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I NEED HELP!!

(24 Posts)
libertyella23 Sun 25-May-14 11:34:48

hi,
I'm not even sure if this is the right sight I'm just looking for a parent to help me out.. here is my situation... I'm 18 (19 in less than a month) my boyfriend and I live in student accommodation at university, he's originally from Ireland. I was on the pill but I've fallen pregnant... I don't know what to do, there was a sense of happiness that ran through me as I thought I was unable to have children, but there are a million reasons to have a termination. my boyfriend is adiment that that is what's happening, so is my mum and dad. so what choice do I have??? I'm in my second year of uni, my parents would disown me which I would have no place to live and my boyfriend lives in another country whose family are extremely religious and would not accept this one bit.... I'm so stuck. please help.

sad xxxxx

LadySybilLikesCake Sun 25-May-14 11:41:31

You have every choice, it's your body not theirs!!

The University will have a counsellor and will be able to support you. It's your choice though, don't have a termination just because you've been told to. It's difficult with a child, especially if you're on your own, but it's not impossible. You can do this if that's what you want.

CarCiKoTab Sun 25-May-14 11:46:18

Well unfortunately No one can make that decision for you. All I can say is it is for both you and your BF to decide, guaranteed your parents will come round eventually but you have to do what is right for you! Your in full-time education and so having a child at this time will make it difficult (not impossible) to think about having a child. It is not just the pregnancy but this child will be dependent on you and your BF for 18+ years but that doesn't make it a bad thing, I got pregnant at a very young age 15 to be exact and I am now having my 4th at 22, I have still managed to tackle education my DC's education and everything else that it throws your way but I also have an extremely supportive partner and I can honestly say I would not go back my life is brilliant and I love it although it being challenging at times. You have to make your decision based on what is best for you!

People get caught out and manage just fine but that doesn't mean to say you have to go through with it if it's not the right time. I hope you are able to make the best decision for you without the unnecessary judgement.

Just remember you have to do what is right for you and the baby. All the best.

Fairypants Sun 25-May-14 13:18:55

No-one can or should try to make you have an abortion. It is your choice.
I was about a year older than you when I became pregnant, my bf was totally against having a baby but I couldn't face the idea of an abortion and its worked out v well for us all.

Why did you think you couldn't have kids? If it is something that means its a small chance (so you may never get the chance again) that would weigh differently to something that means it shouldn't be possible (so maybe this means you were misdiagnosed and can have them when you are ready).
Try imagining yourself in 10 years time looking back on this decision- which can you imagine regretting more?

Darksideofthemoon88 Sun 25-May-14 13:57:01

To hell with your boyfriend's family - this is your decision, not theirs (though wouldn't a religious Irish family normally have more issues with abortion than pregnancy out of wedlock? And don't forget that you hardly got pregnant on your own - don't shoulder the 'blame' for it all yourself). Preferably, the decision needs to be made between you and your boyfriend, especially if he's someone you see yourself being with long-term - but don't forget that it's your body and you who will go through the termination, which can be physically and mentally painful, if that's what you choose. FWIW, I've had a termination and I'm now having a baby (in a couple of weeks!) with the same man. The termination was hard emotionally - more because of the inevitable hormonal come-down than anything else I think - but I remain certain that it was the right decision at the time. My DP and I are stronger than ever and very much looking forward to this (planned, this time) baby. Unplanned pregnancies and abortions don't have to ruin your relationship. Can I suggest - in an unpatronising way I hope hmm - that you think about a few things?:

* How far along are you? This has an impact on the type of abortion you could have, and where. This may or may not influence your decision.

* Do you think your bf would stay with you if you had the baby? If not, how do you feel about raising him/her alone?

* How important is your education to you? You may be able to continue at uni - in fact, I'm sure there's a girl on here who's done just that and is due to have a baby very soon - but you may find it too much of a struggle and have to leave it for now.

* Why did you think you wouldn't be able to get pregnant? Funnily enough, I also thought that prior to the pregnancy I terminated.... Obviously I can though. As the pp said, if you have some diagnosed condition that makes conception extremely unlikely, you might feel differently from if it's something you just think you might have/because your mother and sister took a long time to get pregnant/you only ovulate every other month/etc.

Take care flowers - and remember you don't have to decide this minute.

Jellybellymummyofsix Sun 25-May-14 14:00:18

The advice about looking back in 10 years time, is very well meaning but at 18 it's impossible to imagine what could happen in 10 years...

You could basically end up totally on your own with this baby. How will you live? where do you intend to live? What do you intend to live on? You think uni is hard now? its incredibly difficult as a parent.

I had 2 young dc whilst I was at uni so I know how hard it is.

You need to speak to someone impartial asap, such as a councillor or doctor. BP as that sort of thing.

If i had my time again, I would have had an abortion. That sounds awful but it's the reality of ending up on your own with dc. It's really incredibly difficult.

Take care.

