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Anyone else find their midwife useless?(64 Posts)
On DC3 now and still don't see the point of them
I'd like to see you do it without one! Mine sort of saved my life, and 8 years later, I still don't forget.
It's a lot of hard work, training and dedication. What a weird thing to say
What do you want or need from them?
I had a very straightforward pregnancy and my midwife just did the basics, this was enough for both of us - nothing more necessary.
I loved my midwife. But then she was private and we spent a lot of time together pre-birth. It made a world of difference having someone I trusted there to look out for possible problems during the birth. It meant I felt free to follow my instincts and just get on with things, and allowed DH to be bored (his description) rather than worried.
As above - in the pregnancy stage or the labour stage?
Pregnancy - I had the same MW regularly who measured my bump and my blood pressure and tested my urine. I would not he able to (1) do this or (2) judge the results
Labour - she read and acted word for word on my birthing plan, montiored me and baby, made sure dh was kept in coffee, discussed pain releif as and when, and knew when to escalate things.
I would not want to be pregnant or deliver without one.
But what do you mean Tantric? All those tests and stuff, it's important isn't it?
I can only assume you've never suffered from high blood pressure, gestational diabetes, reduced fetal movements, hyperemesis, wanted to attend parent craft or birth preparation classes, wanted to listen to your babies heart rate or had any questions about pregnancy or birth ever at all?
You've never been concerned about your babies growth, needed anti d or even needed to know your blood group to know if you needed anti d, never needed a full blood count because you were anaemic and you've never ever needed a midwife to arrange a scan, I'm sure...
I found my midwives (antenatal and post natal) pretty bad. Everything was a tick box exercise and felt they didn't really care (two different hospitals).
However (!) I found the midwives during labour absolutely brilliant! Caring, conscientious, kind, professional, calming etc, etc! Couldn't have asked for better care during labour!
Oh yes, anti d. Id never have known I was AB- and that I would need Anti D. I never even knew that was a "thing"
Mine hasn't been amazing but only because I'm very low risk and there's not really been much she can do other than check blood pressure etc. I'm sure if I had a high risk pregnancy she'd be fab.
I do kind of understand what you mean.
I can see why in a moderately uncomplicated pregnancy they might not seem useless...
But when I was pregnant my midwife never communicated with my consultant, kept forgetting I had a bicornulate uterus which is practically two wombs, and just never had a clue what was going on.
She kept insisting dd wasn't breech as she could 'feel' the head low down. Umm no that is her ass which was confirmed many times by scan.
I'm glad the majority of my care was at the hospital with the consultant. Now she was lovely and even managed to remember my name.
Can't wait to see her again for new pregnancy on Monday
I never saw one at home and didn't know I was supposed to, I turned up at the hospital when the letters said to, scans (many, he had soft indicators of Down's) and anti-D's, when I gave birth the hospital midwives were really angry with me! No idea what happened, I was clueless.
I think it's mostly to do with personality of the 3 I have met 2 are great really pushing to do stuff for me including talking to the consultant to make sure I don't need to be seen more.
However the one who has just visited me was "New" failed to check.babies heart rate (machine was broke) didn't measure, didn't book another appointment, and was happy for me to be seen just at the hospital.
With my first baby, my bum wasn't in the seat for more than five minutes at each appointment at the clinic. I felt that the MW was just ticking the boxes. I saw four MW through this pregnancy and not one of them made eye contact or seemed genuinely interested in me or my baby.
I declined antenatal care for my subsequent pregnancies.
Well I can check my own blood pressure - it's not difficult. Up until now other than dip urine (which I could do myself too if a dr gave them to me) they have filled in a form. (I can do that) and that's it. I'm consultant led. I'm taking up an appointment time that somebody else who needs support needs to take my blood pressure and urine. Totally pointless to me - I could do it this myself.
My normal midwife is great, but I saw a stand in one today and she was not. She measured everything (blood pressure, bump, babies heart rate and urine) and noted the results in my book, but didn't ask me anything, explain any of the results or give me any opportunity to ask questions. This is my first pregnancy, it's 8 weeks since my last appointment and some reassurance that everything is looking ok would have been very nice. I actually cried when I got home (hormones!!!) as I felt she had treated me so dismissively. Planning to call the morning of my next appointment to check it's my normal midwife holding the clinic and will reschedule if it's not.
