking in to my best interests but it's my decision. He was going to pass the information on to my mum this evening and I haven't had a phone call yet!

Sorry for the long message I'm getting it all off my mind x

kaykayblue Mon 23-Jun-14 23:36:26

Well I have good news and bad news. The good news is that in this country, no-one can make this decision for you. You have complete control over what you decide to do.

The bad news is that no-one can make this decision for you, and you are the only person who can decide what to do.

My own view is continuing this pregnancy is a bad idea. You're already in a rocky place, with a 5 month baby to take care of, uncertain finances, uncertain future with the father....but I'm not you, so it doesn't really matter what I think.

You should listen to what you want - which seems to be keeping the baby. At the same time, you have to be able to accept that you partner might not stay with you.

Just as you would resent him for having an abortion, so he can resent you for continuing the pregnancy. That's all normal, unavoidable stuff.

Whatever you do please lord get on some reliable contraception afterwards.

UML Tue 24-Jun-14 00:00:50

If his main concerns are money issues then you can both sit down and discuss it properly like a committed couple ought to. Balance sheets and all. If it's relationship issues on the side then again, you can sit down and have an open discussion on how you can improve your relationship. All couples experience ups and downs in their marriage, things aren't always plain sailing, babies or not!

Although Its not nice he's pressurising you to abort (it is you who will have to experience it after all) he is still with you in spite of you going through with the previous pregnancy?

There are lots of things that aren't perfect in relationships - but you compromise and try to deal with them. Yes it may be too soon to have another baby but it's happened - there are positives too about having children close in age, and always a benefit for children to be growing up with a sibling close in age.

Hope things get sorted for u x

UML Tue 24-Jun-14 00:02:41

Sorry I don't think you mentioned you were married... Change to all couples experience ups and downs in their relationship!

kaykayblue Tue 24-Jun-14 08:41:36

Hi UML - Whilst I see your points, the OP mentions that she had only been with this man for 4 months when she fell pregnant the first time. That works out as 18 months total with one baby and another on the way. So it doesn't seem like there is a strong foundation to the relationship.

If your partner were to leave you, would you be able to look after two children on your own? I think that's the second most important question here.

omgherecomesno2 Tue 24-Jun-14 09:51:53

I think the most important thing here that everyone is missing is if he didnt want children he should of used protection simple as!!. you sound like you clearly want diffrent things so its wether you can cope on ur own with two children do you have good family support? I have a five and a half month old and im 5 weeks pregnant with my second and im absolutely terrified but all children are a blessing and you lay down and made it so you have to step up and take care of it abortion should be out of the question regardless of his thoughts he doesnt have a say as far as im concerned because he should of used protection and he wouldnt be in this situation.

harrygracejessica Tue 24-Jun-14 10:21:30

I fell pregnant with our first after being with the dad for a week, I was in the pill and it failed!

I'm not going to lie, it was hard as we really didn't know each other and had to learn about each other and having our first child. When he was 8 months we decided we didn't want an only child and 2 weeks later I was pregnant again but with twins so we had 3 in 15 months. That was a huge test of the relationship and we did end up splitting up with the twins were a few months old and had 6 months apart (but he saw the kids daily!)

We have now been together 8 years and have another set of twins too. Life is up and down in the majority of relationships, only you will know if it's worth keeping you together or if your strong enough to do it alone x

UML Tue 24-Jun-14 10:26:52

My impression was they have a issues in their relationship but OP said he is always there for her and they get along well apart from from bickering over silly things...

OP doesn't want to terminate and he does, and then there are money issues ... I think these issues can be worked on together if you have a good relationship (even if it hasn't been a long one) and if you are already considering moving into a bigger flat ... That's shows commitment to me!

I am pregnant right now too and in every one of my pregnancies due to hormones and tiredness I've not always had the best of relationships with my husband ... In fact we almost split up.., being pregnant is the worst time to think rationally about anything but that is my one opinion from my own experience it may be different for others...

As op doesn't want an abortion I think she should at least try to work things through with her partner... There is no rush to make any major decisions like leaving him right now...

camillebbmvalez12345 Tue 24-Jun-14 18:53:54

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

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