Coral1234 Sun 25-May-14 16:25:29

Hello wondering if anyone could help me I've missed a few fair pills last month and about a week and a bit worth of pills due to leaving them at home as I work down south. Recently I have been suffering aching pains in my lower right hand side for a fair few days and during intercourse with my partner I get sharp pains in the same place but I had blood on me as well. But when I went to the toilet nothing was there. The day before when I went to the toilet and whipped there was a very very very light brown.

I am very physically active and don't over eat on junk. I am not ally 7 stone 11 but this weekend I have jumped up to 8 stone 3 and a half. Which is not like me at all. I'm constantly
feeling bloated after food. & from time to time feel nauseas.

Last week I did have a urine infection but it has now gone. Could anybody please give me some advice for what this May be? Could I be pregnant?

A week or so ago I had sore nipples when i brush past them but it was only for a few days and no my arealos are just puffy but no hard nipples or soreness.

Any reply would be greatly appreciate by anyone.
Thank you everyone. �� xoxo

Coral1234 Sun 25-May-14 16:38:38

Hello wondering if anyone could help me I've missed a few fair pills last month and about a week and a bit worth of pills due to leaving them at home as I work down south. Recently I have been suffering aching pains in my lower right hand side for a fair few days and during intercourse with my partner I get sharp pains in the same place but I had blood on me as well. But when I went to the toilet nothing was there. The day before when I went to the toilet and whipped there was a very very very light brown.

I am very physically active and don't over eat on junk. I am not ally 7 stone 11 but this weekend I have jumped up to 8 stone 3 and a half. Which is not like me at all. I'm constantly
feeling bloated after food. & from time to time feel nauseas.

Last week I did have a urine infection but it has now gone. Could anybody please give me some advice for what this May be? Could I be pregnant?

A week or so ago I had sore nipples when i brush past them but it was only for a few days and no my arealos are just puffy but no hard nipples or soreness.

Any reply would be greatly appreciate by anyone.
Thank you everyone. �� xoxo

Darksideofthemoon88 Sun 25-May-14 17:01:51

Well yes, you could be - you've essentially had unprotected sex. The lower rhs abdominal pain could be indicative of an ectopic pregnancy if you are pregnant, so I'd suggest you take a test pronto and get yourself along to your GP if it's positive.

Coral1234 Sun 25-May-14 17:20:40

Thank you for your reply I appreciate it.
What would the blood be when I have intercourse then with the sharp pain in the RHS area where I've been suffering with the aches/pains recently?

Thank you for replying x

libertyella23 Sun 25-May-14 18:18:55

wow I really wasn't expecting so much advice!!!
this has given me a lot to think about,
I didn't think I was able to have children as my mum was told she was infertile and since being with my bf we have sometimes been silly and had sex when not using contraception and nothing happened...
I have been with him 9 months and I have no doubt he would stay with me, I just know it would kill him tearing away from his family...

this is awful, I feel like I know what the right choice is for me and the baby, which is an abortion, but at the same time there is just something telling me not to, it's like constant questioning, 'what if it never happens again?' 'what if you regret it straight afterwards?' I don't know, I am going to have a serious think and re read what everyone has said, but it's nice to know there's that support and people that have been through the same situation.

thank you so much for your help smile x

rockstars12 Sun 25-May-14 18:27:42

Hi liberty. So sorry to hear about your situation. I have been there myself, I got pregnant in uni and faced the same decision. It was taken out of my hands in that instance as I had a miscarriage, but I do remember being devastated and relieved at the same time, it was very confusing.
Fast forward a few years and I was very unlucky to get pregnant whilst on the pill after a day of being unwell. I asked my partner how he felt and he said he didn't want a child now.
I made the decision to terminate and I never told my parents about it, only myself and my partner knew, in part because I was distraught at the time as I felt guilty for ending a life but I have never regretted the decision. We were definitely not in the right place then and finally I am and am expecting twins with my then bf but now dh.
What I would say is make sure you have someone to properly be there for you and look after you should you go ahead with ending the pregnancy. Emotionally and physically you may go through a lot and only time will help. No one should force you into a decision you don't want and shame on him and your family for not being more supportive and understanding. X

rockstars12 Sun 25-May-14 18:34:45

If you can get pregnant once it will happen again. You are completely different to your mum and unless there is a genetic reason for her being infertile, you will be fine.
Until most people reach the stage where they really want to conceive you don't actually learn that there is a small window of time in which you ovulate and can get pregnant. That being said, sperm can survive for up to a week, so any unprotected sex is playing dangerously especially if you do not want to get caught out. It'll happen for you, and hopefully when we are in a more ideal situation.

LadySybilLikesCake Sun 25-May-14 19:01:47

I got pregnant in Uni (I was a little older though). I took some time out and went back after having him. My family were supportive his father was a twat though. Either decision isn't an easy one, but you have to do what's right for you and ignore everyone else. They won't be the one this is happening to so their advice is meaningless.

