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The next person that asks how i'll cope......

(27 Posts)
Kayls93 Fri 28-Jun-13 14:01:28

Grrangry
Is this a normal comment to make to someone who is heavily pregnant?! "How do you think you will cope once the baby is here?" "Do you think you'll manage?" "At least your mum is around to help you cope with the baby...." WHAT?
I think I'll cope just fine thank you very much! Yes, I expect it to be hard, yes, I expect it'll probably take me a while to get into a routine etc, doesn't EVERY new mum? I have plenty of experience with babies and young children to know that it's not going to be easy but I will certainly "cope" just perfectly, thank you very much.

Sorry. Needed to rant!!

workingonitagain Wed 03-Jul-13 20:09:34

i agree it puts such a negative tone on the whole thing. im expecting dc3 and after the comments of "but you are happy right?" or " was this planned?" with the first one it's "fantastic" second one it's " brilliant" with the third one it's "oh my god are you crazy?" why is it such an extreme. then when i say i think it's another boy i get the " never mind" " are you gutted?" and im just getting really fed up with keep having to explain that i really don't mind what it is and if it's another boy it's great. such a different reactions people have to 3+ children... very disappointing!

therumoursaretrue Wed 03-Jul-13 17:55:30

I had this too from a few people...because shock horror I was 22 and unmarried when I had DS.

I mean really!? I do not know what goes through people's heads.

I used to just pull people on it..."oh would you have asked someone who is 30 and married that? No?! Well then why the hell are you asking me? I'm just as capable as any other ADULT woman."

Lulu90 Wed 03-Jul-13 17:51:58

Ah I get the exact same comment. I'm 22 and expecting twins and hear it every single day. Just feel like telling them to piss of don't you. I'm forever ringing my mum like "so and so's really irritating my hormones today"

Pay no notice to it. You will always find a way to 'cope' even on bad days. Everyone has them. I'm sure you'll be a great mum. Congrats x

mollymalone1 Wed 03-Jul-13 17:05:51

My ex partner commented on how I should "chill out" now, as I had a "lot of hard work ahead" and no real idea of what's coming (this was said during the argument we had about my decision to keep the baby - he was very much against it, hence why he's an ex). I'm 33 and this is my first child, he has a daughter from a previous relationship and thinks he's God's gift to fatherhood. I'm not saying it won't be difficult, and challenging, but I'm sure you're more than up to the task. All you can do really in this case is ignore their comments and carry on as normal: the fact you're doing well will put paid to their assumptions. smile

Kayls93 Sat 29-Jun-13 22:44:22

I'm so glad I'm not alone here. was starting to think I was just being unreasonable. my baby was planned and we couldn't be happier. I'm sure I'll be just fine smile

Beckmum4 Sat 29-Jun-13 21:43:50

I'm pregnant with baby number 4 and I'm always asked how will u cope and a agree its wrong and rude !!! I'm also told wow are you stupid!! Or you will do this one easy being your 4th insinuating I have a bucket!!! It's so insulting what am I ment to say to that!!???

Dildals Sat 29-Jun-13 06:44:22

I always reply 'well, bit too late to do something about it now isn't it'.

It's going to be hard, yes I am sure, but lots of things are, we all will just roll with it and we'll be fine. Loads of people have done it before us, surely we will be able to do so too.

welshfirsttimemummy Sat 29-Jun-13 04:54:38

I used to hate the "you won't get much sleep when the baby comes you know, how will you cope"

Really? Because I thought all newborns slept 12 hours through at night and and woke up fresh as a daisy! And I think I will cope just fine thanks. What they expect you to say - I have no idea how I will cope I will be crap?! confused

Oops rant over blush can you tell this is an emotive subject

At 16 I had my own house, college and a job sorted, nights out and a 'friend with benefits' situation going on which ultimately led to dd1 - not all young people need 'molly coddled' as I put it. 16 is an adult, getting pandered to after that is pure spoilt.

