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Furious about MIL comment!

(46 Posts)
Festen Wed 31-Jul-13 17:57:59

Hi everyone - just wanted to share a rant!

I saw my in laws at the weekend and FIL said "MIL is terrified your baby is going to be ginger". She obviously hadn't wanted him to say that out loud and she tried to cover it up and make a joke of it by saying "It's ok I'll knit lots of hats." I was really offended by her attitude but tried to be polite and said, "Your attitude makes me feel very sad. Anyway, get used to the idea because it's a distinct possibility given my heritage." She then said, "They say redheads have a fiery temper". At that point I couldn't really believe it and said, "That is a load of old crock!", still trying to be polite and not fly into a rage. I was really upset by her shallowness and couldn't sleep that night going over what she said - what kind of grandparent would say such a thing?! The only thing that makes me feel better about it is to remind myself that she is not actually very well educated or worldly.

Discrimination of redhaired people in this country is awful, but no one takes the prejudice seriously. It's a disgrace! I just hope that if my baby is a redhead that I am able to give him/her the confidence not to bothered by teasing.

Have anyone else's family members said such insensitive things? sad

Mogz Wed 31-Jul-13 18:52:36

Goodness, even if your FIL meant to be a bit light hearted about it it's still not a nice thing to say!
I for one would give my eye teeth for a baby with red hair, but any colour, or none whatever, your babe will be beautiful and MIL will soon fall in love with it causing you even more problems!
Try not to thnk on it too much, one persons opinion shouldn't ruin your enjoyment for pregnancy and becoming a mummy.

DaleyBump Wed 31-Jul-13 18:58:07

My MIL said the other week "I hate the names you've picked. I won't be calling him that. You'll just have to change it." I was like shock the names we've picked are lovely, we're probably going with Isaac or Zachary so I have no idea what her problem is. She also went on and on about how I've "put on weight everywhere! Like, all over!" and every time I eat anything she goes "eating for two, eh?" like I'm eating far too much which I'm not. She tries to make me feel ashamed for eating, and she's making it so hard to be civil towards her.

mignonette Wed 31-Jul-13 19:02:29

I hope you do have a beautiful healthy red head- we need more of them because they are rare and special like the Snow Leopard {smile]

All of the women on my 'beautiful list' are Redheads. Show her photographs of Jessica Chastain, Julianne Moore, Damian Lewis etc. Still think red hair is to be avoided MIL?
Julianne Moore has written a series of childrens books about a redheaded girl and i think there is a TV show/film on the cards too. Put them on your gift list smile.

HeffalumpTheFlump Wed 31-Jul-13 19:02:42

Sorry to hear about your mil's horrible comments. I wish you could have my mum as a mil, as she keeps going on about how she would absolutely love for my little girl to be born with red hair. Then she gets all soppy about little auburn curls and how stunning red hair is. Unfortunately there really isn't much chance of it as there isn't any red hair in the family to pass down.

Whatever colour hair your baby has, he/she will be bloody gorgeous. grin

mignonette Wed 31-Jul-13 19:04:03

MIL tells people they have gained weight and actually pokes them in their stomachs. I told her she was a very rude and unplesant woman and what diet plan would solve that.

(I've given up caring what she thinks of me and thankfully DH doesn't expect me to like her)....

mignonette Wed 31-Jul-13 19:04:20

unpleasant I mean...

DaleyBump Wed 31-Jul-13 19:04:41

Balls, meant to say that your baby will be gorgeous no matter what their hair colour. And I personally love red hair.

mrspaddy Wed 31-Jul-13 19:07:57

I think you are right.. she has had no education... terrible comment to make.. try not to get upset.. you don't need extra stress. Very weird and nasty statement to make.

All babies are beautiful.. I have never in all my life heard anything like that.

LeoandBoosmum Wed 31-Jul-13 19:11:37

I'm a red head and no offence to blondes and brunettes but I wouldn't swap it if I could (I might be open to swapping my blonde eyelashes though! grin)
What a fool your MIL is! Tell her you'll take the hats and if the baby's a red head then you'll donate them to a society for bitter, wizened pensioners! Let her make of that what she will... Rude mare!

I hope you have a gorgeous red head too!

My MIL said some shitty things to me too while I was pregnant with her first (and only) grandchildren...

"You just can't do anything properly" - when we told her we were expecting twins.
"Oh, but I wanted two boys" - when we told her we were having two girls.

