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At what stage did you tell work that you were pg?

(82 Posts)
Mitchell2 Fri 01-Nov-13 11:01:40

In a bit of a quandary - am 7+4 today and really not feeling the greatest. I am on the verge of telling a select few at work so I can take it a bit easy WFH etc. I don't have any concerns re reactions to it - e.g. I know that I am not going to be discriminated, they will be v supportive etc but I just feels a bit wrong telling them so soon as the old rule of thumb is after the 12 week scan.

Oh and we are also going to be doing our planning for 2014 in the next few weeks and my absence is going to be material so I kind of want to be able to share this with at least a few people so we can plan effectively.

Interest to hear what others did and why....

fl0b0t Mon 11-Nov-13 22:44:17

Marriedit's the 'fgs' which suggests exasperation at anyone making a different decision to you, when in likelihood, that decision is taken out of their hands. Put yourself in other people's shoes and read what I've written! Thurlowis right. If I get an 8 am appt, I can get to the station by 9 am. Which means i have to wait for the 9.20 an train which would get me to work around 11am at the earliest. Which would mean not leaving work until half seven at the earliest and probably not getting home until half nine or so at the earliest. Which when you are pregnant and suffering hg is not a barrel of laughs!

Tell your work when you have to our want to

Ilanthe Mon 04-Nov-13 13:12:30

I told my lovely supportive boss (who knew it was coming anyway, I'd been very open with him about wanting another DC) at 6wks because I felt so awful and it was definitely affecting my work. He said he wasn't surprised and then came with me to my next meeting just in case I had to back out. He was brilliant all the way through the pregnancy, even when I had to phone him on New Years Day to tell him I was in threatened prem labour and likely wasn't coming back.

I told everyone else the day after my 12wk scan. Lots of people said they had wondered given that I was looking a bit podgy round the middle and distinctly green around the gills.

Thurlow Mon 04-Nov-13 11:39:55

Married, that was 20 years ago. Nowadays in a lot of areas you see a mw not your GP. Mws often only run clinics at specific times. There's not always a lot of flexibility.

And as another HG sufferer, "how many do you need nowadays fgs?" - well, a hell of a lot actually when you're puking your guts up and might be in and out of hospital. And you aren't going to wait a week until there is an 8.30am appointment when you can get a 2.30 appt that day. Or lets imagine you don't actually live and work in the same town, so even an 8am or 6pm appointment needs time off work.

Threads like this are nearly always started by a poster who a) is in a job where their duties and tasks need changing, or b) suffering from something like HG which kicks in early and horrifically.

No need for a "fgs", which is why I imagine FlObOt was in your mind defensive. Everyone's pregnancy is different.

All I can really see is, why on earth shouldn't a woman tell her work before 12w? It's not a law that you have to wait till 12w. If you like your work and have good relations with your colleagues, you can tell them. I find it quite odd that you are so stridently against telling your work.

Mitchell2, hope you start to feel better soon.

marriedinwhiteisback Mon 04-Nov-13 11:06:44

FlObOt that was very defensive and if you reread my post you will see that I carefully noted "unless there are health and safety issues" and unless the doctor notes reasonable adjustments. Are you seriously saying that you can't make a doctor's appointment first thing or last thing to minimise your time off work; instead having to take a whole day off for a 10 minute appointment.

Thewhingingdefective Mon 04-Nov-13 09:50:38

I had IVF which some people at work knew about, so I told about my pregnancy at the six week viability scan. I just felt better with it being out there, especially as I felt anxious and think it reflected in my work.

wm3010 Mon 04-Nov-13 09:26:26

I told my boss at 7 weeks, mainly because I had been feeling so awful that my work rate had dropped right down and I was getting myself in a total state about that. I felt better once I had told, it made me a lot less stressed as I knew he wouldn't be unkind enough to moan about how I wasn't doing as much work as usual when he knew why. Also felt it would be a lot easier to tell if anything went wrong and I needed time off rather than having to tell/untell in one go. Told other colleagues after 12 week scan.

fl0b0t Mon 04-Nov-13 09:26:25

PS marriedinwhiteisback
1. I work a full day with a 2 hour commute each way- so yes my drs is open until 6pm but I'm never home by then- so getting an apt would have involved a day off. Having said that I could have worked from home in my job and just gone to the drs, or just gone anyway as they have to let you have time off for a dr appt (?) anyway, but just highlighting that it's not that easy for everyone. Most people I know work in a manner which means a dr appt is difficult to book outside of work time.

