Would you like to be a member of our research panel? Join here - there's (nearly) always a great incentive offered for your views.

Where should baby sleep

(81 Posts)
kd83 Tue 11-Jun-13 15:05:08

Can anyone advise.

Baby isn't due until Oct but we have a cat who currently sleeps upstairs and I want to get him in to a new routine in plenty of time.

We are already keeping him out of the baby's room, but I've read that baby should sleep in your room for the first six months, is this true?

Two problems with this are the lack of space in our room for anything more than a Moses basket (ie no space for the cot) and the cat.

How long was baby with you before moving into their own room?

Kelly1814 Wed 12-Jun-13 07:02:45

littlestgirlguide, i hear you.

it's certainly not all about 'shagging my dh' as jammiedonut says but i would like my marriage to also remain important.

by the time our baby comes and i've recovered from birth we will have been celibate for a year (cervical stitch so sex and climax ban for me!)

thought of a potential total of 18 months without any intimacy is not a pleasant one.

littlestgirlguide Wed 12-Jun-13 08:41:32

Thanks Kelly1814. No it's not all about shagging. I don't have an issue with a cot in our room, but if it doesn't fit then make the Moses (or whatever you can fit) last as long as you can and then move baby into his own room. You have to do what is right for your whole family. Just saying.

Librarina Wed 12-Jun-13 08:49:46

We've rented the NCT bednest, and it's lovely. Not too big, in fact quite compact and tidy, I like it a lot and I'm thinking of it as a way that DH and I can carry on sharing a bed... Well in truth it would be starting to share a bed again, I'm over 40 weeks now and he's been evicted to the spare room for the last 2 or 3 so it'll be nice to be back together as a family.

You'll work out what works best for all 3 of you to get all the sleep, and all the closeness that you need, good luck.

nutella81 Wed 12-Jun-13 09:46:33

Whilst guidelines say 6 months, we moved DD into her own room (next door to mine) at about 9 weeks and never looked back. We all slept a lot better and didn't have to creep around in the dark when we went to bed everynight. At 12 weeks we moved her from MB straight into cot bed, and that went without a problem. I continued to BF in her nursery throughout night.

She was a healthy, big baby and we just felt happy to go against guidance. Providing baby no. 2 is similar we'd do exactly the same but probably earlier. We do also have a video monitor, which is good to check if ou feel you need to.

It's just personal choice and you probably won't know how you'll feel until the time. Could the Moses basket go at the bottom of the bed on a stand, then even if it blocks a walkway, you can jump over bed to get to other side?? X

kd83 Wed 12-Jun-13 10:01:38

Thanks for all the advice ladies.

I think we are going to try and get one of the NCT bedside beds and see how we go once baby arrives.

FoofFighter Wed 12-Jun-13 10:02:19

Just wanted to point out that it's not just night times that baby should be sleeping in the same room as you, it's all daytime naps too.

FoofFighter Wed 12-Jun-13 10:04:49

And fair enough you have a monitor if the baby is in another room but this entirely misses the point that it's not about you hearing the baby, it's that the baby needs to hear you.

Librarina Wed 12-Jun-13 10:55:34

Kd83. I hope you like the bednest, my baby's not here yet but we've assembled ours and its a really nice piece of kit, modern and minimalist if but just looks like it works for what we want it to do.
We upgraded our mattress to a Little Green Sheep one which is all organic and lovely. I felt that the mattress that came with the bednest was a bit flimsy and plastic feeling. The Green Sheep one feels more substantial and just nicer. It does bump the cost up and I'm sure the standard one is absolutely fine I just thought I'd let you know.

Am vey much hoping I'll have a baby to sleep in it by weekend!

Booboo12 Wed 12-Jun-13 10:55:36

Our son went into his own room from day 1. We bought an angelcare baby monitor which has a sensor pad that alarms if the baby doesn't move at least every 20 seconds.

We also have a cat who quite liked sleeping in the nursery but well as soon as the baby came along he was so scared of him that he never went in there again! The cat now gets put in the kitchen at night with a cosy bed, he's perfectly happy.

The best advice I had was, what works for other mums and babies might not work for you and that's nothing to be ashamed of.

ComtessedeFrouFrou Wed 12-Jun-13 11:03:07

Anecdotally I don't know anyone who had the baby in with them for 6 months, including a relative who is a pediatric ICU doctor. Obviously its your choice and you must read the guidance and make up your own mind, but in the absence of other risk factors (particularly smoking parents) I'm not sure that we will have our baby in or room in our room when it arrives (also in Oct).

Cheffie100 Wed 12-Jun-13 11:10:21

Definitely do what works for you and ignore everyone else. I have friends who gave done 1 night to 5 months and everything in between.

The guidelines recommend 6 months but if ex all followed every bit of guidance for bringing up babies then we would never do anything and be complete paranoid wrecks. Go with your instincts

oscarwilde Wed 12-Jun-13 11:25:00

I don't have a cat but grew up with one and a baby's cot will be their new hang out du jour if it looks cosy enough. That said, they don't like the noise of a baby so they may well steer clear.
A friend just put stair gates in place to stop the cats going past the top stair. Seemed to work fine but might be worth borrowing one to see if you have a cat capable of scaling one.

littlestgirlguide Wed 12-Jun-13 11:44:01

In my experience, the only thing to keep a cat out of a cot is a closed door.
I have 2 cats, one is 3-legged, and both just jumped over the stair gates, both ignored the cat net on the cot when the baby wasn't in it and treated it like a hammock.
This was the main reason for keeping baby's door closed at night. Our house has no doors downstairs, all open plan, so couldn't shut them in the kitchen anyway.

neontetra Wed 12-Jun-13 11:50:47

My baby stayed in with me for 6 months, in her Moses (she is tiny though, and it was quite a large basket). Apart from the important safety aspect, it is lovely to have them near you to check on in the night, and also much easier to cope if they wake frequently.

