Advice for a newby on telling people I am pregnant please....

[beansprout]

Will be 12 weeks on Friday (hurrah!!!) and of course, can start telling people beyond close friends and family.

This is my first, so has anyone any advice on how to deal with different reactions? Or general "how to deal with being public property/the pg police" from here on in?

Smiling sweetly in the face of things I don't want to hear has never been one of my greatest skills!

[mothernature]

Congratulations Beansprout May I Be one of many to say it...and mean it.

[CountessDracula]

Don't smile, just tell them it's none of their business!

I did consider getting some little cards printed up saying

Thank you for your unsolicited advice
If I want your opinion I'll ask for it

[jampot]

Congratulations Beansprout

I think I just said "I'm pregnant" or just exaggerate your symptoms and people will ask you if you are!!!!!

[skerriesmum]

I remember when someone would feel my tummy I'd feel theirs back! Generally I liked the positive attention though...

[jampot]

Sorry didn't absorb full posting.

One friend of mine still insists on "advising" me on my children (which really annoys me) so I just ask how her children are, knowing that one of them is verging on depressed and another is always getting into trouble at school/with police etc.

[Zerub]

Congratulations!

I found that people were mostly ok, and I just felt really special. Enjoy it! (this is the only pregnancy where you get to focus on yourself).

Everyone will ask you your due date. It might help to add a few weeks to it. Takes the pressure off when you're nearly due and all anyone says to you is "have you had it yet?".

Be sensitive. A couple of times I joyfully told someone I was pregnant and saw this desperately hurt look in their eyes that said "I've been trying for ages and everyone gets pg but me".

If people get too close (physically, verbally) just ask them about themselves. Easiest way to change the subject I find!

[highlander]

yahoo beansprout

To avoid being public property, I only initiate pregnancy as a conversation topic with close friends.

At work, where pregnancy is always being discussed I never contribute or I walk away. When people try and discuss it, I simply say that my pregnancy is a private matter and I regard any intrusion as very rude.

Sounds cold and harsh, but nobody has ever said anything when they see me with soft cheese or glass of booze in my hand

[aloha]

I was a bit like Highlander in that I didn't talk about my pregnancy at work at all and discouraged conversation about it - ie "How's the bump?" "I'm fine. How's the article coming along?" - I didn't have to actually say it was a private matter as I found this technique worked beautifully. Friends know me well enough to understand that I was very happy to talk about it but not gush a lot. Nobody ever patted my tummy - but a lot of that is body language and I think mine was a bit 'keep-offish' esp at work. Nobody ever gave me advice or told me off about anything - but then I always knew more than they did anyway Most of all though, enjoy it. Most people are just really, really pleased and excited for you. You will get some rude buggers who say things like, 'ooh, aren't you HUGE" and "are you having twins' and that did make me cross and likely to say things like, "Are you saying I'm fat because that's rather rude?" Or "Yes, I'm having a baby. This is what it looks like" - and I wish I'd said 'And you look really ugly today!" Lots of very funny threads on Mumsnet about this subject in the past.
I do remember a creepy man at a party who asked me if I was going to breastfeed, which freaked me out. I think I just ran away and hid behind my husband.

[Bozza]

Aloha I'm at that stage now. People (eg shop assistants) are asking me how long I've got to go. When I say 8 weeks I get the comments "is it twins", "are you sure you've only got one in there" etc. It is driving me mad but I don't have your confidence to respond in that way. Although I have got to the point of pulling faces rather than smiling back. Told DH some of what had been said to me last week and he was shocked. Maybe next time I get asked I'll just lie and say I'm due today or last Wednesday or something.

[twiglett]

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[piglit]

My cousin was huge with her twins (they were 7lb 4 and 7lb 8 when they arrived) and she soon got fed up of being asked when they were due (this happened from about 6 months). She used to say her due date was a month ago but that the babies were quite happy where they were.

I too hit 12 weeks soon (tomorrow in fact) and I'm actually quite nervous about telling people. Ridiculous, isn't it?!

