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Going to scan alone...

(21 Posts)
Writerwannabe83 Thu 07-Nov-13 00:01:17

Hi everyone, I don't know why I'm posting really, I just feel a bit sad that I've got to go to my 20 week scan alone tomorrow as my husband can't get out of work. We have already had 5 scans (we've had a few problems along the way) and he has been to every one of them, but it just feels weird that he won't be at this one. I guess the 20 week scan is seen as some kind of milestone. I've also got to be scanned at a Foetal Development Centre as opposed to the normal midwifery unit (I'm on medication that can potentially affect development so am being scanned by Specialists) so I'm also anxious about that. All our previous scans have been fine - the last one when I was 16 weeks pregnant - but I'm just apprehensive of being told something is wrong and me being on my own. Plus, I don't want all the other couples looking at me and feeling sorry for me because I haven't got anyone with me... hmm

Ginformation Thu 07-Nov-13 00:13:20

I've had a few scans on my own too (also on meds that can affect growth) both this pg and the last. Dh comes when he can and hates missing them, he missed the 20w scan this time. No one in the wait room has ever batted an eyelid at me being there alone so hopefully that won't be a problem for you. Is there anyone else who you would want with you, friend/family? Hope it all goes well for you.

CrispyFB Thu 07-Nov-13 00:15:23

Almost the same boat, although admittedly it's not my first. I'd feel far worse about it if it were my first.

My 20 week scan is tomorrow too (last one was 3 weeks ago) at a specialist place because I had a high nuchal so I need to have a cardiac scan too.

The 20 week scan IS important.. not so much a milestone as important in its own right. Possibly more so than any of the other scans (especially if viability is already established before the NT screening due to early first trimester scans) It's the one I think women need the most support at because there is always the potential for issues (BTDT, on my own too - it's not great but you cope because you have to and they are always very kind)

Having said that, nearly everybody's scan goes just fine - worst case people get a few minor things that almost certainly mean nothing. Or you need to come back for more measurements.

I made a post a few months back about going to scans on my own, as I usually have to due to DH's work and childcare issues. Whilst it's true that it often seems like most people have a partner there, nobody really notices if a woman is on their own as they're so preoccupied with their own worries.

Good luck tomorrow!

Shellywelly1973 Thu 07-Nov-13 00:26:30

Good luck for tomorrow.

I ended up going for my 12 wk scan by myself. I had a mmc in February so was very very nervous. I was really upset & disappointed in my dp whereas yours sounds very supportive.

I was the only person on my own but no one else seemed to notice.

Take care. Update us tomorrow!

NoComet Thu 07-Nov-13 00:33:45

It will be fine. DH was abroad when I went for mine (although I wasn't alone, I had DD1 with me).

Only since joining MN have I realised this is very frowned upon.

She was then violently sick all over Debenhams cafe, which was far more memorable than the scan blush

RiotBecky Thu 07-Nov-13 00:36:02

after 28 weeks I was having a scan every other week and dh couldn't attend any so I brought my mum, my nanna, my auntie and my dad to different ones so everyone got to feel involved smile and meant I wasn't by myself!

Mogz Thu 07-Nov-13 01:07:30

Aww, I know how you feel. My first scan I had to do without DH as I'd been admitted to hospital and he couldn't get there quick enough from work. It was very sad. But he got to all the others (our last one was on Tuesday). Just strike up conversation with your sonographer and make sure you get a picture to take with you for your DH.
Best of luck, I hope baby is wriggling like a good 'un!

Writerwannabe83 Thu 07-Nov-13 07:28:46

Thanks everyone - I did consider asking a friend or family member but my husband only told me yesterday so I didn't really get chance, it's a bit short notice for people. My scan is at 09.00 so need to leave mine by 08.15am at the latest so it just isn't practical for my friends/family who have children of their own to sort or jobs to go to etc. My husband has just left for work and has promised he will try his hardest to get there but I have told him not to worry about it. His work have been absolutely brilliant in giving him time off so far, including needing to take emergency time off when I've had bleeding so I want to keep things as nice as possible and not burn any bridges. We are also burying his Grandma tomorrow morning (which he is devastated about) so he already has a lot of upset on his mind and the last thing I want to do is make him feel any kind of guilt about me. I'm sure it will be ok, I'm thinking positive. Thank you everyone for your reassurances x x

Foxeym Thu 07-Nov-13 08:05:27

You'll be fine. My DP only came to one scan because of working away. All the other scans and appointments I went alone and there were other women on their own as well smile

Rockchick1984 Thu 07-Nov-13 08:44:04

If you are considering finding out the gender, why not ask the sonographer to write it down and seal it in an envelope? That way (presuming all is fine at the scan) your DH can open it and tell you so he gets to be a part of it all too?

