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Real dilemma with a friend, don't know what to do

(54 Posts)
MaryMcCarthy Fri 27-Dec-13 19:08:36

She has just announced she is pregnant with a guy she's known for around 7 weeks, however she found out today she is near 10 weeks pregnant. and she was having sex with someone else immediately before meeting the new guy.

I know the peculiarity of ovulation means she could technically be ten weeks pregnant despite first sleeping with the new guy seven weeks ago. And she insists it's the new guy's. But she also insists she was on the pill. I just wondered if I could share the timeline of events here and see if it added up to anyone else? because I'm still not convinced.

If this isn't the right forum for such a story then I apologise and I'd be happy to be redirected, but I hope you can help because I'm extremely close to this girl, she's earmarked me as a godparent and it's really taking up a lot of my thoughts at the moment.

NickNacks Fri 27-Dec-13 19:13:23

What the bloody hell does it have to do with you? Are you seriously analysing her sexual history and menstrual cycle because you need to be 'convinced' about who the father is? None of your business.

oldbaghere Fri 27-Dec-13 19:19:41

You're over invested in her life and she's a loon if she's earmarked you as a godparent already.

OatcakeCravings Fri 27-Dec-13 19:24:08

Eh? Just support your friend. What are you planning to do? Tell her new partner the baby isn't his if the dates don't add up? Nice!

lougle Fri 27-Dec-13 19:26:44

I disagree, it can be a very good friend who helps their friend see that there is considerable doubts over a timeline, as long as the motive is to help, not to judge.

It sounds like she may need support, whatever the truth.

MaryMcCarthy Fri 27-Dec-13 19:40:36

So you'd be happy being godmother to a baby whose parentage you doubted? Could you look in the eye of the father?

This girl has been known to make awful kneejerk decisions and dishonesty is not alien to her. I just don't want to see her turn her life and the life of an innocent guy upside down, or at least show her I'm there for her.

I'm the only person apart from her who knows the exact timeline (because we spend so much time together) and she's somewhat emotionally reliant on me so I'm unavoidably involved in her life. This is where I find myself, don't judge me for not blindly going along with it...

oldbaghere Fri 27-Dec-13 19:43:12

You're not her friend

Orangeychoc Fri 27-Dec-13 19:45:22

Roughly, 10 weeks pregnant means she conceived about 8 weeks ago (based on a standard 4 week cycle). Variation of a week either side of this is perfectly likely.

Orangeychoc Fri 27-Dec-13 19:45:55

Aretou going to share the timeline ?

If she slept with him straight away then he probably is the father. Last period + 2 weeks until ovulation + 3-4 days window of conception + 7 weeks knowing him = (almost) 10 weeks.

MaryMcCarthy Fri 27-Dec-13 19:58:48

1 Oct - She tells me she's talking to a guy online and she seems pretty smitten.
6 Oct - I'm out with her in town, she's very drunk and she meets up with and sleeps with a guy we both know, Geoff.

2 Nov - I'm out with her again and she bumps into Geoff - she goes and has repeated casual sex with him til the next day.
3 Nov - She mentions to me in passing, as a joke, that she might be pregnant.
5 Nov - With Geoff presenting a mere passing dalliance she meets internet guy after weeks of intense chat. She deems the day magical.
9 Nov- Sleeps with internet guy for the first time, having acquired a hotel room for their second meeting.
14 Nov - Sleeps with internet guy again.
17 Nov - Tells me she's feeling sick, horribly sick.
18 Nov - She's sick in a way she's never been before, curled up on the bathroom floor weeping with nausea.

22 Dec - She takes a pregnancy test, having missed her period. She tells me she's been on the pill (the type where you stop during your period).
23 Dec - She tells me she's 6 weeks pregnant.
27 Dec - Doctors tell her she is 10 weeks pregnant

She has since told me that the sickness on 17-18 November was not pregnancy related, and I know I'm an awful friend, if only for posting this online, but I'm worried, and not convinced.

AHardDaysWrite Fri 27-Dec-13 20:04:15

Wow. I hope for your sake she's not a mumsnetter or you've just made it very obvious to her that you're sharing intimate details of her life all over the Internet.

Or is it the case that this friend doesn't exist and you want help working out who the father of your own child is? People would have more sympathy with that, tbh.

oldbaghere Fri 27-Dec-13 20:07:02

You seriously sound massively over invested in this. why do you care so much?

Awakeagain Fri 27-Dec-13 20:08:04

Gosh some harsh comments!!
I would maybe do less details on time line as v obvious who the person might be!!

MaryMcCarthy Fri 27-Dec-13 20:08:49

I care because she's my closest friend and she's potentially not only betraying me, but everyone she knows.

lougle Fri 27-Dec-13 20:08:56

As there is only a week between the two men, then anything could be true. Ovulation could have been very late, accounting for the apparent extra week.

ziggiestardust Fri 27-Dec-13 20:08:57

I can't believe you have the timeline so nailed down shock

Are you actually the 'friend'?

oldbaghere Fri 27-Dec-13 20:09:21

How the actual fuck is she "betraying" you??

TwerkingNineToFive Fri 27-Dec-13 20:12:39

Kinda odd you know all the dates like that??
If this is genuine maybe you should distance yourself from the friendship seems like you dont really want to be involved.

MaryMcCarthy Fri 27-Dec-13 20:16:28

She's betraying me by coercing me into a situation. Being a godparent is not a thing I'd take lightly and couldn't sit tight and smile until everything blows up further down the line.

She's betrayed me once before over something pretty big so excuse me if I'm a bit insecure.

If the child is born with brown eyes everyone will know of her deceit and the new guy, who has has just made a lifelong commitment to her, with be crushed beyond belief. I'd rather be out of the picture than waiting for that, so she'll have to forgive me for being so forensic about everything.

duvetheaven Fri 27-Dec-13 20:16:44

Think others are being harsh. What I would do is have a frank discussion with her about who she really thinks the real father might be. If she wants to pretend it was not the previous guy , my issue would be with the child as the child would then not be aware of their true identity and father. Also she is doing a disservice to the actual father ( if it is recent guy). I know of a friend about 10 years ago who is in the 'recent guy' position and believed his girlfriend until aged 2 years it became very apparent that the child was not his and a lot of hurt and upset was caused. I would have a problem with this situation and the lack of integrity mainly for the child's sake.

Your not her friend, how can you share her personal business over the internet, thats such a shitty thing to do, and if some strangers tell you what you obviously want to hear, what exactly are you going to do?

AHardDaysWrite Fri 27-Dec-13 20:21:02

Erm...you do know that eye colour genetics are hugely complex and that virtually any colour combination is possible, don't you? It is a complete myth that two blue-eyed parents will only have blue-eyed children, if that's what you're thinking.

duvetheaven Fri 27-Dec-13 20:21:09

Also, I would have a word with her about her internet dating and booking hotel rooms on second dates as she is making herself extremely vulnerable.

MaryMcCarthy Fri 27-Dec-13 20:22:13

Maybe this has shown I'm not her friend and wasn't ready to be godmother. I hope you can understand I'm young and inexperienced at this kind of thing.

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