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Bloody sick of rudeness about size!

(59 Posts)
Hyperhelpmum Thu 12-Sep-13 18:34:22

Two women I work with (both unhealthily thin verging on skeletal) comment on my bump every time they see me. Stare, comment etc. driving me bloody mad. Latest was 'oh my god you are HUGE ' to which I said in psycho quiet voice 'did. You. Just. Call. Me. Huge. ? ' Next woman said ' gosh you've grown ' to which I responded. 'What since Tuesday?' SO fed up particularly as I am not that big and am a size 8/10 and have put on under a stone at 30+ weeks. Can I tell them to F off or will I get the sack/ sectioned for bring mental?

Hyperhelpmum Sat 14-Sep-13 10:01:44

Lucky you 'tarka' I hate it. Perhaps you enjoy the attention? Personally I'd rather get on with my work and not discuss my body shape! 'munchkin' hello Fatso is complaint worthy. That's just bullying!

Champagnebubble Sat 14-Sep-13 10:17:07

Poor you, I totally feel for you. At 18 weeks, I'm getting the reverse, 'you aren't showing', 'you're tiny are you sure you have your dates right' angry . It's true the bump isn't showing much through clothes but jeez, you'd think some people would think before speaking. I've spent the last week panicking that something is wrong as I should be showing according to these people. I wish people wouldn't say anything at all whether bumps are big/small/average in their opinion. I'd prefer 'how are you, you look well', grrrr!

Xenadog Sat 14-Sep-13 10:24:13

I keep getting called a "Wide load" by someone at work - when I finally replied with "Bugger off or I'll start on you!" she said she was only joking and it was meant affectionately. We had a bit of banter and that was it. No one else has commented on my size and TBH the person who did comment really didn't mean to be horrid and so it's all been OK for me.

People do keep asking if they can touch the bump too and are very complimentary (why?) and I don't mind as they ask.

I think it depends on the individual and how often you are getting comments. All I can say ladies, is try not to take comments too much to heart as often it's people not knowing what to say.

Maybe we could commission a company to make a T-shirt which says "Pregnant, hormonal woman alert. Do NOT comment on the size of her or her bump!"

josiejay Sat 14-Sep-13 10:29:38

I was measuring small for dates right through my pregnancy but regularly got told I was HUGE and asked was I sure it wasn't twins, told ouch that's going to hurt etc. baby was a perfectly average 7lbs thank you very much and I lost all the baby weight fairly quickly so clearly I wasn't that huge!

I think if you're small framed and/or short it can make your bump appear bigger on comparison to the rest of your body. However there is no excuse for rude comments. And so often from women who've been through it themselves and ought to know better.

SomethingOnce Sat 14-Sep-13 11:27:21

When you say it's part if the deal that implies people are doing it to be purposely facetious, which I find depressing

I meant what Tarka said: it's pregnancy small talk. I'm not one for small talk but it's just what people do.

Pregnant women are very sensitive (honestly, I do get it - small bump remarks made me worried that DD had problems) but people don't mean anything horrible by it so you either let it drift past you or spend months in a state of perpetual annoyance and anxiety.

You can never know what small talk of your own - pregnancy-related or not - pisses off other people because 99 times out of 100 they won't tell you. You can be fairly certain you're not universally not irritating though.

Romily Sat 14-Sep-13 12:38:28

I smile every time someone comments on my bump, to me my friends family and colleagues are showing an interest.

mirry2 Sat 14-Sep-13 12:42:06

ffs does it really matter? some women would love to be pregnant and for it to notice. Count your blessings that you're expecting a baby and not obese

xfilefan Sat 14-Sep-13 12:42:13

Im 35 weeks, and I dont mind being called Huge- I am Huge smile

vix206 Sat 14-Sep-13 12:48:05

The people that don't get it have obviously never been on the receiving end of the kind of rudeness I'm annoyed about. I'm not annoyed by well meaning people making comments, it's the turned up nose/horrified expressions/piss taking that I object to.

honeybunny14 Sat 14-Sep-13 12:48:14

I can really relate to this ppl used to come up to me in the street and gasp looked shocked the most popular one was are u sure ur not having twins one person actualy said r u having a baby elephand like wtf !!! Used to make me so angry bt im bk 2 my normal size now i think some ppl just dont realise how sensitive pregnant women are

vix206 Sat 14-Sep-13 12:57:38

Ps thanks Something for clarifying. Definitely not talking about harmless small talk though. That's absolutely fine, I'm objecting to something different.

