Would you like to be on Mumsnet's research panel? We're especially keen for parents-to-be and new parents to join. You can sign up here - there's (nearly) always a great incentive on offer for your views.

Is anyone else's husband pissing them off as they just don't get how hard pregnancy is..

(26 Posts)
Elliejmulligan Thu 19-Dec-13 21:17:23

I'm really understanding of my husbands job working away but I'm near end of pregnancy and I feel like crap and he's not around,so sorry, it gets to me occasionally.andvthen he can't get why I'm so pissed off as we are having a baby I should be happy..

Casmama Thu 19-Dec-13 21:20:06

Perhaps you need to focus on what he can do when he is there. It sounds like you could do with a bit of looking after and may help if you could be really specific about what he could do - run a bath, rub your feet etc.

Elliejmulligan Thu 19-Dec-13 21:21:06

Awww thankyou. Think I'm just having a hard day of it...

Casmama Thu 19-Dec-13 21:22:58

It is hard going. When are you due?

Elliejmulligan Thu 19-Dec-13 21:24:34

6 feb. U?

MyMILisfromHELL Thu 19-Dec-13 21:26:32

'tis hard. Hard fucking work. Give him small, manageable jobs to do. Good luck X

Casmama Thu 19-Dec-13 21:26:35

Er I'm not actually due till July but this is my second. I have found my dh more supportive this time- possibly cos I am very vocal about how sick/tired I'm feeling!

AngryBeaver Thu 19-Dec-13 21:27:40

Yep, on the whole I think men find it hard to understand how taxing pregnancy is.

I'm on my fourth pregnancy, and we are immigrants, therefore no family support at all.

I am fucking wrecked!

Dh has a very mentally demanding job and a lot of responsibility.

But physically/mentally/emotionally? He has no concept.

He thinks I wanted another baby, I knew what I was getting into, and I should have the good grace to get on with it cheerfully.

So, you're right. Men don't know or appreciate (usually) how difficult pregnancy can be.

Inglori0us Thu 19-Dec-13 21:27:44

My dh works away a lot too. It's hard. It's good to have a moan every now and then. Men really don't get how hard it is physically and emotionally.

Peacenquiet2 Thu 19-Dec-13 21:37:55

My dp doesn'nt work away but does work every hour god sends while i work p/t and do ALL the child care/ for dc 1+2 plus ALL house work etc (so in my opinion i work every hour god sends as well).
He does'nt or wont understand my point of view that being pregnant is a physical, mental and emotional strain no matter how you try to sugar coat it. He also thinks being home with young kids all day is a laugh a minute and not one bit hard work.
Needless to say we have some arguments about his attitude as i appreciate how hard he works yet he shows no appreciation whatsoever for all that i do.
Point being you are not alone in having a less than thoughful dp.

cravingcake Thu 19-Dec-13 21:49:05

My DH works away quite a lot as well. We already have a very active 2yo DS and i'm now 34 weeks. He totally doesnt understand how hard it is for me but he does try.

What really annoys me is when he complains about being tired, or achy. I'm the one who gets up in the night and early morning with DS. I tell him try doing everything he's doing but with an 11kg bowling ball strapped to his front. I also find the best way for him to help is to tell him exactly what i need, like peace & quiet to have a bath or for him to cook dinner while i sit down.

sarahleanne Thu 19-Dec-13 22:14:57

My DH used to think being at home with the kids was a walk in the park until he was inbetween jobs and left with the kids for the 6 weeks school holidays. TOTALLY changed his opinion and he is much more appreciative of what I do now.

Im currently 36 weeks and my DH has gone way today for 3 weeks!! It is hard going without a doubt, especially if you have other children to look after.

sophs37 Fri 20-Dec-13 01:27:56

had enough of mine tonight! ! hes just come home totally drunk from his work xmas party not one mention to see if im ok just taken up the whole bed n snoring away!! I'm 7 months pregnant I need the sleep aswell.

AdoraBell Fri 20-Dec-13 01:38:29

Not currently, but - oh yes, he was quite the arsehole actually.