[fisil]

Good luck in telling everyone. A friend had the first two people she told burst into tears (one painfully childless, and me in the middle of my m/c!). So you can never predict people's response! Hope that doesn't happen to you!

I enjoyed flouting the pg police usually - sometimes it really got on my nerves when men told me I wasn't allowed to do certain things. I said it was my body and if I wanted to be up a ladder painting a wall then I had every right.

If you could have a pound for everytime you were asked "are you having a boy or a girl?" or "do you know what it is?" you'd have your nursery fees totally sorted! My standard answers were:

Are you having a boy or a girl? Yes
Do you know what it is? a baby

Sad, but it got across the point that it was not an issue I wished to discuss.

Good luck!

[fisil]

Oh, and I got asked by people who thought they were really funny, "how did that happen then?" To shut them up, say "I had sex. It was good. I went on top."

[piglit]

LOL fisil. I'll definitely keep that one up my sleeve.

[twiglett]

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[motherinferior]

I CONGRATULATED HER FIRST!!

Seriously, I'd second the 'be careful how you do it' advice. Assume that EVERYONE except friends who've been sterilised (not joking) may want to be pg. I only realised long afterwards that I'd really rubbed a friend's nose in it (she's had a baby since then).

[aloha]

I knew I was having a boy, and when they said, "Do you know what it is," I'd say, he's a boy and his name is XXXX (we'd already named him). This left most people quite stunned. I didn't have a problem telling people though - they'd find out soon enough
Also I actually told almost nobody - I just let word get out. I told my bosses, then two women on my team, and gossip took care of the rest. With friends, told a couple of close friends and let them tell everyone. It certainly avoids the 'rubbing people's noses in it' syndrome.

[aloha]

And I was so obviously pg by four months I think everyone knew anyway.

[secur]

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[Bozza]

I don't mind being asked how long I've got to go, when I'm due etc. Its the response when I tell them that gets on my wick. I don't even mind discussing my size/shape with friends who've seen me develop week by week but some stranger commenting winds me up.

[aloha]

Me too Bozza.

[Blackduck]

There's a great comment in the Rough Guide to Pregnancy - when asked what you want, say 'a giraffe'......!
I didn't really have this problem - so small no-one guessed.........(I kid you not - half my neighbours didn't know!). But did hate being asked 'are you having a c'section?' and 'are you going to breast feed?' - wanted to respond 'what has it got to do with you!'.
I think you need to smile sweetly and either say 'why do you want to know?' or be really rude i.e. 'Do you give head?' - and when they look horrified point out that it is no more personal a question than what they have just asked you....!

At work I actually sent out an email in which I told them I was, told them when I was due, told them when I was going on Mat leave and then made it plain I really didn't want to discuss it any further....

[sweetkitty]

Most people have been generally happy but I hate the "don't you eat that" if I so much as look at a bit of camembert!

I hate all the it's a boy cos the way you are carrying no it's a girl! Drives me mad even when I say it has more to do with your body shape and the state of your stomach muscles I get oh no but I was like that and I had a girl/boy!

[wog]

I couldnt wait to tell people I was pregnant - I wanted to shout it from the rooftops. I loved people talking about my pregnancy and I used to just listen when people gave me advice I didnt always take it on board but I knew they just meant well and would giggle with my dh later about it - but beware what you take on board and what you ignore because when my dad used to tell me to imagine the hardest work possible and times it by a haundred I used to say I know - I didnt. When people used to tell me to give myself lots of attention rest and get lots of sleep i dint even take in what they were saying it wasnt until I had dd I remembered that everyone told me - I just didnt listen.

[beansprout]

Thank you sooooo much to everyone who has posted. I now feel I have utter permission to say only what I want to say, and am not actually obliged to discuss anything with anyone, unless I want to. And now I know that, I feel I can enjoy it a bit more, instead of feeling on my guard.

Thanks everyone!!