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regretting getting pregnant.

(13 Posts)
weeonion Mon 24-Mar-14 17:17:35

I am 8 wks pg with dc2. This was a planned pg but we were expecting it to take a bit longer to conceive.
I don't know what is up but all i feel is regret and sadness. No happiness, excitement or anticipation at all. Not what i expected. I feel awful saying this when i know others so desperately want to conceive but for the past 2 weeks, i have been hoping to miscarry.
We haven't told anyone yet til after scans / tests.

I don't feel i can talk to dp about how i feel as he is so pleased and excited and would be baffled as to why i am reacting like this.

I have been bottling this but now feel close to tears majority of time.

Pls don't flame folks, i know how awful this must sound.

keely79 Mon 24-Mar-14 17:24:17

I'm so sorry you feel this way. It is a really overwhelming thing when it happens - suddenly it is all very "real" and irreversible. I remember thinking that it was the first thing I had done in my life that I couldn't "take back" - and just being overcome by that fact.

Your feelings are your own and it's not for anyone else to tell you how you should or shouldn't feel. All I can say is that, in spite of the way they have turned my life upside down and made some of it much harder, the minute I had my children, they had my heart, and they still have it.

Also, on a more practical note, these feelings may be due to the pregnancy hormones which are currently coursing through your body - so you may find that your feelings settle down in a few weeks - it can be quite a ride.

Incapinka Mon 24-Mar-14 17:35:27

I was the same!!!! I found out and all I did was cry. And when people first found out and were all happy and saying congratulations and stuff I felt as though I was acting when I agreed. Personally it has taken a while to understand why I felt like that. First time round despite promises of help and support from family I had little to none due to circumstances outside of anyone's control. I also mentally became a bit of a martyr. I was being paid by work to look after the baby so felt that was my job and I couldn't do anything that I enjoyed doing. Now I have a great work life balance, have hobbies and on finding out I was pregnant I reacted negatively as felt I would lose all that. Hopefully I won't. I am now over halfway through and whilst I dislike being pregnant I am really looking forward to meeting number 2 in July. I am still doing what I enjoy doing and have vowed that this time life will continue once the baby arrives. Have a think and see if there is any reason why you may have found things tougher than you originally thought. It may be why you aren't feeling how you think you should but whatever you do don't beat yourself up over how you feel. And do talk to someone you can trust. That helped me hugely. X

ChicaMomma Mon 24-Mar-14 17:55:47

You poor thing. I'm a FTM so cant really empathise as such- but i know lots of my friends have said that on the second pregnancy, they didnt hvae the same excitement/buzz/happiness at all. I guess the novelty isnt there, you know what's ahead in terms of the pregnancy, the labour, the sleepless nights once babs arrives- whereas as a first timer it's all new and exciting.

I've nothing else to add really, other than i think you should discuss it with your OH- it would be a big weight lifted i think, and after all, you're in this together.
Hope you feel better about it soon.

whiteblossom Mon 24-Mar-14 18:18:20

OP, I totally freaked out with my first pg. I had a melt down sobbing, snot everywhere trying to explain to dh that I'd made a massive mistake, it all felt so huge and life changing and I felt so bloody ill, it was out of my control. I also felt vulnerable.

My feelings did calm down and evolve and I was happy I was pg. Id have a think about Why you feel like this. I was someone who liked to be in control, nice and neat etc but once baby comes that goes out the window, this ment for me I suffered with PND.

Im not saying you will- not at all. Just take it easy on yourself, this is life changing event- its a lot to take in. Accept help where you can.

hth
xx

Alibabaandthe40nappies Mon 24-Mar-14 18:22:58

I think with your second it can be harder, because you haven't got the same excitement about the new and unknown like you do with your first.

I also felt an overwhelming sense of guilt about how we were going to turn DS1's world upside down. I can remember sobbing and sobbing about it later on in my pregnancy with DS2.

It is a very natural reaction. smile

CoolCat2014 Mon 24-Mar-14 18:34:47

Give yourself some time, it sounds a bit like you've hit an emotional low with it - hormones can do funny things, and it can be overwhelming.

