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Giving birth alone.

(58 Posts)
Shellywelly1973 Fri 10-Jan-14 18:11:41

I've known for most of this pregnancy that it would be very likely i will be on my own when I give birth. I'm 37+3. I was at the hospital today & the enormity of it hit me.

I will have to do this totally on my own. Carry my own bags & car chair. No one to hold my hand or get me a drink. No one to share my fear or joy...

I don't have any close friends here. Exdp doesn't want any involvement with birth, baby or our 3 other dc.

It didn't really bother me until today as Exdp was pretty useless during the other births. I really wanted a hb but it was so difficult to organise care out of the home for the older dc that it makes more sense for me to leave then the dc.

The walk today from the car to the hospital was quite painful & I realised I will do that again whilst in labour with a bag & car chair!

I don't know why I'm posting really as there's no point in being upset as it's the way it is...

It's lonely though. x

catinboots Fri 10-Jan-14 19:47:43

Shelly love. Just tell us what county you are in. You may not want a stranger with you for the birth, but one of us could drive you in and bring your things and come back to take you home x

MNers are the best, I promise smile thanks

Hangingoninthere Fri 10-Jan-14 20:05:56

You may be able to have a home birth - I had a hb with my third with the other dcs then 2 and 4 at home. I explained everything to them in advance and they stayed up stairs while I had dd in the lounge. My labour was quick & dcs were fine & loved seeing their little sister just after she was born. Can you older dc look after you young dcs in a different room so you could have a hb?

Elllimam Fri 10-Jan-14 20:09:07

I'm near Glasgow if I could help? Xx

Shellywelly1973 Fri 10-Jan-14 20:21:39

The plan was a hb from the beginning as i really dont like hospitals. Exdp & my neighbour were going to care for the dc. My youngest 2 have SNs.

I've had all but 1 at night.

Dp & I split up before Christmas. My neighbour hasn't been very well & sadly she had a stroke last Monday & is now in hospital.

My oldest ds is great but he will struggle with the dc. I'm hoping it's midweek so at least they will be at school. If I'm here the boys won't understand why I'm not available to them. They wouldn't leave me alone. They both have ASD. Ds8 is much more needy then Ds5. They would not be able to comprehend that I wouldn't be able to talk to them as normal, whilst in labour for example.

It's very hard...

When dp left I cried for 2 days. Neither of them noticed.

frazzledoldbag Fri 10-Jan-14 20:37:39

I'm in Scotland - I don't know where you are but I hate the idea of anyone struggling and alone with kids and a new baby on the way. I will help you if you are anywhere near me - I have 3 kids and also a midwife.

GimmeDaBoobehz Fri 10-Jan-14 20:53:33

I'm in Dorset and would be happy to help in any way that I could. I don't drive either, but certainly could come to the hospital to help out if you needed someone. Most people like me, although I am pretty chatty but will shut up if you ask me to.

GimmeDaBoobehz Fri 10-Jan-14 20:56:16

Same for Llama if she needed some assistance too.
Or anyone from MNet for that matter.
Nobody should go in labour on their own unless they are prone to outbursts of violence

Biscuitsneeded Fri 10-Jan-14 21:05:58

Those mums that you were friendly with, but don't see much now - why don't you text them and explain your predicament? And if you don't want to actually give birth in front of them, maybe they could at least come with you to hospital, carry your bag, help you get to the right place etc. After that for the actual birth if you want your friends to not stick around they will probably find a health assistant or student to keep you company - both I and a friend have given birth alone (for different reasons) and in both cases the staff were extra-nice to make up for the absence of birth partner. But I bet those mums you are friendly with would be really touched to be asked to help, and if a fellow mum asked me for that kind of help I would think that's the kind of thing women should do for each other...

Shellywelly1973 Fri 10-Jan-14 21:06:40

lol@Gimme !!

Thank you to you all for your kind & gengenerous offers...

But I will be fine. I need to keep busy & not think too much!

The days & weeks leading up to giving birth are actually worse then the birth itself!

