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Who and when did you tell?

(37 Posts)
Sleepyhoglet Fri 11-Apr-14 14:51:58

I feel like I have been pregnant for ages. I haven't at all in fact I'm only 7 weeks! My dh know but no one else. Would it be so bad to tell my mil? I'm closer to her than my DM. Obviously other friends would have to wait till past 12 weeks.

moomin35 Fri 11-Apr-14 15:06:27

I waited until straight after the 12 scan before telling anyone at all.

Waggamamma Fri 11-Apr-14 15:07:21

I told the people I would need support from if things went wrong: my mum, and two close friends. Also my boss as I was so sick in first trimester.

All other friends, colleagues and family we waited until after 12wks scan.

moggle Fri 11-Apr-14 15:09:42

I told my parents at 6wks because we had a scan then- it is an ivf baby and they knew we were going through a cycle. We are also planning to tell the in laws before 12 weeks but so far haven't seen them without loads of other family around who we don't want to know yet! Everyone else we are waiting until 12 weeks; although if we get a chance to tell my bro and SIL before then we might do.
It is really hard keeping it in! I haven't been sick or anything so I don't think people are suspecting...

Stars66 Fri 11-Apr-14 15:10:26

I told my family and close friends. And when Iost my 1st pregnancy they supported me and were there for me. My 2nd pregnancy I told the same people, and managers at work as I was anxious and worried. I told more friends after the 12 week scan and told the world on fb at 20 weeks.
Tell who you feel you would want to knowgrin there are no set rules!!!
Oh and congratulations!! grin

Pobblewhohasnotoes Fri 11-Apr-14 15:12:45

Parents and my boss (just incase), with strict instructions not to breathe a word!

We told everyone else after the 12 week scan. My last pregnancy ended in mc early on so it was good to have my mum's support. I'm too cautious to tell the world early.

Dovetale Fri 11-Apr-14 15:14:42

1st time round we told close family and friends straight away. Sadly mc at 12 weeks. Then realised it wasn't that I minded them knowing it had gone wrong but that I had to call them up and break their hearts as they had had time to get excited. 2nd time round told close family and friends after 12 week scan and then everyone else after 20 week scan although some people said they had started to suspect. It's such a personal decision though, I'd say listen to your instincts and do what feels right for you. Best of luck

Banana82 Fri 11-Apr-14 15:15:49

We told both sets of parents at 8 weeks after a private scan. We were going to wait until 12 weeks but were too excited! Everyone else was told after the 12 week scan.

MrsMonkeyBear Fri 11-Apr-14 15:26:52

We told all parents as soon as we found out. Mine kept it a secret but my inlaws told everone under the sun. I had to tell work straight away due to the nature of my job. Told the management at a meeting on the Monday and by the Wednesday everyone knew. Had 12 week scan yesterday and told everyone else. If we didnt MIL would have screamed it from the rooftops.

randdom Fri 11-Apr-14 15:54:36

I told three close friends and my boss at about 10 weeks due to the intolerable sickness I was having and needing support. I didn't tell anyone else until after my 13 week scan smile

chillychicken Fri 11-Apr-14 15:58:39

I'm 5 weeks and so far have only told my business partner. Oh and dentist grin

Dentist was doing work so I wasn't sure if he'd need to know and business partner needed to know as we'll need more staff.

DSIL might be told in next few weeks but otherwise, we're waiting until after the scan to tell anyone.

misog2000 Fri 11-Apr-14 16:08:09

I told a couple of the girls at the stables I'm really close to as I needed them to help cover for the fact that I wasn't riding the crazy horses anymore, when pre pregnancy I would get on anything.

I also told my boss as I was so sick and tired my work suffered a bit. Told parents at 10 weeks as they thought they had done something wrong as I hadn't been round to see them for weeks!

Told everyone else after downs result came back low risk

misog2000 Fri 11-Apr-14 16:08:54

Sorry the first friends and boss I told about 6 weeks, which was pretty much as soon as I realised

cosikitty Fri 11-Apr-14 16:13:58

I never really get the 'waiting til the 12 week scan' thing. If yo lose the baby you will probably want to tell friends and family, and then you will have to tell them you were pregnant but you lost it.

chillychicken Fri 11-Apr-14 16:29:41

The whole thing with telling people before the 12 week scan is if I miscarry, I'll have to "untell" them and I don't want to do that. I don't want to get my mothers hopes up just to then tell her that I've lost the baby a few weeks later.

I can't see me wanting to tell anyone if I miscarry either. Infact, the only person I'd be likely to tell is my Dad.

I want it to be my choice when I tell people and I know if I tell my DM, she'll tell my Nan and the whole family will know within hours. Likewise if I tell DMIL, she'll tell her family. Same with friends, they can't help but gossip and I live in a very, very small village so it'll spread quickly.

The only person I could trust to not tell anyone is my DSIL and the only reason I'm probably going to tell her within the next few weeks is because I want to tell her face to face and she lives a few hours away.