Thurlow Wed 12-Jun-13 11:59:25

The best advice I had was, what works for other mums and babies might not work for you and that's nothing to be ashamed of

YYY.

Hopefully you will find it easy to keep your baby in your room for the 6 months, but anecdotally I also don't know many people who achieved this, most people I know made it to about 4 months before moving the baby over. Ditto having the baby sleep in the same room as you for every nap and every evening before you go to bed, I don't know anyone in RL who managed this (I actually don't know anyone who tried).

If for some reason sharing a room isn't working, or for your own sake you need the baby to nap in their basket in your room during the day then that is your decision to make. All you can do is read the guidelines, look at your own personal situation, and make the best decision for you and your family. Some babies love sleeping on a parent and want you close, other babies want to be in a dark, quiet room, and particularly in the latter case, it can be very hard to stay with them 24 hours a day if that is the case.

worried111 Thu 13-Jun-13 09:17:30

Presumably the people who put the babies into their own room early on, and whose babies were not "just fine" aren't going to be posting so often on mumsnet as the ones who still have their babies.
Strangely I don't think I have any natural instincts regarding the causes and prevention of SIDS.

Lavenderandroses Thu 13-Jun-13 14:54:36

I think people should be really careful about saying their baby was fine on their own rooms from early on. It gives the wrong message that its ok to do it.

The SIDS advice isn't just plucked out of thin air to sound good. It comes from research evidence collected from babies that have died.

Check out the lullaby trust website for up to date and research based guidelines on safe sleeping. Enjoy your baby when they arrive op

FoofFighter Thu 13-Jun-13 15:30:03

Agree with the two previous posts wholeheartedly.

Thinkingof4 Thu 13-Jun-13 16:36:24

Me too. I can't believe people are so blasé about keeping baby with them for first 6 months. There is a lot of evidence about it's protective effect against SIDS

As for shagging, why would having baby in your room mean you can't dtd?? It's seriously a non-issue

Thurlow Thu 13-Jun-13 16:40:22

I agree that no one should say "I put my baby in their own room and they were fine" in a way that implies all babies will be fine. But every family can do nothing more than read the guidance and make an informed decision about when they will move their baby to another room.

But who mentioned shagging as a reason for moving them, did I miss that? Though personally, no way am I having sex in the same room as my child, no matter what their age and whether they are asleep or not...

BraveLilBear Thu 13-Jun-13 17:10:21

I'm 34 weeks gone with DC1 and my DP is adamant that there will be no co-sleeping and that baby will be in its own room by 4 weeks.

I'm really unhappy about this for a number of reasons, not least of which because I'm planning to breastfeed which will mean I'll be doing all of the night feeds as it is.

DP is very high maintenance about sleeping - room has to be pitch black and very quiet - which, ironically, I read last week can be caused by being put to bed in your own room from a very very young age.

He says he'll get one of the best monitors going to compensate for this, but I'm still not happy. Hoping he'll realise that me getting up (he wakes up), going to different room for an hour or so (he sleeps), coming back (he wakes up again) and repeat will be much more tiring than me waking up, picking baby up, feeding without getting out of bed, laying back to sleep without getting out of bed etc

As for pets - we're planning to get a cat in the near future, but will be holding off til baby is more settled then we can train cat (theoretically) where it can and can't go...

Wincher Thu 13-Jun-13 17:34:19

Bravelilbear very few people start off intending to co sleep - most people only do it because it is literally the only way to get any sleep at all! It sounds like the best solution for your family might be for your Dh to sleep in the baby's room while you and the baby sleep in your room.

We kept DS in with us for the best part of a year, though our bedroom was only 11' by 13' and we also had two wardrobes, a chest of drawers and a double bed in it. We had a cosleeper cot wedged between the bed and the wall and it worked fine. I would have hated to have to keep getting up and goingnintona different room every time he woke - it was bad enough having to sit up!

sameoldIggi Thu 13-Jun-13 18:11:19

I disagree with you Wincher - I don't think the solution for Bravelilbear is to sleep in a different room to the baby. I think the solution is for her to put her foot down and say that what will be happening is what is best for the baby, not him.
There is no monitor than can compensate for not being in the same room as another person. How much research has he done into SIDS, before he made this pronouncement?

rootypig Thu 13-Jun-13 18:27:04

Following on from what Foof said, one of the reasons I like the Bednest is the crib lifts off its base really easily, and can then be safely put on the floor. So, your baby can take their daytime naps in any room in the house, but in their familiar cot, absolutely minimal fuss. It really is excellent and I'm really glad to hear you're looking for one. We also got a Little Green Sheep mattress and I'm glad - I read that you should spend as much as you can on a tiny baby's mattress and that makes sense to me - but (hope you see this Librarina) you must air it out regularly or it will moulder - the bit of the Bednest it sits on is not particularly ventilated so the underside doesn't breathe well, iyswim.

Can I just add that when the big day arrives and you come home from hospital carrying a very very tiny little scrap of a person, I very much doubt that either you or your partner will be able to put them in any room other than your own. In fact I doubt either of you will sleep at all for the first night. You will be too busy listening to their breathing and worrying! grin

Speaking of which new-borns breathe in a really strange way. It freaked me out, as I had no idea. It's a loud, very fast puff-a-puff-a-puff.... then a sudden break (at which point you will leap out of bed in a panic), before they start up again.

3 months in here and there is no way I'm turfing dd out any time soon. It's perfectly possible to have (ahem) adult time with a baby asleep in the same room.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now