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Obese, pregnant, and terrified.

(48 Posts)
KateTheHuman Mon 12-May-14 14:57:20

I really wanted to lose weight before becoming pregnant. I lost a bit in a few months but am still at 19st. In the back of my mind I didn't think I could get pregnant. But here I am, after a couple of nights of drunken tomfoolery, pregnant. I'm really really happy and can't wait to be a mum if everything goes ok but I've just got it in my head that something is going to go wrong. I haven't seen a doctor yet purely for the reason I haven't got one yet. Haven't been to a doctor for 13 years! So that's another scary step for me. I'm just expecting them to just shake their heads that I dare become pregnant while obese. That's what I'm expecting from my parents too. I'm worried about telling them. I'm worried about a miscarriage although that's what I'm preparing myself for. I'm just scared I'm killing my baby already. I want to do everything I can to make sure my baby is healthy but I just think I'm too late. Sorry for carrying on. Just wanted to see if anyone ever felt the same as me.

Firsttimer7259 Mon 12-May-14 16:03:43

I haven't been in your position but feel moved to post that you are perfectly entitled to be pregnant regardless of your weight so don't let harsh comments or inner dialogue ruin this time for you. There may well be increased risks but they are just that risks not prophecy. So get registered w a gp to get the info and care you need to try to reduce those risks as best you can and avoid nasty people who say nasty things to you. X best of luck w your pregnancy

Martie1 Mon 12-May-14 16:03:47

Hi Kate. Congratulations on your pg- that is fantastic news.

Im not in the same situation as you, but your attitude seems very positive. You are determined to do the best for your baby and that's the right thing. I understand that it is possible to lose weight in pregnancy if you are obese to begin with. It's all about starting your sensible diet and a sensible diet is what your tiny precious person needs now. So I think you'll be totally fine. A friend of mine, who was pg with twins and obese to start with lost weight during pg.

However, you need to start taking folic acid and go and see a gp. As for your mc concerns, you have to remember that what will be will be. It's out of your control. What you can do is take folic acid, eat a good diet and attend your appointments. Nature will take it's course and hopefully it will be a good one and you will have a lovely little person at the end. I went through a crazy stage at 5 weeks pg, believing that a mc was inevitable since our baby was so longed for. But here I am almost 10 weeks. I still have crazy thoughts, but generally I am eating well (when I can eat) and taking my folic acid and getting sleep and there is not much more I can do.

Good luck, you'll be fine xx

nc060 Mon 12-May-14 16:08:08

Congratulations on your pregnancy!! You need to see a GP as you need to be on a higher dose of folic acid than you can buy over the counter(I also have a higher than 'normal' BMI). It is your right to fall pregnant whether now is the time you had planned or not. Please do be aware that you will need a thick skin as comments will be made by GP and midwifes regarding your weight(I have had it at every appointment) and they will prob refer you for a glucose tolerance test.

It is nobodies job to have an opinion but there is information they need to pass onto you and reflect in your notes that they have given you this.

Good Luck and I am sure everything will be fine smile xxx

GingerRodgers Mon 12-May-14 16:49:53

Another congratulations from me! Try not to be so hard on yourself, take your folic acid and remember that a lot of women are overweight/obese and go on to have perfectly healthy babies. Keep chatting on here if it helps thanks

sammyad Mon 12-May-14 16:50:29

Hi Kate - congratulations! I'm sort of in the same situation as you as I was not quite halfway through losing loads of weight when I got unexpectedly pregnant. The midwife was lovely to me - she weighed me at the booking in appointment and on discovering because it wasn't blindingly obvious hmm that I have what all hcps since have kindly and euphemistically referred to as 'a raised BMI', just explained that I would need to have a few extra appointments etc.
Was initially really disheartened but it has so far turned out to involve one appointment with an obstetrician who pretty much replicated what the midwife has done, and another one booked along with an extra scan at 32 weeks. Have also had to do a GTT (glucose tolerance test) for gestational diabetes, which is fairly painless - involves drinking an enormous quantity of lucozade and a few boring hours in hospital waiting for blood tests.
A lot of the risks associated with raised BMI are minimised as long as you do go for the extra checks you're asked to, and try to eat healthily and perhaps even exercise sensibly and gently (walking or swimming or something) now you're actually pregnant.
I also found that I could hardly bear to eat anything except, oddly, pom-bear crisps and apples during the first trimester, and actually lost about two stone, and though since then I have been eating normally and put weight on at the rate expected, it's as if my appetite has regulated, something I've been trying and failing to achieve for years. I can't manage large portions any more, and have massively gone off sweet things and oily things. Putting it down to body being more in tune with itself, not to mention added incentive of eating well for baby! I realise this might not be true for everyone who starts overweight, but thought I might share just in case it's cheering!
Something else you might find useful is that though it's not recommended you try actively to lose weight during pregnancy, the Slimming World diet is ok, and they're generally very supportive if you're just trying to keep things on an even-ish keel/ eat better. I used to be a member but have had to stop for financial reasons, but hopefully going to go back after the birth. Anyway, just thought I'd wave at you and say you're definitely not the only person this has happened to, midwives and doctors are very used to it and generally very kind, and if they do do anything to make you feel shitty about it (rather than being helpful, encouraging and constructive) then just put it down to their manifest failings as a human being and rise above it!

