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Natural miscarriage, tablet or D&C??(19 Posts)
Can anyone give me advice as to which miscarriage option to have? I have 2 children and work 30hrs a week so at the moment waiting for natural is a bit of a nightmare with work and school run etc but not sure if I could go through with the other options have had 2 scans in past 10 days which show bubba died at 7+3
So sorry for your loss, its such a tough thing to go through so my heart goes out to you. Its very hard to tell you what to do as what is right for one may be wrong for another, but I will share my experience with you.
I had a mmc last year at 11 weeks - baby had stopped growing at under 6 weeks, but took 5 weeks for my body to realise & start to miscarry naturally. I had 4 days of brown blood on wiping & mild cramps, followed by 3 days of severe cramping & heavy bleeding after which I could take it no longer & went to a&e for some stronger pain relief. I miscarried in hospital, Stayed in overnight & had d&c the next day to remove a bit that hadnt come away, as just wanted it all to be over.
The surgery itself was actually fine, apart from feeling a little groggy for the first day there were no ill effects & only light bleeding for a week or so. With hindsight if I'd been given a choice I'd definitely choose a d&c - much less traumatic, no pain, no waiting around for things to happen for an unknown amount of time etc.
Have you got lots of irl support esp for helping out with the kids? I found that to be a big help, & its one less thing to worry about. As for work - I told mine & they were very understanding said to take as much time as I needed. I felt able to return after a week off mostly as I wanted to get back to normal (myway of coping).
Whatever you decide, hope it goes ok.xx
Sorry for your loss. You will find a lot of support in the Miscarriage section (within Body & Soul category) and various threads discussing the options. Personally I had ERPC as I wanted to get it over with physically, and general anaesthetic still seemed preferable to not knowing what to expect with natural or medical management.
Thanks for the advice ladies... I'm sorry for your losses too!
It's certainly difficult waiting around but it seemed like the best option.. Not so sure now as you know with every twinge and every toilet trip is scary! I have a husband but neither of us have family and I didn't tell work that I'm pregnant but maybe I could tell them what's happening.
Thanks for directing me to body and soul too
I am so sorry to hear about your loss. It is so difficult and upsetting. I had a miscarriage in October last year and as with the other two posters I will just share my thoughts.
I had bleeding but no cramps and when we went for a scan we were told the baby had died about a week before. The information I had was that the natural miscarriage could take up to six weeks (which frightened me) but there were the tablets or D&C. However that night I lost my baby at home, a follow up scan showed no complications and for that I am very grateful. I have since talked about my experience with a close friend who has had two miscarriages, one natural with some medical follow up and one D&C.
I have come to the conclusion that what has happened cannot be changed and I personally felt I had no control over what was happening to me and my body. On reflection the advice/guidance I would offer is choose the way that you feel will give you the most control and say in what happens and how it is managed. For me the natural way was the best with hindsight, however had it not been as ' textbook' for want of better words, I may have opted for something different. I would urge you to find the way that will be best for you and your family to manage this.
I am self employed and so had no employer to inform but I think that it would be an excellent idea to let your manager/boss know so if you need to not be in work they are aware and understanding.
You have my sympathies and I hope that you and your husband find some peace.
Thank you I'm sorry for your loss too! Life really is rubbish sometimes!
I am starting to think natural may not be best I just can't get my head around the other options.. Not sure I could arrange an app walk in to hospital and go through with it! I'm worried it will feel like an abortion which I personally am very against.
It's all so confusing
It is very confusing and a huge decision when you just want the world to go away.
Can you talk about the options with your doctor or EPAU? Mine said I could ring them with any questions and concerns. I rang them after the miscarriage for advice on what to do next and they were lovely. Very honest in a very sensitive way. What I needed at the time.
Also the Miscarriage Association have some useful information and I have seen other posters mention the pages on here about miscarriage, although I have not read them myself.
Take care xx
Thank you will look at the Miscarriage Association.. Went to EPU yesterday they were very good they said the safest way is to go natural if I want to change my mind to call them I can but I'm just not sure
Thanks again xxx
Im so sorry to hear your news. I had a MC at 12 weeks a couple of months ago. The majority of it happened naturally and suddenly, after a day of light spotting I had a sudden outpouring and severe blood loss. I was taken by ambulance to A&E and had the tablets to help remove the remainder which came out slowly over the next week. If it happened again and i had enough warning to have a choice I think the tablets are OK, at least you can prepare and know when things are going to happen. If I was just waiting for it to happen naturally I would be scared of leaving the house or going to work in case it happened there or on the tube which would have been horrific. There will be a lot of blood and mess (sorry) so if you think you would prefer it to be dealt with quickly and cleanly then an ERPC may be best.
