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"Did you mean to be so rude???"

(33 Posts)
Cookiepants Tue 02-Jul-13 17:09:38

Hi all,

At work today a "lovely" co-worker felt the need to shout at top volume how massive I have got hmm.

Apparently my 30wk bump is the same as her full term one, my legs have doubled in size, and she can't believe how huge I am. After this she said to another colleague "can you believe how huge THAT (meaning me not bump) is while making a disgusted face.

I know how big I am (does she think I'm blind?) I see it everyday, and actually due to ms and a pretty miserable pg so far I have actually gained less than a stone ( was big before) and thought however I look at least I haven't gained lots if weight.

I know I should have used the thread title, but instead I just had a little cry and haven't eaten since ( not good I know but I look at food and hear her voice). Shouldn't it be common knowledge that all you say to a pg woman is how beautiful she is? wink

Champagnebubble Tue 02-Jul-13 17:12:57

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FoofFighter Tue 02-Jul-13 17:16:08

It's not too late to pull her up on her bitchy comment. In fact I'd probably be of the mind to be taking it further, that was not just an ill-worded spontaneous comment that you accidentally overheard, that was spiteful bullying that you were meant to hear imo. Have you had problems with this woman before?

hugs

DIYandEatCake Tue 02-Jul-13 17:17:08

She has the problem, not you - she sounds very immature and bitter. Perhaps she's jealous on some level, who knows. Please don't listen to a word she says, listen to the people who love you like your family and partner, who I'm sure are all proud of you.

Shellywelly1973 Tue 02-Jul-13 17:19:18

Take no notice!

She's a rude cow!!

ImTooHecsyForYourParty Tue 02-Jul-13 17:40:57

Don't worry about it, or rather, try not to grin easy to say, not so easy to do!

Practice (se?) this - "Yes. I'm huge. I have a whole person growing in here. It does tend to show. Still, at least it's a baby and not 20 years worth of donuts or something." <stare>

It always amazes me that people act like being pregnant is being fat hmm there's a bloody PERSON in there! What's with all the 'fat' hohoho har har tee hee hoddle har you're porky... shit. Erm no. Baby, you pillock.

AhoyAhoy Tue 02-Jul-13 17:49:20

So sorry- I can imagine how you're feeling, and it's not nice. If you're anything like me, then maybe you also feel like you have no control of your body anymore. That you know weight gain is perfectly natural and healthy, but still feel uncomfortable with your new body shape. (We skyped my husbands family in the Caribbean and his sister immediately pointed out to them all my fat face and had a good laugh with the family- according to my husband, she meant it as a compliment??!!!)

It's a time of such big change, physically and emotionally. I just wish that if people have nothing positive or supportive to say, they should just shut up.

DIY is right- only listen to the people who love and care about you, who know you well, and who understand that you are growing a little person! (A little person who instinctively will want to breast feed, for which we need to lay down fat reserves) x x

Cookiepants Tue 02-Jul-13 17:49:32

Thanks all,

Foof, she considers herself to be a "tell it like is type" she would say sorry, but "sorry you feel that way" iykwim. She is like that with everybody so I don't think she is targeting me specifically, just that I'm the one with something going on at the moment.

I did make a few PA comments e.g "don't hold back will you" and "you certainly know how to make a girl feel good" , but it didn't hit home. She's also trying to start a sweepstake for the babies weight cos I'm so massive (no takers yet).

Most of the time I can ignore, ignore, ignore, I'm just so tired and so uncomfortable coming up to mat leave that I'm really sensitive to what people think of as throwaway comments.

It gets worse as my work does not provide maternity uniforms just bigger and bigger normal ones, so my uniform is a size 26 shock whereas my normal mat clothes are 14-16. So I'm aware I look like I'm wearing a tent, just don't need it pointing out.

Cookie so sorry you've had to deal with this bullying behaviour on top of a difficult pregnancy. I know how hard it is to ignore but a friend of mine said to me quite recently "when you're on the receiving end of someone's bitterness and insecurities just remember, it could be so much worse, you could be them!"

I'd be having a word with HR as well. The sweepstake is horrific sad

Have some thanks and think about the beautiful bundle you'll be holding in 10 weeks time x

dinkystinky Tue 02-Jul-13 18:01:21

Threaten to sit on her if she doesn't shut it - that should shut her up! Seriously, just rise above it - she's the one with the problem, not you, and you'll soon have a lovely baby to cuddle - focus on that!

plentyofsoap Tue 02-Jul-13 18:14:35

I had this at work yesterday. A male co-worker told me i was getting fat. I told him to piss off. That shut him up. Very rude and very unlike me tbh but he was being rude I can always blame my hormones. Work to a level they understand and you are not fat!

Preggobear Tue 02-Jul-13 18:16:28

Awww Cookiepants, I'm so sorry that this awful woman has made you feel this way...what a cow!!!

My bump has suddenly got bigger in the last few weeks and I've had a few "are you sure it's not twins", "oh my god where did that come from" comments which have been getting me down but I try to focus on the important job in hand...and reach for another biscuit! smile I'm astonished at how insensitive some people have been! I would never dream of saying anything like that to a pregnant woman. I totally agree with what RememberingmyPFE's said....this woman is a bully and she sounds incredibly insecure. The problem is with her not with you. Keep smiling and try to rise above it xx

Runswithsquirrels Tue 02-Jul-13 18:17:29

What a bitch. Sounds completely jealous to me. Some women can't bear to see others pregnant remember, because they wish it was them. I bet you look amazing growing your new person. Screw her.

