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Which appointments did your other half attend with you?

(70 Posts)
inmybelly Fri 28-Feb-14 04:18:34

Just curious!

My boyfriend is keen to attend all scans and is open to the idea of attending ante natal classes (although not keen!). But I think getting him to be there for midwife appointments and other GP check ups (unless something is wrong) may be pushing it!

What did your partner do?

Also, from the midwife/GP perspective are there any appointments that he really should attend?

Tomorrow I'm getting my 2nd HCG blood test done and we'll get the results later that day I think. My OH really doesn't want to come in with me for the test (we're both on annual leave this week) and when I pressed him for a reason why, he admitted it was because the parking is too expensive and he'd rather hover outside in the car!!

...I think this may become an ongoing theme...

Stom91 Fri 28-Feb-14 04:32:50

My dp came to the 2 scans but that's it. He worked & couldn't get time off. But he didn't need to be there. At mw appoinments he probs would have felt a spare part plus taking time off for a 10 minute appointment was pointless.
And he came to an ante-natal class (we only went to one)

I don't think there's any he NEEDS to attend but if you have appoinments with consultants or anything like that then maybe he'd like to go. But it's up to you both.

Hope that helps x

icklekid Fri 28-Feb-14 04:39:49

My dh came to scans, didn't come to any midwife appointments (and doubt will come to any in future as don't think he needs to particularly) will be coming to nct classes with me! U think that it's as important he knows what to expect/ what choices I have in birthing/breastfeeding etc!

Sid77 Fri 28-Feb-14 04:52:51

Same here, scans and NCT/antenatal classes. He came to one mw appt at 40 weeks because I couldn't drive and was v grumpy, so he was moral support. If everything is straightforward then mw appts aren't very interesting or very long (10 mins tops really) so there's not much point in time off to attend IMO.

inmybelly Fri 28-Feb-14 04:54:55

That's great thank you. My OH works an early shift so may very well be at home when the midwife visits but it's good to hear he won't be expected to be there.

He does want to be around for appointments where potentially good or bad news will be revealed, like when we get the results of the second blood test tomorrow, which I think will be by phone anyway.

I had a really severe pain episode on Monday and because we've both had the week off work he drove me to the GP and waited in the car. The GP ended up being quite concerned about a possible EP and my partner then felt terrible he wasn't there for what ended up being a quite stressful appointment, although I didn't mind because he was there when I needed him afterwards.

He's so lovely, but I think he'd rather not be in a clinical environment unless he absolutely has to, and I agree, booking time off work for appointments isn't necessary (and probably not even possible).

I think the ante natal classes may be a real challenge! I don't want to force him to do things he really won't like, but at the same time I don't want him to miss out on something that could make the whole birthing/baby experience less stressful.

He agreed to watch OBEM with me yesterday, which was great because it prompted lots of discussion and I'm hoping it will desensitise him (slightly) to the whole birthing experience. He's so completely inexperienced when it comes to pregnancy/birth/babies and as a result he's pretty scared of the unknown (naturally, as am I to be honest!!) But I think he'll be great once he gets his head around the idea of all the bodily fluids!

"They'll wash it before I have to touch it right?!"

Sid77 Fri 28-Feb-14 05:26:38

Personally I'd have hated it if my DP didn't attend classes with me. If he's going to be with you during labour, he needs to know what's going to happen so that he can support you. He will prob find it worse attending labour and being in the dark about what's happening. If you make it clear that that's what you want, they will wash it before he has to touch it! smile

2blessed Fri 28-Feb-14 05:45:21

1st pregnancy dp came to booking appt, 2 out if 3 scans and my last midwife appt when I was overdue and very uncomfortable travelling alone on public transport. He didn't come to any antenatal classes,it wasn't necessary for me for him to be there and would have meant him taking off 2 days from work.
This time he is only coming to the scans. Again I'm fine with this.
whatever works for your family OP.

