Would you like to be a member of our research panel? Join here - there's (nearly) always a great incentive offered for your views.

Pregnant (IVF) Worriers Part 3

(1000 Posts)
Buzzybee123 Tue 13-Aug-13 19:25:52

Hi everyone,

This thread is for all you incessant worriers out there, not necessarily limited to IVF-ers, although I get the feeling the people who have had trouble TTC are more prone to worrying than others!

I was checking in to see if there was any delivery news... the poo will have to do!

fairy ha at kindertransport.

Ginestas Thu 29-Aug-13 18:14:27

Just popping in quickly to see if there's any news from expat, who's been in my thoughts today... Hopefully baby expat is out and screaming!

Thanks for confirming that leakiness is normal. Must not find anything else to mental about...

Btw ladies your posts are NEVER too long. Keep em coming!

keepitgoing Thu 29-Aug-13 18:41:43

oh yes gin i meant to say that I have that too. When we were in Thailand I assumed it was sweat I hadn't clocked before, but now it's still there...

Checking in.

Gin im also 'damp' smile

I'm guessing expat probably has her hands full. It is so exciting that our next baby is on it's way.

putthecrispsDOWN Thu 29-Aug-13 20:14:08

Hooray for a day of arrivals...firstly a poo in Torquay and hopefully expat too by now. Also the little trooper Bella moving into a cot, we are all getting along nicely now! Do you think we'll still be writing this much this time next year when we're all sprouted up?

fairy your mum sounds ace, I wish I had someone in the family who had bf, but luckily I have lots of friends who will be great at giving a hand if I need it I think.

gin slob day was awesome. I ate cheesy puffs and read about Kim kardashian (still no idea who she is but I am subliminally starting to care about her life, even if she gave her baby a really stupid name) and I relished every minute of it. Until the pils delivered a raging overtired threenager to me, announcing that she hadn't eaten or been to the loo all day. Ah well, nothing lasts forever!

Whoever asked, yes dampness here too, nothing to worry about I don't think.

nokkityfuckity am going to try the lazy daisy whatsithingy too in the hope of meeting some other mums who a)don't smoke while holding their babies and b)are not smug joules-wearing fucktards (sorry, nice clothes and all but seems to go with fucktard ime round these parts) as that is all I seem to find! My friends from having dd are equally as normal, tired and stroppy with their toddlers as me and I'd quite like similar companionship for the next two to keep me sane!

Random question if it isn't too personal...what kind of mat leave deals are you folks getting? I feel that people are surprised that I'm only taking six ish months, but I only get 2 wks full pay, 4wks 90% and then another six weeks half pay before just stat mat. Not the worst I've ever heard of, but after all the ivf costs we definitely couldn't afford to go without my wages for much longer. Do you guys plan to take a full year

SweetieTime Thu 29-Aug-13 20:43:53

Shazza hope DN is feel much better from the mass evacuation. Poor little mite must be so relieved.

Crisps I get 6 weeks full pay, 20 weeks half pay then stat mat leave. I plan to take as long as possible off. How things fall and with holidays it might be about 14 months.

Was Expat having an induction or ELCS? I must have missed this. I hope all is well and she is enjoying new born cuddles.

ceara Thu 29-Aug-13 22:13:28

Also popping in to check for news of expat.

gin dampness - check. paranoia it means something bad - check I think it is all normal, mentalling included.

crisps I would love to take a full year as we have waited so long for this and the time won t come again, but despite a generous contractual maternity package, having done the sums last week, it looks like I will have to go back after 9 months - DH's fixed term contract ends next year and we can't really afford to have both of us not earning. So back to work I go, unless he is lucky to get another job quickly. I guess the important thing is to make the most of the time we have and not regret the extra months we don't.

Dildals Fri 30-Aug-13 02:52:21

GO expat!!!

I think she was booked in for an ELCS but I could be wrong.

Don't worry about long posts mariana I am about to write a long 'un.