StillPukin Tue 02-Jul-13 18:18:15

To be honest, the rest of your co-workers would've had heard her and would've thought the same as you,, "how incredibly rude", I should imagine they would be cringing with her insensitivity. You say she's started a sweepstake but no-one has joined in - thats because they want nothing to do with her.
Dont feel alone with this, everybody else apparently feels exactly the same as you about her. Bloody stupid woman (her, not you haha)
Dont let her comments put you off your evening meal (you say you havent eaten since). Dont let her put you off giving your baby his/her tea smile xx

soupmaker Tue 02-Jul-13 18:20:23

Hello Cookie. What a complete cow your co-worker is. She's not a say it how it is person, she's a bully. Is your manager likely to be sympathetic? You should consider reporting the sweepstake, that's completely out of order. Do you have colleagues who will support you? Are you in a trade union?

upsydaisy33 Tue 02-Jul-13 18:23:56

So sorry that it happened to you. It has happened to me too and it is horrible, and very hard to deal with at work. It sounds like you have been very mature to her face and your colleagues silently agree with you as they are not taking her up on her silly ideas.

You have the moral high ground!

I wonder if some people are experiencing quite complex and unexpressed emotions in relation to other people's pregnancies and it comes out in these ways? And I have certainly realised a lot of people have issues about size which they project onto others.

I have had things like
'Have you eaten all the pies'?
'Are you sure it isnt twins' (I have lost count of the number of times I have heard this, one day it was at least four times)
'You are enormous''
And, the one I find hardest actually, is nothing said but a look of absolute revulsion and disgust when I tell them the baby isnt due for another three months.

It has really brought home to me how cruel a lot of people are to anyone who doesn't look 'normal'. I hope I will remember this and act on it for the rest of my life...
Hugs, and know you are not alone.

DIYandEatCake Tue 02-Jul-13 18:24:47

Report her. Sounds like bullying and you're probably not the only recipient. Make a note of everything malucious she says/does, and speak to hr. You - and other colleagues - shouldn't have to put up with this. There's a difference between straight talking and being hurtful/offensive.

BlackDahlia11 Tue 02-Jul-13 18:31:53

She sounds like a nasty piece of work. When I get put down, I always remember this: anyone who feels the need to put others down or make people feel bad about themselves are weak in character and lacking themselves. With any kind of bully, it is never about the person they are bullying, but about the bully themselves - think someone on Mumsnet said it.

I always tell pregnant women how beautiful they look. And I really mean it. I figure they probably get all the 'is it twins' comments that it's nice to get a compliment.

Currently heavily pregnant myself and I get 'is it twins' and 'you are getting bigger everyday'. Not really nasty but probably unnecessary. People are insensitive dicks at times.

GeordieCherry Tue 02-Jul-13 18:33:57

She said that you're her 40 week size? Say you're surprised she can remember that far back (hoping it was a while, otherwise this isn't much of a comeback!)

Eat your dinner, have a good sleep & report her tomorrow thanks

greenj1 Tue 02-Jul-13 18:38:38

What a spiteful bitch, I would report her asap. Don't stop eating baby needs you....in fact I would suggest you have am indulgent dinner with some choccies after smile big hugs x

getoffthecoffeetable Tue 02-Jul-13 18:40:41

How awful. What a cow!
I do agree that it sounds more like bullying than a case of saying it how it is. At the very least she needs to be pulled up on her insensitivity.
Please don't stop eating because of this insensitive woman.
Not long now until maternity leave!

PinkParsnips Tue 02-Jul-13 18:41:15

She sounds awful, I dont know what it is about pregnancy but people seem to think its a free for all to say what the hell they like...i'm 21 weeks and my boss said to me last week 'God, you've put LOADS of weight on!!!' angry (I actually haven't, its just my bump).
I just dont know what goes through people's minds.

Cookiepants Tue 02-Jul-13 18:55:38

Thank you so much, I'm overwhelmed that so many people are so supportive! I'm also a little sad that so many of us have experienced similar things hmm.

I do like 'it could be worse -you could be them ' grin and will be reciting in my head from now on!

I'm already feeling much better, I won't let anybody get between me and doing the best for my baby so won't be missing any meals, trust me!

As hard as loosing control of my body has been, I wouldn't swap any of it. Few more week left to work, then a lovely long mat leave for me and BabyCookie grin

mpac298 Tue 02-Jul-13 19:00:30

What an ass. Too bad you are not like me. I was so ready to have fights during my pregnancy. I even had a massive one with the mailman! Whether bullies or not, I always make a point of reminding myself that people who are this shit have problems with themselves, not with me. If you are a moderate do report this beauty to hr. Otherwise I'd make sure she knows precisely what I think about her. I can do it for you if you want smile

Drhamsterstortoise Tue 02-Jul-13 19:18:32

I don't know why people do it.I wouldn't dream of it.Your size during pregnancy is pretty much out of your control .My mil is obsessed with it and even though I now have my lovely baby ...still compares the size of my bump to others.I was a size 8 all bump and she thought I was humongous.Clearly her issues...You have the right attitude anyway.All that matters is you and your baby.Best of luck over the coming weeks

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