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Just need a rant/cry

(15 Posts)
weebigmamma Wed 23-Apr-14 18:01:24

Baby is 2 weeks old. My iron is low and I've been saying all day how I feel tired and dizzy. BP is high. All this is apparently meaningless to everyone. It's true what they say about if you don;t look ill everyone just thinks you're fine. Baby has been wakeful since last night. In the middle of the night I had to get up and sterilise bottles because husband didn't do it before bed. Then he went out and baby woke up as soon as he';d gone, of course. He came home and had to go back to the shop for the stuff we needed for the baby that he'd forgotten., baby started screaming and I decided, fuck it, I'll give him a bath, it might even calm him down and he needs one anyway. So I left a note for husband asking him to tidy up the kitchen as I was very tired. In laws arrived while he was out and LET THEMSELVES IN, came into my kitchen while I was upstairs with the baby and READ THE NOTE I'D LEFT. Husband arrived soon after and we made in laws coffee while I went round the kitchen with the baby in one hand and tried to tidy up the mess with the other.

Fuck. Everyone.

Apologies for rant. Don't feel you have to reply. I honestly just can't think of anyone else who would give at shit at the minute. My needs seem to come bottom of everyone's list but it;s worse than that because somehow I am responsible for providing for everyone else's needs at the same time.

Pobblewhohasnotoes Wed 23-Apr-14 18:19:58

Ok you've got a two week old and you've just given birth. You should not be making the in laws coffee or tidying the kitchen! Have a stern word with your DH, tell him you feel like shit and you'd appreciate some help or you'll continue to feel like shit for weeks. You've just given birth FFS! I can't believe your in laws expected coffee, tell them where the kettle is next time!

Are the mw's not keeping an eye on your iron levels and BP? They should be. Are you on iron tablets? Are you eating properly? I had low iron levels after having DS as a haemorrhaged after the birth so I know how awful you must feel. You need to take care of yourself and rest. Go to bed. Sod any guests, stop worrying about any mess and let DH do the tidying.

You need to tell him. And why the hell are your in laws letting themselves in? Have they got a key? That's just bloody rude!

Boogles91 Wed 23-Apr-14 18:38:27

Luckily for me my hubby is nothing like this. I know he will help me out if i need it. In fact hes already telling me im not doing anything for a while....wich im not listening to as im too independant lol tell your husband to man the fek up! What is he 12???? No wonder your bp is high chuck. What would he do if you wernt here get mammy n daddy to do everything!.... They must, think we woman are superhuman or something

weebigmamma Wed 23-Apr-14 19:38:26

Thanks. My OH is actually really good and we share night feeds etc. I am just especially knackered today and feel like nobody really gets it. But what man would. You'd think the MIL might remember what it's like tho.

In laws have not got a key- the house was unlocked and I'm sure they thought it was the right thing to do in case I was sleeping (but they didn't even try to see if I was awake! It really freaked me out. And I am so annoyed they read my note to OH.)

NOBODY gets the 'no guests' thing. NOBODY. And the hilarious thing is that they all keep saying things like 'oh make sure you rest'- well maybe I could if you;d all stop needing to come over and see the baby. I don't want to sit and do small talk I want to go upstairs and have a cry about my tiring day and then maybe have a nap and maybe someone will bring me some food (nobody did). I suppose I am just feeling sorry for myself today and I wish someone would take care of me for a change. I don;t want to be the adult today. Waaah!

Anyway, I've had a large glass of wine and now I'm having a G&T and he can do the next feed.

Oh! If someone is comfortable enough to have a set of house keys then they need to be comfortable enough to make a start on the kitchen IMO (and make you a cuppa while they are about it!).

As a sanity saver I always stock up on disposable bottles and cartons of made up milk so that if it all goes pear shaped the baby can still be fed at a moments notice...what is even better this time around is that I notice that Ocardo stock the disposable bottles from newborn size, I will be stocking up (I love Ocardo so much, there have been many times when I have ordered a delivery fir the next day when there has been a crisis/I am worn out or the DC's are sick).

Pobblewhohasnotoes Wed 23-Apr-14 19:58:19

Lock the door, and if you don't want guests don't answer the door! Shut the curtains. People can be really selfish when it comes to a new baby, in the excitement they forget that the mum has just given birth and is sore and knackered.

weebigmamma Wed 23-Apr-14 19:59:59

I will lock it in future. Even just having a minute to gather myself would have made a difference but the fact they came in and read my note just totally threw me.

Pobblewhohasnotoes Wed 23-Apr-14 20:09:53

Can you get your DH to have a word with relatives?

weebigmamma Wed 23-Apr-14 20:25:24

It would be worse if he did. They're probably already pissed off that I left him a note asking him to tidy up. It won't happen again, I'll be making sure of that.

Knickers to just locking the door! I'd find an excuse to need a whole new lock and just not give them new keys. What happens if you don't answer next time because you are both in bed having some, what will be for a while very rare alone time and they let themselves in.

If you need to leave keys in case of an emergency find a non nosy neighbor or friend to hold a set.

Pobblewhohasnotoes Wed 23-Apr-14 20:43:38

Why would they be pissed off about the note? So they think your DH should be doing nothing after you've just had a baby?

Bringing round food is the best thing anyone can do after you've given birth. Some people are so blinkered.

weebigmamma Wed 23-Apr-14 20:47:36

They don't have keys- the door was unlocked. I am pretty sure they though it was the right thing to do after they woke us up twice the other morning by phoning and were told not to. But yeah, bringing food would be nice. Friends have done this, thankfully, but as yet no family has done it. We do have 101 blue babygros despite having asked people not to buy any clothes for the baby, however. Do I sound ungrateful? I am ungrateful, and a little bit drunk. :-)

CbeebiesIsAboutToPop Thu 24-Apr-14 08:53:15

Oh sweetie, 2 weeks ago you pushed a baby out of your body. You'd been carying that baby for 9 months whilst it kicked the shit out of you and moved around all your internal organs. Of course you feel like shit!

Today I am ordering you to take to the sofa (or your bed) the only reason you move is to deal with baby (or get your self something to eat if dh is back at work)

Lock the front door and if someone knocks ignore it. Sleep, nap and relax. I want you to repeate this every day until you stop bleeding (or start feeling better) let the house fall down around you, speak to dh and tell him bottles are his responsibility, you need him to wash and sterilise bottles in the morning before work and after work (that used to get me through the days and nights)

If you feel up to visitors let them in, but you instruct them where the kettle is 'oh and if you fancy it could you wash up/ put a load of washing in/empty the dish washer/run the Hoover round the living room' etc. No one comes into the house without doing a job!

CbeebiesIsAboutToPop Thu 24-Apr-14 08:59:50

Im about to have baby 3 which means I'll have 3 under 3.5! and this is the only way I have managed to cope.

theborrower Thu 24-Apr-14 11:17:59

Oh weebigmamma, don't apologise for having a rant, I'm angry on your behalf. There are just so many threads like this, about unwanted visitors upsetting new mums, it makes me mad. Why don't people realise that new mummies need time and space to recover?!

And no, you're not ungrateful for the millions of blue babyclothes that you've specifically said you didn't need. We were inundated with loads of bloody pink crap lots of clothes that were totally unsuitable when DD was born it was a job shifting it. If that makes me ungrateful too, well, sod it. People don't listen.

I hope you get more rest today. Locking the door and getting your DH to have a word is a good idea. And I like the idea about having a stock of ready to use bottles and cartons on hand for when you're too tired to sort out bottles. You need to make things as easy as possible for yourself in the early days. Hope you're feeling better today.

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