EllaBella220 Fri 11-Apr-14 16:32:07

My partner and I agreed we wouldn't tell anyone as soon as we found out BUT I told my sister because I am so close to her and she told me when she found out even though she and her partner agreed not to tell anyone. So I informed my partner that I'd told my sister and he replied oh that's fine because I told my Mum (she had been very down in the dumps that day and he wanted to cheer her up) so I got a bit pissed off that HIS mum knew and mine didn't so I rang my parents and told them. Then we felt bad that those people knew and our sons didn't so we told them (they are 12 and 7) on that day too. Next day my best friend asked me to go out that night and I lied and said I wasn't feeling well.....which she caught onto straight away and kept messaging me saying she knew I was pregnant but wouldn't tell because she knows how it is, trying to keep it a secret, so she would cover for me with other friends. THEN I had to tell my other best friend because you know girls.....one finds out the other knew before them and all hell breaks loose. SO! Within 24 hours of us finding out we had all those closest to us told. We didn't even have our own little secret for long but it was just way too exciting not to share.

Our other brothers and sisters were told randomly before 12 weeks and anyone else (aunts etc) were all told at around 13 weeks.

It's up to you who you tell. I don't see why I would keep it secret as if I did mc then I'd want the support of my family and best friends so it was no big deal for me to tell them. Everyone is different though.

squizita Fri 11-Apr-14 16:56:14

I told 1 close female relative (my mum) early. Given that prior to 12 weeks you can have the worst symptoms and a small number of pregnancies miscarry, having a female friend/relative know can be of enormous practical use. Loving though they are most DH/DP aren't women so someone who can relate to the physical side (which is entirely different to 'squee we're having a baby' and more 'ugh, is this sickness/exhaustion/constipation/vaginal discharge normal?') is really useful. I also told my HR manager at work, so that medical appointments could be made subtly.

Then, after we were given the all clear at 14 weeks (I have a medical condition making me high risk, so was in the 'safer' zone later than most) we told more widely.

squizita Fri 11-Apr-14 16:59:00

...also, if you lose the baby (not saying anyone will, but if) it isn't always like a period. It can involve surgery, being off work and deeply emotional for days/weeks. It's not always cover-upable and can be a massive burden on DP. Having a discrete female relative who knows and can help is very useful.
The "oh I wouldn't want to disappoint anyone" is a moot point if you have a bad loss (I've been there) - it's pretty obvious unless you have an ally.

MissSlackPants84 Fri 11-Apr-14 16:59:13

We told our parents at about 6 weeks...didn't tell anyone else til we had the 12 week scan. We've only told those closest to us and have avoided subjecting the world (facebook) to it. Im 26 weeks tomorrow and its still a shock to people when they bump into me in town

ohthegoats Fri 11-Apr-14 17:00:56

I'm 16 weeks tomorrow. We told both sets of parents and siblings/their partners at 14 weeks. Told my boss in a confidential budget meeting around the same time. No one else knows yet, and I'm pretty much not going to tell them unless they need to know.

Ludways Fri 11-Apr-14 17:07:03

Dh and I told our parents and siblings straight away but no one else until after the scan.

happypotamus Fri 11-Apr-14 20:56:16

I told DH as soon as I knew obviously. In my job you end up having to tell colleagues pretty much as soon as you know too, because you can be exposed to dangerous environments for the baby (x-rays, certain viruses and drugs). Even if you don't tell everyone, they soon work out why someone else is taking your patients to x-ray and why you can't look after certain patients. Will tell parents/ siblings/ my grandma after the 12 week scan. This time in-laws will know almost immediately, as they are looking after DD while we go for the scan. DH has given them some sort of excuse as to what I am doing and they assume he is at work. Will put something on facebook soon after so the rest of the world finds out. It is quite confusing going to work and being able to talk about being pregnant and the baby etc, then having to remember not to say anything to anyone else for another 2 weeks. I wish I didn't have to tell them though just in case anything goes wrong.

TestingTestingWonTooFree Fri 11-Apr-14 21:56:21

If you want to tell MIL and your DH agrees, then do it. I kept it quiet a lot longer because that's what suited me.

SassehMonsta Sat 12-Apr-14 22:07:46

We agreed to not tell anyone for a while, but ended up spilling the beans to my best friend (when she told me she was pregnant I had to tell her too!!) and then to our bosses. Since then I have told my sister and a couple of my friends who have been through it all before (late mcs, early mcs, children, twins), and who don't know most of my other friends.

I randomly tell people in shops that I don't go into very often ;) Stops me going so insane!!

Suzietwo Sat 12-Apr-14 22:40:22

I have kept my second and third pregnancies quieter for longer than my first. The inclination to talk about it is less and I feel the shorter time people know about it the less bored they get by it. Also, comments like 'but you've been pregnant forever' when you're around 6/7 months are verrrrrry unhelpful!

That said, I don't think there's any wrong or right time to tell people. It's just whatever you feel comfortable with and if you'd derive comfort from telling one person over another it's down to you. You don't owe anyone anything.

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