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Reactions when you tell people you pregnant? Like disrespectful comments.

(101 Posts)
Sarahmains40 Mon 30-Sep-13 17:32:04

Most people have been really happy for me. Funny a few people when I told them I'm pregnant they say well your not married or when are you getting married? Seriously it's 2013. I'm 27 and my OH is 29 we've been together for 10 years he is my only ever boyfriend and I love him dearly. We are engaged for about 3 years but just haven't got around to getting hitched. We bought a house together and renovated and invested a lot of money in to that. We work full time so in our free time we like to go on holidays etc. Before baby gets here lol.

To me money is better spent on other things than a wedding that I know will get totally out of control. (Nothing wrong with having a massive wedding just not for me )

We both decieded when we do get married we will do it in a registry office on the quite and cheap.

But after these comments I feel like my OH and I aren't seen as a proper couple. Tbh my relastionship is better than a lot of marriages I know.

It's the one thing I never thought would be a problem untill I've told people were having a baby.

faithfulandtruthful Tue 01-Oct-13 09:26:57

My personal favorite I was asked by one of my mums close friends (he is in his early 70's) the other day...

How did you find out?
eerr, I peed on a stick. I wanted to add something about how peeing on frogs was considered outdated these days but I bit my tongue.

The other one is, 'how has your Mum taken the news' or 'is your Mum pleased' because we currently live with her (to save for a house), but we had a conversation with her about starting a family as I have health problems and turned 30 this year so I didn't want to get into being a 35+ mum with complications on top of my current health problems. She is very pleased and highly supportive.

Everyone I have told has been told out right 'we were trying and pleased' rather firmly after experiencing my first 'do you want to keep it' from my GP at 4 weeks gone.

F&T

MissGarth Tue 01-Oct-13 09:36:34

Ooh I actually think I could win this thread!

The same close member of my family said all the following to me:

First PG : 'Is it planned?' Married 8 years at the time, trying for 4
(1st PG ended in a stillbirth)

Second PG 'well at least it will be easy to get this one out as you've already been stretched out by the first one'.
(Second PG ended in MC)

Third PG 'I don't know why you are trying again, you obviously can't do babies'
(Third PG ended in MC)

Fourth PG 'I feel sorry for x (DH) putting him through all this again'
(fourth PG ended in MC)

I am newly PG again and won't be telling any of that side of the family I am pregnant until labour wink

SuperMuddle Tue 01-Oct-13 09:36:47

Some of these are appalling! How can people actually think that what they're saying is acceptable?

Not myself, but my sister had a couple of comments from our devoutly Christian family members on getting pregnant outside marriage. Namely, 'is this a happy accident?' ( Ie, surely no one ever intends to have children out of wedlock, do they?) and the predictable 'so, you'll be getting married in the next few months, then?' Fine to wait till you're married if that's your belief, but to be genuinely surprised that others think differently is somewhat arrogant!

cupcakeicing Tue 01-Oct-13 09:38:36

MIL 'Gobsmacked'. Not in a good way.

cupcakeicing Tue 01-Oct-13 09:40:10

All best wishes for you Norah.

katieAashley Tue 01-Oct-13 09:42:46

"And do you know the father?" , or "and are you happy to be pregnant"

MissGarth Tue 01-Oct-13 09:43:27

Thanks cupcakeicing x

faithfulandtruthful Tue 01-Oct-13 09:52:45

Norah All the best with your current pregnancy, what terrible comments, this is certainly not a thread I would care to 'win'.

I haven't had trouble getting or staying preggers But there a a few people in my acquaintance that I wouldn't mind just sauntering in having had the baby going 'oh, that did I forget to mention it, must have passed me by' So can't imagine to know how you feel.

F&T

PixieBumbles Tue 01-Oct-13 10:04:19

From my manager: "I knew it. I bloody knew this was going to happen. When we hired you I said to the partners we'd be lucky if we got three years out of you before you buggered off to have kids. Ah well this is what happens when you employ women, thing is men are shit at admin type stuff so you have to put up with it." shock

mamaslatts Tue 01-Oct-13 10:15:39

From a work colleague: I didn't know you were pg, I thought you'd just put on weight!'

I was 8 months and going on maternity leave.

EeyoreIsh Tue 01-Oct-13 10:20:41

norah best of luck with your pregnancy, I really hope it goes well.

bofski14 Tue 01-Oct-13 10:20:48

Finding out I was pregnant and testing the waters with my mother only to be told "Don't be ridiculous. You couldn't look after a dog!" No idea where she got that from as I've never owned a dog in my life! Seems to be excited now though.

working9while5 Tue 01-Oct-13 10:21:19

Someone at a sodding evening jewellery class asked was it planned.