They were counter productive to me.
In my area they didn't do 20week scans so had to pay privately.
I was young so had v easy pregnancies.
First birth, in hospital, midwife was in her tea break when DS's head came out so my birth partner had to run for help leaving me totally alone for that!!
Second birth, at home so sto ensure someone would actually be there, they told me not to call back until contractions were 5 mins apart. Called then but midwife didn't arrive until after dd arrived 20 mins later.
Then that one made a postnatal mistake that could have killed me and dd.
So no I don't think highly of midwives in General.
Goodness knows what in going to do next time!
My midwife antenatally answered lots and lots of questions, explained all the results from blood tests etc, called the hospital when I needed to be referred for checks... She was brilliant. I felt cared for, and as a result I felt safe and calm. Which was very important for me - I tend to be "highly strung" and stress is the enemy of a straightforward birth.
I've seen mine once and I am 26 weeks. They show no interest in me at all, but I have none in them. I trust my consultant far far more.
I feel really sad you feel this way. I'm a midwife and I am obviously trained to take (and interpret ) blood pressure and urine samples. Nonetheless, I have had a fab midwife. I wouldn't have been without one despite being a midwife myself.
I'm sure my midwife is a nice person, but the two consultations I've had have felt like the midwife is just obsessed about filling in my book and getting through their list of things they want to tell me - whether I know it already or not - most of which I do know already - partly as I'm a nurse and partly as I've read up a lot about pregnancy. I've really struggled with this pregnancy feeling really awful in so many ways and very much 'on the edge' and it's my first, but I've not really felt I could open up to my midwife as they appear stressed and in a hurry, but also wasted time telling me things I already know - but in such a way I felt I couldn't easily stop them without causing offence. Just felt a bit sad after each consultation despite really looking forward to them beforehand.
I've only been offered appointments in the middle of the day, so I've had to take a whole day off work each time too as my commute is an hour each way.
First appt they would give me was at 12 weeks which I wished was much earlier. It felt like an eternity to wait. 2nd was at 24 weeks where I got told my bloods at 12 weeks showed borderline anaemia by the same midwife who had told me my bloods were fine when I phoned up at 16 weeks cos I was feeling so exhausted. Felt I wished I known this earlier, as felt awful until 20 weeks, and I may have taken iron had I of known this.
I chose to miss my 16 week appt and just tested my own BP and urine.
I don't want to moan, as I know there are some amazing midwifes out there and mine is not bad. I just feel very disappointed I don't really feel what I was hoping to feel about pregnancy and my relationship with my midwife.
I think there is a bit of a gap between our expectations of what a midwife should do and what NHS midwives can actually offer. I'm sure all midwives would love to be a character out of 'call the midwife' cycling from house to house, chatting, listening to all our various problems and generally carrying out the full caring role we imagine when picturing the 'perfect midwife' in our minds. But the truth is, I'm pretty certain that most midwives simply don't have the time to do all the nice little extras that make us feel cared for in that way. Instead they have to do the essentials, the stuff that keeps us and our babies alive.
My midwife is a nice person and clearly an expert in her field but she is very rushed and over-loaded. There simply isn't time for any chit-chat, and since I'm a fairly straight forward case I'm sure she'd rather spend more time with the higher risk pregnancies. But she has done all the essentials and I'm happy with that and I absolutely wouldn't want to do those things on my own.
I had some bleeding last week, called the maternity unit who saw me immediately did all the necessary checks. I was really impressed at how slick the service was.
I actually feel quite sorry for the midwives, it's a difficult job and they're so busy their role has been reduced down to doing the essentials which must feel awful when you've gone into a career specifically to care for people. They constantly get a bashing in the press when it's not the midwives who decide how many of them there are to go around, it's the NHS managers who are bound by funding determined at government level. It's the government you should be angry with.
The NHS is a free service, I personally think we should be grateful that it still exists, it may not when our daughters start having children.
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