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I feel like a bad person.

(8 Posts)
JustDanni Sat 12-Apr-14 08:19:34

22 weeks gone and it has suddenly dawned on me that this is all real.
We planned to have a baby, tried for the best part of a year and it is all we ever talk about. Don't get me wrong, I am delighted and already falling in love with our bump. But something is making me, not regret, but question our decision.
I have friends whom I only see every 3 months. Great mates who don't have babies, or restrictions.
I find myself thinking, next time they visit, we will go to our favourite bar, play some pool and they will be drinking and I will be there with my soda and lime as usual, no doubt uncomfortable as hell while they talk about how great it is to be free from responsibility.
I haven't even had this baby and I already want my old life back.
I feel like a monster.sad

Mygoldfishrocks Sat 12-Apr-14 08:22:02

do.they often talk in those terms? as in ' oh my responsibility free life is amazing '??

probably not. unless you're 19, then I really wouldn't give this a second thought. all change is scary and you'll soon adapt

3DcAndMe Sat 12-Apr-14 08:23:01

I thinks it's normal to wonder how your life will change and if you have made the right choices. Once you hold your baby you will not look back

AStitchinTime Sat 12-Apr-14 08:25:18

I had plenty of wobbles when pregnant with my first. He was very much wanted, but it's scary to know that you've passed the point of no return and your life is about to change forever. It doesn't make you a monster, you're only human like the rest of us.

Kantha Sat 12-Apr-14 08:34:45

Sounds like very normal feelings to me. Don't feel guilty. It IS a big change and a permanent one too, but the fact that are feeling like this now reflects that you are already preparing yourself. It will be fine. smile

I remember being pregnant with DC1 and listening to Radio 1 from Ibiza on my way home from work. I teared up because I was 'missing out'. I have never been to Ibiza nor been into clubbing confused.

JustDanni Sat 12-Apr-14 08:35:16

Lol Goldfish.
No they don't use that exact phrasing.
Both I and this group of friends cone from small towns. They ferry over from Shetland.

They do share stories about the wild weekend they had. Or "I'll get the next round in" while clutching a wad of 20's

Ahh I am going to miss having money to burn lol.

squizita Sat 12-Apr-14 10:18:34

Being the 'first' of your friendship group must be daunting too! I just realised, most of my friends have had a kid/are pregnant... hence I'm freaking out about everything except "I'll be left out, the only one with a kid". We now plan things around school hols/days everyone's DP can babysit/kids can come and our "we'll just go to Brighton and wake up in a field 3 days later" days went a long time ago. grin Now it's more "We'll go to Brighton, ladies to the shops, lads take the kids on the pier' ladies will end up back on the pier playing computer games sooner or later.
But I still get the freaking out... about everything other things like 'will my career be over...and what will that mean financially for family?', 'if I am sleep deprived, will I cope?' and the extremely quite shallow 'I'll look like a hideous fat toothless crone covered in mashed banana and sick, not those perfect sexy mums in Starbucks with their bugaboos...'

Out of my 3 BFs (similarly we all meet up every 3 months or so) one of us had a baby quite a bit younger than the others. She had similar wobbles that she'd never go out again etc'. Whilst she had way more responsibility and penny pinching day-to-day younger, actually between her and DP they made sure both of them get some "R&R" time now and then (both working parents) - and that included wild nights out in Essex drinks with the girls every 3 months. She had to save for them, and make sure DP had lists, bottles, nappies etc'.

smile The bright for her side is, now the rest of us have tiny ones or are expecting, and her 2 are at school, sleep till 9am weekends and old enough for a babysitter or a sleep and nan and grandads when she AND DP want to go out - and to take into places a little one would get fretful in e.g. a naice coffee shop where they don't have sticky-toy-corner etc'.
It's a circle of life thing! grin

timefortea79 Sat 12-Apr-14 11:13:27

I found the first few weeks after having my first baby really hard. I was almost mourning my old life and felt stifled by having to look after a baby and not being able to do what I wanted, when I wanted.

However, what I realise now is that a whole new world opens up to you. I have made some great new friends, and get to go to a load of new places that I wouldn't have ever considered pre-baby.

I'm now expecting number 2 and I'm looking forward to those first few weeks of 'peace and quiet' that a newborn offers every now and again, whilst my toddler is at nursery!

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