Darksideofthemoon88 Mon 26-May-14 08:23:05

Liberty: Sounds as though you've made the decision really. If you feel that termination is right for you and baby, go for it. You are NOT tearing you DP away from his family! Any decisions they make to distance themselves are theirs and theirs alone - not your doing. They may not approve - but do they approve of everything you and he do? You cannot live your life to please other people; it's a short way to end up very, very unhappy. You may find, of course, that his family 'forget' about it soon after it's all over and done with....

As for infertility worries, I think a big part of the problem is that we all seem to be brought up with idea that unprotected automatically = baby and, if not, you are very lucky. Not so. As pp said, it's not until you start trying that you realise how few days per month you can actually get pregnant. Even if you have a particularly long-lived egg and your boyfriend has strong and long-lived sperm that are good swimmers and you have sex at the right time, you have an absolute maximum of six days in a month where you can fall pregnant. Add to that the fact that many women don't know when they ovulate, and that it's perfectly normal to have the odd month where you don't ovulate at all, and that you can technically conceive without the resultant embryo ever implanting, getting pregnant is more difficult than you might think! If you have no concrete reason for thinking you might be less than perfectly fertile, I'd be inclined to assume that you've just been lucky so far. Incidentally, do you have regular periods? They're not a guarantee, but most women who have fairly regular periods (one every 26-34 days or thereabouts) tend to be fertile.

With regards to regret, immediately afterward a termination you may well feel that you did wrong thing. I believe this is more common the further along you are at the time, and it's got a lot to do with the hormonal crash. It's normal - and for the vast majority of women, it passes.

Coral : The lower rhs abdominal pain can be symptomatic of ectopic pregnancy. It may not be, of course - there are plenty of other possible causes - but ectopic pregnancy is serious and you need to see a GP if there's a possibility of that. Vaginal bleeding during/after intercourse also sometimes happens when you have an ectopic pregnancy. It may be nothing of the sort: it could be an early MC, an irregular period, cervical erosion (which again would need investigation), or just a one-off from rough/vigorous sex. Of course, it could be none of those things. You need to take a pregnancy test asap. First Response, Asda, and Superdrug are all good early on and cheap as well. If it's negative, I'd wait a few days and try again just to be sure. You need to use your First Morning Urine.

Coral1234 Mon 26-May-14 11:25:39

Thank you very much I appreciate it. I took a test this morning but it's negative I haven't had a proper period since last month (24th) due to missing pills could this be a reason why? I've had this pain for a week now I'd say it's mostly in my ovaries and it can be tender when I touch it. I also had dark spotting in my knickers last night for no reason.

Coral1234 Mon 26-May-14 11:43:04

Also I don't think it could be due to rough sex. I don't mean to be crude but it was right at the beginning when he went inside me it hurt so we stopped and when he pulled out it was covered with blood. But when I went to the toilet nothing was there at all. sad

Darksideofthemoon88 Mon 26-May-14 14:15:01

I'd go and see your GP as soon as you can, Coral - you need to go get this checked out. Give them a call as soon as they open tomorrow morning. If he was 'covered with blood', that sounds like quite a lot... And no sign of your period arriving? Are you normally regular?

Scoobsmam13 Mon 26-May-14 15:08:52

Hi Liberty I just wanted to say there is lots of places you can go to get some support and advice. Ultimately the decision is yours, but it may help to talk through your options with someone impartial. You could try a family planning clinic, or bpas can be very helpful also. I have been in a similar situation not knowing what to do and it can be very scary and lonely, but there is support so you can feel confident you are doing whats right for you.

Coral1234 Mon 26-May-14 15:15:07

Thank you - there was a lot of blood when he pulled out on him and on me. No sign at all - I've still got 11 days on the pill. Do you have any idea what it could be?

Darksideofthemoon88 Mon 26-May-14 15:52:47

Coral : When you say you've still got 11 days on the Pill, do you mean 11 days till the end of your pack? How, if your last period was over a month ago? confused I've no idea I'm afraid. Lots of things can cause vaginal bleeding and even if I was a doctor (which I'm definitely not!), trying to diagnose you online wouldn't be very safe or responsible. I really urge you to get it checked out though. If it's nothing, great - at worst, you'd just feel mildly embarrassed or silly to have troubled them. Did it actually hurt when you bled? Are you sore now?

Coral1234 Mon 26-May-14 16:10:29

Yes I missed a week at the end of last month when I finished my period had had breath through bleeding I was then advised to start a new packet which I have done and I have 11 days left of it. It's not just the bleeding it's the pain in my ovaries which has been there for. Week though. It didn't hurt when I bled it just hurt when I has sex straight at the start my ovaries have been sore all day

Darksideofthemoon88 Mon 26-May-14 16:18:59

See a GP. That's all you can do really.

Coral1234 Mon 26-May-14 16:29:24

Thank you for your help.

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