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Crying on the bathroom floor.

(62 Posts)
Writerwannabe83 Mon 02-Sep-13 09:48:43

Morning everyone, I don't really know what I need, advice or reassurance but I just need to have a release.

Due to health issues I have it was a long journey get the "ok" from my Consultants to try and get pregnant and me and my husband couldn't believe it when we then got pregnant on our first month of trying. I am excited, I really am, but I'm miserable too.

I naively thought pregnancy would be a magical time but I'm only 10 weeks in and sick of it already. I've had two separate occasions of bleeding, the first one turned out to be ok but I'm currently awaiting my 2 ND scan so make sure baby is still ok. I have felt ill for the last 4 weeks, I'm absolutely exhausted and I haven't seen friends and family for so long because I just can't bring myself to leave the house. I'm having painful restless legs, heads, nausea and all I seem to be living off is cheeses and onion crisps and crackers. The house is an absolute mess but I jut don't have the energy to care or do anything about it.

I woke up this morning with my usual nausea but then I realised that it wasn't just nausea this time but that I was actually going to be sick. Quick dart to the bathroom and then the vomiting started.

When I stopped being sick I just curled up on the bathroom mat and started crying. My crying episode lasted for ages. I only started feeling better when one of my gorgeous cats wondered in and was available for cuddles.

I feel awful when so many women would give anything to be pregnant, but I'm just so tired and ill. I want to have a happy pregnancy, not a miserable one. I just can't see how I'm going to cope with feeling like this for much longer.

Thank you for listening x x

callamia Mon 02-Sep-13 09:54:20

I'm sending you a large hug.

You're doing fine, and I know it doesn't even nearly feel like it.
I also had a couple of bleeds in my first 15 weeks, and each time it was nerve-wracking to wait to see what was going on.

Feeling wretched is often part of the process. Lots of people will tell you that it's the sign of things going well. Be kind to yourself. Go back to bed, don't feel bad about eating crisps (I mainly wanted chips) , the state of the house doesn't matter at all, and your friends and family will still be there when you feel more human in a couple of weeks. Things should start to improve soon, but in the meantime, do whatever you need to.

And congratulations! grin

BlissfullyIgnorant Mon 02-Sep-13 09:55:19

Aww, you poor thing!
That's what being pregnant is, love. Nobody wants you to know about the vomit, haemorrhoids, constipation, pain in all sorts of places at all sorts of times, constant tiredness, incontinence...the list goes on. See GP or midwife for practical advice and support and keep coming back here for hand holding. Hope it improves soon xx

For me (excepting the last few waiting days/ weeks) this is by far the hardest part of pregnancy. Fingers crossed you'll feel less sick in a few weeks.
I always found that once I had a bump and began to feel movements pregnancy was/ is enjoyable smile
As for crying I burst into tears in the middle of town on Saturday because DH told me I had some dust on the back of my trouser - literally couldn't stop crying for ten mins and had to head for the car blush
Hope you feel better soon x

MummyJetsetter Mon 02-Sep-13 09:59:50

Poor you feeling so crap! You sound really down, maybe talk to a health visitor about your emotions, (I've found them to be a little more gentle mannered than midwives!) as for the nausea and other symptoms, some can be treated so you should talk to a gp or midwife to help you out with that. Hopefully another couple of weeks will see you through the worst of it and you might feel a bit brighter. Not everybody glows with pregnancy and even those who appear to don't always feel like they do! I get told I'm glowing etc but have felt like hell! You just have to get through it. Good luck. x

oh yes and I used to drink tonic water for restless legs - read somewhere it helps. I think just keeping your fluids up helps with it really and trying not to let yourself get over tired (easier said than done I know!) smile

MrsDeVere Mon 02-Sep-13 10:01:31

You poor thing sad

Its the hormones too, don't forget them.
I really, really wanted DC4 but was miserable the whole time I was pregnant with him. I thought it was due a bereavement not long before I got pregnant. Then I got pregnant with DC5 and felt the same!

I now think it was down to the affect the hormones have on my poor pregnant brain. smile

The early stages are knackering too and you don't tend to get much sympathy because you don't look massive.

Don't feel bad for feeling bad! You don't have to waft around with a serene expression on your face. You can feel rubbish and have a grump.
Hopefully you will feel better soon but there may be other blips along the way.

