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Pregnant (IVF) Worriers (part two)

(1000 Posts)

Hi everyone,

This thread is for all you incessant worriers out there, not necessarily limited to IVF-ers, although I get the feeling the people who have had trouble TTC are more prone to worrying than others! We have filled our first thread (http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/pregnancy/1721178-Pregnant-IVF-Worriers) but there is more worrying to do so here we are.

A few of us graduated from the IVF thread (link below) and are having a go at our own thread to get out of the other IVF-ers hair! So get your roomy jogging bottoms on for some virtual hand holding, mutual symptom spotting and staying sane until the next scan date.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/1691674-Excellent-Egg-Buddies-continued-Anyone-having-IVF-ICSI-in-Jan-Feb-and-March-2013-please-join-us

buzzy I hope you get some answers and reassurance soon.

I've been in bed for hours already! She seems better being fed in the dark and I'm very tired anyway.

shazza, controlled crying is a tricky one. I didn't want to do it but was at the end of my tether. It used to take three hours to settle DD1 and even then she would wake an hour later and I'd be in with her for another couple of hours. I used to lie on her floor singing to her, deranged with tiredness (I wouldn't bed share then either). With controlled crying she was self settling and sleeping through within three nights. First night she (and I) cried for an hour, second night half an hour and third night five minutes. It meant naps no longer consisted of me walking round and round the park with a blanket draped over the pram, and then her waking the second we got home. I could put her in her cot after lunch and she'd sleep for two hours. it worked very well for her and she was a happier child for getting decent amounts of sleep and I was far happier not being shattered all the time. It's controversial though and you're not supposed to use it on babies younger than seven months so that's why I'll wait. It's awful doing it but if it works then it's great. I am a great one for routines though, except I've always fed on demand, but routine keeps everything vaguely in order and allows me to feel like I'm in control. I'm awful at going with the flow etc. Anyway, don't worry about parenting - I mostly made it up as I went along and did whatever felt right to me. It's a very individual thing and very easy to be judgey of others (which is secretly quite fun!)

I think you should be open about IVF if you're comfortable with that. I am open about my losses and fertility issues as I think, like some of you have said, that it's needs publicly acknowledging that pregnancy is a massive challenge for many of us. It might make them think twice in future.

shazza choice of birthplace is entirely individual (just like mariana says about raising babies). However people I know who have had a home birth have said that there is really very little mess and I don't think you would need a lot of space, it's more about being comfortable where you are.

keepitgoing Tue 04-Jun-13 02:53:14

gin I too am being fairly open with friends about ivf. I'm not sure I'd say it when telling my team, but if it came up in 1:1 conversation I think I would.

There's no way my dh would entertain a home birth - he's a Dr - I might get away with a MW centre but only if it's across the hall from the ward. Tbh I think I wouldn't feel comfortable being at home anyway and what about pain relief But given we still don't know where we'll be living when we get home in august it's still academic. I am head-in-the-sand about the labour until 20 weeks I think!

Is it weird that I felt odd/slightly upset by an instadiffer announcement by a v good friend? I mean, I'm pregnant now!

buzz I'm so pleased you feel like crap again, and the digi went up, but so sorry if one of the embies didn't make it. I still think you should go to epau on Friday if you can.

fairy I'm shocked at secondary infertility rates for vaginal and especially c sections!! Oh god, let that not be an additional thing to worry about getting ahead of myself. But this is to be your last, right? I agree, why isn't there more research?

keepitgoing Tue 04-Jun-13 02:55:31

Oh and crisps I am outraged at your colleague. What an idiot. I think some people may just be trying to make conversation but... I hope she's not a blabbermouth. I think I would have said sth like 'actually they are exactly what we want and need, thank you'. Make her feel dreadful.

keep, I too am still slightly resentful of instaduffer announcements. I can only assume it's a hard habit to break.

I assume there isn't much research into sections and infertility as there's little money in it so nobody will fund it.

Morning girls.

Keep I also feel resentful about instaduffer announcements. In fact how is this for resentment..DPs best friend recently married a girl after a whirlwind romance (3 and a half yrs and no proposal bitter? Moi?) the girl is sweet but oh so perfect. Anyway following our announcement the friend has told DP that they are trying already a month after the wedding. I'm already waiting for the announcement. She is so effing perfect she is bound to get upduffed in a nano second. <shamed at rant>.

Mariana thanks for sharing your experience. It is really generous of you. I've read that it is a controversial technique and I guess it is easy to sit back and say one would never do that but I can see how it worked for you and that is good to know. You are right there is so much judgement out there. I've got SILs who are Gina fans and a cousin who is all about attachment parenting. All are already asking me what I intend to do. Crikey I'm not even half way through yet. I feel that both camps would like my reassurance that I agree with them so that they can confirm that their choice was the right one. But you and fairy are right. We have to make our personal choices. I hope trenchlet got a good nights sleep and so did you.

Fairy maybe the MW will bring plastic sheeting to cover the floor. If not we could put the decorating dust sheets down! Re pain relief. A couple of paracetamol should do it smile

Talking of which, I've woken up with the headache that I went to bed with and had all day yesterday. Am I ok to take a couple of paracetamol? Book says I should ask my medical practitioner but do I really need to see the dr to ask about paracetamol?

I hope everyone else is ok. Re comments about big bumps. The opposite is also true. I've had people comment that I'm not very big which makes me feel that I'm letting shazlett down in someway by not eating enough and hindering her growth. So we can't win!

