Would you like to be on Mumsnet's research panel? We're especially keen for parents-to-be and new parents to join. You can sign up here - there's (nearly) always a great incentive on offer for your views.

I know this is ridiculous, but I don't think I'm ready to share him....

(28 Posts)
Writerwannabe83 Tue 18-Feb-14 20:06:27

I feel guilty for even thinking this but I can't help it!!

As the birth nears I'm so looking forward to meeting baby but at the same time I feel very sad that he's no longer going to be just mine and it isn't going to be just the two of us. I love having him in me and feeling him wriggle and I love that I get to talk to him all day and I'm not looking forward to it coming to an end.

I try and picture him being here and visitors coming round to see him and asking to hold him and it makes me feel nervous - I just can't comprehend him no longer being a part of me and my body and being separated from me.

I know it sounds silly but I hate the thought of it.

Please tell me I'm not the only one....

wigwam33 Thu 20-Feb-14 12:27:46

I think it's TOTALLY fine to hold on the your baby in the first few weeks of its life. It's a normal instinct. In many cultures, mothers and babies are isolated for the first few weeks of life to allow bonding time. The whole 'pass the baby round to everyone' is entirely cultural IMO.

With my DC1 I wanted him close to me all the time but others kept taking him away. I'm convinced this made breastfeeding much harder as it took longer to establish the bond and to latch on properly. I just want to encourage you to follow your gut and do what YOU want to do, not be peer pressured or told by others. Hard with your first, but be strong!

Writerwannabe83 Wed 19-Feb-14 22:26:28

Thanks everyone smile

And congratulations shelly on your little girl - I have seen you lots around the board and had always thought WOW when you mentioned you were pregnant with your 6th smile

I went to visit a friend today who had her baby 4 months ago and I was discussing it with her and she said she felt exactly the same. She said that within 3 hours of giving birth all the relatives descended and baby was being passed round from one to the other and she said it physically hurt her to see it and she just wanted him in her arms. She said it was really difficult. I'm hoping that when the time comes it won't affect me to the degree that I'm worried it will but I guess I will just have to wait and see.

Shellywelly1973 Wed 19-Feb-14 19:28:08

Op.

I gave birth to dc6 16 days ago. I really understand how you are feeling. I felt it with dc1 & now Dc5 & 6. With the other dc I couldn't wait for them to be born so I could get back to normal.

With dc6 I miss my bump but I adore her. She absolutely amazing!

If any person visiting a new mum doesn't understand the mum not wanting to hand her new baby over - really should have consideration & question themselves as to why they feel so entitled to hold someone else's baby.

You will miss your bump but you will gave a gorgeous baby. You might feel very different once the baby is here.

Don't worry about what 'might be'!

Best of luck. X

AFergie Wed 19-Feb-14 18:36:27

When my baby was born I so didn't want people holding him, i was so scared of germs and I was a first time mum and I just didn't like the idea. Why do people always want to come over for ' a cuddle'? Just look at him !!
Anyway I told everyone that as my waters had broken for over 48 hours during labour he was at high risk of infection for up to 4 weeks after the birth! Total lie! It makes no sense, but people didn't question it ! No one aside from my husband or whoever I wanted held my baby. it was great!

Good luck ! xx

ChicaMomma Wed 19-Feb-14 17:35:40

I am the opposite, i cant wait for him to come out and to snuggle him, and for my husband to be able to do so also, it can be quite hard for the fathers to feel part of it which isnt v fair IMO.

I also cant wait to eat some mold ripened cheese, and drink a bottle of wine.

I dont think i'll have any issue with people holding him to be honest- but i suppose it's hard to know what you'll be like until it's a reality!

icklekid Wed 19-Feb-14 17:13:45

Just to say may be worth letting friends know you are struggling with this- I once drove a long way to see a friend who had just had a new baby and was really gutted that she wouldn't let anyone else hold him. I don't think I would have minded if she said before but was really disappointed at the time!

Pixielady83 Wed 19-Feb-14 16:31:41

I really remember this with DD particularly worrying over whether I'd be able to cope remotely with sharing her with MIL! As it happened when she arrived it was fine and to be honest I was soon quite grateful to anyone willing to give me a break for a while!

ithoughtofitfirst Wed 19-Feb-14 15:21:41

Omg YES MrsRV.... HATED getting baby back and him smelling of my MILs perfume. Shudder.

rockin20s Wed 19-Feb-14 14:36:15

homeiswheretheginis i feel the same, cant wait o see DH holding the baby. but dont want to hand him over. i know MIL/SIL/Sister will want to hold the baby for hours! i dont want to come across as a complete weirdo asking fro the baby back after only 2 minutes but i not sure if i will be able to control myself.

dont think DH really understands this natural instinct that is already kicking in!

HomeIsWhereTheGinIs Wed 19-Feb-14 14:32:11

I completely understand this and I'm relieved that I'm not alone in it! I'm actually OK with the idea of handing DS over, it's getting him back I'm worried about. I don't want to come across as a crazy person but I'm really hoping that visitors realise that they get a quick cuddle and then hand him over again. I've seen some friends visit new mothers and hog the baby a bit. DH has decreed that he will be on baby duty and we've agreed that I'll try to act cool but that if I get a bit twitchy, he'll swoop in for me.

That said, I can't wait to see DH holding him. Almost more than I want to cuddle him myself - is that odd? I really hope that they bond physically - after months of being the only one to feel DS, I want to share!

redrubyindigo Tue 18-Feb-14 21:45:15

Hi Writer

Please let other people hold your baby, cuddle him/her/coo/make stupid noises even if it makes your skin crawl. Trust me. It makes it soooo much easier for babysitters in the future. grin

Yes my bloody sister, I am looking at you who practically made us go through a sheep dip before entering the house and no one could touch pfb! The hours of sheer hell I went through when you finally asked me to babysit were fine and dandy! Loved the wailing that could not be stopped..................