The gm should know better too; it wasn't so long ago that you and I would have been encouraged to have dc at our young ages - even be married off with a couple of dc before becoming spinsters confused

Chickpea1983 Fri 28-Jun-13 22:35:49

Bluestocking to say you have no idea means someone actually knows nothing which is ridiculous (as well as insulting)!

I had dd1 at 17, I looked 14 if that, the amount of judging looks I got was mad. Not helped by my bitch sister always saying loudly ''skipping school again?'' Grinning like a loon hmm luckily I never had any really bad comments mainly the judgey looks.

Age is nothing but a number.

Kayls93 Fri 28-Jun-13 21:47:05

think it's down to the fact that I'm 19...my partners grandmother (who I have only met once) said "oh I do worry about how she'll cope with it all" when we told her I was pregnant. I was heartbroken.
now his mum seems to have taken the same attitude. it's just so upsetting but whenever I say anything I'm simply accused of being hormonal and emotional.

My mum keeps harping on about having my work cut out once dd2 arrives - ''you'll have dd1 taking a mood, ds hungry and the baby needing a nap oh you're into it now!!'' All because there will be 21 months between ds and dd2 angry

Add to her rambling random strangers who feel free to ask ''are you Catholic/don't you have a telly/cold winter was it/ newlyweds are you'' etc et fecking cetera! All with a knowing wink or smile angryangry

Bluestocking Fri 28-Jun-13 18:46:20

Sorry, Chickpea, you really don't have any idea. But your DMIL very rude to say it to you even if she is thinking it.

Chickpea1983 Fri 28-Jun-13 18:43:55

My DMIL repeatedly told me that I have 'NO IDEA' what it will be like when our baby is born! I am 30 FFS does she think I live on a frickin cloud?! I think I have a pretty good idea, which is also why I put off having a child until I was ready for the challenge!

Dildals Fri 28-Jun-13 17:18:58

Try being pregnant with twins! The amount of comments double! ;-)

Kelly1814 Fri 28-Jun-13 14:59:35

When discussing babies and pregnancy (long before I was pregnant) my mum was very disparaging about me having kids. How would I cope/I had no,experience of being around a newborn baby etc etc. basically made me feel as if I would be an awful mother.

I actually out off telling her i was pregnant until about 21 weeks as a result. She's been nice as pie since.

I agree OP, it really drives me mad. Of course I know it is not going to be easy, but unless your a midwife, who really has lots of experience of newborn babies when you're pregnant for the first time?!

Am sure we will all 'cope' just fine!

ChippingInWiredOnCoffee Fri 28-Jun-13 14:47:20

Is there something about you that makes people think you might not cope? It's not a normal thing to ask someone who doesn't have 6 arms or 55 children already.

Kayls93 Fri 28-Jun-13 14:44:44

glad I'm not the only one! I feel like I'm being analysed and monitored like some sort of mentally insane person. I really don't understand how some people can be so rude

elQuintoConyo Fri 28-Jun-13 14:33:41

Is it your first? Your 8th? Do you or your DP have whacky jobs with whacky hours? Do you have three tits? Live in a shoebox under a bridge? Also look after sick parents?
What makes idiots say these things?
I had from my DM, 'things will never be the same, you know'. Uh... really? Damn, how do you unscrew a woman? I've changed my mind!

Have a few sarcastic answers up your sleeve: how will you cope? Oh, we'll just farm him out to the local rspca everyday.'

beckie90 Fri 28-Jun-13 14:30:20

I get this all time more so because I'm having my 3rd, it really pees me off, cause everyone knows i do fine with my 2 now so whys one more going to change it. Really annoying x

kelly21 Fri 28-Jun-13 14:26:34

I know how you feel am recently single and living on my own with my ddaughter am also 12 weeks pregnant all i get is how are you going to cope i just say like i am now it Will probably be easier not being in a bad relationship x

Champagnebubble Fri 28-Jun-13 14:21:44

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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