Being pregnant can feel crap, however much its longed for. People don't tend to tell you that.

thanks

K8eee Mon 02-Sep-13 10:02:13

Writer I feel for you xxx thanks I'm pg with baby #1 and I don't know how anyone can focus properly in the first trimester. One my of really close fiends is a midwife, and she has reassured me that the sickness and feeling crappy is positive! smile I too never realised I would feel this rubbish, but just think of the little bundle that you'll get at the end of it; it'll be worth it and there are plenty of us here for support thanks

EqualsX Mon 02-Sep-13 10:03:55

Sympathy OP, I'm now 20 weeks and feel as if i have lost three months to the nausea and exhaustion. It's an IVF pregnancy after a very long time trying so I really know how it feels to think you should be so happy and grateful but instead you cant lift your head off the pillow and are moping around barely leaving the house. I spent hours crying on my DH.

If the sickness continues get to the GP and see if they can prescribe something to help, then just try and take each day as it comes.

I promise it gets better!

gamerchick Mon 02-Sep-13 10:05:24

Ironically feeling crap is what you want really. You've likely had a surge in hormone which is maintaining the pregnancy and made you vomit Your placenta will take over soon and hopefully you'll feel better than you do now. The first trimester really sucks.

FatPenguin Mon 02-Sep-13 10:11:41

First of all, congratulations smile

I am 16 + 3 and have been sick and constantly feeling nauseous since week 5. I have also had a bleed which was very scary but had 2 scans and everything is ok, bleeding/spotting is more common than I thought. I feel the most ill and depressed I have ever felt in my life and my house too is a bloody mess. Don't worry about the crisps, just eat whatever you can to get through the day.
I too thought it would be 'magical' haha how wrong I was! Never felt so disgusting. Our baby was planned and is much wanted and much loved already but it's still hard.

Your not the only one to cry on the bathroom floor love I think there is so much pressure to glow and radiate from day 1 and when you feel like crap you feel like your failing. I do anyway. It will get better, I finally feel like I'm coming out the other side and can start to get excited about the baby.

Hang in there, focus on the end goal. When are you due ? X

Writerwannabe83 Mon 02-Sep-13 10:16:19

Thank you everyone, you are all so lovely and understanding. I have just got back from a second bout of sickness, my cat didn't want to come near me this time and instead she just watched from a distance.

When I got back from the bathroom I took out my scan photos (from previous reassurance scans) and told my Jelly Baby off for making me so poorly, but looking at the little bean also made the whole thing more bearable smile

Mummy - my best friend is a Health Visitor and she said she will pop round later to see how I am - I will prepare her for a possible breakdown x

Writerwannabe83 Mon 02-Sep-13 10:18:53

fatpenguin - I'm not due until the 29th March, which will be 2 weeks after our first wedding anniversary. It just sounds so far away sad

I know what you mean about feeling disgusting! I look it as well as feel it, I can't face any mirrors in the house at the moment sad

I'm glad you are starting to feel better about things though, I guess we all just have to push ourselves through it x

FatPenguin Mon 02-Sep-13 10:18:59

Sorry forget to mention as others have said go to the doctor for sickness if you need it, I am on Ondansetron it doesn't stop sickness completely but makes life a bit more bearable.

Kelly1814 Mon 02-Sep-13 10:19:10

Oh writer! You are not naive.....

I too was sold the dream of pregnancy, glowing and skipping through cornfields!

The reality of being sick as a dog, exhausted, in pain, all whilst working 12-14 hour days, has come as something of a shock!

Trust us, it will pass.

At the time each day I felt like I was wading through treacle or on some sort of Japanese tv torture show.

Now I'm 35 weeks and cannot believe the time has gone so quick. Focus on each day and know you are not alone.

FatPenguin Mon 02-Sep-13 10:25:05

29th march is not far away at all smile once Christmas is over the time will fly. And how lovely to be pregnant on your 1st wedding anniversary!

Yeah I don't look in mirrors, I never get spots but now I look like a greasy spotty chalky faced teen. Fun!

Pm if you ever need someone to talk to. X

Maryz Mon 02-Sep-13 10:26:12

I hated being pregnant.

I hated every single second of it.

And to make it worse, ds was two weeks late, so I had an extra fortnight of it.

But it is a finite amount of time. You feel atm that it will last forever, but it won't. Be nice to yourself.

