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Bloody sick of rudeness about size!

(59 Posts)
Hyperhelpmum Thu 12-Sep-13 18:34:22

Two women I work with (both unhealthily thin verging on skeletal) comment on my bump every time they see me. Stare, comment etc. driving me bloody mad. Latest was 'oh my god you are HUGE ' to which I said in psycho quiet voice 'did. You. Just. Call. Me. Huge. ? ' Next woman said ' gosh you've grown ' to which I responded. 'What since Tuesday?' SO fed up particularly as I am not that big and am a size 8/10 and have put on under a stone at 30+ weeks. Can I tell them to F off or will I get the sack/ sectioned for bring mental?

Hyperhelpmum Mon 16-Sep-13 20:02:46

OMG onesie that is totally out of order and SO rude. I would have cried. It's just nasty. What an a hole. I am told by 95% of people how 'neat' I am. Not sure who to believe but dreading work tomorrow and must remember to wear something non fitting as that's the worst. They always comment if I'm in a fitted top. Another colleague remaked maybe I should wear looser tops ie not maternity stretchy ones. I feel why should I dress for them? It's always work appropriate and not revealing. Can't hide my bump even if I want to but no massive cleavage or flesh showing. God I'm dreading it. Bloody women.

My DM last week

"Gosh that bump gets bigger every time I see you!"

Me "Well I am growing a baby so it should!"

Grrrrrr! I'm just glad I've finished work, as I work in retail and was getting a bit fed up of making small talk with customers about my belly, some said I looked big some said small, a few nice ones just said I looked really well! Now it's only the other parents on the school run to have the same conversations with! (I'll try and remember the unwanted attention when baby is here and no one cares about me wink)

katebakes Mon 16-Sep-13 17:55:21

I am tiny, I have a tiny, tiny body and a pronounced bump. EVERYONE says 'oh you're tiny, so cute, your bump is so neat.' It's cute, I like it. Everyone but my MOTHER IN LAW who points out how large I am getting. Or if we're speaking to her over Skype, as she lives in a different time zone, and it's usually really late here, comments on how tired I look and how I'm really starting to wear maternity clothes when I said I didn't need them. THEY ARE MY PYJAMAS YOU IDIOT.

Make a complaint or tell them to f* off and be thankful you're not related!

comfyonesie2 Mon 16-Sep-13 17:31:39

Leaningtower, you're right, that is why I was upset & it was completely justified. Normally I'm thicker skinned, but I shouldnt have to be, he's the twat not me!

LeaningTowerOfGaffney Mon 16-Sep-13 16:55:08

"Don't know why but it really upset me for some reason today."

Because it's so personal, not to mention rude?! That is so out of order. "Look, you're getting fat here, here and here." Even my closest friend or DH would've been told off for that comment.

I think middleclass's comment is bang on the money, too.

comfyonesie2 Mon 16-Sep-13 16:48:19

I agree with middleclassdystopia too and it's very depressing, it's of the bigger picture of it becoming totally "ok" to make women feel bad about themselves and their bodies, and it's bloody not ok!!! Only today the cleaner at work said to me, "my god you're getting big". I politely said, "we'll I am pregnant, it's going to happen..." He laughed and said, "yes but I meant your hips and face and everything are getting huge". I normally get on well with him and we have a laugh, but next time I will be tempted to comment back on his enormous beer belly and disgusting fag breath. Don't know why but it really upset me for some reason today.

Hyperhelpmum Mon 16-Sep-13 14:47:29

Sorry meant what does not died!

Hyperhelpmum Mon 16-Sep-13 14:46:49

Do you know middleclass I think you are spot on. It wasn't as bad when I was pregnant with DS1 over 6 years ago. The whole celebrity pregnancy/ mum image has really taken off since then and now I feel I'm compared to some 'ideal' pregnant shape. Otherwise what died you are huge mean? Compared to what? To who? It's thus idea of slim with a smallish bump. I'm slim but my bump is big. I'm 5ft 4 and have a shirt torso so baby has nowhere to go but outwards! Not much any of us can do about what our bodies do when we carry. With my boys I was really big all over as had to keep eating to not be sick so put on 3 stone each time. This time I was so ill I lost 1.5 stone in first trimester so now I appear 'slim' but pregnant.

middleclassdystopia Sun 15-Sep-13 15:31:29

In my opinion this is all part of the body image obsessed, sexist and infantalising attitude to women.

