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Dilemma

(9 Posts)
GracieLoo Sun 13-Apr-14 14:48:25

What do I do if the majority of people, including mh proffessionals think I should have an abortion, but I think I'm sure deep down I want to keep it. Even though I haven't got much support, no partner, but should have more support from hcp's than I did last time.

Got an appt at bpas soon, so can discuss things then, but finding it hard.

RoseberryTopping Sun 13-Apr-14 15:13:37

Is there some sort of medical reason why they think you should abort?

If it's just cos you're single then that's a stupid reason to be encouraging you to abort. Millions of women have single handedly raised children without any support, it's rock hard like but it is possible if you are strong and capable enough.

amy83firsttimer Sun 13-Apr-14 15:13:57

Sorry to hear of your dilemma. It must be hard having no-one in real life whose opinion you can trust. To be of any help though it would be useful if people knew why the medical people are advising you to abort.
Also don't forget that even if you're not close to grandmothers / godmothers / aunts this type of issue is the kind of thing that they are there for. You may be surprised how glad people are if you ask for help. It's very flattering to know sometime can lean on you if needed.
If we can help we need a little more info.
Also don't rush any decision either way.

GracieLoo Sun 13-Apr-14 18:56:07

It's because of depression and mh issues since dd was born, they're worried how I'm going to cope. I'm on ad's and under cmht, plus will have support from mw and hv as they'll be aware. I don't know if I'll cope, but does any mum-to-be? I want it to be ok.

RaRa1988 Sun 13-Apr-14 19:30:43

Hmmm. Still seems a little harsh - are you sure they're encouraging you to abort rather than just presenting it as an option to you? I don't know your situation, so huge apologies if this comes across badly, but are you looking after your DD independently and would you expect to be looking after the baby independently if you go through with the pregnancy? I guess what I'm asking is whether things are bad enough that your child/ren are/would be in foster care or looked after by family or anything like that.

What do your midwife and HV think? Presumably they know you fairly well. Do you have any non-medical support, like the baby's father or your mam/sister/friends?

GracieLoo Sun 13-Apr-14 19:59:53

I'm looking after dd on my own, there's always the worry of ss when I've been unwell, but I've always looked after her, with help from close family. We live alone though and no one has concerns re dd's care or living conditions etc. I guess it's just a worry I won't cope and get really unwell.

Haven't met mw yet and it will be a new hv but they're aware already.

RaRa1988 Sun 13-Apr-14 20:34:45

Well that's certainly a positive! You're coping with the child you've got, both in your own eyes and other people's smile. How do YOU feel you'll cope with another? Am I to assume from your comments that the pg was unplanned? If you do suffer from PND, is there someone who will help you care for your daughter?

GracieLoo Sun 13-Apr-14 21:21:31

There would be family support before foster care was on option, that's if things got really bad. Yes unplanned, and now I've got to make the most difficult decision ever. Do I go with my heart, or listen to all the advice and think of the risks? I can talk things through at my appt, just a weeks wait feels ages away.

RaRa1988 Sun 13-Apr-14 22:04:35

Hard one. Do you think you can do it? I had a termination when my head said I couldn't cope, but my heart thought I could. It was tough, but definitely the right decision at the time. Everybody's different though and your situation is different to mine. A termination is never going to be easy, but nor is a baby. Maybe think about which might be easier for you...

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