Get the baby used to other people asap. Trust me. Your life will be easier.

One tip that I used to great effect is to always use the same perfume, deodorant etc from the moment the baby is born. If you have to hand him/her to someone else give that person a tiny little spray before hand. The smell is familiar and 'safe'. Worked with my dc's.

Men are not generally happy with a spritz of Chanel Number 5 though!

thecakeisalie Tue 18-Feb-14 21:43:32

I'd say its totally normal so don't beat yourself up about feeling this way. I remember feeling quite emotional when other people other than dh held ds1 in his few first days. I also remember waking from a nap frantically searching the bedding for the baby when he was downstairs with dh! The hormones do strange things and people don't say 'precious firstborn' for no reason.

This is dc3 and I'm so looking forward to meeting this little one and this pregnancy being over. I'm confident I won't have issues with others holding them especially after ds2 was a velcro baby.

Enjoy these last few weeks!

Writerwannabe83 Tue 18-Feb-14 21:29:25

grin @ Green!!! I hadn't thought about the irony..... grin

Writerwannabe83 Tue 18-Feb-14 21:28:15

I'd love a sling blankiefan but I've got epilepsy and I'm not sure how safe it would be for him - I'm not sure I would want to risk having a seizure with a baby stuck to my chest and I doubt it would do him much good either smile

ps) I love your username, I had a blanky when I was young, it meant everything to me grin

greentshirt Tue 18-Feb-14 21:27:48

I'm sure you realise the irony of having two current threads, one where you are complaining about the baby keeping you awake and the other about not wanting anyone else to hold him! grin

I'm not sure how I feel about it, I know I'm definitely dreading giving him to my mil as I think she will be actually reluctant to hand him back, but hadn't given anyone else much thought. In the past I've always been a bit surprised by how readily people will give you their new baby to hold, hope I'm not all precious about it!

Blankiefan Tue 18-Feb-14 21:15:41

I'd definitely suggest you get a sling - a stretchy wrap (I have a Boba Wrap). When they're all wrapped up inside it and cosy and snuggled up; I find it very much like being pregnant again as you have a gorgeous bump to stroke and - even better - to give kisses to.

Also, it can be a bit of a faff to take them out/put them back in again so you could use that as an excuse not to share! (and it makes drinking tea and eating biccies easier!!)

elQuintoConyo Tue 18-Feb-14 21:03:10

Congratulations Writer thanks

I was like this with our son. I didn't quite mourn my pregnant state once it passed, but yes I did miss the movements and chatting all day to myself to him as I pottered about.

He is now 2.2 and some days I wish I could bundle him up and pop him back in grin because he's so gorgeous, not because he's so annoying.

I was surprisingly ok with people holding him. I sat on my ass for about a month and happily let him sleep on my chest for great swathes of the day smile so somrone else having a cuddle was fine. I also had a sling and wore him quite a bit.

Aww baby snuggles <jealous>

Mrswellyboot Tue 18-Feb-14 21:00:49

Ah, very normal. I also had a section so I had four nights of just us.
I still look at him and cry because he just seems like a bit of a miracle to me and my heart hurts I love him so much.

That said, I love an hour to myself !
Wishing you every happiness and safe delivery.

Writerwannabe83 Tue 18-Feb-14 20:51:43

Yes Mintyy - it is my first smile

I feel reassured now I know I'm not the only one. I'm having a CS so at least that means we'll have lots of "just us time" in hospital as opposed to having to face visitors at home! I'm seriously hoping I don't feel jealousy when my DH holds him - the thought of it doesn't boterh me though so that's got to be a good sign, grin

FloppyPoppyCocky Tue 18-Feb-14 20:31:51

I am still like this with my DS and he is 16 months. I do not like sharing him at all. He's mine, all mine!

Peacenquiet2 Tue 18-Feb-14 20:27:31

God im the complete opposite! I love my dc more than life its self but by this stage (37 weeks) i couldnt wait for them to be a seperate entity from me and i feel the same this time to.
Im really ready to get my body back and i love passing the baby over to friends and family once they are here so i get a little break.
As above pp said you will be begging someone to take the little man off you at 3 a.m in few weeks time :-)

Mintyy Tue 18-Feb-14 20:26:04

Is this your first baby?

MrsRV Tue 18-Feb-14 20:25:15

I was like this with DD when she was born. It really shocked me as I was expecting to feel like I couldn't wait to show her off! My biggest pet hate was people wearing/bathing in frigging perfume or aftershave and wanting to hold her. Oh god, I feel the perfume anxiety coming on again for DD2....

BonaDea Tue 18-Feb-14 20:21:09

Trust me, in a few months time you'll be DYING to share him, especially at 3am!! wink

ChazzerChaser Tue 18-Feb-14 20:17:26

Not silly. I really grieved my baby once he was born. Sat there crying and holding my belly . Missed him being inside me and couldn't see the baby who'd been born as the same person. I had a tough horrendous pregnancy and as a result we really bonded before he was born which made me feel that way post birth I think.

But, I got over it. The wonderful ness of him being landslide is that you still get those special moments together, especially I found when breast feeding, but you also get to see him with others and feel so proud. You get to see him off doing other things then spot you and come running. Or see him check you're there. So whilst he's not all yours you still have the specialness of your relationship which is all the more special for seeing them off interacting in the works but returning to you their anchor.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now