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How is your DH / DP behaving???

(21 Posts)
BookTart Sun 08-Dec-13 17:54:19

DH has been very good at looking after me, and doing extra house things (like all the cooking and hoovering - result!), but he has little or no interest in the bump. In fact, he's a bit freaked out by it now as you can often see the baby moving about, and it reminds him of Alien hmm. He only came to scans where there might have been bad news and I would need support (so an early emergency scan at 7 weeks and the 20 week anomaly), but he has now sat through 2 antenatal classes with only minor fidgeting and yawning.
That all sounds quite bad but I knew he'd be like this. It is all a bit abstract for him until the baby is actually in the house I think. And he isn't quite as detached as the dad at today's NCT class whose biggest anxiety was getting the equipment and lighting right for the photos in the delivery room (yes, really!) I won't lie though, I do get a bit jealous of the people whose partners are actually excited but my DH just doesn't really do excited smile

Twinklestarstwinklestars Sun 08-Dec-13 17:22:32

My dp didn't really 'get it' until the baby was born and it was ds3 this time! He didn't feel it moving all the time and was working away so didn't come to any appointments except a special heart scan so it didn't seem real to him until he was actually here.

He's better now he's here when he's at home.

HomeHypno Sun 08-Dec-13 16:27:43

Mine was hugely pleased his testicles delivered the goods in the second cycle we tried! Very smug indeed!

He doesn't seem to be able to relate to the physical side of it, like morning sickness or feeling tired but he talks a lot about the time when the baby will be here. I will do antenatal classes with him with a really good antenatal teacher I know and this hopefully makes it more real for him. We are planning hypnobirthing at home so he will be important.

HomeIsWhereTheGinIs Sun 08-Dec-13 15:05:18

Mine is really sweet and very excited, but it's our first so it's completely new to both of us. But then he's a very private man - although he's being lovely and supportive, I know he's not that keen on NCT and will only go to make me happy (a friend told us they make you talk about your feelings in the group and that's not his sort of thing at all). I have an app like the one you've described and I read him the updates rather than sending them on, maybe you could try that?

whereisshe Sun 08-Dec-13 14:04:25

Agree with all the PP, give him time. At 24 weeks it was only just starting to be real for my DH since I didn't start showing until about 20 weeks, and he still found feeling the kicks really weird at that point (to be fair so did I!).

I know he was excited but I think it was quite hypothetical for him for a long time since it didn't have the physical aspect it has for me.

He's a lot more engaged and excited now (I'm 39 weeks), I think because it's now imminent (and I'm so huge). I'd say just let your DH do it his way, he might surprise you if you step back a bit smile

Peacenquiet2 Sun 08-Dec-13 13:51:58

My dp has never shown massive enthusiam for any of my pgs, now on dc 3 and we just carry on as normal. Dont talk alot about the actual pg apart what needs to be said and he would most definity not sit with his hand on my bump and ive never forced the issue. I still enjoy the kicks without his participation.
Personally if it was the other way round and it was him carrying my child i would want to feel kicks and hear about it but thats the diff between most men and women i feel.
Wouldnt worry about it, once dc arrives its a whole diff kettle of fish, my dp is a brill dad when the baby actually puts in an appearance!

Anothermrssmith Sun 08-Dec-13 13:50:36

Now that we are at the stage where birth is pretty imminent (i'm 34 weeks, being induced at 38) my husband is starting to show his excitement but up until the last few weeks you could be forgiven for forgetting that he's about to become a father for the first time! When I first felt the baby kick from the outside (if that makes sense, lol) I grabbed his hand so he could feel and his reaction was "your stomach is twitching", I think it's just a guy thing. He also hasnt appreciated the anti-natel classes and has found all of them, apart from the one about feeding, a total waste of time. But we were out for a friends 30th last weekend and as our friends live scattered throughout the country this was the first time most of them had saw us since we told them I'm pregnant and he spent the whole night telling them about all the scans I've had (i'm diabetic so had one every month), showing them the pictures on his phone and with his hand on my bump the entire night. Your other half will get there OP, might take a while but he will get there!

Writerwannabe83 Sun 08-Dec-13 12:25:12

Arr missmedusa - that's so lovely smile

MissMedusa Sun 08-Dec-13 12:24:21

My DH is the kind of guy who thinks all babies look like wrinkly old men and doesn't really understand what all the fuss is about so I never expected great waves of enthusiasm and wouldn't expect him to do any reading up on it but the way his eyes light up when I'm having a scan and he can see the baby moving around or when I wake up and find his hand on my bump, I know the excitement is there, he just shows it in a much more subtle way.