For the ones not on FB. BELLA WAS MOVED TO A COT !!!!It was a very momentous occasion! I told DH on the phone and he went 'are the doctors OK with that!?', which sort of sums up our 'anxious parent routine'. I said that the doctors probably don't even get involved in stuff like this and that they Probably Know What They Are Doing. Look at me, I might get the hang of this Calm Cool and Collected parenting! It is weird to think that all germs, noises and light can now get to her no longer protected by the incubator. It is so much nicer though to be able to just touch her and kiss her, without the incubator in the way. She seems happy! Also, she was being marinated in her own poo smell in that incubator, we used to waft the portholes to get some fresh air in to that thing! She started to smell a bit gamey!

We have been doing it already on an adhoc basis, but since this week she's been on a strict regime of 'breast-ercise' (I made that up!). Three times a day, when it is her tube feed time, she goes on the boob, so that she associates the action of breastfeeding with a full tummy. She's not big enough yet to really breastfeed, so she's just practising, but damn it, she's having a good crack at it! It cracks me up every time to see her having a go . It already starts just before feeding time. She wakes up slowly (I think this is already massive progress, since lots of prem babies sleep sleep sleep), gets grumpy, I change her nappy, without fail she has done a big stinker, I think she saves them for me, Bella not impressed with all the faffing around, starts crying, JUST GET ME MY FOOD WOMAN! Then finally she gets put on the boob, she opens her mouth as if she is going to swallow an elephant and latches on like a piranha. Then starts sucking like it is nobody's business. Rests. Flaring nostrils. And repeat. At first she sucked, opened her eyes wide, frowned forehead, thinking 'I have milk in my mouth, what do I do now?', but now I think she's got the hang of it (although the nurse says it is not possible - of course she doesn't know how INCREDIBLY advanced my baby is!). She still can't suck continuously but she's definitely improving. She holds my finger while she feeds and the other hand holds the middle of my bra, so cute. Then after 20 mins or so I see the eyes roll back, head lolling, and I know it is time to get the tube feed in. After the full tube feed has been delivered in to her tummy she properly gets milk drunk and she just falls asleep on the boob. I can try and move her off but this gets met by loud protests until I lay her in breastfeeding position again. Then the happy noises start .... So. Funny. The happy noises are the best. I sit there shaking with laughter trying to not wake her up.

DH's also now changed his first nappy. He sort of had to because the nurse told him to and I wasn't there. I am proud to say he needed FOUR nappies for one change. He still needs to learn that vital lesson that if the red face is still on, or if there is a lot of straining noises, just strap the nappy back on, dirty and all, and leave her for 20 mins minimum. Serves him right after all the nappy changing criticism he's given me!

I also hired a hospital grade breast pump. What a world of difference that makes! What took me 40 mins before, now takes me 15 tops. Only downside is that I can't catch up on emails in the night anymore, I am done too quickly!

One question about babies for the Mums. Now that she's in a cot I have to put 2 layers of clothes on her. I feel bad for wrestling her in to all these clothes, whereas she should be putting all this energy in to growing. I guess this is just one of those things right? She needs the clothes to stay warm and probably no baby likes to have their leg forced thru a baby grow leg ... (she's getting strong as well! No way I can flex her leg if she doesn't want to!)

ExpatAl Fri 30-Aug-13 04:39:45

Baby al born yesterday. A very beautiful girl. Can't take my eyes off her. She started feeding straight away and is currently snuffling next to me. Just under 9lb and 52 cm. so in love. Tired but ecstatic. X

Many many congratulations Al! Thanks for updating us. Brilliant that she's taken straight to feeding too. She sounds like a good size too.

How are you? I hope you've got good painkillers.

Dildals good news from you too. The cot sounds much more comfortable, I had no idea incubators smelled but it makes sense, I laughed at 'gamey'. It's another step towards normality though.

You can get wrap over style vests that avoid you having to get them over the baby's head but otherwise being dressed is just another thing she'll have to get used to. Trenchlet still hates having her vest put on and won't cooperate.