Inglori0us Fri 28-Feb-14 05:54:03

My DH came to 12wk and 20wk scans with our first and now second baby.
Ive had 2 growth scans and a repeat of the 20wk scan this time and I did those alone. I'm also under a consultant due to a problem I had with my first pregnancy and I've been to those alone.
Now we've had confirmation that this baby is VERY big he will come with me to consultant appt and future growth scans as I'm quite anxious now.
We also did NCT last time.
I think there's no point him attending midwife appts, although my DH was at home for one appt to meet the midwife as I am still registered for a homebirth (which won't happen now due to huge breech baby).

dizhin79 Fri 28-Feb-14 06:04:40

similar story really 12 & 20 week scans and then the homevisit (we're aiming for a home birth) then the hospital ante natal classes

MissSlackPants84 Fri 28-Feb-14 06:11:50

My boyfriend has attened every midwife appointment and every scan, despite working nighta. Its killing him getting up in the middlw of the day to come, but he doesn't want to miss a thing. We are in this together. I'm a lucky lady

24again Fri 28-Feb-14 06:20:54

My husband came to the birth - that was it and quite frankly he would rather have been at work for that too! It never occured to me that he would take time off for scans etc- don't really see the point - I took my mum which was lovely.

jammiedonut Fri 28-Feb-14 06:25:47

My dh attended all appointments. Fairly senior at work he could rejigger his day to come with me, and it was nice to have the support. Not necessary, but nice especially when I had to be taken to hospital following one of the midwife appointments. He was very excited, full of questions that I hadn't even thought to ask so I'm glad he came but could easily have attended them alone.

MummyPig24 Fri 28-Feb-14 06:34:03

Dh came to the scans but not the mw appts or GTT.

Writerwannabe83 Fri 28-Feb-14 06:48:37

I've had 12 scans and DH came to 11 of them. I have seen my obstetrician about 6 times and DH came to 4 of those appointments with me. I've also had to attend 5 times for general monitoring/tracings and he came to 3 of those with me. I'm having a CS soon so have got another hospital appointment with my obstetrician and anaesthetist in 2 weeks which DH will be attending with me. He came to my Booking In appointment with my Midwife but all my following appointments with her I attended alone.

We are very fortunate though as the hospital is very close to his place of work and he has a very, very understanding boss and colleagues - it is only because of those factors that he has been able to attend so many of my appointments with me. I imagine in other circumstances I would have been to a lot more appointments on my own and I would have been fine with that if need be.

Writerwannabe83 Fri 28-Feb-14 06:49:38

Also, he came with me to the ante-natal classes (we took four), though he wasn't too impressed at having to miss out on a particular football game one Saturday grin

x0gawjus0x Fri 28-Feb-14 06:55:15

We were trying for nearly 3 years so dh was just as excited as I was, he came to the booking in at about 8 weeks, scan at 9 weeks 12 weeks and 20 weeks. I go to the mw apps by myself Cos I find them quite boring and so would he. But he did stay in hospital with me over night when I had high bp, bless him smile we were there for about 36 hours ! X

MoominIsWaitingToMeetHerMiniMe Fri 28-Feb-14 07:00:55

All 3 scans so far (12, 20 and 28 week) and he'll be at 36 week but my mum will come to 32 week scan next week.

He kept me company during GTT waiting time.

Always comes if im admitted into hospital or have to go in for a trace.

Came to 16wk midwife, and heard heartbeat.

Doesn't come to consultant appts but is coming to the next one as backup.

Think we've got a good system going.

livingzuid Fri 28-Feb-14 07:12:58

I have psychiatric appointments, thyroid checkups, blood tests and see my consultant every 4 weeks. Whenever they get the ultrasound out (every 4 weeks at the moment) dh is there with me as I'm terrified and need the support plus he really enjoys seeing the baby on the screen. He comes to most psychiatric appointments as he has a role in what to do too and as my main carer finds it useful to be there to hear what we discuss. I used to be a wimp and have him at blood tests but I am over that now and also I go to my thyroid appointments on my own sometimes. He would bless him come to everything but he works shifts and can't always arrange time off/parking is eyewateringly expensive so we prioritise the consultant and the scans as must have him there and then everything else is if he can make it.

