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Blood boiling after hospital appt today - sorry long one

(94 Posts)
babyhmummy01 Fri 12-Jul-13 11:10:41

Ok, so I arrived in plenty of time for my 0830 apt, there was no one in the waiting room and yet they still managed to be 10 mins late, so I can forgive that, my DBIL is a surgeon so I know they can be called away or in meetings that run over etc, but am called through by a Maternity Assistant (I believe they are just HCA's?) who calls out "Mrs Babyh" it never even registered it was me as I am Ms not Mrs so took a few minutes. I politely corrected her that I am Ms not Mrs and was rudely told "Well we call everyone Mrs here" This has not been my past experience with the hospital as they have either called me by my first name or Ms Babyh so was not a great start. Then the Consultant barely had 2 words to say to me, anaesthetist wasn't available so had to wait for the on call one to be paged - sorry but YOU made the apt so why the heck wasn't he there for my 0830 apt.

He was ok but very strongly insisting and bordering on demanding I had no choice over labour other than an epidural which I REALLY don't want. I explained to him that unless absolutely medically necessary I did not want an epidural as the thought of being out of control, on a bed, unable to move terrifies the life out of me. He reluctantly agreed but due to my asthma and allergy to pain meds I can only have that or Entenox which I said was fine. He listened to my chest and said I could leave the hospital but never gave me my notes back.

I called in at the reception desk to ask how I got my notes back and a different Maternity Assistant to above said she would go and find them for me. Then out of the blue the rude assistant appears and barks at me that I can leave as the Doctor has finished with me and I don't need to be there. I tried to politely (through gritted teeth) tell her that I needed my notes to which I was told "well she has just told you she is getting them" - Queue my blood really starting to boil at this point.

The nice MA came back with my notes and muttered that as discussed with Consultant I was now under MW led care, I explained that nothing of that ilk had been discussed and that the as the anaesthetist was demanding epidural and possibly spinal for a c section if my asthma is still bad when I go into labour then I needed to be consultant led so off she trotted to confirm...am I wrong to be really annoyed and quite upset by this whole debacle?! I am considering writing to the hospital and complaining but not sure if I am taking it too muh to heart...please help

TobyLerone Fri 12-Jul-13 11:12:43

I lost sympathy for you at 'just HCAs'.

babyhmummy01 Fri 12-Jul-13 11:15:37

didn't mean any offence just meant they aren't nurses or doctors

BeckAndCall Fri 12-Jul-13 11:15:48

There's clearly some confusion about the care you are expecting to receive - consultant led or midwife led - surely your first to do should be to get that clarified rather than to jump in and complain? Ask for clArification or ask fro another appointment or speak to your midwife or GP but get some clarification first as that would seem to time critical.

MrsWolowitz Fri 12-Jul-13 11:16:34

I think the Mrs thing is really a non-issue.

Maybe you're hormonal but it does sound like much ado about nothing.

EldritchCleavage Fri 12-Jul-13 11:18:42

I don't mean to sound unsympathetic, because I understand how you feel but stop gritting teeth and speak up. Doesn't need to be rude or confrontational, just assertive. I know how annoying this kind of thing can be (with me it was demanding I be induced because of my age-hospital was quite aggressive and peremptory about it), so I can say from bitter experience pick people up on these things calmly at the time. It does you no good to go home with blood boiling not having put down a marker about how you expect to be treated.

babyhmummy01 Fri 12-Jul-13 11:20:17

I have been told consultant led all the way through because of asthma and allergy to pain med which is why I cannot understand why the dr has put MLC, he has removed it after I queried it but the point remains that he had no idea on outcome of the anaesthetic review so should not have changed anything prior to it.

I am not hormonal MrsWolowitz but I am disgusted at how rudely I was spoken to

CaptainJamesTKirk Fri 12-Jul-13 11:20:50

The Mrs thing is a non issue IMO, you just correct her and leave it at that but if I was Miss Wilson and a maternity assistant called out Mrs Wilson, it would register immediately that she might mean me and I'd ask, then correct. Notes have stickers that often don't have titles.

Regards the issue of midwife led care, consultant care... Well you need to get that sorted.

I wasn't there but it sounds like you went to your appointment in an emotive state, looking for a fight.

christinarossetti Fri 12-Jul-13 11:22:30

These types of mixed messages and lack of attention to detail are incredibly exasperating in our over-stretched and high dysfunctional NHS and all too common.

I think you need to pick your battles - the concerning issue is not whether someone called you by the wrong title or was a bit short, but who will be overseeing plans for your labour given your pre-exiting health problems and personal preferences. Did the maternity nurse confirm that you're still consultant-led care? Are you happy with the plan at the moment, or do you still have questions?

Unless there's a medical issue to sort out, I'd let it go and try to prepare myself for another round of mixed messages and possibly a little short on bedside manner workers during the next visit.

Hope all goes well with your birth.

CaptainJamesTKirk Fri 12-Jul-13 11:23:05

Often people respond to aggressiveness and rudeness with aggressiveness and rudeness. Are you sure your own behaviours was polite and friendly?

If you are adamant the maternity assistant was rude and behaved inappropriately then you should complain.

