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So very broody.. need some sense talking into me.

(15 Posts)
farthingwood Tue 30-Jul-13 10:36:10

I have 2 year left at uni and a year after that qualifying properly as a teacher.
I am 29 and with the right man to have children with however we don't live together.
In my brain, I know it it important to get my degree and a good income before having children, it will be much easier than trying to do it with a child.
But I wanted to have my first child whilst I am in my twenties and I feel like there will never be a perfect time because in 2 years time when I get my degree I have to do a year in a school (working really hard) to get my full qualification.
I am quite tormented by an overwhelming sense of broodiness which isn't rational, I would much prefer to introduce a baby into our lives when the set-up is balanced and inviting not all up in the air as it is now.
Any advice on how to dampen this urge to have a child NOW!?
Thank you

AhoyAhoy Tue 30-Jul-13 10:58:36

Hey farthingwood, I found myself in a very similar situation 4 years ago when my sister starting having babies.

I too was about to start a 2 year PGCE course, followed by my NQT year and was desperate to have a baby.

I have just finished my second year of teaching and due in October, and with hindsight am soooo glad I waited.

Being a student teacher and an NQT is hard- physically and emotionally draining. I also started- as many people do due to schools not being sure of future finances, on a one year contract, so had no stability with regard to maternity leave/ pay. Second year, with a permanent contract, I started to feel like I knew what I was doing and was able to cope with early pregnancy and teaching simultaneously.

I will be starting my third year, having moved up the payscale twice, with a responsibility, so know that we will be financially secure. (Which is the biggest weight off my mind). I also know that going back after ML will be easier, having spent time developing my teaching.

It's hard, but patience now will make your first pregnancy so much less stressful and you can think about timing it around the summer holidays to maximise time with your new baby.

Do you have any nieces/ nephews to keep you busy in the meantime? (All the joy without any of the hassle!!)

One more thing- the average age for women to have their first child is now over 30. Think 31 or 32? So we will likely be a good few years older than our moms were when they had us.

xx

farthingwood Tue 30-Jul-13 14:26:55

Thank you Ahoyahoy, that message just poured a cold glass of water over my broodiness, I can see that your situation is far more favourable than my current one.
If I had a child now it would be for me not for the child and that's not fair.
Thank you.

StillPukin Tue 30-Jul-13 14:32:33

I'll send you my 13 yr old for a week, you'll soon be over your broodiness wink

AhoyAhoy Tue 30-Jul-13 14:34:01

Believe me, the time will fly and before you know it you'll be settled in a job and happily pregnant x

UnderwaterBasketWeaving Tue 30-Jul-13 14:38:38

Snap! Or at least, I was the same! I managed to just about wait till my NQT year was finished, I was also 29.

Do you know what is a good cure for broodyness? 1) pregnancy - should have been my first symptom really, that all of a sudden I wasn't broody. And 2) a very demanding high-needs baby following a chronically nauseous pregnancy.

Other than that, I recommend a coil so there are no hasty decisions!

DaleyBump Tue 30-Jul-13 14:53:58

I'm still being sick at 22 weeks. My back is killing me. I can't sleep until about four/five in the morning because of pregnancy insomnia, leg cramps and sciatica. I've wet myself twice from baby kicking me in the bladder. I almost failed my HND because of how ill I was in the early stages. My partner and I live in a 1 bedroom rented flat, and even with him working full time we just can't afford a mortgage. I now have a three year degree to complete, with a young child in tow.

I'm 18 years old and, due to a contraception failure, I'm pregnant. Don't get me wrong, I'm absolutely over the moon to be pregnant but it's not something I would ever have planned for myself so early. My circumstances are nowhere near ideal to bring a child into the world, but I just couldn't make my baby pay for my mistake.

It's not a decision I thought I would ever have to make, and I will provide for my son to the best of my ability but I just wish he was arriving a few years down the line.