Sorry again and sending hugs your way xxxx
Thanks for your help I am rather scared about leaving the house I called in sick yesterday for work I'm worried about school runs or while I'm driving etc so maybe the tablet form would be best!
In all honesty I think my main concern is that somehow they've got it wrong (stupid I know)
Don't apologise I appreciate your honesty and need to be prepared.
I'm sorry for your loss too it's such a hard thing to go through
It is not stupid to think that they have got it wrong. I would guess that every woman (and their OH) have hoped/thought/wanted that. I know I did.
It is a huge and distressing shock and you need to give yourself time and be patient with yourself.
Can you get someone else to do the school runs for a few days until you feel able to decide. Even if you don't tell them the real reason why you're asking?
I'm sorry to hear about your miscarriage.
I had missed miscarriage end of March and discovered the baby had died almost four weeks before unwas still no sign that my b
ody was going to end it, i was 10+3 at the time, I went for the tablets. For me it was like being in labour only I knew all along I wouldnt be getting my baby to hold at the end, I honestly wished I had had surgery, my friend also felt the same when she went for tablets. That said, another lady on the ward the same time as me didnt have much pain with tablets.
Sorry I have no idea what happened there^
Sorry for your loss.
They no longer do "D&C" ('scrape' ops) anymore in the UK. They use a soft suction device so it is safer, if that's worrying you. However bear in mind that you'll be under a general so likely in hospital all day. I'm a bit puzzled by them assuming natural is always 'safest' - there is a risk of infection the longer you leave it, which is taken into account. As a recurrent miscarrier I'm quite surprised they are advising you to wait with no limit - I've never had anything like that advised: always been given 3 clear choices.
Read up from the miscarriage association about the risks/advantages of each method.
I chose it as it gave closure and they test the embryo/placenta for problems as standard (which for me was important - to know 'why'), also having had 2 natural losses they are deeply draining and unpleasant physically (taboo: society wants it to be like a poignant sadness and a drop of blood. It can be pain and clots for days).
I had an ERPC last July after a MMC was discovered at an 8wk scan. I had to wait a week in between the scan and the procedure. Personally, if it happened again I would opt for the ERPC again.
I had a local anaesthetic (not offered in many hospitals I don't think), and the entire thing took about 15-20 minutes. The consultant and nurses were incredibly kind and considerate throughout, and I then had about 5 days of hardly any bleeding, followed by a couple of heavier days and cramps (nothing major, but I was camping at a music festival at the time so it felt a bit grim).
I also chose the erpc as it gave me back some control, and an end date to the physical side of things at least.
I'm sorry you are going through this.
I gave myself a limit of 2 weeks to miscarry naturally and was then going to go for an ERPC as I needed some sort of closure. I started to miscarry a few days into the two weeks. I had started "project eviction" - basically doing all the things you would be unwise to do in early pregnancy - large amounts of caffeine, really hard exercise, etc. I have no idea if it made any difference but it helped me to feel that I was doing something.
Sorry for your loss OP, this was me in the same boat as you in March- I also - like you- posted a thread on here about it.
I opted for the ERPC, as didnt like the idea of waiting for baby to miscarry as was told could take up to 5/6 weeks.
The ERPC went fine, I was in and out of hospital on the same day and felt only mild pain afterwards- like a deep period cramp. I didn't bleed much straight after the op, but just over a week later my body did expel (what I suspect was the rest of the pregnancy) in big clots and a deep contraction. However this only lasted 10mins and although scary at the time my periods have gone back to how they were since before I got pregnant (first one was quite watery) but other than that everything seems fine.
As other posters have mentioned- do what you feel is right for you, and take as much time off as you need to rest and come to terms with it afterwards.
Hope your ok x
Thank you everyone for your advice and sharing your stories so sorry for all of your losses
I thought it might take ages but the last few hour I've had red blood so obviously it's the start!
The hospital yesterday in the EPU said it's safest because while you're waiting the cervix is closed so no infection.. I too thought having something that's died inside of you would cause problems but I was relieved to hear that it will be ok! Once the cervix is open the risk is small compared to tablet and D&C is what she said so that made my mind up for me. Don't want it to be over but I'm glad it's starting now so no more waiting
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