Ignore her and enjoy your pregnancy and your lovely new baby smile

PetraBaelish Wed 31-Jul-13 19:12:30

What the what? That's just nasty.
I'm a fellow ginger nut and I've always hoped one of my children would/ will inherit my hair colour. It's a lovely colour, much nicer than mouse brown for sure!
DS2 was born with red hair but sadly all of that fell out and he's platinum blond now. I'm still hoping this one might be a redhead though!

Festen Wed 31-Jul-13 19:13:10

Thanks for your comments you lovely people! It's good to rant sometimes, I've been bottling this up since last week and now I feel much better. flowers

DaleyBump your name choices are great. I haven't told anyone my favourite names (even DP is in the dark at the moment) for fear of the same response.

MargeSimpsonx Wed 31-Jul-13 19:15:48

Ach, buckle in for another twenty odd years of it. 7 if you split up wink

I was told that x's height would "correct" my height. confused what? average it out I think. I replied that my nose would average out his nose so we're on track for some really average children here, woo hoo!!! (sarcasm with a smile)

MissStrawberry Wed 31-Jul-13 19:18:41

Slap her twice. (not really.)

Once for saying it and then again for rubbing it in by saying she will cover up the offensive ginger hair with a hat.

Festen Wed 31-Jul-13 19:20:21

Just to add...she has been really supportive and lovely in every other way, so that's why that comment took me by surprise!

One of the most exciting parts of being pregnant is the anticipation of who this amazing new person will look like. My dark hair, DP's blonde tufty hair or another colour from the palette?

Festen Wed 31-Jul-13 19:21:43

Haha Marge I like your style!

When i was giving birth to dd a doctor peered up at her wedged in my birth canal and said "don't worry, it's not ginger!" shock

Both dh and i have red headed brothers and my mother was in the room.

LadyClariceCannockMonty Wed 31-Jul-13 19:23:57

'I hate the names you've picked. I won't be calling him that. You'll just have to change it.'

'Oh, but I wanted two boys" - when we told her we were having two girls.'

I just can't believe people would say things like this. What IS it about becoming a MIL that makes (some) women behave like this? Is it similar to the Bridezilla phenomenon?

As for 'Show her photographs of Jessica Chastain, Julianne Moore, Damian Lewis etc.', nice idea in the abstract but honestly, fuck that. She has a problem with red hair and a problem with thinking she can be offensive to people and it's not your job to try to win her round. Tell her she can take a running jump.

Oh and your child will be gorgeous.

JustPanicking Wed 31-Jul-13 19:30:25

I have 2 beautiful red headed daughters and I am constantly stopped by people wanting to comment on how much they love the colour. Tell mil to go jump!

zzzzz Wed 31-Jul-13 19:32:04

I honestly had got through life till last year without even hearing that I was supposed to dislike red hair. The only even slight inkling I had was Anne of Green Gables and I thought that was just her hating her own hair (she hated her nose too).

Your MIL is a bit barmy. Don't be cross, feel sorry for her. I expect your baby would have liked a more sensible Granny, but you have to work with what's on offer. wink

Stropzilla Wed 31-Jul-13 19:37:13

I have brown hair and dye it red. Your MIL is daft. Fwiw my mil told me if I had a girl she would drown it because girls are cows. I have 2 DDs and she is now mortified she ever said that and adores them. I like to bring it up sometimes and let her squirm smile . Your Mil will be the same.

mignonette Wed 31-Jul-13 19:52:33

*Lady i didn't mean it literally, more as a reassurance to the OP that Red heads are valued and worshipped grin by so many of us.

cravingcake Wed 31-Jul-13 20:10:46

My DS was born with lovely auburn coloured hair and its only gotten thicker and more shiny and ginger by the day grin I had midwives commenting on it, and people stop me often to say they love his hair.

On showing my MIL the 12 week scan pics recently of DC2 her comment was oh, just one baby? When FIL said well what did you expect she said that it was because I am a lot bigger this time.

I really hope that DC2 will have the same coloured hair as its big brother - I actually dye my hair similar colour and we have no idea where the ginger gene comes from!

Andanotherthing123 Wed 31-Jul-13 20:14:10

My FIL said exactly the same thing to me before I had DC1. I asked if he wanted to discuss it with my brother, sister and auntie (who all have red hair). Op I share your disgust for those kind of bigoted idiots who have failed to spot how ugly thier own views are. I also told my FIL that if any of my children have red hair, I would be delighted to keep them away ( and any other grandchildren)from him, especially if he stands by his own discriminatory views. It's making my blood boil just thinking about it and it was 6 years ago. You have my sympathies.

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