ChunkyPickle Fri 12-Jul-13 11:25:29

You do have to be assertive as Eldritch says - I've had similarly dismissive consultants telling me what they'll do to me (!) and I just very firmly told them 'no' (I realise that I'll have to keep repeating this, but luckily I also have a DP who really came into his own last time so I know that even if I'm out of it, he'll do the best thing). I walk into these appointments assuming they'll be late, that they won't have read my notes, and that I'll have to tell them everything again and check everything they say. And it's been rather important that I have on many occasions (eg. being given prescriptions I shouldn't have, or attempted to have things written in my notes which are factually and dangerously incorrect)

I don't think that the Mrs thing is necessarily a non-issue - if they can't be bothered to read your name, how do you know what else is being missed or skipped over in your notes?

My hospital keep trying to put stickers on my notes with a GP and surgery I've never heard of, the nurse taking my blood got my DOB wrong twice on the phials, if they got my name wrong too then goodness knows where my medical results could end up!

ByHecuba Fri 12-Jul-13 11:33:40

All the waiting around/confusion is par for the course IME.

The 'rude' MA sounds a bit of a pain.

Sorry you're having a stressful time with it all, but I really would not let this get to you.

TobyLerone Fri 12-Jul-13 11:33:49

Every appointment in every hospital/doctor's surgery that I've ever had, they just called my name out. Not 'Mrs' anything. Just Firstname Lastname.

It's a silly thing to be concerned about.

babyhmummy01 Fri 12-Jul-13 11:37:28

I was perfectly polite and not in an emotive state. My issue isn't so much the Ms v Mrs as the attitude I received when I corrected her and her subsequent attitude alter when she had absolutely no cause to have got involved.

I have emailed the hospital and complained about her manner etc.

All they have said is decision will be made when I go into labour so will be ringing my midwife next week and asking her to find out what the hell is going on.

MrsWolowitz Fri 12-Jul-13 11:46:00

Clearly you are very bothered by the whole appointment but you are coming across as quite, well, arsey on this thread.

The NHS is over-stretched and sometimes things are delayed and staff get stressed. It's not right but it is understandable.

Try and relax, put your feet up and have a brew

Is this your first baby?

CaptainJamesTKirk Fri 12-Jul-13 11:51:42

I was thinking abrasive... If the way you are coming over in this thread is in anyway like the way you came across to the maternity assistant then I think she has my sympathies.

babyhmummy01 Fri 12-Jul-13 11:51:54

I am annoyed at the crappy manner and attitude.

Overstretched is not an excuse for rudeness - if the supermarket assistant was rude because they were busy and shortstaffed I can't see you being too impressed and dismissive of it! So why should we just cos its the bloody NHS? And as I say the being late I understand the being late, but no anaesthetist available for an appointment that was booked 20+ weeks ago is unacceptable IMO. Had they just decided today that I needed to see one then I could understand it, but they decided at my 12 week apt that it was needed so why on earth was the apt not actually made with them

Champagnebubble Fri 12-Jul-13 11:52:21

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Panzee Fri 12-Jul-13 11:54:22

It's annoying and confusing, but think of it like this. When you go into labour nobody can make you do anything. It's your decision, and it doesnt matter whether you are officially under consultant or midwife care. Keep refusing your epidural, if someone mentions a med you're allergic to remind them of your allergy, and get sucking on the gas and air! As long as you're being looked after in labour then the other stuff is just paperwork.

EldritchCleavage Fri 12-Jul-13 11:56:59

Concentrate on the important stuff here. The MA was rude to you, which is not good but fairly unimportant in the grand scheme of things.

The mix-ups and poor communication regarding consultant-led vs midwife-led and epidural or not are not trivial, so I would concentrate on those and what you want put in place, how you want future appointments on that to go, etc.

I've had disappointing encounters at ante-natal apps with people I knew I'd probably never see again, the hospital being so busy. I tended to leave those. But when I was concerned about actual care, that was different and I fought my corner.

Champagnebubble Fri 12-Jul-13 11:57:49

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

schobe Fri 12-Jul-13 12:00:42

I am a 'Ms' and find it almost unbelievable that you wouldn't recognise your name with a 'Mrs' before it in an empty waiting room. They sound virtually the same imo.

I would also never correct someone from 'Ms' to 'Mrs' in such a trivial context. Ok fair enough if your title is being recorded on a document - but being called into an appointment? I think you set the tone for the whole encounter tbh.

BUT we weren't there and you have described a lot of further annoyance, incompetence and rudeness. I don't think I would bother complaining however, though perhaps it's a sad state of affairs that I have almost come to expect this sort of situ.

knittingirl Fri 12-Jul-13 12:02:23

Except, assuming she's paid taxes, she is paying smile

babyhmummy01 Fri 12-Jul-13 12:02:27

Thanks Champagnebubble

The mix up is sorted for now Eldritch I think part of the issue is you never actually see the Consultant only the registrar. Had issues last time when the registrar spoke to the consultant and agreed review at 34 and the maternity assistant insisted to the registrar that it must be 36 weeks as that was normal and would not have it until the consultant got involved that 34 weeks was when she wanted the appointment.

EldritchCleavage Fri 12-Jul-13 12:08:10

I'm glad it's sorted.
I used to wonder how I got a good blood pressure reading at some of my later appointments, such was the hassle that surrounded them!

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