2. I had about 4 dr appt in one week to get myself antisickness medication- they don't just like to give you a prescription for these things and you have to be quite persistant. And if you have a lovely easy healthy pregnancy then you won't need many dr appts, however there are many out there less fortunate who end up having a lot of appointments.

3. Sorry to hear about the loss of your baby- I know people who have told work at 7 weeks and miscarried at 8, and those who have told work at 16 weeks and miscarried at 26weeks- so really the 12 week rule wouldn't help in these situations.

4. There are a huge range of jobs out there that may need duties altered due to pregnancy. Just because you might hae been able to carry out your duties as normal does not mean it's the same for everyone else! I know people who work with chemicals (photography labs), heavy lifting (retail), risky encvironments (mental health patients), sport jobs etc so there's a huge number of factors that may effect when you tell your boss and whether you need your duties changed slightly!

fl0b0t Mon 04-Nov-13 09:10:35

I was signed off for three weeks with sickness from weeks 7-10 and then was very delicate still for weeks after that.... so I had to tell work much earlier than I planned on. It's important to know how you feel about your employers- if you have any reason to think they might screw you over- be very careful what you tell them and when! Good luck!

mrsannekins Sun 03-Nov-13 20:37:02

I told my manager when i was 6 wks as i had to have a couple of early scans and needed the time off work. But I didn't tell anyone else until right after my 12 weeks scan....turned out they had all already twigged as I suddenly stopped drinking tea and coffee as the smell made me sick and only ate cheddars for 6 weeks!

MyNameIsWinkly Sun 03-Nov-13 20:20:30

I didn't tell work with my first pregnancy, but then had to take time off when a mmc was discovered at 9 weeks.

This time I told them at 6 weeks - but I'm a front line police officer, I'm not risking my pregnancy. Also the day I told them I had to stop the car we were patrolling in and hang over a bin in the street as I felt so sick. Not a good look, and tbh I'm of no use to my colleagues like that.

RunDougalRunQuiteFast Sun 03-Nov-13 19:29:12

We were in the middle of redundancies and new contract negotiations, so I fudged my dates and told work when I was actually 22 weeks! I'd had a mmc shortly before so didn't want to tell people till I was pretty sure things were going well anyway. I'm quite tall and long bodied so hid it well, or else people were just terribly polite, and didn't point out the bulge!

RedCountryRoads Sun 03-Nov-13 19:20:45

I'm quite looking forward to telling my boss. This will be mine and my husbands first. I've never ever been maternal and I deal with Children on a daily basis! I think his face will be a picture. He will have to pull his finger out as I do a hell of a lot of his support work. I'll be doing some serious training up for my replacement.

I'm 4 weeks pregnant. I'm going to tell him before my works Xmas do which is mid December as a night without me drinking will be as obvious as a neon flashing sign. I've never been on a works do without a good few pints! smile

JiltedJohnsJulie Sun 03-Nov-13 09:52:08

Mlouise it's been a while since I had a baby and the rules have probably changed. I'd get your booking appointment arranged with your your mw and read up on what you are entitled to, then maybe make her a cuppa, give her a cake and tell her. If you think she's going to be frosty tell her on a Friday afternoon rather than a Monday morning smile

Congratulations too smile

Mlouise211 Sun 03-Nov-13 02:00:36

Hi All, just found out today I am around 4 weeks pregnant and although I am happy I am really scared at the prospect of telling my boss, she is the HR manager but as I work for her and my one other colleague has reduced her hours I know already the news is going to go down like a lead balloon! Any tips on when I should break the news and how to approach my unapproachable boss as I don't think I will be getting a supportive response. This will be seen as a huge inconvenience to her and I'm worried I won't be treated the same once she knows even though there are laws in place!

Junebugjr Sun 03-Nov-13 00:04:12

Dd1 - about 5/6 weeks when the Hyperemesis kicked in and had to go to hospital.
Dd2- 2 hours after my BFP as I could already feel the HG coming on and wanted to make sure there was cover for my job as I knew I'd be in hospital for a while.