Romily Thu 07-Nov-13 09:02:38

I have been to a few scans on my own, I am in a similar position to you in that I have had a number of scans due to a high risk pregnancy. The staff have always taken extra care of me when I have been alone and a good book stops me thinking about the views of others in the waiting room.

At my 20 week scan I took a family member with me for a bit of extra reassurance. Hopefully hubby will be able to come to the next few with me.

TruJay Thu 07-Nov-13 10:21:58

It is a shame that he can't be there but there have been women on their own when I have gone to scans/appts and noone ever seemed to be looking at them, I certainly wasn't.

Also I second what rockchick has said, what a lovely idea! That way if he opens the envelope he is the first to know the gender which would be a very special moment for u and he to share and u don't have to tell anyone else, just say u didn't find out.

Good luck with ur scan x

FobblyWoof Thu 07-Nov-13 10:41:15

I've seen plenty of ladies wait by themselves and I've never felt sorry for any of them. The only one I've ever felt bad for was a lady there with her partner who just ignored her the whole time they were waiting. He was on his phone the whole time (hanging up literally as they went into the room) and she looked so nervous.

Cariad007 Thu 07-Nov-13 10:45:33

I had a few worries from my 12 week scan so the screening coordinator arranged for me to have my 20 week one done at another hospital’s Fetal Medicine Unit with the consultant in charge of the unit. This actually reassured me, so don’t feel anxious about going to an FMU – the staff there are highly trained and very thorough so it really put my mind at rest.

greentshirt Thu 07-Nov-13 11:01:09

Writer already knows the gender, she is having a boy I think!

My DH came to the 12 week one and i'll expect he comes to the 20 week one too, but I go to all other appts alone and dont have a problem with that at all. Different in your circumstances as I know you have had problems earlier on.

As long as you know why he isnt there I wouldnt worry about what other people might be thinking, you definitely wont be the first person who goes it alone! Someone I work with goes to every midwife appt with his partner, I definitely wouldnt expect that of my DH, she only tests my wee, takes my blood pressure then we have a nice chat about antenatal classes, breastfeeding and birth.

Its whatever works for you. Hope it went well smile

Writerwannabe83 Thu 07-Nov-13 12:20:39

Thanks everyone - just got back!!

The waiting room was empty (so no pitiful looks) but the best thing was that 5 minutes before I got called my husband suddenly appeared!!!!! grin

There was a student midwife in the scan room which was brilliant because the Consultant went through everything in SO much detail in order to teach the student - it was fantastic. Our scan was about half an hour in total smile

We got two free photos too as opposed to being charged £10 per photo in the normal midwifery unit smile

And, despite the concerns about my medication the scan today showed a happy, healthy, 100% perfect, wriggly, long-legged little boy smile

We are so relieved and over the moon!!!

RiotBecky Thu 07-Nov-13 12:35:32

Yay!! Bet that was such a white knight moment when he suddenly walked in haha!

Great news!

I've had loads of extra scans and although DP has come to the 12 and 20 week scans I've gone to all the rest on my own and no one bats an eyelid!

CrispyFB Thu 07-Nov-13 18:15:35

Very glad to hear all went well!

I had no knight in shining armour today, I'd have been somewhat stunned and annoyed if there had been given he was at home doing the school run!

There were a few other couples in the waiting room where I was, but also one or two women on their own. Nobody really noticed or cared smile

NoComet Thu 07-Nov-13 20:10:02

Glad it went well and lovely that DH was able to appear grin

TruJay Thu 07-Nov-13 20:16:37

Aww lovely, glad all is well

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