Writerwannabe83 Sun 08-Dec-13 12:23:48

Thanks everyone - I think he is a bit overwhelmed by it all. We fell pregnant extremely quick to the point where we hadn't really digested what it would mean to our lives to have a baby. I also had 3 bleeds (at 7 weeks, 10 weeks and 14 weeks) so I think maybe that freaked him a little bit. In his defence, he did have tears in his eyes at our 10 week scan and also when we got told we were having a boy.

I guess you're right, maybe we are just more invested as it's happening to us and it's easier to get more excited about baby movements when you're the one feeling them inside you all day and night as opposed to just seeing a stomach wobble like they do smile

BlessedAssurance Sun 08-Dec-13 12:19:39

Meant to say your Dp is doing greatgrin Don't be too hard on him.

BunnyMama Sun 08-Dec-13 12:17:25

My DH was exactly the same for all 3 smile

I was miffed, tbh

I wanted him to talk to the bump like they do in films, and make me feel like a precious pregnant wife - did not happen!

On the upside he is the most amazing dad once they arrive smile

Make sure you spoil yourself during your pregnancy as much as possible, is my advice!

BlessedAssurance Sun 08-Dec-13 12:16:43

Dh, not Du. I shall dispose of this Ipad..

BlessedAssurance Sun 08-Dec-13 12:15:31

DU is fantastic, but he does not read anything baby related. It's our second baby and he is as excited as the first. He rubs my tummy and will feel the kicks when I ask and is interested in what i eat and my wellbeing and that is all he can do really. We experience everything so we are bound to go overboard because the babies are in us, we feel it all, whereas men are more on hand when the actual baby is there. Do will read something if i asked but will probably not be arsed to read a weekly email about the baby.

Writerwannabe83 Sun 08-Dec-13 12:11:30

I was trying to educate him - he once asked me what food we need to get in for the baby once it's born..... grin

I absolutely cracked up!!!

Note to self: do not leave the baby alone with DH unattended for fear he will start trying to feed him crisps or something smile

Only1scoop Sun 08-Dec-13 12:06:41

I'm having an awful prg with HG and am extremely unenthusiastic about the whole thing. My DP is fantastic and literally running our house at the moment as well as looking after our dd who is 3. He is far more enthusiastic and excited than me.
I think just let your DH enjoy it in his own way ....I'm not sure if my dp would have wanted weekly emails sent to be honest.

He's more excited than I am, but doesn't seem to appreciate the side-effects of pregnancy. He was saying "we are pregnant" but I nipped that in the bud, and at times he sighs and seems to think I could be doing more - and he always chooses to do this when I'm in agony/a complete hormonal meltdown.

quackojuliet Sun 08-Dec-13 11:57:00

Echo the others above. My dh definitely started taking more of an interest and being more practical around planning for the birth and afterwards once we started antenatal classes. He was reluctant to go and found the first couple boring,but now we're nearly done he's admitted how much more empowered he feels by knowing stuff.

TobyLerone Sun 08-Dec-13 11:10:15

He's amazing and more excited than I am.

But he'd think I'd lost it (and be pretty unimpressed) if I tried to force him to take an interest by signing him up for email spam.

The physical stuff is more interesting to you because it's happening to you. It seems to be difficult for some partners not to feel a bit disconnected from the pregnancy until there is an actual baby in the world.

SaucyJack Sun 08-Dec-13 11:06:29

I just don't think fathers can realistically maintain the same level of excitement for nine months, when they don't have the constant physical reminder that the mother does.

Doesn't mean he's not looking forward to meeting your son as you are.

Writerwannabe83 Sun 08-Dec-13 10:12:22

I'm just curious as to what attitude your DH/DP has towards the pregnancy??

I was kind of hoping he'd be super excited in the same way I am but it hasn't turned out like that and don't know if it just a 'man thing' ??

Every week I read website pages about what stage of growth the baby is at (currently 24 weeks) and all the new things he can now do etc. I entered my husband's email address onto a website so that he would receive weekly updates but he admits he doesn't read them hmm

He will occasionally talk to the bump and say 'hello' when he is rubbing it but he isn't too concerned about feeling the movements. In fact, he has only felt movement once (when I grabbed his hand and put it on my bump) despite baby having been crazy over the last week. When I tell him the baby is going mental I really want him to say, "Ooh, lets have a feel." but he doesn't, he just smiles briefly and then goes back to whatever he was doing hmm

I mentioned Antenatal classes to him last week and although we are going to go to them (after him having a few whinges), he wasn't as enthused about them as I was, lol grin

He talks with excitement about the baby coming along and I know he will make a brilliant father but I'm just disappointed that he doesn't seem as overwhelmed and excited about the pregnancy as I am.

Does anyone else's Dh/DP show the same level of nonchalance??

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