The feeding sounds great, especially the pump. Trenchlet often seems to need to hold my finger to settle too. She's currently feeding and working up to pooing which involves all sorts of grunting, back arching and straining all while still attached. It's a good job I have almost no feeling left in my poor nipples.

crisps I am extremely lucky as I get 6 months full pay, 3 months statutory and three months unpaid. This has allowed me to take the full year as we saved from my full pay months to cover the unpaid. Also my husband has a permanent post which obviously makes all the difference too. We in higher education are generally fairly poorly paid but have great in service benefits and pensions. Most people I know take nine months though, the three months unpaid is often just not possible. You just have to make the most of whatever you take and it's a wrench leaving them in daycare whatever their age.

I used to live in a place like you describe and I fitted into neither group, having neither a weapon dog nor a bugaboo. There were some people that I got on with but I didn't really keep in touch when we moved away as we only really had the children in common. I've no idea what other mums are like round here, the same as everywhere else I suppose but with more jodphurs and wellies.

I now have five days of both girls with no nursery for respite. Today we are going to the nearest town, on the train (as it will take longer) to go to the big library. I think there will be baking too, which is a pain as I'm vaguely trying to lose weight. By not snacking I'm losing a pound a week but I'm still ten pounds heavier than my previous 'maximum acceptable' weight and I'd like to shift it now.

SweetieTime Fri 30-Aug-13 07:54:28

Congratulations Expat

expat wonderful news, congratulations! If she was just under 9 lbs at 38 weeks (?) she would have been a big one full term! So happy that it all went well for you.

dildals I love your descriptions of Bella. I wouldn't worry that she is using up energy fighting off the clothes, I think all babies do that, they hate the restriction. I would have thought that the more exercise she has (to a limit) the stronger she will grow. It's great she is now in a cot and thriving. DS used to hold on to the middle of my bra with his little pudgy hand too and it used to slay me.

Good to hear that DH is embarking on the great new frontier of nappy changing, he will have to get used to it.

crisps my mum is definitely ace when it comes to children, babies and doing the washing up quietly without ever playing the martyr; there are other things she is not so perfect about but none of us are I suppose. My grandmother on my father's side was also a La Leche League member and used to travel to the developing world to promote BFing so I have really been "indoctrinated" on that front. If I couldn't BF this one though my family would be fine about it.

I haven't finalised my maternity pay arrangements with my firm but the proposal is that I get full pay for first two months (first two weeks are holiday I have saved up) with 2/3 pay for another 6 months. My employer will basically 'top up' the stat mat pay until it reaches 2/3 pay. I am planning to go back 3 days a week then. I was ready to go back part time after 8 months with DS and part of the deal with my company is that I go back approximately then to justify the pay to that point.

mariana I love the social grouping of "weapon dog" vs "bugaboo". Sounds like where we used to live in London. Here there are so many other families with young children like us that we feel cloned sometimes. Of course we always suspect that the other couples (a) have more money and (b) have sex more frequently.

On point (a) we just had a terrible bombshell last night in the DH's new employers (he just started 1 July) told him out of the blue that they needed someone with a different skills set and his contract was immediately terminated. He was 2 months into the 3 months probation so I guess they thought they should do it now. We are in total shock because everything seemed to be fine, there was no warning at all. I wonder whether it is actually because when they hired him they restructured and now in retrospect they realise they needed someone else. I am trying to remain calm but with the baby due in 7 weeks I am really rather freaked out. DH is very unhappy. I am trying to say that it is just one of those things and he will get another job soon and luckily he can freelance in the meantime but it is a terrible blow just when I was hoping I could put work and money worries aside for a while.

ceara Fri 30-Aug-13 08:26:43

expat congratulations!!!!

dildals that is fantastic that Bella (and you and Mr Dildals) are doing so well. She sounds a clever and feisty baby.

fairy so sorry to hear of your bombshell. I'm sure you are right and it is because of the restructuring. A horrible thing to happen and appalling timing for you both. Good that he can hopefully pick up some freelance work as it will help not only financially but with maintaining sanity and positivity. I am hoping my husband will be able to do the same. He has been lucky until now to walk straight into new jobs when contracts ended but you never know how long it will take, which is the worst thing, isn't it?