I start pregnancy yoga next month and he will come to the designated partner classes.

Granted, I have a lot more appointments than an average pregnancy grin It's really what you are comfortable with at the end of the day although I'd advise scans and ante natal classes. Scans can be nerve wracking and the thought of his mum or my mum in the room makes it even worse. I was on your other thread and fingers crossed for your tests smile

I love having my dh there as much as possible and he says he wants to be part of it as much as he can and to support me.

Trooperslane Fri 28-Feb-14 07:16:10

Just came to scans - and for the love of god stop watching obem!

Weegiemum Fri 28-Feb-14 07:19:37

My dh came to all the hospital stuff (not routine GP checks) - but that was partly because it was a small local hospital and he worked there so switchboard would page him when I got there!

Due to a whole bunch of stuff, I'm now Iatrophobic (terrified of hospitals and doctors, which is a bit ironic given I'm married to one!) so as he's now able to organise his own hours, he comes to any appointments I have (and due to my disability I'm in hospital one day every 5 weeks).

Last November, he had an important meeting on the day of my consultant appointment. I went on my own. Still can't quite believe I did it!

PixieBumbles Fri 28-Feb-14 07:47:48

So far (30+6) all 3 scans, booking appointment and one midwife appointment because he wanted to hear the heartbeat. He also came to keep me company during my GTT but that fell on his day off anyway so all he was missing was a lie in!

Evie2014 Fri 28-Feb-14 07:51:13

DH comes to all my appointments with me. To be honest we never even discussed it- I just assumed that we should both be as informed as possible. Plus I find it really helpful to have an extra pair of ears to remind me what the doctor said afterwards, or to ask a question that I've forgotten to ask. I also think that if (God forbid) I get into difficulty while giving birth, DH will be fully informed of everything and able to make the right decisions if I'm (eek) unconscious. I think in general it makes it clear to both of us and to our health care professionals that we are a team.

Plus- not the main reason but an added bonus- I have read quite a few threads on here about women being upset by something the midwife has said, or feeling dismissed or bullied by the doctor. I think if there are two of you in the room with the HCP then it's more likely that the HCP will be civil and accommodating. (And on the other hand, one might be less likely to misunderstand and jump to the conclusion that the midwife was rude or the doctor was dismissive if DH is there to observe the behaviour too and give a different view.)

We're not in the UK though so appointments are set up differently- we have an appointment about once a month where we see midwife first, then scan (if needed that month) then doctor (for mini-scan if needed). So it's all done in the one "hit"- so may be easier than a lot of five-minute appointments spread out over the month.

Dh was there for the scans and then he came along to tje appointment when I had an Anti D injection (MW said ot mught be handy to bring someone as she has knwn people feep queasy after but I felt fine). Didnt do antenatal classes.

Dh was there for the birth (only him, no other birthing partner)

greentshirt Fri 28-Feb-14 08:14:02

12 and 20 week scans only. I went to 2 others on my own and my scanning friend did a few viability and sexing scans that I also went to alone.

I wouldn't consider asking him to take time off work to come to midwife to watch my wee being dipped and blood pressure being taken! I'm home birthing too and he was at one of those appts which was at home.

We aren't doing antenatal but have done a hypnobirthing class together.

We've watched a few OBEM, I'd seen them all before but wanted to normalise things for my DH. I don't want him panicking over sons blood when it's perfectly normal! There's loads of normal births shown and from a personal perspective id rather be well informed about what could go wrong than completely ignorant and go straight into full on panic if I've no idea what's happening!

vichill Fri 28-Feb-14 08:25:08

he came to the scans. I wouldn't think to invite him to come and watch me have my bp taken and wee dipped.

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