Enjoy the sunshine.

Xx

buzzybee123 Tue 04-Jun-13 08:36:41

happiness short lived, i'm back at EPAU with little symptoms and spotting sad god I hate all of this

ExpatAl Tue 04-Jun-13 08:46:44

Oh Buzzy this is crap. So sorry. But I guess if you lost a twin there would be a bit of spotting? Have a virtual hand to hold. x

Busy day - hope everyone else is well.

Oh Buzzy big hug. I'm so sorry you are having to go through this. Everything crossed for you. X

keepitgoing Tue 04-Jun-13 09:04:00

Fingers crossed here too buzz, do let us know.

shaz you could always propose yourself... I liked your rant... It's not like we'd wish troubles on anyone, but 6-9 months would be good for people imo... You can take paracetamol. Just stick nicely to the guidelines. They just write that on everything. Hope you feel better.

I feel like I wouldn't do controlled crying by choice, but having seen my niece not sleep through till 2, I would at some point if s/he is a bad sleeper. I HATE all this judging that seems to happen, and I think you're right shaz its prob to do with validating their own choices. It prob makes bu difference at that age <ignorant though>

buzzybee123 Tue 04-Jun-13 13:00:46

hey ladies back from my second home hmm baby is measuring 2mm too small but there was a heartbeat, they said that IVF babies are a it smaller?? Is this true, I also googled that tilted uterus doesn't help for some reason, just got to hang on until next Wednesday

ExpatAl Tue 04-Jun-13 13:04:33

I read that tilted uterus can make measuring very hard. So glad you saw a heartbeat but you're probably wondering if you can rejoice just yet with spot apparently measuring a little smaller so I'll do a big loud WHOOP for you!

keepitgoing Tue 04-Jun-13 13:06:48

Woo hoo!!!!! You are 6+1, right? Fantastic to see a hb. I measured 2 days behind at 7+4, five days ahead at 13+1. So it could be ivf babies, or just its so hard when they ate so small.

buzzybee123 Tue 04-Jun-13 13:48:00

all sonographers have trouble finding things inside hmm i'm usually full of gas hmm and one of my ovaries is always hiding and my bowels always want to be in the picture i'll keep holding onto the idea that it is my wonky womble for now, thank you ladies smile

Buzzy that is brilliant news. I've been checking in hoping for news. Hang on in there honey. X

buzzy that's marvellous, I hope that gives you enough to go on until next Wed. The heartbeat is the important thing.

buzzybee123 Tue 04-Jun-13 15:00:43

Thanks ladies, as long as I have no more spotting, well there is nothing I can do at this stage other than hope and pray smile

MrsHY1 Tue 04-Jun-13 19:00:34

Woop for buzzy! My sonographer at the Lister told me that the size margins are very big at that age because they're so titchy. Good luck x

MrsHY1 Tue 04-Jun-13 19:00:37

Woop for buzzy! My sonographer at the Lister told me that the size margins are very big at that age because they're so titchy. Good luck x

ExpatAl Tue 04-Jun-13 19:09:15

Totally MrsH. At that stage they're just checking that things are in the right place, WHICH THEY ARE!!!!

ExpatAl Tue 04-Jun-13 20:09:42

I've missed off half my post - not sure how that happened. I wrote a long angsty ramble about shopping. In a nutshell would I be counting my chickens if I order things like a pram and cot now. And is anyone looking at prams? I'm thinking of getting a citi jogger - does anyone have any views?

Buzzy, that's great news. Hang in there.

Shaz, the fact that you're even thinking about it means you'll be a great mother. I think that anyone who worries that they are a bad mother never actually is. It's those that never even consider it that are the worst. (Does any of that make sense?!) I'm living proof that you can pick and mix a range of approaches depending on your needs, I'm much more baby led generally, but I do think controlled crying saved my sanity.

Prams: I love my Mamas and Papas Sola. It's just lovely.

Top Tip of the day: Upmarket jumble sale TK Maxx has some great baby bargains. I was killing time this afternoon and went into one. They had Grobag sleeping bags really cheap, presumably last seasons design but who cares. I bought washable baby wipes (these are great for sticky hands) but my best buy was a Skip Hop change bag for £28 instead of £62! The actual baby clothes were pretty ghastly but I'd say it's well worth a look.

This afternoon the Trenchlet actually slept in her pram whilst I browsed nail varnish in Boots. This is what maternity leave is supposed to be like!

Dildals Tue 04-Jun-13 21:48:40

shaz when you go on to the new scientist website you can read some of the bumpology columns (for free). They're quite entertaining!

dildals thanks, I'll look that up - sounds perfect 4am breast feeding reading material. I love New Scientist.

Hello ladies

Expat my bro has a citi jogger. He loves it. He says they got it cause it was the best one for one handed collapsing. But I've just looked up Mariana's and that looks great. It is bewildering choice isn't it? I've read the mn reviews hundreds of times! I don't think you are counting your chickens at all. I think that you can afford to let yourself enjoy choosing these items for your little one. smile

Mariana thanks for the vote of confidence. I guess it will all work out once shazlett is here in front of me. I'm glad you enjoyed your shopping trip with trenchlett.

Dildals thanks for the tip. I'll look at the new scientist. How are you feeling now?

Buzzy how are you feeling tonight?

Keep did you try the pillow trick at night by the way?

I hope everyone else is ok and had a good day. We've just been dancing and now it's bed time. Night all.

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