keepitgoing Fri 30-Aug-13 08:48:17

fairy gosh what a shock!! I really hope that he picks up work and a new job soon. I suppose you could always go back earlier than planned if it was an issue and he could be home. My deal with DH is that he gets to stay off work for most of the time with no.2, as I think you're supposed to be able to share leave out these days (not sure how it works)

crisps unfortunately I won't be getting any pay, as I'm not resently employed. I may get maternity allowance, but I'm not sure as I was working abroad not here. But since I am paying taxes here I think I should qualify. Still, it's not much. But, we knew that was the situation when we decided to go ahead with IVF at that time. We will just tighten our belts for 9 months or so, then I'll get a job. It's a pain as I would have taken a year and then maybe gone PT, but now I know I'll start to feel bad at about 9 months and have to get something, and chances of it being PT are nil really. But I've got some work pre-baby, starting monday, which'll be handy. Plus, this is our first so we don't have childcare costs to worry about.

ceara I'm sorry you feel you'll have to go back before you'll want to. I suppose you'll just have to see how it goes and what you can afford. You never know, DH might have found a new contract before the other even ends. At the moment I'm thinking babies in baby-stage are not that expensive - is that naive? What's the main expenses before you get to the childcare age? <awaits mothers to come along with sense>

dildals oh gosh Bella just sounds adorable. Is she still in SCBU, or a different ward now that she's in a cot? It must be so hard for you to go home at the end of the day, but it won't be so many weeks now till you can take her home, will it? Do they normally go home at what would have been term? She sounds like a little girl who knows her own mind. And what a stupid nurse for not realising how advanced our Bella is.

And of course expat - huge massive congratulations!! We look forward to a picture, and a bit of a story when you have a chance. Will you be in hospital for a few days? Have you a name decided yet? The run of girls continues. So, so pleased for you.

We have having a new fairly crappy bathroom put in by our landlord these last couple of days. So no water on. So I have filled buckets so that I can wee a million times a day. The cat hates being shut in the other room, but she's still on house arrest, having only arrived back to us a week ago.

Ginestas Fri 30-Aug-13 09:24:42

Yay, CONGRATS expat! I'm so pleased for you and hope you are both doing well. Another girl eh? Is it right that everyone on the Fred who's had their babies/found out the gender are having girls? I wonder if they are more common from ivf <thinks of Louise Brown>, or if it's just random!

Ha ha mariana and crisps at your weapon dog vs bugaboo description. In my end of the hood, I think it's more weapon dog, apart from the lovely shazz of course!

fairy so sorry to hear about your DH's job. I hope he finds something quickly and it's great he can do some freelance. My DH has just got a new job, which was a huge relief as he was set to be unemployed 2 weeks after the baby was due and works in a v competitive sector.

keep eek re the no water. Limited weeing and no showers would so my head in!

I get the same amazing maternity benefits as mariana. My salary is shite but benefits and annual leave allowance great. Tacking on the accrued annual leave and bank hols, I hope to take 10-11 months off, returning when the baby is about 10 months. I can't afford any months without income and the months on statutory pay will be tough. I hope to be able to save during the salaried months to help pay the mortgage then!

Had an antenatal check up yesterday. All was well with no proteins in my wee this time and she found the HB immediately. They've started measuring the bump now which is funny. I'm 22cm at 24 weeks, so not as massive as I thought! The baby is lying transversely which means I would measure a bit smaller I think. She also said that if I was leaking amniotic fluid it'd be constant.

Anyway I'll stop waffling on. It's Friday, yay!

Ginestas Fri 30-Aug-13 09:26:31

Ps meant to say dildals Bella sounds just adorable! And is doing so incredibly well re suckling and being in a cot. Amazing!

keepitgoing Fri 30-Aug-13 09:40:51

gin here they don't measure the bump until 28 weeks anyway. It's really hard to tell which way the baby is lying I think. Does it get easier as the baby gets bigger, or harder? I think they still move loads - mine was transverse when I saw the MW the other week, then two days later at scan was head down. Sometimes by bump does feel harder, and I think that's when it's transverse, as there must be less space that way.

and yes, there have been no boys born, or boys found out about yet other than sweetie who has one of each cooking. Though there are a fair few of us who don't know.