OldBeanbagz Mon 12-May-14 16:59:17

Congratulations!

I haven't been in your position but my best friend got pregnant when obese and it was the best thing that happened to her.

She found she actually lost weight in the first six months because she was eating so much healthily. Yes, it was classed as a high risk pregnancy but in the end everything went smoothly and no one made her feel bad for being overweight and pregnant.

Now she has a 5 year old and is slimmer than i've ever known her because she was determined that she wanted to be able to keep up with him in the park and that she didn't want to set a bad example with a bad diet.

Good luck, stay healthy and relax. Oh and get yourself registered with a doctor!

Blondiebrownie Mon 12-May-14 17:02:55

I became pregnant at 19 stone 10 pounds. Gave birth at 21 stone 7 pounds with a BMI of 43.

I was under a consultant throughout the pregnancy, I had to meet with an anaesthetist to see if I would be able to have an epidural if it came down to it (I could) and I had extra scans.

I had to have extra scans as it was difficult to see baby as I was bigger but the other scans were fine once baby had moved into a better position.

My pregnancy was great, I had strong pregnancy symptoms for a while but they eased off.

During the birth only thing that was a problem was monitoring baby's heart, the external monitor couldn't pick up the heartbeat as I was bigger but they popped on an internal monitor onto baby's head and everything was great. I delivered with just gas and air.

He weighed 10 pounds 6 ounces, he did have low blood sugar which meant that he had to have blood taken from his heel and his feeds had to be monitored for a week in hospital but he was perfect.

My midwife said that I had the healthiest placenta that she has ever seen (I went 16 days overdue as I had 2 failed inductions) and I recovered really quickly.

Just because your bigger doesn't mean that you shouldn't be pregnant. Talk to your midwife about aspirin as I was on these and take vitamins.

Look after yourself, your baby will be fine.

iwantittobepink Mon 12-May-14 17:08:07

hi smile

Don't even worry about it. Im also obese, but my midwifes were surprised when my bmi came back so high as I don't think i look quite as high as it came back (44), and all they said was, "ah, so you can't be classed as midwife care just yet, we'll send you for a clexane and anasthetic review, and then im sure they'll come back clear and you'll be back with us rather than shared care". I'd like to reassure you that I've had no problems at all apart from no bump at 21 weeks!! but the heart was heard, my 12 week scan was clear and not blurrey smile
For the first 16 weeks I could only stomach crisps and sandwiches, and somehow havent gained a pound even now as my diet dramatically reduced and im only gaining slow baby weight! Don't listen to other people, only to your midwide/doctor and if they are being nice then you are fine! Whatever happens don't do a 'me' and listen to idiot girls telling you they feel the baby moving at 10 weeks, it freaked me out as im too tubs to feel it even now, but i'm not panicing coz the docs aren't!
Lots of luck smile xxx

supermum83 Mon 12-May-14 17:41:53

Dear OP - I've had the exact same thoughts and the fear and dread and lack of seeing GP and the endless worrying about scans. My BMI is 36 and I feel like I'm such a drain on resources. But all I want is to have this baby and then concentrate for once and for all to sorting myself out. Good luck on your journey.

KateTheHuman Mon 12-May-14 18:20:49

Thank you everyone for the good luck and wishes!!! I'm halfway to registering with a doctor now (they didn't tell me I needed a utility bill. Pfft.) So hopefully tomorrow I'll have a doctor and we'll go from there. I feel a lot better after reading all your replies. I'm glad I posted and didn't stay as a lurker. It's good to know it may be possible for me to have a "normal" pregnancy. I started walking a few months ago for 30 mins after work so if I can start doing that again that'll be good. I've felt so nauseous and tired for the last week or so that I just haven't felt up to it. I'll have to search for remedies maybe. It's all so new. I'm normally so practical and I feel so unprepared. First though I just need to try and learn all your abbreviations. Hee. Xxx

