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Not wanting people to know about induction at 42 weeks

(23 Posts)
beanful Fri 02-May-14 00:13:33

Hi everyone,

It's due date day today! DH and I made our minds up long ago that we would not let anyone know when I was in labour and just give people a ring a couple of hours after the birth when we feel ready. My DPs and ILs live 3.5ish hours drive away and will be invited to visit when we feel we are ready- they are aware of this, but ILs may be expecting a text when I go in to hospital.

However, I have been receiving regular texts for the last few days from very enthusiastic ILs in particular asking if I've had any signs. It's lovely that they're excited but having to deal with my own impatience is bad enough! I've had increasing BHs and cramps but not told them this and tried to plant the seed that baby will be late.

I have a sweep booked next week (as SILs are fairly recent mothers will be aware will be offered) and then obvs induction offered week after. I'm so desperate not to feel under pressure from people waiting but worried that there is no way that this won't happen if I get to that point- is there? I mean that they will know pretty much to the day when I will be expected to be induced.

Sorry if this sounds like a daft question. I love my family including ILs dearly but as this is my first and nervous about it I just want to be left to give birth privately with my DH and let people know when I am ready. Any advice?

Many TIA x

bramblina Fri 02-May-14 00:16:36

I felt like you. It's your baby, your body, your lives, do as you wish, just like wedding days, they are yours so have them as you like, you do not owe anyone anything except of course once the baby arrives there is a list of priorities of who to call first but I waited about half an hour and even then it was just our parents.

When people tell me they had half the family in and out of the labour room, or waiting in the corridor, it just fills me with dread. Eurghhhh.

How very exciting, good luck.

mrsyattering Fri 02-May-14 00:23:54

It's your baby, go with what you and your dh want. We didn't tell anyone till after dd was born and it was lovely, just in our own wee bubble. With ds it was more difficult as we needed child care as My waters broke in the middle of the night, so every one and their aunts knew!!!

beanful Fri 02-May-14 00:32:48

Hi, thanks so much for your replies. I'm fine with not having people know until baby is here if he/she arrives naturally as this could be any random day from now but they will be aware that I will induced if it baby doesn't make an appearance at 42 weeks and therefore the texts and phone calls will surely increase in number on that day. Hope this makes sense. I'm sorry to moan and sure that I'm worrying about nothing, it's just that I find the ILs a little intense (my family aren't as close so not used to it) and I really want to be able to enjoy and get excited about giving birth without feeling the presence of them in the delivery room, so to speak!

Nunyabiz Fri 02-May-14 00:40:57

I would tell IL's that you are also finding the waiting hard but that they will not miss out on hearing about it when it happens!

I don't blame you at all and completely understand you wanting to be in your little protected bubble. It's personal and everyone else should back off. I'm having number 2 soon and very protective about my due date.
I was incensed today when I saw my DM has posted on her FB status "3 weeks until my grand daughter arrives!"
No pressure then!!!
The rage!!! angry I wanted to yell at her take it down! I am not one for public forum announcements or count downs and do not appreciate the added pressure of her telling the whole world. I also realise I am highly sensitive and she is just excited and a little perspective is needed so I am trying to let it be. Though it still really bothers me. I actually feel violated.

Nunyabiz Fri 02-May-14 00:41:58

Keep induction date a secret. You don't need to tell them.

beanful Fri 02-May-14 03:43:58

Thanks so much Numyabiz, glad I'm not the only one to feel like this! I hate anyone discussing my pregnancy on Facebook and dreading seeing pics of and info about my own baby being on there that someone else will have posted.

I don't know how I could keep an induction date secret as I approach 42 weeks though as they will be expecting it... Sigh! Wish I has given them all a false due date- will know better next time!

