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6 weeks pregnant and don't know how to tell partner(16 Posts)
I am new to this site - although I did used to come on here years ago when my 2 children were small.
Feel really stupid at the moment and need to tell people that I don't know as it's eating me up inside.
Basically I am 34 years old and have 9 year old twins. I have been with my current partner for 18 months and we are really happy together. We knew each other for many years before we got together and everything has been great so far. He has a teenage son from another relationship and he is nearly 40. We have never really discussed having children and think we are happy with what we have.
Over Christmas, I forgot to take my pill sporadically about 5 times. I am on Microgynon and have been on it for 10 years and to be honest have had the odd times when I forget to take it and not ever assumed I might get pregnant. Bearing in mind mine and my partners ages I didn't even think that missing a few pills would affect us. (Gosh, I feel stupid trying to justify myself now.)
Anyway, I was due on a couple of weeks ago and didn't come on. I still didn't think anything of it and as I had stomach cramps just assumed I would come on. Well..low and behold, I haven't come on and yesterday I did 2 different pregnancy tests which were both positive.
I feel shocked...and stupid. I don't know how to tell my partner - I haven't even broached the subject that my period is so late because I honestly thought I'd come on. I now feel like I have sneaked around doing tests behind his back - which basically I have.
How shall I broach the subject ? I am still in a state of shock myself and feel like I want to burst into flood of tears when I think about it.
I'd just straightforwardly tell him your period was late so you did a test and it's positive, and take it from there.
What else is there to do?
honestly, directly. take it from there. however else you normally talk about hard things.
it will be a relief to tell them.. at least then you can move forward..
it's just the shock; sit him down and tell him straight. As soon as you can.
I think just tell him, sooner rather than later or he'll be upset that you've kept it from him. Just be honest and say you were late and took a pregnancy test because of it and it was positive. His reaction might help you decide how you feel about the situation yourself. It's a difficult situation but I think since you are in a long-term committed relationship with your partner you need to make a decision about what you want to do about this pregnancy together. I hope that everything works out okay for you whatever you decide. xxx
Thanks for the swift responses and good advice - I am going to broach the subject over the weekend...possibly tonight if I can get the words out.
I feel like I've reverted into frightened teenager mode !
I will keep you updated on what happens x
Whatever you decide, it's best to get this out in the open sooner rather than later, so you can start making plans or arrangements.
Are you scared how he will react or that he will blame you? Or are you worried that you might want different things?
I guess I feel like it is my fault and that I should have been more careful, but stupid as it sounds I really thought I would be safe at the time. I thought given the length of time I had been on the pill, my age, and the science behind ovulation..it would be highly unlikely that I could fall pregnant.
I also feel guilty that I haven't made a bigger deal out of the fact that I haven't come on when I expected to - but I felt sure I would end up coming on.
And I feel guilty that I have done a test behind his back without mentioning anything to him first.
I feel highly stupid about this all..and am so angry at myself !
I think he would probably want the baby and I couldn't contemplate a termination ...but the thought that by the end of this year we could have a baby feels unreal to me. I am absolutely shocked.
Tell him QUICK. while ur still shocked.
Then you can be genuinely be shocked together.
And you can get over it together too (hopefully)
If you leave it a few days till uv accepted it (and are maybe happy) those damn pregnancy hormones will make it very hard to take his shock and ill be (unfairly but understandable) upset by it.
Quick like taking off a plaster - then deal with it together
Like blurt it out the next moment u see him - trying to wait for the right moment will just stress u out and will make it seem like u were hiding it.
Hopefully in a few days/weeks you'll both be delighted.
I think it's important to remember that you didn't take a test "behind his back", you took one to be sure - there is really no point in having what could be a very difficult conversation until you're sure. If you'd tried to talk about it before a positive test, the first order of business would have been to take a test anyway! So, don't feel guilt about that.
Also, I got pregnant on the pill and I was taking it correctly, at least to my mind. It happens. Please try not to beat yourself up.
Good luck, and remember that you've done nothing wrong. It will be okay.
Yes, I agree - there is NO shame in doing the test without telling him. It's your body, and if there was no baby in there, it would all be academic. It only becomes information he needs to know if there is a baby in there.
I can't imagine actually that there are many women who take a test with their partner's full knowledge if they only suspect (have done this a few times myself). It's a lot of unnecessary stress for something that may not even be an issue.
The sooner you tell him the better as has been said! Good luck!
tell him. Length of time on the pill makes no difference for future reference, it is when you last swallowed one! But no contraceptive is 100% and it takes two.
doing the test to check before telling him seems perfectly reasonable to me.
good luck. Every child a wanted child, every woman in charge of her own decisions.
I don't think DH knew I was taking pregnancy tests until I got a positive, it's not deceitful! If its negative there's no point mentioning every test you take is there?
Just remember no contraceptive is 100%.
Best of luck telling him this weekend. I took my pregnancy test whilst on a nightshift without letting him know, whilst he was shocked he drove over to discuss the situation on my break at 2am. If he's a good man (as it sounds like he is) then he will understand and be more worried about making sure ur ok. ( we conceived with 4play when i was taking a pill break and didn't think anything about it till my missed period, so don't beat ur self up too much about being silly )
Best of luck to you, I'm sure he'll be thrilled. It's completely normal and understandable that you did a test alone as you were worried and didn't want to potentially worry him unnecessarily.
I would never announce periods to DH unless we were TTC. I don't think it's weird to have not told him immediately. Do tell him now. Don't make any decisions based purely on his initial reaction, give him a few days to process it.
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