MaryAnnTheDasher Fri 20-Dec-13 06:53:47

I'm pregnant with dc3 so 2 dc to look after and my dh has zero understanding of what it's like to not be able to join in on Xmas parties not being able to drink etc. he was out twice last week, again tonight and will be carrying on Omer Xmas drinking away while I'm there sipping a flat fucking soft drink. Not that I'm bitter :-)

MaryAnnTheDasher Fri 20-Dec-13 06:54:17

Over Xmas...

iloveweetos Fri 20-Dec-13 07:00:27

DH just dones to get it at all. He helps with housework which I am so grateful for. But I have bad back pain - even if I ask for a little rub he just says I'm not giving that. Annoying but what can you do?

schokolade Fri 20-Dec-13 07:03:24

To be fair to the DHs, I think it's more an "anyone who hasn't been pregnant recently doesn't get it" thing.

I am sick of hearing "pregnancy is not an illness". Thanks you patronising gits, I work with infectious disease and I know what a bloody illness is! Mostly from 50+ year old men who think they have a clue because their wife had a complication free pregnancy 30 years ago. Even had a political party leaflet posted through my door a few days ago with "pregnancy is not an illness" as a headline and a white bearded man smiling patronisingly up at me. BOG OFF THEN. In a decade or two when he can't stand well on the train either, I will get my revenge by sending a smiling leaflet to him saying "old age is not an illness".

Ooooh that was a good rant. Been bottling it up for a while. DH is fantastic though!

RoyMum Fri 20-Dec-13 10:26:09

Mine moaned the whole way through ds1 labour that he had had no sleep and the seat was uncomfortable....never forgotten and remind him when possible! This time round if just been diagnosed with an over active thyroid at 9 weeks pregnant and the reality that I am actually really quite ill and feel like shit seems to have made him pull his finger out his arse a bit more...had the noro few weeks ago too...

thebestnameshavegone Fri 20-Dec-13 11:38:24

i am only 8 weeks and am not too bad on the tiredness/sickness front, but I have a stinking horrible cold and I run my own shop so I am working 7 days a week and its obviously the busiest time of the year. I have worked every day for the last month and I do all the housework. I want a day off and a sleep more than I can say. so what has dh done? he's invited 5 people round for dinner tonight. arse.
i put my foot down and said if he's invited them he's feeding them but i could still really do without it.

Spookey80 Fri 20-Dec-13 13:31:24

Yes, very pissed off today. He has taken a week off work, but instead of helping bit more with household stuff and the other 2dcs, he is doing his jobs around the house and going to the gym and nice stuff like that. It stinks, I'm knackered, feel very resentful of him at the mo.,.,,.,and then start to feel guilty!

MummyPig24 Fri 20-Dec-13 13:55:00

I got a bit ratty with dh this morning as he said "I think I'm getting ill." I responded with "do not expect sympathy from me because you have not been helpful at all since I've been ill."

I'm 28 weeks pregnant, have a uti, I have had a horrendous cold/cough/sore throat for over a week and I'm generally exhausted. We have 2 other children and yes I am a sahm but I have loads to do plus I spent most of yesterday having a GTT and travelling to and from the hospital an hour away. I'm not in the mood for giving sympathy!

RoyMum Fri 20-Dec-13 18:10:10

I think they are all made from the same/similar cloth! While I was puking my guts up with the noro..he went for a curry..and I had ds1 to look after..he did ask if I wanted him to stay..but I know I'd never hear the end of it..
He's currently bathing ds1... Soon I'll get the can you clean the bathroom up. Don't get me wrong I know he helps out..but sometimes I'd really like him to do th whole job and not need a helping hand!!

slightlyinsane Fri 20-Dec-13 20:26:11

My dh has his moments of understanding, then he's an arse. He asked if we could eat together tonight as we've not really seen each other this wk. I thought that was lovely however. ....... I'm still waiting for him to tell me what freaking time he's planning on getting home and I'm starving inconsiderate flipping muppet!!!!!

pixiestix Fri 20-Dec-13 20:34:16

DH is usually fairly great but I have done my back in completely today and he spent about fifteen minutes when I got in watching me try to take my tights off while he told me funny stories about his day at work. When I finally wrestled the bastards off it dawned on me that he was still wittering on and it hadn't even crossed his mind to help.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now