Feeling completely out of control of my health

[Hedgehead]

16 weeks pregnant with my first. How do you cope with this feeling of being out of control of your own health?

In normal life (unpregnant life) I am very aware of how my body is feeling. I get the common cold about twice a year, in the winter it sometimes turns into a chesty cough. I know what remedies work for me and make it go away quickly. I barely ever throw up. I have remedies for an upset stomach. I know the best times and circumstances for me to sleep, eat etc. I seem to stay the same weight no matter what I do. Not stick thin, not fat.

But pregnancy has just sent me on a rollercoaster. A cold - what I thought was one of my "usual colds" turned into pneumonia. I carried on as usual, in disbelief that the usual methods were not working, and it just got worse and worse. My body couldn't fight it! At one point I felt like I was dying and had to go to hospital. After being on a ventilator I am dosed up on heavy anti-biotics now and on bed rest. Never had any side-effects from medication before but I am now constantly gagging and with chronic diarrhea.

I have gone from a 32 cup to a 36 cup. None of my clothes fit anymore. My internal organs don't feel like they fit in my torso. There is so much pressure all the time. Because of this I can't sleep properly. If I sleep on either side I get a build up of mucous which I am supposed to avoid at all costs due to the pneumonia. So I am sleeping in an elevated bed, but it is giving me so much pain in my pelvis.

I can deal with my body getting bigger, that is the least of my worries. I just wake up each morning now thinking "what next?"

Is anybody else in the same boat? Does it get better? Did your body shock you with how many illnesss and conditions it managed to come down with during pregnancy?

[Septbaby]

Hedgehead sorry to hear you're feeling so poorly, it is astounding how much your body changes isn't it! I just wanted to pass along something that my midwife said to me that made me chuckle and cheered me up when I really needed it when I was going through 24hour nausea stage, the idea that 'your baby is the loveliest parasite you could ever have'! Just cheered me up at a time when I was feeling quite low and full of sickness so I hope the thought does the same for you! Hope you feel better soon x

[popcorngazebo]

OH god yes, I can totally empathise. First time round, I sailed through my pregnancy (well right until the end) but i didn't feel it affected me that much.
This time, I've had so many rubbish little illnesses and my body just not acting as I expect it will.. It's really got me down at times. I've suffered from anxiety loads this time round which has not helped at all.
I'm 36 weeks now and I think that I have just managed to get through it by just (boringly) taking it one day at a time and doing what I can. My partner's support has been invaluable too, talking it through with me. Don't be afraid to discuss it with anyone and everyone who will listen if you need to. Pregnancy can be hellish sometimes and it sounds like you have had a worse time than most too.....

[ohthegoats]

You're having a bad time, it's OK to feel crap and out of control.

I had similar issues earlier on - I ended up getting my hair cut into this really short 'out of my comfort zone' style, highlighted and all swanked up just because it felt like the only part of my appearance I could actually control properly! I don't feel like me AT ALL... a slightly pathetic version of me really, which is frustrating. My physical limits are reached far far earlier than they are normally, which is annoying for me, but I feel is also annoying for people I'm gardening/walking/swimming etc with. Today I had to sit down half way up the stairs in my own house just to catch my breath - normally I run 10k races.

I've sort of got used to it now though (25 weeks tomorrow) - it took until probably around 19 weeks to start feeling good about things. I got more energy in the last month or so, and while walking gives me really bad stitch pains, I can cycle and swim like I always used to - on a bike I can be almost as fast and mobile as I used to be, and I feel myself when I'm in the pool, although I avert my eyes when I walk past the mirrors in the changing room. I still don't like my altered body very much, I cried this morning while moving some clothes around in the wardrobe - lovely summer things I can't fit into, but I'm on countdown now. Ridiculous as it seems this early! 12 weeks until I can start hammering the pineapples, curries and raspberry leaf tea.

Chin up.. (sorry, hopeless platitude...)

[ruth1104]

Yep, I totally wasnt prepared for being this weak, pathetic (physically) version of myself - i thought id just get fat. I think its winding up dh just as much as me since we're doing a major renovation project and I can't even pick something off the floor without grimacing!! These days I've started to wonder if I'll ever not be in pain again.. I can't remember what normal feels like! However I think feeling the baby move helps me to remember it's not all for nothing, and for now I've accepted my limits mean im not up to much. I think the thing I find frustrating is the certainty I'm not going to feel better before the pregnancy is over (at least), which feels like an eternity (thankfully, we have a shed load of work to do!) 18 more weeks to go...

[curiositykilledthekate]

I'm feeling much the same thing, although fortunately at the end of my eleventh week I've managed to avoid falling properly ill with anything. I am frustrated with how much the hormones have limited my activity levels - I have not been able to do any of my usual favourites at all, let alone to a lesser degree, and together with an unexpectedly swollen stomach (is it normal to be showing already at eleven weeks?) I am feeling pretty fat and useless. I was expecting the 'putting on weight' thing to be difficult and I know all I can do is lump it and carry on! The tiredness is stopping me being able to perform at work and I'm worried about how this must come across when I have only just been promoted a couple of months ago. I tried speaking to my partner about it tonight and got a 'well you were the one who wanted a baby...' response. And so I just feel like I'm whinging and being unreasonable.

Hence why I've come on here to see if anyone is experiencing anything similar. So although I can empathise with your predicament, I have derived a little comfort from hearing someone else's pregnancy is not all ribbons and roses!

Hope yours improves :)