Just to clarify, I already love the little wriggly baby in my belly more than anything and will do my absolute best for him. I just can't help but worry how I'll cope. Hope that makes sense.

bunchofposy Tue 30-Jul-13 15:21:57

Hi, I totally understand that overwhelming sense of broodiness which also hit me at about 29. I think it's good to keep your goal in mind, those years will fly by and once you have achieved what you want to, it will be so much easier.

For me it was about paying off some fairly enormous debts; I am so glad I did as I would never have been able to put that much money aside after my child arrived. It was a real achievement for me, and enabled me to start motherhood feeling so much more confident about being able to provide long-term for my child.

Having a child well into your thirties is so normal now; it is only us who put pressure on ourselves to do it in our twenties. Just keep in mind the fact that you still are young and still will be of completely normal childrearing age by the time you are have got yourself ready.

lozza22 Tue 30-Jul-13 19:53:06

Hi, i fell pregnant in my final year of my nursing degree and still managed to complete the course and am fully qualified now. It wasnt planned but im not sure i would ever have found the perfect time for my first baby if that hadnt happened by accident, i was 25.

You say you have two years left so maybe a compromise would be to wait a year and then try so u can still get final year at uni done then do your year in a school once the baby can go to a nursery or child minder if at all a possibility?
And just out of interest as im a nurse, second on the list of top 5 death bed regrets is people wishing they hadnt worked so hard and spent more time with family :-)

lozza22 Tue 30-Jul-13 19:56:26

P.s, sorry if that kind of flies in the face of what you actually wanted to hear but just wanted you to know it isnt impossible to have it both ways :-)

misskatamari Tue 30-Jul-13 20:21:17

I'm a teacher and my gosh my training and NQT year nearly did me in and I had no other responsibilities.

I've been teaching 7 years and am now 12 weeks pregnant and ended up signed off as I was too ill and sick to work. I would really recommend waiting until you are qualified (I know it's hard) as you will be under so much pressure anyway adding pregnancy and a new baby into the mix would be so hard.

LateBear Tue 30-Jul-13 22:34:57

I became desperately broody at that age as well. It just kind of kicked in and was all I could think about. Unfortunately I was not with the right person at the time (all sorts of issues there) and we broke up. I didn't end up getting married until
I was 36 and then had fertility issues and have only just now fallen pregnant unexpectedly at the age of 40 as I had really given up hope. I think you are lucky that you already have the right person, and a couple of years won't make that much difference. Although it was not my dream to be pregnant at 40 the financial stability from having been working that whole time is one positive aspect. I guess what I am saying is I think you have time and it would be worth finishing your degree, but I am the sort of person that w

LateBear Tue 30-Jul-13 22:36:46

oops! ... I am the sort of person that would not go back to something if I stopped halfway..(lack of discipline!)

farthingwood Wed 31-Jul-13 22:23:24

Thanks so much for your messages, I really want to achieve this degree for my self and have something to offer to our baby when they arrive.
Its just hard when your body is firing all these hormonal needs at you and you have to let your head rule over your heart.
Thanks for your advice it's great to have some perspective.

quackojuliet Thu 01-Aug-13 12:56:36

It's a balance, I agree with lozza above. I just about completed my nqt before falling pregnant and am glad it didn't happen sooner, but... I have been broody for years and my partner who is older even more so. I changed career in order to have a family for the security. I think teaching can be very difficult to combine with difficult early pregnancy symptoms,if you are unlucky. Add to that teachers tend to be conscientious and put their students first.
I'm happy with my decision to hold off on the urge to have children earlier but I'm still in my 20s. There is never a totally ideal time, if we all waited until we were in perfect financial positions with mortgages etc there might be other problems that arise. It is harder and harder these days to have that security. Life is unpredictable and you have to do what you feel is most meaningful for you,personally I wasn't prepared to put it off any longer and am very keen to build my family.instinct is important too!

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