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ZOMBIE THREAD ALERT: This thread hasn't been posted on for a while.

7 months pregnant & the father has left me! :(

(33 Posts)
Mummy2014 Thu 10-Oct-13 10:53:59

I honestly have no idea where to start. Me & my fiancé had planned this baby, I fell pregnant very quickly after having in implant out it other than that we were both so excited. Fast forward 7 months & over a facebook message he tells me he's my happy& doesn't think we should be together.

We are meant to be moving house tomorrow, which is still going ahead - I'm making him at least pay for a house for me & his child.

I begged him to give it a chance, I haven't been the easiest of people to be around, I honestly don't feel like pregnancy suits me, I've had 1 I'll was after another which has got me down. He spends most of his time at the pub which is when I start moaning at him.

I just wanted to hear if others have gone through the same & how you coped? Right now my heart is breaking & honestly don't know if adoption would be the best thing for this child sad

Would love to hear from you.

Mummy2014 Fri 11-Oct-13 16:31:08

No further improvements today, I keep breaking down & sobbing, it's hard because I've started missing him now.
Stupidly I'm thinking if I just change & let him have his nights out & try to be a better fiancé maybe he'll stay with me, when in reality hormones & a bit of moaning shouldn't matter, that's normal in pregnancy.

Oh and to top it off, I have had slight bleeding - called MW & as it's only a little have to keep an eye on it & get checked out of it worsens.

At the moment I feel like there is no light at the end of the tunnel. sad

LightTripper Fri 11-Oct-13 16:55:59

I think you need to let yourself do that. Of course you will miss him! That is totally natural!! And maybe he will at some point grow up and see sense and decide to be a proper supportive partner again, rather than bailing because things get rough for "a few weeks"... But in the end you can't force him to do it, and you can't change your behaviour to fix things. If he can't handle a slightly moody pregnant lady, he is not going to be able to handle a colicky baby or a grumpy 2 year old! If he really cannot handle a little bit of rough with the smooth then things were always going to go wrong some time. Nothing you can do about it.

So I think you need to firstly just give yourself some time to come to terms with the shock and the hurt. And then start to plan to cope on your own. And that will take time. You will probably not feel ok next week or the week after. But soon you will have your lovely baby in your arms and all your family around you. And if he doesn't manage to man up, that's very sad, but you will be FINE. And if he does see the light and beg you to take him back, and IF you then decide that's a good idea, then that's a nice bonus. But always remember that the baseline is you and your gorgeous baby, supported by your family, and that is more than enough if it has to be.

I just wish there was a fast forward button through all this shitty bit. Sending you hugs and a big cushion in the shape of something cute to hug, or kick, as appropriate (probably a bit of both, while crying, I would imagine)

Xxx

Mummy2014 Fri 11-Oct-13 17:27:48

Thank you, I just feel such a failure & completely embarrassed that Ive been left on my own. I worry far too much what people think of me & thinking that he going to be slagging me off as a hormonal bitch down the pub, when I wish they all knew the truth!

I'm now stuck in a 1 bedroom flat trying to create room for all the babies things, because I can't afford to move. He has said all he is willing to contribute is £100 towards the rent & then csa payments when baby is here.

I am hoping & praying he has a change of heart & decides he wants this after all, but will it be too little too late? I hope he sees sense but what's to say he won't go off again?!

Stupidly I asked if we could see each other tonight & he is busy - so there is me now thinking he's moved on already (bloody hormones!)

Need to try & get some food down me & not make contact with him, lets see if he even gets in touch :-/

Xx

omuwalamulungi Fri 11-Oct-13 17:37:16

The failure is not yours.

I would think anyone who he may be slagging you off to will be thinking he is an utter loser for leaving a pregnant woman.

Could you co-sleep? It saves a lot of space smile You won't need a buggy straight away, you could try a sling for the first months?

I know it is hard, believe me, but you don't need him. You may want him immensely but you do not need him. I think he really has shown his true colours and I would be thinking very carefully about allowing him back even if he decides it is what he suddenly wants.

Of course none of us know him better than you and I'm not trying to tell you what to do, but it's so easy to get sucked in by someone and stop believing that you can manage alone. It is far better to be alone than be with someone who you'll be worrying will up and leave if it gets too hard.

Hope you start feeling better soon.

LightTripper Fri 11-Oct-13 18:18:41

Totally agree with omu. This is not your failure. And you'll be totally fine in a one bed, try not to worry. Babies are small and don't move around much or need that much stuff! My friend was in a 1 bed and did fine (oh, and did I mention her OH stayed in their house but stopped paying the mortgage, leaving the Building Society chasing her for the negative equity after he did his disappearing act?). But honestly she has a lovely life, and gave her daughter a lovely babyhood and toddlerhood on her own. She even managed to go to Uni when she was unable to afford the child care to work, and trained as a teacher, which is not something she ever thought she would do ( and probably wouldn't have done if her husband hadn't buggered if). As for her daughter you never saw a smilier little person! Cheeky of course, and energetic (taking after Mum!), but happy! And you never know what doors will open for you in the future!

Don't feel a failure. It's not a failure to fall in love, or be passionate, or make a mistake. Actually it takes a lot of guts to do those things (guts I haven't had, for what it's worth) and you should feel proud of yourself for being brave enough to achieve everything you already have done. Lots of people who would dearly love to will never fall in love, or bring a child into the world. Things don't always work out. They are not failures and neither are you!!

Can you organise something nice for the weekend? Maybe invite a girlfriend over for a pizza pig out?!

addictedtolatte Sun 13-Oct-13 05:39:53

Op how are you today? Hope you've had some rest. It really will be ok am a changed person since this happened to me but in a positive way. Your child only needs one committed parent if that's how it ends up. Take care and don't blame yourself for any of this. Take care and hope all turns out well

Mummy2014 Sun 13-Oct-13 16:46:35

Thank you all for your kind words.

It's been an odd day, he's been round today to talk, he wouldn't talk about us only baby & how we'll arrange things. He said we're better off working together than fighting each other, which I do agree with but it doesn't stop the hurt.

He wants to be there for me throughout the rest of the pregnancy, and spending time as friends :-/ which I don't think I can manage, but on the other hand why shouldn't he be there & going through it all too.

He's now been texting me, just friendly banter - after barely talking to him the weekend - which is odd but I have to admit I miss out friendship element. Maybe he's just playing on that fact, who knows!

I know for a fact I can do this on my own, I will be rearranging the flat, and planning everything ready for baby & if he's around then great, if he isn't then I get my baby all to myself smile

Xx

LightTripper Sun 13-Oct-13 17:28:25

OK. Glad you've talked. Do remember though, it's not an option for him to just opt in to the bits he fancies. If he wants to be part time you can't stop him, but (a) he still shares financial responsibility and (b) it has to be shared responsibility in a way that suits you both, not just him.

Hang on in there. There'll be good days and bad days I'm sure, but you can do it.

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