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my mum keeps calling me fat- driving me mad!

(23 Posts)
SuzanneSays Tue 15-Apr-14 13:19:32

I am 23 weeks pregnant with my first child, 5'8 and currently weight about 65.5 kilos (so have put on 4.5 Kilos since being pregnant). Until recently I didn't really have a bump, but it has suddenly popped out in the last week or so. Every time I see my mum she make a big song and dance saying 'hello fatty', 'how's fatso' and talking to my bump saying 'look how fat your making your mummy' - this can be in a crowded room with loads of other people. It is making me really cross and self conscious about my weight gain- am I just being silly? Or should I say something to her? We are close, but I don't want to hurt her by telling her to f off, which I might end up doing at this rate!

GingerRodgers Tue 15-Apr-14 13:30:08

Bloody hell! You need to tell her. Either straight to the point "mum that's a horrible thing to say. I'm not fat, I'm pregnant" or try something similar on her "look how old you're making granny look baby".
Bloody cheek of her.

PenguinsLoveFishFingers Tue 15-Apr-14 13:36:56

No, you are not being silly.

I am nowhere near as slim as you (size 12-14 when not 39 weeks. God knows what size my arse is currently). My mother looked me up and down and said "Do you think you are bigger with this one" (it's DC3). I said to her straight out that that was quite a hurtful thing to say. She honestly couldn't see it. But I've made my point and she hasn't done it again.

You're lovely and slim! Ignore her, she's being a jealous cow bag when you're having a lovely time in your life. I wouldn't be suprised if she puts you down in other ways to make herself feel better if the limelight is on you a bit too much for her liking.

Ardiente Tue 15-Apr-14 13:42:18

Tell her exactly that, that it is starting to make you conscious about your weight gain, which is definitely not what the Dr ordered. If you are close, she will probably be quite embarassed that she upset you.

SuzanneSays Tue 15-Apr-14 13:49:05

I'm going round tonight, so if she does it (which I bet she will as seems to have become a habit) will say something along the lines of 'I'm not fat- just pregnant - happy for you to say hello bump, but a bit less of the hello fatty please - it's making me self conscious' - think your right Ardiente- she will probably be really embarrassed to have hurt my feelings!

CrepeFoofette Tue 15-Apr-14 13:52:41

Definitely say something. That's so insensitive. Does your mum have form for saying things like this? I wish I had said something to my nan, who has come out with gems such as: "You're not just getting a big stomach, you've put on weight all over - your arms, your face, your legs...everything is getting big". It's not worth it with her though, she wouldn't care.

CrepeFoofette Tue 15-Apr-14 13:54:13

X post. Yes, saying that her comments are making you self-concious sounds like a good plan.

balenciaga Tue 15-Apr-14 13:54:54

That's horrid of her op hmm

thebestnameshavegone Tue 15-Apr-14 14:03:36

its the same with my MIL who keeps on saying "are you sure you've got your dates right? you're so big." Yes, I have my dates right, so she is either calling me fat or thick for not knowing when my baby is due. grrrr.
if she does it again, I think I might reply with "yes, my dates are right, we were ttc for 8 months and we charted everything. would you like me to show you the dates when I had sex with your son?" wink

Ohwhatsoccuring Tue 15-Apr-14 19:01:51

I get the classic 'are you sure there is only one in there?'
Yes quite sure thank you, well unless the other one is a stealth ninja and is hiding.
I just smile and ignore (whilst grinding teeth)

SuzanneSays Tue 15-Apr-14 20:09:09

Well, typically, for the first time in weeks, she didn't say it! I didn't want to make a big thing out of it so didn't say anything out of the blue- but defo will next time she says something!

Sweetpea86 Tue 15-Apr-14 20:23:25

It's bad enough any one calling you names but your own mum. I'd tell her to stop and let her no it's hurting your feelings,

She probably doesn't mean to hurt you

Spaghettinetti Wed 16-Apr-14 10:16:33

I agree with Sweetpea, she probably doesn't mean to hurt you. It's funny, one friend of mine, who I hadn't seen for two years said, 'my God you're fat' as an opening line when we met recently. I could take it from her, but I'm not sure I'd take it so well from another friend. In terms of family, I'm used to them saying things they haven't really thought about... (I had similar comments from my dad at the weekend). Is it that your mum is just trying to make light of the situation and have a bit of fun, or is she really being mean? In either case, if you don't like it tell her to stop, just think about how you're going to do it without hurting her too.

alita7 Wed 16-Apr-14 10:51:38

I would get one of those "I'm not fat I'm pregnant" tops to wear when you see her!

EmilyPinkOrBlue Wed 16-Apr-14 13:53:53

Sorry to hear that Suzanne sad my mum has been equally annoying since we told her we have convieved. Literally only 4/5 weeks and she was watching everything I was eating and would make nasty comments if I ate too much in her eyes saying that I would get huge and not be able to lose the weight etc. She told me that she put on 4 stone when pregnant with me so I can understand her being worried for me but this was while at our neighbours (who knew we were pregnant) house while having a little dinner party. It was back and forth like cat and mouse while I just tried to say relax I will watch what I eat and try and move the conversation along but she kept going back to it! Perhaps mums go a bit crazy when their daughters are pregnant!!

Gen35 Wed 16-Apr-14 14:01:16

Just generally though, my mum is the type to make comments like this at anytime but it bothers me more when pg. I agree to telling her straight but also, try and see the positives in her as you'll appreciate the help when the baby arrives. She'll probably never completely manage to stop being slightly offensive. My mum has just never been able to understand why calling someone piggy when they're eating is awful but she is a good granny and the dc adore her.

ShoeWhore Wed 16-Apr-14 14:06:07

My mum never did this when I was pg funnily enough but often used to make comments about me having put weight on when I wasn't (I'm size 8-10 so a few pounds is hardly a huge concern!!) says more about her than me tbh.

One day when I wasn't in the room dh pulled her up

ShoeWhore Wed 16-Apr-14 14:07:50

Dh pulled her up on it. Said I was lovely as I was and could please stop it.

Not heard a peep from her since grin Hate to say it but I don't think she'd have taken it so well had it come from me.

ohthegoats Wed 16-Apr-14 14:45:38

I had to tell my parents never to comment on my weightever again - tthat was when I was about 28 and not pregnant. Now I'm 40 and pregnant, I can see it starting up again. I'm planning on saying it out right to pack it in it's none of their business.

SicknSpan Wed 16-Apr-14 15:18:02

OP maybe she's a secret mumsnetter and saw this thread!

flymo79 Wed 16-Apr-14 16:04:43

thank goodness my mum never mentions my weight, has never said anything to any of us about how we look (other than nice, if making an effort!). I've tried to take that on board as I think it's good for building body confidence and will try not to comment on my DCs figure too. Saying that my DP's father said (when I was only 16 wks and - I thought - barely showing) that I was "big all over" without realising that was just utterly rude. I didn't feel I could say anything other than "wow, thanks!" which he didn't get as he is a thick-skinned so and so. When I brought it up with DP's sister and mum they just said, "did he?", even though they were there. Made me realise that people say stoopid sh!t without engaging their brains, not everyone notices, and it's doubly bad because we are hormonal and feeling fat/wretched/overwhelmed most of the time. Can't say it didn't hurt, but it's nice that not everyone agrees with him! If he says anything again (which he will, haven't seen him in 10 weeks) I will tell him I haven't put on an ounce (I might have put on kilos, I'm not checking) and that it's rude to comment on weight gain, pregnant or not.

redexpat Wed 16-Apr-14 19:43:01

Mum, one more comment about fat and the baby will never meet his Grandmother. Have I made myself clear?

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