Fetacat Sat 14-Sep-13 12:59:50

A lady at work told me I was waddling. It took every inch of professionalism in me to not tell her to F off. She really deserved it! The grey haired old hag.

EeyoreIsh Sat 14-Sep-13 13:39:48

Yes, harmless small talk is fine!

SomethingOnce Sat 14-Sep-13 13:52:51

Feta, that unpleasant ageist language doesn't reflect well on you, tbh.

SomethingOnce Sat 14-Sep-13 13:57:18

The point I am making about small talk is that one person will receive an innocuous comment as exactly that, and another will be mortally offended - there's no way of predicting it.

I've met people who are way oversensitive and the things that set them off are completely baffling to impartial observers.

ThePuffyShirt Sat 14-Sep-13 14:04:59

I make a point of saying only nice things to pregnant women. I remember being really sensitive when pg - some people are thoughtless.

Hyperhelpmum Sat 14-Sep-13 14:17:48

Those who don't care and think we are over reacting bogoff my big fat thread! It is for women who do mind and we don't care if you don't, again, lucky you. We do care and will therefore discuss it on here! Many thanks OP!

mirry2 Sat 14-Sep-13 14:23:46

OP I thought an exchange of views was allowed on mumsnet?hmm

SomethingOnce Sat 14-Sep-13 14:25:32

Can I tell them to F off or will I get the sack/ sectioned for bring mental?

You asked. People responded.

LeaningTowerOfGaffney Sat 14-Sep-13 15:10:32

"The point I am making about small talk is that one person will receive an innocuous comment as exactly that, and another will be mortally offended - there's no way of predicting it."

So 'hey fatso' is just innocuous small talk? I agree with the OP. Can't we get on with our daily lives without someone commenting on our body shape? A male friend of a friend commented on how big my boobs were the other day. Wasn't appropriate before I was pregnant, not sure why it is now.

Hyperhelpmum Sat 14-Sep-13 16:13:57

mirry was tongue in cheek saying bog off! Everyone entitled to their view/ has their own experience to bring. We are a thread of moaners I'm afraid! (With just cause may I add! ) ;)

SweetieTime Sat 14-Sep-13 16:26:14

Even my own DM has started to comment on how "fat" I am. I am growing twins FFS, it is not fat it is 2 little people. It annoys me at work where people feel they have to say anything at all. I wouldn't comment on the size of a male colleagues beer belly so why is it ok for them to comment on the size of my bump?

I think I am very sensitive to the comments as I have never been pregnant before and although prepared for my body to change have been quite surprised by the amount of change in such a relatively short time. It is a hugely emotional time, especially if the pregnancy didn't happen easily as in my case, and I am not sure others really get that.

OP I would try not to be rude to your colleagues but if it is upsetting you try talking them and telling them how it makes you feel especially if you have a long way to go and seeing them regularly.

mirry2 Sat 14-Sep-13 17:02:06

hyperhelp - sorry I had a humour bypass grin

CruCru Sat 14-Sep-13 19:58:49

I am 36+4. I now have van drivers making comments. On Thursday an ambulance driver shouted something at me out his window (I was walking out of the maternity wing) <cries>

vix206 Sun 15-Sep-13 07:33:15

Went out with friends last night who I haven't seen for 3 months. All of them were so lovely about my bump, really highlighted for me that there are a lot of nice things you can say with just a little forethought grin

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