If you can't talk to your partner can you maybe talk to a midwife or Gp about getting a referral to an antenatal depression or mental health unit for counselling. I went to one today (to talk of risk of postnatal depression) and they were fantastic and so helpful.

Hope you feel better soon!

Surprisethird Mon 24-Mar-14 18:57:11

Hi, it's sounds like your hormones have kicked in! I am 31 weeks pregnant ad this s my third and totally not planned. But for the first 5 months I was on a huge down, especially more so up to 10 weeks pregnant, I felt like I had lost all feelings and hope or any excitement, I work for my self and lost all motervation , I felt like a total failure! However now at this stage I feel 100% better, so please don't beat yourself up about it, it woud be worth mentioning it to your midwife on your booking in appointment

Hope you start to feel better soon xx

weeonion Mon 24-Mar-14 22:52:19

Thanks folks for yr replies.
I was expecting to feel some happiness but right from time got positive test 4 weeks ago, i have felt like this.
I will talk it over at booking appt in2 weeks but right now, when even think about being pg - cue floods of tears or lump in throat trying to keep it together.

Sparklyboots Mon 24-Mar-14 23:12:26

I cried when I got pg with no. 2, mainly because I felt awful for DC1. She's 11mo now and she's snoozing next to me in all her glorious beauty.

In some ways, there are things to grieve when you have a baby, even a planned and wanted baby. It's not something you recognise fully with DC1. There's no denying that when a new baby comes, all.sorts of doors are closed forever, it's right to feel sad about that.

But when that person is in your life, what also goes is any possibility of.living without them. You know that, you have already had a baby. How unfeasible is the concept of you in your life without your DC1? DC2 is the same deal. Who would I be without her? I just can't even conceputalise it.

Don't worry about not feeling the same way you did about your first pg. I think our mad excitement about the first one depends on us not really having the foggiest what it actually means. That you move into grief when you get pg with the second one makes total sense. FWIW, that I did my grieving and all the thinking I'd made a mistake before she was born meant that by the time she got here I was totally ready for her, much more so than DC1. With DC1 it was a rollercoaster in the first months, the first year even. She and I have just glided along; an easier, more positive and more stable experience by far. Bliss.

Alibabaandthe40nappies Mon 24-Mar-14 23:19:05

Can you try and break down what you are worried about?

Now that I'm thinking back, I remember having this huge fear that maybe I wouldn't love another child as much as I loved DS1. I can remember saying to my Mum 'it really is like your heart grows to accommodate another person to love, isn't it' when DS2 was 2/3 days old. I was actually shocked! <idiot> smile

alita7 Tue 25-Mar-14 08:14:59

don't worry I feel like this on and off and I'm 8 weeks Thursday. not to the extent of wanting a mc as I've had one and I know I don't want that. But this was planned and I was so happy but then I started feeling low after my early scan made it real, I went from ridiculously relieved and happy to oh my god I can't turn this back and if everything goes well, this is my entire life... I think it's all just pregnancy hormones as I know that really I'm happy but I feel the same about all the people I love they're all annoying the hell out of me, it's all hormones, I feel like I do in the days before my period, when I normally descend into tantrums :p

Koothrapanties Tue 25-Mar-14 08:25:26

I was terrified too and completely panicked that it wasn't the right thing. My pregnancy wasn't planned, but even when it is it's a massive shock.

The best thing to do is give yourself some time. You need to let yourself feel and think all the negative thoughts without judgement. Stop telling yourself that you are horrible for feeling like this, it is completely normal. Just let yourself work it through without the pressure.

After about two months I started to settle into it. I got used to the idea and then started to feel excited. I was still so scared but it got better and better.

Then dd was born and it all made sense. You have 9 months to get ready for a reason, and even if you don't feel ready when your due date comes around, nature will kick in eventually and make it all ok.

Please remember that pg hormones make you worry like hell, you just need to give yourself some time.

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