I said nah, it was a bottle of wine wink

Not true but shut em up and made them blush.

bofski14 Tue 01-Oct-13 10:23:21

Oh also, I'm unmarried (shock horror) and when I mentioned to one of my work colleagues that the midwife said the baby's head was engaged she said "Oh well she beat you to it. At least ONE of you is engaged!". Oh, how I laughed. Not.

BlackholesAndRevelations Tue 01-Oct-13 10:26:59

I've had "was it plNned?" and "are you MAD??!" because it's my third and I have two small dc already. I could kiss those who are positive about it; a few mums I know who have three with similar age gaps.

BlackholesAndRevelations Tue 01-Oct-13 10:30:20

Oh bloody hell Norah, how you are still talking to this "close family member" I have no idea. How horrendous.

Fingers crossed for this one flowers

Anothermrssmith Tue 01-Oct-13 10:47:40

I've got another one!

As I said in my last post,I found out I was pregnant in June, having started my job in march. However, I was about 10 weeks before I actually got a positive test and told my boss within a couple of days as I am under consultant care so have loads of hospital appointments to go to. When I told him his first question (after was it planned) was how far along are you (fair question,no problem there) THEN asked me if I had still been having periods to get so far along without knowing I was pregnant! He was so trying to figure out if I knew I was pregnant when I took the job.

Yes boss, I am going to go into the intimate details of my monthly cycle to try and explain to you how I got to ten weeks pregnant without knowing it! (4 negative pregnancy tests in the two weeks after my period was due followed by some spotting is how I got that far but wasn't going to tell him that)

ginslinger Tue 01-Oct-13 10:49:50

there's a significant gap between DC1&2 and DC3 and I was told that that would stop me having a good time and was I going to keep it?

ladylashes Tue 01-Oct-13 11:00:50

My 'lovely' mother (who knew we were ttc) said: "oh no, what have you done?". I'm 28 and in a happy long term relationship ffs. She then didn't call me for a week and a half (when she normally calls me daily). She has issues!

OTOH my fantastic dad and nana got all teary with happiness which was so fab :-)

terilou87 Tue 01-Oct-13 11:10:49

Some of these are shocking, I'm pg with dc5 and I have heard a few, the one that annoyed me most was if I knew who the dad was, had been with dp for 3 years and it was his dumb aunty that asked (she never liked me and even told dp she had seen me with another bloke) I was too shocked to even answer her and walked out. Also had the when r u getting married/ are you married, my reply is I don't believe in marriage and I never intend on getting married, iv also had are you trying for a football team which I now reply iv just finished my 5 aside I think that's enough. And you need to get a tv remark, my answer to that is iv got one thanks blame sky for never putting anything decent on! It still shocks me how people think they can be so rude just because your pregnant angry

terilou87 Tue 01-Oct-13 11:13:17

Maybe should say that dp's aunt said that when I was pg with dc1 been together 9 years now x

Notonthisplanet Tue 01-Oct-13 11:16:27

It's amazing what some people say. I'm pregnant with no2 been with father for 14 years not married and made to feel inferior by his family. There has been a few weddings on his side recently and those couples have only been together around a couple years each but they talk like they are far superior in thier relationships than us and how marraige is more important than having children etc, they have a few step kids between them. They talk to me like I'm still a bit of an outsider in the family.

peanutMD Tue 01-Oct-13 11:21:16

My great Gran told me she didn't think i was so stupid when i told her we were expecting DC2.

DP and i have been together for 12 years (since we were 14), both have jobs and DS is relatively healthy and well cared for so I've never understood what she was going in abut.

katebakes Tue 01-Oct-13 12:40:09

My grandmother first asked if I was drunk when I told her I was pregnant and then kept asking if I was sure I was pregnant...then asked my mother if I was going to keep the baby - there was NEVER any doubt about that.

I'm 24 (now married) with a degree from a good uni...husband is starting his Masters.

Now she can't wait for the baby to arrive and keeps asking how 'that baby is' and telling me how much she already loves him. I know it sounds rather cruel but part of me wants to tell her to f* off, despite the fact that I get on with her and she can be very sweet. My father can't stand her and has always been incredibly supportive so I know if I bring it up he'll at least say something amusing.

TKKW Tue 01-Oct-13 14:01:19

Another "so are you going to get married soon then?". Just so rude.

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