I used to be very close to my sister, mum & mil but circumstances have changed beyond recognition & generally I'm ok but days like today make me feel lonely & very isolated. x x x

Hangingoninthere Fri 10-Jan-14 21:11:38

I went through labour & birth alone with ds2 - in many ways I found it easier as I could focus and get on with it. I had ds2 in hospital so had midwives with me for the birth. I am sure you will be fine with the labour &birth but will probably need some help getting to the hospital and after the baby is born.
Have you any other neighbours, parents of dcs school friends, local childminders / nannies who might help? I'm sure if people knew your situation you'd get lots of offers. I know I would offer for someone even if I didn't know them very well. I would be happy to be asked to by any of my neighbours or acquaintances.
When is your baby due?

Mitchell2 Fri 10-Jan-14 21:11:59

Have you spoken to your midwife? In my area (london) they offer maternity mates - which are women trained to give support during childbirth - kinda like a free doula for those who don't have support. Maybe your area has something similar?

Emilycee Sat 11-Jan-14 07:20:45

I'd also be happy to help Shelly, im Peterborough based. Can provide a lift, fetching and carrying etc. You could have a whole tag team of us from mumsnet! :-)

Just seen this on active convos. I am in Norfolk. KL to be precise. I have a car and a strong pair of arms if I'm any use to you.

BettyMacdonald Sat 11-Jan-14 07:51:14

Shelly and Llama I'm in SE London if I can help in anyway? smile

dobedobedo Sat 11-Jan-14 08:04:12

Northants, Corby area here. Holler if you need a hand with carrying stuff or a lift or anything!

LlamaLover Sat 11-Jan-14 08:35:34

Thanks for all offers of help. Am Halifax way, so none close yet,but much appreciated all the same. smile

LurkingNineToFive Sat 11-Jan-14 08:59:08

If the idea of a stranger being there is a bit strange why don't you get some virtual help via a thread on here?
We'll all rally round hold your hand etc. won't be able to get you a drink but the moral support will be plentiful.

HolidayArmadillo Sat 11-Jan-14 10:39:35

The way you've described the hospital makes me think it could well be the one I work in. If so and I look after you I'll be extra specially nice smile

HopeS01 Sat 11-Jan-14 12:27:17

Another offer of any kind of help, (but I'm on the Isle of Wight so unlikely that I'll be of any use).

I'll be thinking of you xx

MummyPig24 Sat 11-Jan-14 13:14:29

Another one here offering help if I can. I'm in Berkshire. I don't drive but I would be more than happy to accompany in a taxi, carry bags, fetch drinks etc.

Shellywelly1973 Sat 11-Jan-14 20:34:00

Your kindness & offers of help have helped me so much...really lifted my spirits!

I feel a bit daft now for posting but I felt so on my own yesterday. I know we're all better off since dp & i parted but at times I think I must be mad!

The support from strangers on the Internet has more power then I ever realised...

THANK YOU. x x x

Cariad007 Sat 11-Jan-14 20:46:00

Shelly, this is a just a small thing but IIRC you're attending the same hospital as me and there is another entrance! First couple of times I did the 20 minute walk too but if you go past the entrance to A&E you will see another entrance, which is about 2 mins from the labour ward. There's also a lift to the floor where the antenatal clinic and MDU are, though I find it quicker to take the stairs.

HolidayArmadillo Sat 11-Jan-14 21:34:15

^^ sounding even more familiar if you want to pm me and check.

firstpglivingabroad Sun 12-Jan-14 02:29:37

Hi - sorry to hear this - I won't be back in the UK for 6-7 weeks or would offer too. I'm pg with no.1. Only 13 +6 at the moment, but will also be doing this alone. My ExP walked out on us 4 days ago. I hadn't thought about giving birth without him there - something else to work through. Good luck with everything, look forward to hearing how it goes. xx

Gobbolinothewitchscat Sun 12-Jan-14 02:44:47

Bloody hell - I'm 40+1 with a 13 month old DS and a supportive DH. I've moaned all day but you've really put me to shame blush

Am so impressed that you are coping so well and with lots if other DCs too

I can't offer any practical help but, if you are in Cheshire or the Wirral, have you heard of one2one midwives?

You basically have your own dedicated midwife for appointments. If you don't have a homebirth, they'll transfer with you to the hospital and stay whilst you give birth emergencies permitting they're not licenced to actually deliver you in the hospital but they'll stay for support

You can self refer at anytime and it is available on the NHS.

My midwife is lovely so hopefully you might meet an equally nice one that you would be happy to have at the birth flowers

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