Mariana, Dildals, Expat - girls x4
fairy - girl
Shaz - unknown
keep - unknown
mrshy - girl i think
sweetie - one of each
gin - girl
crisps - babies were uncooperative so was going back this week. What was the result, crisps?
noks - unknown

So, who has scans coming up? Buzzy's 20 weeks must be soon? And I think motor has one next week too?

ceara keep and gin thanks for the condolences. I am reasonably confident DH will find more work soon but it is just the uncertainty as you say ceara. Also it's a terrible blow to his confidence, which no one needs. We had just been celebrating the fact that he finally had a permanent contract after 6 yrs of freelancing and short term contracts. This was partly by choice but we are both fed up with that scenario.

keep when DS was a baby we had really very little money and we got along fine. It is totally up to you how much you spend on them, they don't really need much or anything new or expensive. DS was just in a moses basket until he was 7 months (that I got via freecycle) and we were given a folding clothes organiser that doubled as a changing table. Apart from the pushchair we really didn't buy anything (we didn't have a car so no car seat needed) but got a lot via freecycle. It is the nursery or childminder costs when you go to work that are horrific.

I am pretty sure that LO is head down and has been for a while because when she gets the hiccups I feel it low down in my pelvis. Also when she kicks I feel it up at the top of my bump and there seem to be knees in between. However, I don't know what side she is curled around so maybe that changes. She is definitely getting a lot bigger and stronger because when she kicks or moves I REALLY feel it, I instinctively hold on to my bump for fear she's going to break through!

gin glad to hear that your MW appt went well and no proteins this time. Also that you have a nice compact bump. When they measure my bump it shows up as 'just right' but because I am short and shortwaisted it means I am sticking out hugely! (since the benchmark is the same no matter how tall you are and if you need to be 32cm and are short it must stick out more in a bigger curve).

Funny about the run of girls.

putthecrispsDOWN Fri 30-Aug-13 10:15:39

Congrats expat, what wonderful news!

Off for a scan this morning and hoping to find out sex and that they can get the other measurements. Realised that I actually really want to know what they are! So fingers crossed they will be more cooperative today.

Will catch up properly later...

Congrats expat. That's amazing news. I'm so excited. This is quick I'm texting from a pub loo smile. Can't wait to catch up properly from home at the weekend. Xx

Haha at shazza in a pub loo. Do you feel like you're having an illicit affair?!

fairy that's awful job news. I really hope he can freelance straight away and that something else comes up very soon. It's really worrying though so I'll not tell you not to panic. I really hate the culture of short term contracts. It makes everything so uncertain.

Yes, when we lived in trendy / rough inner city what actually marked us out from the bugaboo crowd was our lack of parental cash. They mostly had things like deposits on their houses paid for by their parents, trust funds for the kids, cars bought for them and so on. I used to naively wonder how people on their not immediately lucrative sounding jobs could have so much flashier lives than us but that was generally why. I consoled myself with us having earned it all ourselves would still rather have two sets of vastly wealthy parents though.

keep, it's a pity you'll miss out on a maternity package but the baby will more than compensate. Once you have the initial equipment then all you need later on are stair gates (very easy to pick up second hand) and clothes (Primarni is now this threads Official Outfitter) but bundles from eBay can be very good value. If you go with disposable nappies and wipes they will cost less than £20 a month if you shop around (I got Boots 3 for 2 mega packs this month - I stock up every month as it's cheaper). Cloth won't have a monthly cost of course beyond the initial outlau, but you will use more electricity. Considering you never go out either it's not too bad. Ultimately, we are peddled a whole load of stuff we really don't need at all.

Our heating bill went up too as more baths and not sitting shivering in a jumper. Speaking of which, I hope you have water soon.