The so called desirable and acceptable shape is slim everywhere with a nice neat bump. But not too small that you don't seem motherly. A 'big' bump is flaunting and threatening to some.

It really angers me and those who are dismissing response as over sensitive are way off the mark.

Babies are different sizes, fluid volume varies, women are different heights and builds. Yet here is another way to control women by creating a monotype.

I wouldn't hesitate to respond. Unless it is genuine comment about baby growing, which should make someone glad not shocked or rude.

Trust your instinct

vix206 Sun 15-Sep-13 07:33:15

Went out with friends last night who I haven't seen for 3 months. All of them were so lovely about my bump, really highlighted for me that there are a lot of nice things you can say with just a little forethought grin

CruCru Sat 14-Sep-13 19:58:49

I am 36+4. I now have van drivers making comments. On Thursday an ambulance driver shouted something at me out his window (I was walking out of the maternity wing) <cries>

mirry2 Sat 14-Sep-13 17:02:06

hyperhelp - sorry I had a humour bypass grin

SweetieTime Sat 14-Sep-13 16:26:14

Even my own DM has started to comment on how "fat" I am. I am growing twins FFS, it is not fat it is 2 little people. It annoys me at work where people feel they have to say anything at all. I wouldn't comment on the size of a male colleagues beer belly so why is it ok for them to comment on the size of my bump?

I think I am very sensitive to the comments as I have never been pregnant before and although prepared for my body to change have been quite surprised by the amount of change in such a relatively short time. It is a hugely emotional time, especially if the pregnancy didn't happen easily as in my case, and I am not sure others really get that.

OP I would try not to be rude to your colleagues but if it is upsetting you try talking them and telling them how it makes you feel especially if you have a long way to go and seeing them regularly.

Hyperhelpmum Sat 14-Sep-13 16:13:57

mirry was tongue in cheek saying bog off! Everyone entitled to their view/ has their own experience to bring. We are a thread of moaners I'm afraid! (With just cause may I add! ) ;)

LeaningTowerOfGaffney Sat 14-Sep-13 15:10:32

"The point I am making about small talk is that one person will receive an innocuous comment as exactly that, and another will be mortally offended - there's no way of predicting it."

So 'hey fatso' is just innocuous small talk? I agree with the OP. Can't we get on with our daily lives without someone commenting on our body shape? A male friend of a friend commented on how big my boobs were the other day. Wasn't appropriate before I was pregnant, not sure why it is now.

SomethingOnce Sat 14-Sep-13 14:25:32

Can I tell them to F off or will I get the sack/ sectioned for bring mental?

You asked. People responded.

mirry2 Sat 14-Sep-13 14:23:46

OP I thought an exchange of views was allowed on mumsnet?hmm

Hyperhelpmum Sat 14-Sep-13 14:17:48

Those who don't care and think we are over reacting bogoff my big fat thread! It is for women who do mind and we don't care if you don't, again, lucky you. We do care and will therefore discuss it on here! Many thanks OP!

ThePuffyShirt Sat 14-Sep-13 14:04:59

I make a point of saying only nice things to pregnant women. I remember being really sensitive when pg - some people are thoughtless.

SomethingOnce Sat 14-Sep-13 13:57:18

The point I am making about small talk is that one person will receive an innocuous comment as exactly that, and another will be mortally offended - there's no way of predicting it.

I've met people who are way oversensitive and the things that set them off are completely baffling to impartial observers.

SomethingOnce Sat 14-Sep-13 13:52:51

Feta, that unpleasant ageist language doesn't reflect well on you, tbh.

EeyoreIsh Sat 14-Sep-13 13:39:48

Yes, harmless small talk is fine!

Fetacat Sat 14-Sep-13 12:59:50

A lady at work told me I was waddling. It took every inch of professionalism in me to not tell her to F off. She really deserved it! The grey haired old hag.

vix206 Sat 14-Sep-13 12:57:38

Ps thanks Something for clarifying. Definitely not talking about harmless small talk though. That's absolutely fine, I'm objecting to something different.

honeybunny14 Sat 14-Sep-13 12:48:14

I can really relate to this ppl used to come up to me in the street and gasp looked shocked the most popular one was are u sure ur not having twins one person actualy said r u having a baby elephand like wtf !!! Used to make me so angry bt im bk 2 my normal size now i think some ppl just dont realise how sensitive pregnant women are

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