MMC looking for advice

[Oakwoodmummy]

Hi, I am new to this but looking for some advice, apologies if I have posted this on the wrong board.

I had a routine scan on Tuesday (11wk 3) and was told there was no heart beat, had internal scan to confirm and was told baby size was approx 8wks. It's strange even though I have still nausea, sore boobs and heartburn I think subconsciously I might have known as I wasn't completely shocked. I desperately wanted this baby, we have a little girl and don't want a big gap. And have already had to wait longer than I had planned due to a colposcopy last yr.

I have opted for an ERPC but can't get it until Thursday. I don't think I could cope with medical management or natural. However I am worried about going back to work in the meantime in case I start to go naturally. But I feel a bit of a fraud staying at home :( I was sick at the start of the yr for 4wks and worried I am letting people down. I haven't had any spotting but I keep getting it'll cramps, every so often, but not sure if I am just focusing on my tummy and it's not anything really.

I would have been 12wks this Saturday so that's 4wks I would have been carrying around a little dead baby, which is really disturbing me, and I am not sure how long until your body naturally does it's thing. I was wondering if there is anyone out there who has experienced something similar. Thanks x

[Rooble]

Oh, you poor thing, you have my every sympathy as I've had the same.
I had to wait for days for the ERPC, too; nothing happened naturally in the meantime and it was a very weird time feeling exactly as you said you do - still sort of pregnant, but aware the baby has not been alive for several weeks.

I wasn't working, but if I had been I wouldn't have gone in because my head was all over the place. Hormones everywhere and essentially you've had a bereavement - albeit one that no one else (except maybe your DP) can comprehend really. If you explain to your manager that you've had an MMC and are waiting for the procedure I think 99% of people would be really understanding.

This is a really horrendous time to go through. I found it difficult to be around new babies & pregnant women for a long time afterwards, and the thing I found most difficult was that none off friends understood. They seemed to think the feelings would go away after a couple of weeks. Don't beat yourself up if you feel the need to grieve - that is normal. The completion of the ERPC is quite a good thing, because it kind of finalises the situation so you can start to come to terms with your feelings.

Not sure that was helpful, but I hope you get through the next days ok - big virtual hugs to you x

[StarsInTheNightSky]

Offering a hand to hold x. I'm so sorry this has happened to you, I've had mmc and they are hideous things to go through. I still had all the symptoms of being pregnant too, and I'm not sure how long your body takes to realise and start miscarrying, but between our baby passing away and the medical management there was five weeks for me, and nothing started naturally. I think it's different for everyone though.

I think the EPRC is a very wise choice, I had medical management and I would never advise anyone to have that, the hospital botchedmine, but regardless I found it an extremely traumatic process (not that mmc is ever nice), and I really think I should have gone for an EPRC instead.

I stayed off work between when I found out and when I had the medical management, it's not being a fraud, it's giving yourself some time and space to try to get your head around it. Also, like you I was worriedthat something might start in the meantime, so I just rested andput my feet up as much as possible, although I appreciate it might be hard with a little one.

I really struggled with knowing that I was carring our dead baby, so in the end I phoned the hospital and begged them to bring the medical management date forwards, so they re-arranged it for the next day. Could you try giving them a call and speaking to them? Often if you really push for it and they hear how distressed you are they'll bring it forwards, so might be worth a go.

A week or so ago a lady called Tigerstar posted a thread asking for advice on mmc options (I really hope she doesn't mind me mentioning her thread), and she got loads of helpful advice. She ended up having an EPRC and posted back afterwards to let everyone know how she got on, let me try and find the thread as it might be helpful for you to read comments from others who've had EPRCs...

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/pregnancy/a2025498-Delayed-mc-what-option-did-you-chose-and-why

I'mnot sure it's helpful at this time, but I fell pregnant again the second cycle after the medical management (now nearly 31 weeks pregnant), and our consultant told me that women are often more fertile after a miscarriage, he called it nature's apology for being a bitch. That's probably cold comfort at the moment, but I wanted you to know there's light at the end of the tunnel.