Gin, glad there's no pesky proteins and that the MW reassured you. The fundal height measurement is very crude and only a guide so don't worry about it. I think gender is just as random from IVF. There must just be a run of girls on this thread.

Buzzybee123 Fri 30-Aug-13 17:13:52

expat congrats on your little bundle smile

crisps I'm with the NHS and my area are only offering me 6 weeks full pay and then 7 weeks half pay, it might from changed from when I last looked, not sure how long I will take off

fairy Sorry about the bombshell, I can relate to the money worries, DH was made redundant 4 years ago and is still looking for a permanent job, we have a bit of savings but my DH has already decided that he will take time off to be with me when I have the baby. I am sure your DH will find something soon

keep did you take your cat with you?? How long is quarantine in this country, my 20 week scan is on the 13th but I'm having a private scan tomorrow and DH will be able to come along, I think he feels a bit out of it being away so much

gin glad your mw appointment went well

shazza glad your poor DN is now brown bear free smile I know my old patients obsess about their bowels

noks how are you doing, I've been too busy to be perving on utube

well thank feck its Friday, we have a right bunch of selfish miserable demanding old folks where I'm working, some people are never grateful and have knackered me out, off for a quick nap with the cat smile

MotorcycleMama Fri 30-Aug-13 17:46:11

Many congratulations on your baby girl expat. Lovely news.

fairy that is such bad news re DH's job - what a shock! And bad timing too, to say the least. Still, Im sure something else will come up. Must catch up soon.

keep you have a good memory re scan dates! Yes, my 12 week scan is on Monday. Anxiety has set in again, but a bit less than previous scans thanks to the one I had at 10 weeks when the baby was wriggling about with a good strong heartbeat. Hope you get your water on soon!

How are you crisps and how was the scan? Did you find out what sex they are? Can't wait to hear.

ceara Fri 30-Aug-13 18:49:35

buzzy good luck for tomorrow - and to motor for Monday. It is nervewracking. My 20 week scan is next Friday and I can feel the fretting starting already!

Crisps was the little one more cooperative today? Hope all went well.

putthecrispsDOWN Fri 30-Aug-13 18:51:21

fairy that sucks big time, so sorry, I really hope Your DH finds something soon to take the stress off. It's the last thing you need to be worrying about. Your folks sound ace, I don't really have any family closeY (mum is in Sydney!) and I miss having someone around.

Good luck motor 12 weeks is a brilliant milestone to be approaching!

dildals is Bella still in SCBU or HdU or somewhere else? Apologies for not knowing the right terminology and such like. Her poonamis sound like her digestive system is working a treat and It does sound like she is a genius at feeding already.

buzzy hope you are off this weekend for a rest from the miserable buggers at work. I think ai've done alright with mat leave by comparison...was just a bit glum because two of my friends (private sector)got 12 months full pay, company car and petrol allowance, can you imagine how awesome that would be! We will manage fine in perspective.

keep I think the main outlay for us was about £20 a week on nappies, wipes and milk (unless you bf of course!) and so on, which isn't a huge amount. There are loads of free or very cheap things to do with babies if you want to get out of the house and be sociable and I think being at home to plan meals and cook in bulk makes it easier to cut down on costs. As theoraclemariana said not much is needed later on, and you could always eBay stuff that is no longer needed to get a bit back.

shazza is it wierd that I was proud of your niece yesterday? It felt like we were all hanging on tenterhooks waiting for her to progress, bless her. Hope you have had a lovely restful holly bob.

Scan went well today apart from me nearly passing out every five minutes from the pressure n my heart (anyone else have this prob when they lie down? V spooky!) and it was DH's friend who double checked everything for us as a bit of a favour. The results are in.....(drum roll please)...we will be adding two more girls to the mumsnet brood! I'm so happy to have found out, I didn't mind what they were at all but already I find it so much easier to imagine them and get excited. Pus it will be a giggle for me to watch DH live with four stroppy over hormonal high maintenance ladies for the next twenty years or so!

noks ignore me if I'm being dense but have you had your 20wk already and do you know the sex?

This thread is not accepting new messages.