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your views on bump grabbing, groping, and stroking

(136 Posts)
AnnaBanana25 Mon 23-Dec-13 22:18:31

So, I have only had a few incidents of bump touching so far, which I have found odd as I'm 14 weeks today and don't have a proper visible bump yet.

Today's grab probed me to ask your views... Do you mind? Do you like it, put up with it, or have you purchased a t shirt that says "touch my bump and die"?

I'm in two minds at the minute, mainly finding it odd as I don't even have a big bump. An acquaintance today started probing my tummy asking "so where is it?! WHERE IS IT?!".... Ummmm... Weird.

So, views please, go!

Sleepthief Mon 23-Dec-13 22:27:42

It doesn't bother me in the slightest. This is DC4 for me (37 weeks) and I can honestly say I have never been 'groped' or even 'grabbed'. I'm fairly certain that those who touch my bump do it with the best of intentions - not any kind of weird sexual or controlling motives. I also don't tend to be naked when out and about, so they're actually getting a handful of jumper... All in all, I've never managed to get worked up about it. But, as with so many things, each to their own smile

14 weeks does seem a bit early, though!

PenguinsDontEatStollen Mon 23-Dec-13 22:34:12

I haven't really had that. Maybe it is my death stare fgrin

I would find it horribly intrusive if anyone did. The only people who touch the bump are DH and the DD's.

Would hate it if anyone did it, I am apparently not very approachable though - thankfully!

tracypenisbeaker Mon 23-Dec-13 22:38:02

My rule was, if I didn't know you or you didn't ask, then you weren't allowed to touch not that it was always possible to enforce.

There was one woman who crossed the road from the other side while I was waiting for it to go green- I'm a goody two-shoes like that- and just as it changed she put her hand on my tummy and was like 'Are you?' hmm and I was like 'Yes, and I need to cross now, excuse me.' People just have no awareness, I don't appreciate being groped at traffic lights, or anywhere else for that matter.

PenguinsDontEatStollen Mon 23-Dec-13 22:39:16

Oh god, a stranger would get a very icy "Do you mind?"

Andanotherthing123 Mon 23-Dec-13 22:52:30

I don't mind, but I would be repulsed to touch someone else's bump, so I just can't understand the fascination some people have. Personally, I'm not much into hugging, kissing and have always rated shaking hands as a good compromise if people really HAVE to reach out and touch. I just let them get on with bump touching tho as I ponder why it seems to impart such joy. Is so weird...

nevergoogle Mon 23-Dec-13 22:56:58

i was at a christmas party last week where a tipsy colleague started stroking my bump as we were talking.

Me "er, what are you doing?"
Her "huh, just you know" "Sorry don't you like it, other colleague likes it"
Me, "i find it a bit odd, not unpleasant, but really odd"
Her, "sorry"

I was left feeling like I was being unfriendly in not just standing there being stroked.

I like physical contact, I like hugs, it's great.

I don't like people reaching out and grabbing my bump. There's a boy in my class who touches his crotch a lot and every time he sees me he can't take his eyes off it and just reaches out and touches it a lot and it freaks me out. OH - fine. Friends and family - fine as long as they ask. Strangers/people I don't really consider friends - no way, unless you're happy for me to reach out and touch your belly/face/boobs/any other part of your body.

Belle2808 Mon 23-Dec-13 23:19:50

Kindly keep your hands to yourself! I am currently minutes from pissing myself and throwing up all over my shoe whilst feeling like the back end of a bus and you want to invade the little personal space I have and touch me! ...... In the nicest possible way f**k off and go rub ur muffin top if you feel the need!!

As I'm sure you can see 33+4 and very hormonal!! In short .... No people shouldn't touch ur bump it's wierd! If ur boobs got bigger and I just casually grabbed them I would be arrested!!! With the exception of old people (only for the simple fact I was raised well) I actually say the things I have just typed.... It's a wonder anyone is still speaking to me lol!!!

Writerwannabe83 Tue 24-Dec-13 00:20:39

It doesn't bother me at all. I've had various people touch my bump, including some men, and I don't have a problem with it. They aren't 'groping' me, they are just excited about a baby being in there - just like me fsmile

i find it invasive and inappropriate; ditto comments on its (totally normal) size.

Anothermrssmith Tue 24-Dec-13 00:40:17

I'm 36+3 and never had anyone apart from family (hell I say family but really just my husband) touch my bump until Saturday there. In that case it was a close friend of my mums who asked first and it didn't bother me in the slightest however today I popped into work for the secret Santa (I'm now on maternity leave) and and my boss,after asking if I had had the baby yet confused, had a feel at it. Not convinced he wasn't making sure I wasn't lying when I said that no baby hadn't arrived yet! And this WASNT the same boss who asked if my periods had been normal when I told him I was pregnant and hadn't found out until I was 9 weeks gone.

Anothermrssmith Tue 24-Dec-13 00:42:18

But to answer the question it depends on who's doing the touching, if it's someone I know well not an issue, some random stranger would at best get told to fuck off and at worst a smack in the face!