Hope things calm down in the same front for you!

sisterofcaleb Fri 02-May-14 07:02:19

I was induced and to be honest felt similar....but you can just turn your phone off! And ask your husband too as well if that would make u feel better. I turned mine off and honestly it wasn't a pressing concern that people "knew" during the induction. If people want to get in a flap they haven't heard from u then it's their problem really.....this is a time just to focus on you, your husband and the baby. Hope you go into labour v soon smile

QueenOfThorns Fri 02-May-14 07:05:02

I agree with the PP - turn your phone off!

LightTripper Fri 02-May-14 08:07:11

Also they won't know the exact date - you can be induced anywhere between 41 and 42 (and they can't make you have an induction, otherwise you can ask for ongoing monitoring instead).

elliejjtiny Fri 02-May-14 12:29:14

Are your SIL's local? I find with people who haven't given birth at the same hospital recently it's easy to just shrug when someone mentions induction at 42 weeks and say "they do it differently these days/at my hospital". I just told people that we weren't considering induction yet to anyone who asked.

alicebear Fri 02-May-14 12:44:40

You don't have to be induced at 42 weeks - some people choose expectant monitoring. 90% of babies are born by 42 wks but if yours isn't you still have choices & it's up to you whether to inform others of your decision at that point. Good luck.

beanful Fri 02-May-14 13:27:28

Thanks everyone for your advice and for being v lovely. SILs aren't local so will try the different hospital policy idea and try to ignore them if the time comes. Have had three messages already today! Have had cramps all night and what I think may be the beginning of a show so fingers crossed that he/she will come naturally soon!

Thanks again and good luck to all those expecting x

Martorana Fri 02-May-14 13:31:47

But do remember that the baby is part of an extended family, and everyone is happy and excited.......be kind to them!

5madthings Fri 02-May-14 13:35:07

I was induced with all five of mine, I expectant management before that as I chose to go over 14days.

I only told those involved in childcare and not anyone else ad I didn't want the added pressure of others knowing and waiting for news etc.

5madthings Fri 02-May-14 13:35:53

Sounds like things are getting ready so you won't get to the induction stage anyway!

Good luck!

mrsleomcgary Fri 02-May-14 14:35:52

I know the feeling. In diabetic so was induced at 38 weeks,everyone knew that would happen but we seriously discussed not telling anyone,parents included,the date it would happen. In the end though we told our parents and I lived to regret it,the Saturday before it was happening a friend posted on my Facebook asking if we had a date,I was in the middle of replying, saying yes but not telling you when, when my mum replied saying it was happening that Monday. Could have killed her,especially because all the parents knew we didn't want people to know the actual date of my induction.

Possible start of a show sounds exciting, fingers crossed!

barmybunting Sat 03-May-14 11:20:02

Can you be vague and say a date a few days after 42 weeks to stop them asking?

TestingTestingWonTooFree Sat 03-May-14 12:50:13

How would they react to a reply saying "I know you're excited but the daily questions are making me feel under pressure to deliver. I promise we'll tell you when there's some news, but for now can we stick to the weather and Eastenders?"

eepie Sat 03-May-14 13:05:04

I wouldn't turn your phone off as then IL's may panic that you've gone into labour when they can't get hold of you/don't get a reply and then they'll be anxious which will inevitably get passed onto you guys when you eventually turn your phones back on !
Just be honest and say "Don't worry we'll tell you as soon as anything happens but feeling quite impatient myself & trying to stay calm and relaxed - so don't worry if you don't hear any more reports until baby is actually here - thanks for your interest though I know it's an exciting time & hard to be waiting for news"

BigPawsBrown Sat 03-May-14 13:18:33

Cross that bridge when you come to it. You've not been induced yet, you might have it naturally yet.

beanful Sat 03-May-14 15:02:57

Thanks everyone for the advice. Still not moved on labour-wise but keeping fingers crossed!

getagoldtoof Sat 03-May-14 19:54:57

Baby is very likely to come of his/her own accord in the next fortnight. You are worrying in advance over something that might not happen - a common symptom of pregnancy I think, I'm doing it too! Good luck with the impending labour and new arrival!

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