Sending very unmumsnetty hugs xxx.

[StarsInTheNightSky]

Sorry that link didn't work properly, here it is...

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/pregnancy/a2025498-Delayed-mc-what-option-did-you-chose-and-why

[Tomkat79]

So sorry to read this has happened. I found the MC to be the most bizarre soul destroying grief. I too went for the ERPC which I was offered 3 days later. Body started off naturally on the morning of the op which was bloody awful and I had to be rescanned to see if and what was left. Stubborn little baby was still there so they went ahead as planned which I am so glad about. The procedure was very quick and was pain free afterwards. I bled for about 7-10 days which was manageable.
Please be kind to yourself OP and take the week off and also 2 weeks min after. It's a real rollercoaster grief and without meaning to be judgemental at all you may still be in shock and your hormones are all over the place and will be for a bit as things return to 'normal'.
Like stars I conceived again on 2nd cycle and so far so good at 34 weeks.
Lots of love at this crap time. Do head over to the miscarriage boards under body & soul. The support I found there was amazing x

[StarsInTheNightSky]

I second TomKat's advice about having at least two weeks off afterwards too, I had over a month off afterwards in the end, depite having a high pressure job where we were very short staffed, but I really needed it as I found that I couldn't start processing the grief and other emotions properly until the physical symptoms had gone. It really is a hideous rollercoaster, some days I'd be fine, other days I'd spend the day sobbing. Even now I still have down days. Be gentle with yourself, and give yourself much more time and space than you expect xxx

[Trecee1]

Hi Everyone, I'm new to this. I was just surfing the net and found this website and decided to become a member because I could relate to the experiences of MC and really wanted someone to talk who have been through what I've been through. On March 9, I had a Natural Miscarriage with my baby boy , I was 4 months pregnant. It was a very horrifying experience.I was spotting on and off during the four moths and I was placed on bed rest, but due to the nature of my job I could have gotten so much and no more bed rest. The Thursday before I miscarried, I went and did an ultra sound and the baby was fine, he even moved and he was bigger than the normal size at that stage and by Sunday my life changed. To see my baby lying beside me dead is something I will never forget. It hurts really bad. Every time I see a baby or a pregnant person It hurts even more.I try to tell myself that God knows best, but I still break down.Can some one tell me how they cope with their lost.

[Oakwoodmummy]

Thank you everyone for your messages, it's reassuring to hear your experiences. I started getting period like cramps yesterday but no bleeding yet. I am completely exhausted. I rung out of hours yesterday when the cramping started and they have given me cocodamol which is making me tired but helping me to cope with everything. Xx

[LondonJen]

Trecee1 If you post on the miscarriage board here www.mumsnet.com/Talk/miscarriage you will find lots of support. I'm sorry for your loss and the pain you clearly feel. Others there have been through similar which in itself can help you feel less alone.

Oakwood I'm sorry for what you're going through, I have been there myself and it is shitty. Nothing to add that hasn't been said but I hope you are getting lots of RL support.

[squizita]

:( Sorry for your losses.

I've had several losses and these guys helped me during and after. They have a helpline and forums with advice. Honestly I would have given up if it wasn't for them, give them a ring they are amazing:
www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/

Also the boards here are full of support.

It's a hideous time but knowing people who are there for you, in RL and online, makes all the difference.

[mylittlemonkey]

I have had 2 MMC in the past and both were extremely upsetting so I really feel for you. I elected the ERPC the first time but had to wait the second time for a week and so naturally miscarried before. I would definately say the ERPC was the easiest and of least discomfort as it was over quickly and the after effects were very minimal (I think I bled lightly for 2 weeks after compared to much more than that with natural).

I was working both times and I was signed off work by the hospital who have me a stick note but I had a very high pressured job and so I only took a week of both times (despite being signed off for 2) and then worked from home the week following. I probably should have taken off longer for the emotional pain to ease and so you need to do what feels right for you. I would definately take time off work up to your ERPC as you may start to naturally miscarry before then and you don't want that to start when you are at work.

If it's any help I got pg again very quickly straight after both MMC and I hope you will too.