RedToothBrush Tue 24-Dec-13 00:59:00

Scotland defines assault as any intentional physical contact with another person without their consent. but in England and Wales, this is defined instead as battery.

In England and Wales battery involves unlawfully touching another person. No physical injury is necessary.

Exceptions over consent exist to cover unsolicited physical contact which amount to normal social behaviour. (Such as everyday knocks and jolts to which people silently consent as the result of crowds)

So the only two questions I have is, is it normal social behaviour to go up to a complete stranger and stroke their belly? Should it make a difference if you are pregnant?

Nuff said in my book.

Writerwannabe83 Tue 24-Dec-13 01:04:18

It's a good job I don't live in Scotland then as I'd be a serial assaulter hmm

I'm always touching people, including strangers, I.e putting my hands on their shoulders or their arms - typically if I'm apologising to them if I accidentally bumped into them or something. I'm a very tactile person and when I make these gestures to people I'm doing it to be nice. It has never occurred to me that I might be deserving of a 'fuck off' and then a smack in my face hmm

Belle2808 Tue 24-Dec-13 06:37:18

See that's the thing .... People think they are being nice but if you aren't a touchy feely person it's very invading. I know everyone is different and if people ask I politely say no but those folk who do it in the supermarket need to STOP! Also hate the way people make you feel like you just took a poo in their birthday cake if you say no!! I am not a bad person because I don't want you to touch me!!

EeyoreIsh Tue 24-Dec-13 08:06:16

I quite like friends and family touching it, especially when baby is moving. Although some like to hold it for a little too long!

Work colleagues and acquaintances should not touch the bump, it's entirely inappropriate.

AnnaBanana25 Tue 24-Dec-13 08:17:44

Ooh interesting everyone. I don't mind hugs and touching when you're in a normal interaction, which is why I'm thinking about this... My stomach (and other peoples) is something that doesnt get touched. I think its strange as its out of context, but other people don't because you're pregnant and its almost seen as an invitation.

To me its strange as I'm so early on! How often does this get when you get bigger?!

Thingymajigs Tue 24-Dec-13 08:27:33

I haven't experienced any touching yet and I'm 34 weeks with my third.
My personal space is important to me. I'm also funny about greeting with hugs, handshakes and air kisses too. It's all a bit awkward for me so I probably give off a "don't touch" vibe.
Today and tomorrow I'm meeting with some of DP'S relatives that I've never met before and he is worried they will grab my bump and make me uncomfortable. Why would anyone touch someone elses flabby tummy? Just weird.
I'd make a point of saying that you don't like being prodded. It is their problem not yours.

SweetPea86 Tue 24-Dec-13 08:34:15

I haven't had much yet one friend asked if she could I I said yes. Another friend yetsterday did and I didn't mind but a women at work who I'm not that close to did it and I felt a bit violated lol just depends on the person lol

I'm not an overly touchy feely person so think most people pick up that vibe haha

RedToothBrush Tue 24-Dec-13 11:42:36

It really would depend on the context though. As the above post said, there are exceptions about whether it was normal social interaction. In which case being touchy feeling with people you knew would for the most part be ok.

But doing it to a stranger would be socially unacceptable as you have no way of knowing if they found it invasive in some way. I think if you don't know their background or have any sort of relationship with someone, then touching them without asking is potentially over stepping the mark and you need to give more thought to what you are doing, even if its well intentioned. You have no way of knowing if you are making that person feel very uncomfortable.

Anothermrssmith Tue 24-Dec-13 11:46:03

I am a fairly tactile person, I greet my friends with hugs etc and if someone in the street bumped into me and put their hand on my shoulder by way of apology it wouldn't bother me in the slightest, but there's a difference between that and some stranger randomly touching my belly. It's more intimate somehow and definitely crosses a boundary, at least for me it does though I appreciate that everyone feels differently. That said,I am in Scotland and certainly wouldn't be pressing assault charges! I've never felt the urge to touch someone's bump, even if it is a close friend, and find it really odd that people do especially when it's someone they don't know.

StillPukin Tue 24-Dec-13 12:16:39

It depends who it is (probably only one or two people I DONT mind touching me) but on the whole I wish people would get the f* off!! What makes them think its ok!? Would they do it at any other time!? Yep, I'm super sensitive about my size and shape and am hating people drawing attention to it. I dont know how I didnt punch someone I know who I bumped into in Sainsburys who walked up to me and thought it was ok to pull my coat open and comment.

Grrrr! yes I've got the rage lol

LittlePeaPod Tue 24-Dec-13 13:09:06

I hate it. Pregnant or not I don't like people (particularly strangers) invading my space. I have been even less tolerant of space invaders since falling pregnant. I actually posted about this the other day following an incident when I snapped at a woman in the supermarket that continued to touch me up every time I was in there. I was pretty harsh with her.

Link below detailing what happened... The majority of people on the thread thought my reaction was really unreasonable.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/1945822-Space-Invader-Was-I-unreasonable-and-over-reacting

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