PrincessKitKat Mon 02-Sep-13 10:26:34

Hi Writer
You have expressed just what I'm feeling too (I'm 8+1 today).

Our baby is planned & much wanted but I feel so miserable and that makes me feel ungrateful!
I thought it was all wafting about serenely with a neat bump... Just like FatPenguin i feel and look revolting.

Nobody told me about the disturbed sleep, constipation, bloat, sorest of sore norks and the general desire to hibernate (don't look at me!). And all in secret so I look like an anti-social hermit ignoring my f&f hmm I'm so over this trimester!! I am however extremely grateful that I have had no bleeding & can't imagine how frightening that is for you x

I really feel for you OP, please don't put pressure on yourself - so what if you live on crisps and haven't done the hoovering, the world will keep turning and hopefully after your scan and once your into the second trimester things will be a lot brighter - keep going Writer thanks

PrincessKitKat Mon 02-Sep-13 10:29:34

Sorry - not that Penguin necessarily looks revolting - I mean I do smile

Kelly grin Japanese torture show

FatPenguin Mon 02-Sep-13 10:32:58

Princess - thank you, but I do indeed look like I've been dug up grin

quickchat Mon 02-Sep-13 10:34:34

I was totally depressed in all 3 PG at this stage. It is your hormones. Being sick is normal. I had bleeding all through my first PG. Being anxious throughout is normal.
In my third PG I tried to reason with myself smile that it was hormones and after the first trimester I would be fine but I couldn't be happy at all.

I love the second trimester. You will start to feel more energetic again and you get happy hormones! Try not to eat rubbish once you stop being sick. I didn't really look after myself with my third PG and I ended up with Gestational Diabetes in PG and that is not nice. It doesn't take much, im not even overweight.

You will get through this and start enjoying your PG i promise. It seems impossible when you feel so low though. x

LadyBigtoes Mon 02-Sep-13 10:38:27

Oh op you poor thing, at 10 weeks you are right in the middle of the shittiest, most miserable time of sickness, bloating, exhaustion and hormones. If you are lucky this will tail off in just a couple more weeks, or it might take longer - for me I felt better at 15 weeks, but many people I knew were better earlier. Also, as pg goes on and you start to show, you get more special treatment like people giving you a seat and fussing over you. It's really unfair that the worst sickness and tiredness happens when you're still not really obviously pregnant.

Fingers crossed all will be well and you'll feel better soon. If you can, at this stage, sleep when you need to. Sleep in the middle of the day whenever you can. Tiredness makes the sickness worse IME.

SaggyOldClothCatPuss Mon 02-Sep-13 10:51:11

Writer I'm 12.3 at the moment. I have had 2 other successful PGs. You are not all e I promise. I am still feeling rough, but it is easing. So far in the last 12 weeks I have:
Felt sick since week 4. Not been sick but severely nauseous.
Eaten absolute shite, when I've managed to eat anything!
Drunk nothing.
Not had a normal poo in weeks.
Wet the bed.
Fallen out with my best friend.
Made DPs life an absolute mystery.
Slept for hours.
Made the whole family survive on ready meals because I can't face cooking.
I split up with DP during the early days of both of the last PGs!
Not done that yet but I did nearly throw a Hoover at him the other day!
It's all easing now though. I managed to eat twice yesterday. And DP is still here! wink
You will be just fine. And in 6 months will be cradling your gorgeous beautiful baby. All this becomes a distant memory within minutes of birth.

Writerwannabe83 Mon 02-Sep-13 10:53:28

Thanks for all further advice and support.

Just had 3rd bout of vomiting now. I really thought that seeing as I'd got to 10 weeks without having had any, it meant I was out of the woods hmm

I don't know why I'm being sick, I haven't eaten in about 13 hours and there is nothing I there! Also, if our hormones are in our blood stream why does our body want to empty our stomach? I don't understand. Or do the hormones makes the Bain feel nauseous and it just reacts by making us vomit? It isn't like us vomiting actually does anything productive is it in terms of benefitting the body during pregnancy?

Writerwannabe83 Mon 02-Sep-13 10:55:11

Saggy - wow! Sounds like you have been on a right emotional roller coaster... smile We don't currently have a Hoover thankfully but I will bear it in mind as a potential weapon whenever I feel really pissed off!

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