LightTripper Sat 02-Nov-13 23:41:41

Well I guess there are two reasons people tell. In my case I was retching into the bin and didn't think I could make the "stomach bug" excuse wash more than once so needed to work from home and skip some client meetings/convert them to calls, so felt I owed it to my boss to explain what was going on. Others have said for longer term business planning reasons or there were specific aspects of the job that weren't safe to do. Otherwise I agree I would have waited, but really, it didn't feel that big a deal to tell early, although I obviously would have preferred to tell my family first.

ems1910 Sat 02-Nov-13 23:07:47

I told my work as soon as I found out but this was mainly due to the nature of the work I do (care assistant) and the fact my mum is the manager!

bonkersLFDT20 Sat 02-Nov-13 23:06:22

DS1 after 12 week scan.
DS2 I ended up telling very senior person at about 8 weeks because there was a hoo haa with contract renewals. I was due to get a new 5 year contract (grant funded science job) but there was a delay so we were told we'd get a 1 year one until the admin. was sorted out. Eeeeek. While I had no reason to think it wouldn't turn out well, I had visions of me having a 1 year contract, telling them I was pg and then another contract not being issued. Told big boss and by the end of the week the 5 year contract had arrived.

About 18 weeks for me with DC1. By that point I was wearing skirts with elasticated waists and unstructured jackets, but the boss hadn't guessed - probably becaue I wasn't married! I had also managed to go on two business trips with him abroad and make it look as though I was swigging gin by careful timing of when I arrived in the bar and who ordered the drinks, so I always got neat tonic waters smile

I could have told him earlier, I was luckily in a very secure job. But i just felt it was private - also it had all come as a bit of a surprise to me smile so I wanted to get used to it first!

marriedinwhiteisback Sat 02-Nov-13 17:39:43

I'm really surprised that anyone would want to tell work before 12 weeks at the earliest unless there were real health and safety issues. As for getting time off for appointments - how many do you need nowadays fgs? When I had my children you needed to see your GP for the confirmation - booking letter for the hospital to go off. Even 20 years ago GP surgeries offered 6pm appointments. After that it was a booking appointment at about 12 weeks and a nuchal scan between 11 and 13 weeks. I took annual leave for the booking appointment. The nuchal scan wasn't actually available for baby 1 and for baby 2 it was still only being offered as a research project at KCH and you could just turn up at 5pm - I remember we waited for two hours and were thrilled to see a healthy everything.

I told work the first time at 16 weeks (lost the baby at 17 weeks) and the second time kept it quiet until I was 18 weeks. And unless women are too ill to work or a doctor has recommended adjustments they should be performing their usual contractual duties, shouldn't they?

Zoze Sat 02-Nov-13 15:02:08

For similar reasons to you I told the director I work for before I was 5 weeks. After him I'm second in command as it were and we had started to set targets and budgets for next year when I knew I wasn't going to be there, and it all felt wrong and that I was lying.

I explained that I knew it was v early days and all sorts could happen but I felt I owed it to him not to lead him on. I set out who I was happy for him to tell, the MD, HR, and the ops director and that under no circumstance did I want anyone in our office to find out about it.

I feel I made the right decision for both me and my work and font regret the way it panned out, although I appreciate I was in a lucky position as I didn't really have any doubts over it.

BohemianRaspberry Sat 02-Nov-13 14:26:17

I told them at 12 wks but only as I had had an mc before Christmas and was deeply superstitious until I had actually seen the little critter on the screen.

However, I know the colleague before me told then at 8 weeks as she had severe morning sickness and needed it put down as sickness due to maternity.

Still took them until just two weeks ago to organise my cover though!

TransatlanticCityGirl Sat 02-Nov-13 12:33:24

For my first, I told them at 16 weeks. I work in HR so I am hyper aware of discrimination which is rife and I wanted to wait until bonus decisions had been made - I had been hoping to make it to 20 weeks (I know of several bankers who have managed to keep it hidden that long) but I got to the point where I was showing and wanted to be able to relax.
Now pregnant for my 2nd and I'm going to have to tell at 13-14 weeks as I'm showing much earlier. We're also months away from bonus decisions being made so I don't have much reason to hide it. either way I'm screwed wink

LightTripper Sat 02-Nov-13 12:32:41

If told at around 8 weeks as I had a work trip coming up that I didn't think I could do due to sickness. All fine, and definitely helped with flexibility... Though was a bit weird that my boss knew before my family. But really couldn't see a way around it.

Champagnebubble Sat 02-Nov-13 12:05:43

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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