Just need to vent a bit after being stopped by 2 more UTP's (unidentified tummy patters) today.
Is it just me being over-sensitive when I say they shouldn't do it? I hate it, it makes me feel so uncomfortable and, in a way, slightly violated.
I appreciate people only mean well, but a checkout assistant and passer by in the street are total strangers and it feels so wrong!
I'd never dream of doing it to anyone, whether I'd been pregnant myself or not, so I find it really hard to understand why people think my bump is public property.
It keeps happening, and I get so angry with myself afterwards that I never say anything. I wouldn't be rude - I'm not the aggressive, confrontational type - but I desperatley want to say how awful it is. Maybe there are other mums2B out there who love it, but surely when it's a total stranger, it would be better that they ask first if it's ok, rather than assume, or even say afterwards "You don't mind me doing that, do you?" Actually, I do mind. A LOT!!!
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Pregnancy
Am I being unreasonable to want people to keep their hands to themselves?
MrsHelenBee · 08/04/2014 10:42
Ha! OP I was just about to tell you my response but I see Penguins has already mentioned it - I am the one who states it's assault 
.
It's not unreasonable at all, I cannot fathom why people think it's appropriate to start pawing at somebody just because they're pregnant. I've had people say that it's their right to touch, that I should overlook it because it's the cultural norm for them (so is paedophilia on some very small, remote Pacific islands, but we don't accept that just because it's a cultural norm, do we?! 
Extreme example, but still...). I don't understand it to be honest, I must give off a "ooooh please paw at me" vibe as I get it so often, yet I always thought I gave off a pretty strong "leave me alone" vibe. Think I might have to work on my vibes 
.
honey22 
at wanting you to lift your top up! Wtf?! About the pass the parcel baby, what does your DP think? Surely he doesn't expect you to just hand your lo over to (trying not to sound judgey here...) such people? Sorry, that did sound judgey and I honestly didn't mean it to.
You don't have to hand lo over to anyone that you don't want to, I won't be allowing anyone to touch our little chap, let alone hold him for the first few months at least. As luck would have it, DH feels even more strongly about this than I do, and freely admits that he hates the thought of anyone touching our son, and has said categorically that he does not want anyone holding/cuddling him full stop. Hope you're ok.
MrsHelen I was pretty the first time someone said it, but when I kept hearing the same thing and it genuinely couldn't believe it. I was sexually abused when I was in my teens, so unwanted touching is something I feel pretty strongly about, hence my blunt responses to it. I should add that I don't mind people asking if they can touch, provided they gracefully accept when I politely say "no". 
Interestingly, baby seems to hate anyone other than DH or I touching my bump, and he reacts very violently, thrashing around and the like, even when it's our consultant who is amazingly lovely and I trust completely, so it's not like he's feeding off my anger about it. I thought I was imagining it, or that he was just feeding off how I feel, but his heart rate massively escalates despite mine not raising at all, our consultant thought it was unusual enough to put it in my notes that bump touching should be kept to a minimum as it seems to distress baby.
If you're not that confident about saying something, you could try physically removing their hand, or stepping backwards out of the way and saying something like "please don't touch me" in a firm voice. It's a bit less confrontational but still leaves no room for argument. It gets easier the more you say it, and it becomes like second nature in the end. Plus I find that if I say something I don't spend ages afterwards wondering why I didn't stand up for myself, and it boosts my self esteem to know that I stood my ground, if that makes sense. Then, as your rage builds, as it happens time and time again, you can up the snarling factor 
. xxx
Honey I know exactly what you mean, I was 5'9 and a size 10 pre-pregnancy, and very fit and toned. Now I'm nearly 33 weeks and the size of a planet. Although all the weight has gone onto my bump (and I have put on very little thanks to severe HG until 26 weeks ) I've lost a lot of tone in my legs and arms, and whilst I love my pregnancy shape, it's difficult to get used to looking in the mirror and seeing something so different. I think it's more than that though, it's a massive change to get use to as the physical changes emphasise the life changes which are coming. For me, this will be our first successful pregnancy (well, touch wood!) it was very much planned and very wanted, and we've had losses before, but that doesn't mean that it doesn't take a bit of getting used to.
I don't think there should be any concerns at all about baby's environment, you sound like a lovely caring person. I do know what it's like to have a couple of family members whose lifestyle choices are less than ideal (well, in my opinion, they think they have great lives ). I am extremely close to both my family and DH's family, and I love and like the vast majority of them very much, but I won't even be letting my own Mum, who has always been more like a sister/best friend to me (corny but true) hold our baby. The only person I feel comfortable with the idea of holding him is DH, and DH feels the same about me. Some other close family members have very recently had babies, and are happy to the pass the baby around/have everyone at the hospital. What we have done to make sure people realises this won't be happening with us is to say to everyone that we want some time as just us in our little family unit, we will text/email photos but for a while it's going to be just us and no visitors. Everyone seemed to take it ok, and we said it together so they could see that we were sort of a united front on it, and that it was important to us. Could you do something like that? When you speak to your DP could you suggest to him how nice it would be to have a few days in a little family unit cocoon with no visitors, what a great opportunity it will be for bonding, how you'll never get that time again, but other family will have the rest of baby's life to see him etc and put it to him like that? I just thought it might be easier to broach the subject with him if you go at it from a positive angle (ie. great opportunity for bonding).
Interestingly, our midwife was telling me that when she worked on a post natal ward, you were never supposed to touch any of the babies without asking the mother first, she said as a student midwife she forgot, went to pick up a baby in the middle of the night and got a black eye as the (apparently usually very calm and laid back) mother woke up and attacked her. She said that all women run on instinct certainly for the first few days after their baby is born, and that they turn into lionesses about protecting baby. She said even the most laid back mother will feel violent if she feels her baby is being threatened, and the threat could be anything as simple trying to touch baby, or anything else which makes the mother uncomfortable.
As MrsHelen very wisely said, you must call the shots, if you're made to feel unhappy or uncomfortable, or like you wishes are being disregarded, it will ruin what is supposed to be an amazing time for you, and then things like PND could start trying to creep in if you're not careful.
Lastly, yep I agree - pregnancy is exhausting with all the stuff to deal with! xxx
MrsHelen sorry for a lengthy post, and sorry to hijack you thread for a moment xxx.
First time round I got a fair bit of unwanted bump touching, and I wasn't as confident in dealing with it, so tended to just back away a bit.
Second time round, and I find after having DD1 I take less annoying shite from people in general. Only one person decided to rub my belly without asking, so I returned the favour and rubbed hers back.
I never had this from strangers (only close friends, who I didnt mind) but maybe that was because of the hormonal perma-rage face I had on. I would have been really annoyed if someone did though!
However, When my DD was 2 weeks old my mum tried to grab my boob without warning to "help" me latch DD on 
... she was so surprised when I was annoyed by this, but it was such an invasion of personal space!
Defo not being unreasonable; would they think it normal to stroke your breasts when/if you start breastfeeding?
It's your body sweetheart, it doesn't become some sort of public property just because you, with bump, appear in public. Best wishes.
Puss
Christ. YANBU at all - but I'm a bit worried about how many of you have experienced this . Thankfully, I haven't: only DP, my best friend, my parents, and a couple of the nurses at work have had a feel - all with permission. I'd hate a stranger doing it, particularly as, like a couple of pps, I'm a bit 'sensitive' about my new shape as I'm usually really little and slim and feel like a hoose end right now!
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