Thisisimpossible Mon 12-May-14 18:29:25

Kate, I wasn't able to do much exercise at all for the first 11 weeks or so because I was so exhausted so don't beat yourself up if you don't feel up to it initially. It will pass and you will feel like it again. xx

Jcb77 Mon 12-May-14 18:32:22

Congratulations! If you're happy to be having your baby then great - don't be told by anyone that you shouldn't be. That's cruel, rude and at (only) 19 stone, massively unhelpful. Believe me you are not the heaviest by a long chalk.
The hcps will measure and discuss your weight for a very good reason - it matters. They aren't being rude, they're doing their job in the same way as if you were asthmatic/diabetic/had high blood pressure etc. It's not judgemental, it's just that in this country we equate higher than normal BMIs with a lifestyle choice and tend to forget that it has medical implications too. Whatever someone's view on the cosmetic (for want of a better phrase) side of things, pregnancy isn't the time to ignore the health side if things, for you or you little one. Would I help if you looked at it like that? They aren't making subjective remarks about how you look, but are offering medical advice based on risk in the same way they would if you were older/diabetic/asthmatic etc? Usually in social circles it's the other way around which is why it's hurtful.
You might need more scans, shared care, to see anaesthetist and the like, and yes, there are aome increased risks associated with obesity in pregnancy, but that does not mean you shouldn't get pregnant and shouldn't be helped to have the happiest, healthiest pregnancy you can.
Re: losing weight. Yes you can, quite safely if done sensibly. Most people are overweight because they eat/drink too much of the wrong thing and supply exceeds requirements. If you eat the right amount of then right thing then you lose excess weight. What you shouldn't do is restrict your diet to below what you require or cut out major groups etc. Also exercise - tonnes of benefits for now and later, for you and baby. Gentle stuff - walking, swimming - not iron man competitions. It all helps.
Talk to a doctor - there are things that you should do for your health and your baby in early pregnancy and good luck.

weebigmamma Mon 12-May-14 21:01:27

Haven't read all the comments here but wanted to add one. Firstly, congratulations!!

I was 17 stone before I got pregnant and also annoyed because I had intended to lose weight first. Oh well!! I also expected everything to go wrong because I was overweight. The thing that stopped me worrying too much about miscarriage was that my friend who is also obese had problems getting pregnant and when she finally got pregnant she started getting anxious that she would lose it due to being fat. The doctor told her that being overweight can cause problems getting pregnant but that once you're pregnant it won't cause miscarriage.

So anyway, I wanted to have a section for various reasons and my consultant was against it and one of the reasons was to do with my weight. I mention this because in the end I did have a section and it was completely fine and I had no complications due to being fat at all. I think there is a LOT of scaremongering surrounding fat people and that sometimes shit happens and, like thin people, you get sick or whatever but if you're fat people will turn to that fact first to explain your sickness. Try to ignore this. You CAN be fat and healthy, and there is no point beating yourself up about it anyway. Take each day as it comes. Go swimming if you can, it's brilliant for fitness and it won't harm you if you're pregnant. Eat good food, enjoy some treats if you're not feeling totally morning sicky, treat yourself with kindness. No-body is perfect. Your baby will not suffer from you being overweight, but fitness will help you cope with the pregnancy. You can do Slimming World while pregnant and it's good for keeping to a healthy diet, but I found it very hard to do because of morning sickness. Cut yourself some slack though- it's 9 months- you can do this. People fatter than you have done it,

My baby is now 4 weeks old and I am 17 stone so I didn't put any weight on during the pregnancy. Eventually I will get a semi-routine in order and then I'll start slimming world and walking again. I miss walking! Good luck to you! :-)

Secondsop Mon 12-May-14 21:41:50

Hi, congratulations on your pregnancy! I weighed more than you for my first baby (now nearly 18 months old) and for my second baby (due any day now, nothing wrong with this obese woman's fertility it seems!) and yes there is extra monitoring because there are some conditions such as high blood pressure or gestational diabetes that are more common in overweight or obese women BUT: the fact is that you are pregnant and have every right to be, and any doctor or midwife you see has a responsibility to treat the patient in front of them rather than lecturing you. You will be fine. My general experience has been that nobody saw this as a time to start imparting weight loss advice. There will be references to raised BMI and your scan reports may have a sentence in them about "maternal habitus" but I found that I was treated professionally and clinically. The times when I found my care patronising and insensitive were never to do with my weight. Believe me, you will not be the heaviest person they will have seen by a very long chalk. I never got comments about it but I did sometimes find that doctors/midwives, when explaining something that was connected to my weight, used to tread so carefully and delicately around the subject, as if I would surely be hugely embarrassed at my size or at any reference to it, in a manner that I found quite annoying - I have been tempted to reply with a shocked look down at myself and a "what, you mean I'm not a size 10??!".

