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OH lost intetest?

(16 Posts)
JodiLeighLeigh Tue 06-Aug-13 20:09:37

Has anyone else's OH completely lost all interest in them and stopped being affectionate (even verbally) since you got your BFP? We planned to get pregnant so it's not as if I've trapped him. No sex or any type of play for going on 3 weeks now. It's the longest we've gone without since getting together (though I know it's not long in the grand scheme of things). Starting to feel quite unwanted.

welshfirsttimemummy Tue 06-Aug-13 20:16:31

Why don't you try talking to him about it? Some men are worried about having sex when they know their partner is pregnant in fear of "hurting the baby". Maybe he just needs reassurance that it would do no harm smile

JodiLeighLeigh Tue 06-Aug-13 20:23:32

Hi welshfirsttimemummy

I did try that already unfortunately. He is denying that he's normally affectionate rather than denying that he isn't being affectionate now, is acknowledging that we've not been intimate, and says the reasons are that he's tired and that because I have sore boobs, we can't do it 'the way wants'. We like it quite rough but it honestly seems that softening down the boob play is a deal breaker sad

marzipanned Tue 06-Aug-13 20:24:57

Maybe, even though the pregnancy was planned, he's feeling a bit overwhelmed and suddenly coming to terms with it all. I think there is a huge difference mentally between "we're TTC" and "we're going to be parents!"

Have a chat with him and see what he's feeling.

If it makes you feel any better, I'm 15 weeks and we haven't had sex since conception!! Combination of his business trips, my (irrational) fear of 'dislodging' the embryo and horrific nausea which has left me feeling the least sexy person in the world. But we're still very affectionate with each other - you can definitely have one without the other. Though if you tell him that you're still comfortable with sex I'm sure he will be too.

JodiLeighLeigh Tue 06-Aug-13 20:26:39

typo - 'the way HE wants'

marzipanned Tue 06-Aug-13 20:26:51

Oops sorry x-post Jodi. Hmm, maybe change tack and ask him his honest feelings about the pregnancy? But unrelated to the conversation you've already had...

Do you ever take baths together? Can be a good way of being close and can lead to gentle sex if you both feel like it.

Champagnebubble Tue 06-Aug-13 20:26:55

Perhaps the news is just sinking in? Despite it being planned he could just be bowled over by the life changing news and that can kill the libido a bit.....maybe try cuddles and kisses and be affectionate in other ways - he might just need some time.

Champagnebubble Tue 06-Aug-13 20:27:45

Sorry x posts with some other ladies saying the same thing grin.

JodiLeighLeigh Tue 06-Aug-13 20:34:39

I might just need to give it more time and shelve my feelings if I can manage it.

I think he might be having a bit of a panic about things that will no longer be possible once we have children (we've certainly lived our pre-baby lives to the fullest). He's bipolar and talks similarly to this when he's in phases of pulling away. I suppose timing is everything sad

Champagnebubble Tue 06-Aug-13 20:42:21

<Hugs> Jodi. If it helps I felt a bit floored! Fully planned pg and very happy but I had to sort of get my head around it and I have a tendency to go quiet and thoughtful too as a result. Maybe give him some time and just try and be affectionate. I'm 13 weeks and it still doesn't feel real!

JodiLeighLeigh Tue 06-Aug-13 21:02:14

Thank you champagnebubble

I'll try to lay off him a bit...I can't really say it's sunk in for me yet, let alone him so I'd probably be being unreasonable to expect his head to be in a good place quicker than mine lol.

Champagnebubble Tue 06-Aug-13 22:32:34

I don't think you are unreasonable, just shows you care smile. Take it easy too, you shouldn't be stressing, look after you and mini bump! I'm sure he will get there, and I'm sure it will become more real once the bump is established!!!!! These early days are hard!

LostMySocks Tue 06-Aug-13 22:45:05

Men do react funnily to babies. It is a big deal and they don't really experience any of the early symptoms. My DH is lovely and affectionate (unless he's tired or too hot) but when I first got BFP he didn't say a lot and seemed a bit wothdrawn almost as if he was trying tO get his head around it all. Same after the 12 week scan. Didn't talk about baby for 2 days. He's now back to normal apart from being obsessive about decorating the nursery properly

Mummytobe13 Wed 07-Aug-13 01:39:22

Uurghhh makes me mad.im 38+5 and he stopped everything altogether at 7months preg,i know how u must be feeling.its really put me of becoming pregnant again.

ccsays Wed 07-Aug-13 03:08:19

Bipolar or not, saying he doesn't want sex because you have sore boobs and it won't be the 'way he wants it' seems very selfish to me. Is it really that much of a sacrifice for him? hmm Even if he doesn't feel like sex right now, there are other ways to show affection to you, especially when you're in early pregnancy and are likely to be feeling a bit vulnerable.

JodiLeighLeigh Wed 07-Aug-13 12:31:18

ccsays - being quite a selfish person is unfortunately one of his less dignified traits, though he'd never admit it.

He started telling people yesterday evening and has actually been quite affectionate after he came home. Think someone may have given him a reality check and he has had a rethink about how bad the earlier weeks of pregnancy can make you feel.

Providing I get affection at least...the sex will follow. He'll only get jealous if I go and treat myself to a better vibrator for my birthday next week wink

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