I did actually lose weight in both pregnancies but I personally found it more helpful not to see it as a weight loss opportunity as there's plenty else for you to be thinking of at this time. Just concentrate on keeping as well as you can generally, which is the same as what thinner women should do, and remember that the complications that can arise from being overweight and pregnant can and do afflict women of all shapes and sizes.

Secondsop Mon 12-May-14 21:44:43

Also: if, like me, you've struggled with your weight for years and have always had a tricky relationship with your body, you may find as I did that pregnancy is an incredibly empowering time in terms of how you view your body. I love the fact that my body, regarded as unacceptable in many people's eyes, was doing this miraculous, amazing thing of creating a new life. Suddenly the numbers on the scale ceased to matter much to me at all.

MrsCharlieD Mon 12-May-14 21:45:54

Hi Kate! I Am currently 36 weeks pregnant with my first dc. At booking in I had a bmi of 44. Like you I had been losing weight and boom I was pregnant out of the blue. I was terrified the first time I saw the midwife but they could not have been nicer. Being overweight puts you more at risk for things like gestational diabetes and all this was explained to me in detail. So far I have had a healthy pregnancy. I have had additional growth scans as usual measuring is not as reliable when there is more of you. I'm due to meet with the anaesthetist next week to make sure I can have an epidural if needed and I am under consultant care but I've only seen her 3 times, all other appointment have been with the midwife. I've had good clear scans and always been able to hear heartbeat. Congratulations on your pregnancy. Please try not to let your bmi worry you too much. Enjoy your pregnancy x

rideyourbike Mon 12-May-14 21:48:37

Firstly, congratulations! What an exciting journey you are about to travel down. I love being a mum and you sound like you will be a caring thoughtful one. Now, go and join at a GP surgery so you can see a midwife. Their job isn't to judge you but to help you. I don't know anything about dieting while pregnant, they will be able to advise you. Be happy smile

MrsCharlieD Mon 12-May-14 21:50:05

Also wanted to add that in some ways I have fared better in my pregnancy than my slim friends. Sleeping has never been an issue, I think because I'm already used to having a tummy. Also I worried I wouldn't look pregnant, just fatter. I have a huge bump now and my belly is rock hard. I will really miss it x

Chocaholicmonster Mon 12-May-14 21:56:04

Congratulations on your pregnancy smile thanks

I'm 18 1/2 stone (so called as obese) & I talked to my midwife about this & it was something that bothered me a lot in the early stages - I really wish I hadn't let it because being pregnant is something you should embrace & enjoy. My midwife was so lovely & so reassuring. I was given a higher does of folic acid & told that some changes would probably have to be made (scans might not be as clear but still clear enough for you to see your baby, an extra scan will be added towards the end of the pregnancy just to make sure the baby isn't too big & to plan the labour properly etc)

Please, please try not to worry. Your weight should not & never should determine if you are to be a parent or not. Please try to embrace this & enjoy it as I didn't & regret it xx

Chocaholicmonster Mon 12-May-14 21:56:19

*(so classed as obese)

KateTheHuman Tue 13-May-14 08:27:11

Thank you all for your kind messages. Everyone is so nice here _.
I'm feeling a lot more excited and a lot less scared this morning. Most of the time it still doesn't feel real.
I can't wait to find out how many weeks I am. Or should I already know? I've read it goes from your last period but I can't remember when that was. End of March I think. I'm hopeless with my memory.
But yes feeling a lot better today and it's all thanks to you lot! thanksthanksthanks

FoodieMum3 Tue 13-May-14 09:13:16

That's good to hear Kate.

I started this pregnancy quite overweight and had very similar fears as yourself, also had very reassuring responses here which really helped.

I've been eating SO healthily and smaller portions too. Baby is kicking and moving alot now so it's another reminder to do this right for my buba. I've never had any problems with my BP or urine samples so far.

Hcp's are lovely but don't be upset if they (repeatedly) mention your bmi. You're not alone.

Would you book a private dating scan? Xx

KateTheHuman Tue 13-May-14 09:15:12

What's a private dating scan Foodie? I'm feeling a bit dense today haha. And what's a Hcp? xx

I weighed myself this morning and i'm the lowest i've been since I started eating healthy and walking. I think not drinking alcohol is going to make a big difference.

BalloonSlayer Tue 13-May-14 09:18:31

Well if you haven't been to the Doctor in 13 years you must be in good health!!

Similarly you must be in good reproductive health to get pregnant.

Many, many congratulations!

flowers

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